Phoenix (Hanako Bad End one-shot)

[spirizu]

Hi guys,

I was almost finished with this when I came across Robnonymous' epic Reconciliation thread. I was tempted to scrap my story for fear of seeming derivative, but thought I'd just put the finishing touches on it and throw it up anyway.

Feedback greatly appreciated.



Phoenix

I can feel the tears drying on my cheeks when I wake. I must have slept last night. I usually don’t, on my birthday.

I feel an instant surge of relief that that day is over, tinged with a little disappointment when I realise that I will never be further away from my next birthday than I am right now. Then I remember last night, and open my eyes.

Hisao. Come to fix me, to protect me, to put me back together so that I could be like all the normal girls he likes so much. He thought that I was too weak to be left alone, and that I couldn’t possibly look after myself. The worst part is that he was right.

This thought sends the anger surging back though my veins. A little calmer this time, more controlled. It’s a torrent, not a tsunami. Not like last night.

Despite myself, I give a little grin at the memory. For the first time in a very, very long time, last night I stopped being “poor Hanako”. Hanako the freak. Hanako the victim. I finally stood up for myself, the way I always promised myself I would, night after night, while I lay on my bunk in the orphanage.

Perhaps I should feel ashamed. After all, showing anger isn’t healthy. Or is it suppressing anger that isn’t healthy? I’m not sure. Even the therapists can’t seem to agree on that. Still, remembering the rush of… was it adrenaline?...that I felt when I finally showed Hisao the secret me, the real me, the me that had lain buried for so long that even I had thought she had died in the fire, brings a flush to my cheeks.

I got one thing wrong, though. When Hisao came to my room and started trying to convince me to go for a walk with him, I knew what he was doing. A brave white knight, come to rescue his damsel in distress. He never wanted me as a girlfriend. All he wanted was to protect me, like he told me in the jazz club. I suppose, that way, he could allow himself to feel strong again. I could have lived with that.

But Lilly…

She should have known. She should have told him to leave me alone, on my special day. I could have handled it otherwise. If it had just been Hisao, I would have put on my “brave little Hanako” face and broken out the chess pieces for him. But when he told me he’d just spoken to Lilly… If she didn’t actually suggest that he call over, she certainly didn’t try to stop him when he suggested it. I really, really thought she understood me better. Stupid.

No. No, I’m not stupid. I pick things up. Being in the background only means you have a better view of the main players. I’ve seen how Lilly turns her head when Hisao approaches, how she identifies his footsteps. I can even hear her breaths become a fraction heavier and last a moment longer in his presence. No wonder she wanted him to call over. She wanted him to want to protect me, to never be able to see me as anything other than the poor little burnt girl. She saw me as a rival.

Really? Lilly saw me as a rival?! Twenty-four hours ago, I would never have believed it. The tall, blonde, perfect class rep was afraid that Hisao might come to see poor little Crispy-chan as a real woman, and was prepared to interfere from half a world away to make sure it didn’t happen? The more I think about it, the more I realise that it’s the only explanation that makes any sense. She’ll deny it, of course. She didn’t consider that Hisao might mention her phone call. Of course, Hisao didn’t see anything wrong with telling me about it. Why would he? He never thought of me that way. Lilly never had any reason to worry.

Still, in a roundabout way, Lilly’s actions are the best compliment I’ve been paid in years. If a girl like her can see poor broken Hanako as a threat to her love life, maybe I’m not so broken after all.

My body realises I’ve made up my mind before my brain even notices the debate. I swing my legs to the floor and stand upright. 8.15. Better get to class.

______________


I’m one of the first in the door. I take my place at my desk while the others filter in, one or two of them giving me strange looks which I meet eye-to-eye. They all blink first.

Hisao wanders in distractedly about two minutes before class is due to start. He glances at me, stops for a moment, then checks himself and sits down. Clearly, he didn’t think I’d have the strength to come to class today.

Unfortunately, it’s Mutou first. I hate Science. Writers don’t need to know about quarks. Except maybe Joyce. Still, after he gives me a look just a fraction of a second too long to be casual, he starts writing yet more equations on the board. I take them down as best I can, letting my gaze wander freely around the classroom for the first time in months.

I spot Naomi beside me. She’s one of the better ones. She even tried to talk to me a few times when she transferred here last year, and her friendliness didn’t seem too phony. Since I have no friends left now, maybe I might be able to make some new ones. They might even be real this time.

As class comes slowly to an end, rather than make my usual dash for the door, I turn hesitantly towards her. My throat is dry and I realise I haven’t spoken yet today.
“N…naomi?”

She turns to me, bewilderment and apprehension battling for control of her facial muscles.

“Hanako? Are you okay?”

“Yes, th…thank you. I was just w…wondering…the newspaper club? Are you still running it?”

“Well, technically I’m the editor, so, yeah, I suppose I am running it. Why do you ask? Are you sure you’re alright?”

Patience, Hanako. Take a breath. Ten years of therapy can’t all have been for nothing. Old Hanako wants to turn away, to flee, to run to the library and hide rather than take this step. But New Hanako won’t let her.

I won’t let her.

Slowly, hesitantly, almost gritting my teeth to keep my mouth from slamming shut, I hear the words take shape and the question emerge, gradually, finally, entering the world in full and perfect bloom.

“C…c…can I join?”

[random]

This has potential to be more than a one shot

[Total Destruction]

Kentucky Fried Hanako, doin' it big.

[Brogurt]

>Crispy-chan

1316389425905.jpg (31.62 KiB) Viewed 5214 times

>8.15
Should probably be 8:15

This has potential to be more than a one shot

I agree with this very much, and that's a good thing. I really liked how you make Hanako's own thoughts more reminiscent of how actual shy people are. They don't pause in their mental text, and can be quite vindictive at times, and for the more well-read, very eloquent as well. I'd cite an image of a guy explaining Castlevania to a girl on a bus as an example, but I only have faint memories of it, and definitely haven't saved it.

[lolawesome]

And I want to know if the Lilly advised Hisao to give her space misunderstanding will be resolved

[Breaker deGodot]

Three things:
1. The James Joyce made me lol. I'm such a nerd.
2. Yeah, this has a lot of potential. Keep going, if you will.
3. I dig the title as well. It fits your characterization of Hanako quite well.

[nemz]

A fic that plays up the side of Hanako's story that makes me rank her on the low end? No thanks.

[Mirage_GSM]

And I want to know if the Lilly advised Hisao to give her space misunderstanding will be resolved

I don't think Lilly would be the type to give up on Hanako's friendship that easily. And if you get down to it, there's really nothing much supporting her theory once her fury has subsided and she thinks about it rationally - except if Lilly really gets together with Hisao... But given how he completely ignored her advice and did the exact opposite she'll probably be quite mad at him herself.

[spirizu]

Thanks for the feedback. This was the first piece of fiction I wrote since a school assignment when I was 15 (I'm 28 now...), so the compliments are more than welcome.

I had really only intended this fic to answer my own question of "What happened after she threw Hisao out?", rather than think about expanding it but I must admit that this:

But given how he completely ignored her advice and did the exact opposite she'll probably be quite mad at him herself.

tweaked my own interest in how Lilly's return would play out. If I do follow it up over the next couple of weeks, I'll post any updates in this thread. First, though, I might try a one-shot based on Shizune's bad end...

<dog in suit>

Thanks. I think.

>8.15
Should probably be 8:15

Full stops are more common where I come from. Besides, I already have a colon, thanks.

3. I dig the title as well. It fits your characterization of Hanako quite well.

Thanks. My first draft title was "Beginnings", to stress that, even though we see the scene as a Bad End, Hanako herself shouldn't see it that way. In the end, though, I found the image of the phoenix rising from the you-know-what irresistible, given who we're talking about.

A fic that plays up the side of Hanako's story that makes me rank her on the low end? No thanks.

Fair enough. In a weird way, even though Hanako's my favouriter character, I preferred her bad end. The good end was a little too saccharine and straightforward, and I felt I hadn't really learned enough about her. Whereas I really liked the badass who stuck up for herself when Hisao's dipshittery got too much to bear, so rather than have her apologise or run away, I thought it would be fun to draw out that side of her character. But to each his own.

[nemz]

Fair enough. In a weird way, even though Hanako's my favouriter character, I preferred her bad end. The good end was a little too saccharine and straightforward, and I felt I hadn't really learned enough about her. Whereas I really liked the badass who stuck up for herself when Hisao's dipshittery got too much to bear, so rather than have her apologise or run away, I thought it would be fun to draw out that side of her character. But to each his own.

I feel like I should clarify this. I don't see anything badass at all about Hanako throwing a temper tantrum, especially when she's given every indication to everyone around her that she both wants and needs to be treated with kid gloves. Yes they probably doesn't see her as an equal but that's because quite she frankly isn't, and yet the actions she's annoyed about are Hisao and Lilly's way of trying to lift her up from her self-imposed status as a lesser being. Yes they want to fix her, but they want it because it's what's best for her and not because they want to take credit for conquering her demons for her. It's good that she's being more forthright at the end of course but there's still no good reason for her to make these dark assumptions about Hisao and Lilly's motives. Because of all this Hanako comes across to me in this fic as spiteful, selfish and cruel.

[Oddball]

Just going back and reading some older stuff...

Anyway, this is a nice read. I don't see this as a positive direction from the way you've written it though. It comes across more as somebody running off of adrenaline and anger rather than any real inner strength or desire to become better. The very fact that she immediately goes back to stuttering is what sells me on it. It seems like she's only be a few days away from realizing how big a mistake she's made.

Also, "Crispy-chan"? Really? That's probably the biggest eye rolling moments in the story. It just immediatly throws me out of the mood.

[YZQ]

I feel like I should clarify this. I don't see anything badass at all about Hanako throwing a temper tantrum, especially when she's given every indication to everyone around her that she both wants and needs to be treated with kid gloves. Yes they probably doesn't see her as an equal but that's because quite she frankly isn't, and yet the actions she's annoyed about are Hisao and Lilly's way of trying to lift her up from her self-imposed status as a lesser being. Yes they want to fix her, but they want it because it's what's best for her and not because they want to take credit for conquering her demons for her. It's good that she's being more forthright at the end of course but there's still no good reason for her to make these dark assumptions about Hisao and Lilly's motives. Because of all this Hanako comes across to me in this fic as spiteful, selfish and cruel.

Which is totally how her childhood friends treated her after the accident.

For Hanako, the old "assume = ass out of you and me" maxim applies. She has given subtle hints that she wanted to be treated differently. The billard game at the pub is a pretty obvious hint. Also, when it comes to emotions, reason has very little to do with it. In Shakespear's Julius Caesar, Marc Antony exploited this very well. He appealed to the mob's emotions, while Brutus only appealed to their reason. And we all know who was the more effective orator.

Humans are more irrational than they are rational.