Kikai Shoujo [update 6/11]

WORDS WORDS WORDS
# 2
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Kikai Shoujo [update 6/11]

Post by # 2 » Sat Jun 02, 2012 6:59 am

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Perchance to Dream (This post)
Chapter 2: Taking a Breather
Chapter 3: Reorientation
Chapter 4: Total Recall/Rec Roomie
The Twilight Zone wrote:You are about to enter another dimension. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the Twilight Zone!
Let's play what if. What if Hisao had died that fateful day, in the snow?

What if instead of entering Yamaku, Hisao had entered a place far more weird and wonderful?

Take my hand, gentle reader, and let us explore the possibilities that await. On the other side.

---
Chapter 1: And now for something completely different.
---
It's quiet.

I mean there is no sound. None. No rush of blood in my ears, no sound of my breath entering and exiting my lungs. It's deathly quiet.

I'm dead.

My thoughts wander. Wait, I still have thoughts? How is that possible? I'm dead aren't I? Or maybe I just think I am. Maybe I'm laying in a hospital somewhere, comatose, tubes stuck in every possible orifice and a few more custom made for the purpose. I try to open my eyes. No luck, though if I'm comatose, that wouldn't really be a surprise, right? Well, one thing is kind of odd. I don't think I even have eyes to open.

The idea is less shocking than I would have imagined. If, just a few days ago, someone had told me I was going to die I would have panicked. Probably would have blown a gasket right then and there. Now? I feel at peace. It's almost nice.

"Um, Nakai?" A voice, female, disturbs my rest. I try to will it away. I'm finally at peace.

"Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it would be nice if you woke up now."

The voice rings through my consciousness and I jerk upright with a startled gasp. This can't be right. Can it? I just made my peace with having died, and suddenly I'm alive again? I take in my surroundings; I seem to be in an ordinary hospital room, except that this room lacks any sort of amenities but the bed on which I'm sitting. My upper body is bare; a thin, white sheet, something like a burial shroud, covers my lower body. The walls of the room are stark white, there are no windows and, much to my dismay, there seems to be no door.

"I see you're confused. That's normal. It'll probably take a few minutes for you to come to terms with your new, um, condition."

My head turns toward the voice. A young woman is standing beside me, dressed in a pale blue nurse's uniform. A starched, white lab coat is draped over her shoulders. Her hair is medium brown and cut shoulder length, her bangs are held back from her face by a hairpin in the shape of an infinity symbol.

The woman smiles slightly and offers a small bow. "I'm Chiasa Kimura, by the way. Call me Chiasa if you like, most people do. The atmosphere around here is a bit less than formal, most days of the week."

"Where--" I try to ask where I am, but my voice catches in my throat and I end up sputtering. It feels like a thousand years of dried phlegm have coated my lungs. I try to clear my throat to no effect.

"Please try not to talk just yet, your consciousness is still adjusting to your... Hm, how should I put this, altered state of existence." Chiasa raises her eyebrows as she speaks the last part of her sentence, the part about being in an altered state. I'm beginning to feel worried, just what the hell is going on here?

"You see, Nakai, you're dead. Kaput. Toast. Finis. You've waltzed off the mortal coil, kicked the bucket, cashed in the chips, gotten you're--"

"I get it," I croak. Jeez, some nurse this woman is, she's got the bedside manner of an under-- Wait. Dead?

"Mmm, yes, OK," Chiasa says with a slightly embarrassed expression. "Sorry about that, it's just that some of our patrons fail to realize
Last edited by # 2 on Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
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The O.H.L.
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by The O.H.L. » Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:07 am

This is a very interesting concept.
You have my attention now.
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nemz
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by nemz » Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:25 am

So dead people can have medical emergencies, need an education, and can be forced to work in perpetuity? :? Wow, that's a really shitty afterlife.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Oddball » Sat Jun 02, 2012 8:31 am

nemz wrote:So dead people can have medical emergencies, need an education, and can be forced to work in perpetuity? :? Wow, that's a really shitty afterlife.
I think that's the level of hell reserved for people who talk during movies, try to get though the ten items or less check out lane with more than 20 items, or post comments on youtube.
Not Dead Yet

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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:02 am

Wow, a really busy day for new fanfictions...
I expect the girls have also met an untimely demise, or it wouldn't make much sense to use any KS connection at all for this story.
I cannot say much about the story yet, but I like your humour and the OC you introduced :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by # 2 » Sat Jun 02, 2012 11:58 am

nemz wrote:So dead people can have medical emergencies, need an education, and can be forced to work in perpetuity? :? Wow, that's a really shitty afterlife.
Hm, all things will be revealed in good time.
Mirage_GSM wrote:I expect the girls have also met an untimely demise, or it wouldn't make much sense to use any KS connection at all for this story.
In good time, I say.

Overall, thanks for the feedback.
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Elcor » Sat Jun 02, 2012 12:40 pm

Really interesting and to see how you expand on the the afterlife's supernatural (well it would be natural now) abilities in daily life.
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Taking a breather

Post by # 2 » Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:13 pm

Chapter 2: Taking a breather

I'm not sure how long I've been standing here staring at the walls. At least I've had the presence of mind to get dressed. The uniform provided for me fits perfectly, I wonder how they knew my size.

I take a few more minutes to try and evaluate how I feel about this unexpected chain of events. I'm dead. And in school. Again. That seems a lot less than kosher. Seriously, whatever happened to the Elysium Fields and streets of gold everyone goes on about.

Unless this is Hell. I look back on my life and try to pick out anything that would have damned me. I think I may have kicked a puppy once, but I felt horrible about it afterward, and I doubt that would be enough to warrant eternal damnation... or having to finish high school for that matter. I just don't know what to think. It's all so surreal.

Well, nothing to do but open the door. Find out what exactly is on the other side. I take a deep breath and place my hand on the doorknob. Wait.

At a time like this, I'd expect to hear my heart pounding in my ears. I don't, though. I remove my hand from the doorknob and place it against my chest. Nothing. I try for a pulse at the side of my neck. Nothing. Flatline. My heart's lack of movement bothers me more than it probably should. It only makes sense if I think about it. I'm dead, therefore, no pulse.

So, wait, do I even need to breath? I hold my breath to find out. What about food? Do I need to eat? Or use the toilet? I consider the consequences as I count the seconds; I count 180 before I exhale. I was never able to hold my breath for that long. Is this what the afterlife is? Eternal stasis, never having to worry about food or drink or taking a leak? It seems so... boring.

I'm broken from my thoughts by a knock at the door. I guess someone is waiting for me, to give me a tour of the school or something. I guess it would be pretty inconsiderate of me to keep them waiting for much longer. I turn the doorknob.

"Sorry about that, I was taking my time getting dressed."

I push the door open as I speak. Time slows down, or it seems to from my perspective, anyway. Through the widening doorway I see a skirt the same color as my trousers, a white blouse, dark hair that's pulled back into a pony tail that reaches past the shoulders, an oval face with fair skin, a mouth set somewhere between a smile and a line of boredom, a small, pert nose, and an eye, the iris a soft brown. My mind tries to piece the images together like a puzzle, but there seems to be a piece missing. Skirt, blouse (two breasts in there, and nice ones too), hair-mouth-nose----eye.

I think I might be fainting now. Can you faint when you're dead? Let's find out.

Well what do you know.

You can.
Last edited by # 2 on Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:40 pm

Interesting... I wonder how fainting works in the afterlife.
Usually it's a lack of oxygen in the brain due to stress widening the arteries and the blood falling down the extremities, in this case legs. But Hisao - scientist that he is - has already established by experimentation that his brain no longer needs oxygen. He no longer needs to breathe, and without heartbeat the oxygen wouldn't get to his brain anyway.
So this sudden fainting is even more mysterious than his unknown cyclopean visitor :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Elcor » Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:43 pm

Nicely done, as for the fainting it could be that he wanted to so he did? *shrugs*
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by # 2 » Sat Jun 02, 2012 1:59 pm

Elcor wrote:Nicely done, as for the fainting it could be that he wanted to so he did? *shrugs*
You get a cookie.
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Elcor » Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:30 pm

# 2 wrote:
Elcor wrote:Nicely done, as for the fainting it could be that he wanted to so he did? *shrugs*
You get a cookie.
Well as long as your twisting my arm, thank you.
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Megumeru » Sat Jun 02, 2012 2:58 pm

Kikai Shoujo ---> Machine Girl? Or is it Opportunity/Chance Girl?

Somehow the former reminded me of 'Kikou Shoujou wa Kizutsukanai', so that definitely peaked my interest...

If I can find a 'megusta' pic, I'll post it here. But for now... "me gusta" :]
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by # 2 » Sat Jun 02, 2012 3:12 pm

Megumeru wrote:Kikai Shoujo ---> Machine Girl? Or is it Opportunity/Chance Girl?

Somehow the former reminded me of 'Kikou Shoujou wa Kizutsukanai', so that definitely peaked my interest...
I'm going by the romaji form of 奇怪, meaning weird, strange, or wonderful, depending on context.

I got there from Yokai, which according to my sources is composed of kanji meaning otherworldly and weird.

My sources are not, however, infallible, and I could be incorrect in my translation.

Ah, it seems that Kikai is a homophone that can mean machine/opportunity/instrument as well. Gotta love them homophones. But given the context, It should be obvious which definition I'm going for here. :D
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Re: Kikai Shoujo

Post by Megumeru » Sat Jun 02, 2012 4:01 pm

# 2 wrote: I'm going by the romaji form of 奇怪, meaning weird, strange, or wonderful, depending on context.

I got there from Yokai, which according to my sources is composed of kanji meaning otherworldly and weird.

My sources are not, however, infallible, and I could be incorrect in my translation.

Ah, it seems that Kikai is a homophone that can mean machine/opportunity/instrument as well. Gotta love them homophones. But given the context, It should be obvious which definition I'm going for here. :D
Ah, that kanji makes sense now. It works as 'strange' too and yep, homophones.
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They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

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