Stars and Stripes

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Total Destruction
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Stars and Stripes

Post by Total Destruction » Tue May 22, 2012 9:19 am

Hey, all. Total Destruction here, and I can't believe I'm about to post the first fan fiction I've done in... Oh, man, it's been a minute. A long minute. The stone age days of junior high, maybe? Wow.

I write an awful lot. Mostly just pure catharsis, you know, tryin' to stay sane and whatnot, but sometimes weird things get in my head and won't get the hell out. It's been one of those nights, and I'm not quite sure why this happened, but it did. Maybe I'm projecting and Freud loves me? Yeesh. Hope not. Anyway, I've been working on doing more with less lately, and I wanna see if I'm doing it anything close to right. I see a lot of you here at the KS forums are pretty gifted, and I feel like I write better if someone has a shot at tearing me to shreds, even if it's just me posting some random exercise to a bunch of anons on some forum about crippled broads, hahah. So rip me apart and tell me my taste in music sucks.


:twisted:

***

"If you're feeling sad, full of shame
You better find someone to blame
Feeling good, feeling strong
Maybe I'll just carry on
Maybe I've got stubborn ways
Have to do for today
I'm holding out, feeling strong
Tell myself there's nothing wrong."

- Red Lorry Yellow Lorry, "Nothing Wrong"

It must be very late at night, perhaps early in the morning. I lie awake and once again find myself listening to them. Listening and thinking.

The feeling that what they do is wrong has never once crossed my mind.

Of course, I'll readily admit that it's not terribly right, either. Doesn't make an ounce of sense. I don't even think they understand it, really. I don't think either of them knows why they do what they do, or what attracts them to one other. I strongly doubt either of them knows their role, or even acknowledges one. Sometimes I don't think they even think much at all. Part of me is furious, while an even greater part of me is envious. It seems like I'm the only one with questions, and I hardly deserve answers.

What I do know, however, is that what they share is involuntary. You, I, they can't help it.

Theirs is a beautiful picture with many, many imperfect parts. Or so the metaphor goes, as I've never quite seen a picture before, but that's another musing for another day.

The first time I heard them, I was shocked, to put it bluntly. Not quite disgusted, which, in hindsight, I should have been, and very well should be, but rather surprised. And curious. And very much afraid. Afraid for what would happen if someone were to find out. Afraid that they and the circumstances between them would one day cripple them beyond repair. Afraid that I would never be able to find anything or anyone like that for myself.

I am unsure if they are aware I know. Neither of them have inquired as such, and quite frankly, I am terrified to even mention it to them. All I can do is lie here, awake, and think.

And listen.

I hear the rustling of linens. I hear tongues entwine. I hear hearts race. I hear tender caresses, hard thrusts, and ragged breaths. I hear an uncharacteristically feminine mewling from her, coupled with a low grunt much more befitting his father. I hear a prayer to God. I hear an affirmation of release. I hear... I hear love.

Long after they drift off to sleep, I still lie awake, listening. And thinking.

That next morning, I ask her how "the boyfriend" is doing. She laughs and tells me that he's just fine, if not a little tired and overworked. I hear what must be her ruffling his hair in the way she does, and his annoyed whine of protest gives way to an underlying tone of... something else. I think she knows that I know. I think he might, as well.

Theirs is a tenuous balancing act across a frayed rope, stretched over an expanse of gentle slopes and sharp, sudden drops. And contrary to what I should be thinking, I pray they never fall.

I smile and quietly take a sip of tea.

Never fall. Nothing wrong.
Last edited by Total Destruction on Thu May 24, 2012 10:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
... Danger.

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nemz
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by nemz » Tue May 22, 2012 10:14 am

Well, it is somewhat implied... a bit creepy, but such is life sometimes.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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lolawesome
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by lolawesome » Tue May 22, 2012 10:16 am

Just so I don't sound like a blithering idiot, this is about Lilly listening to Akira and Niji, right?

Very interesting, I had a lot of doubts about Akira's never present "boyfriend" during the game too

This is a one-shot? Or do you plan to do additional chapters?
http://pastebin.com/u/lolawesome

my pastebin - no rins tho

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Elcor
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Elcor » Tue May 22, 2012 10:32 am

It is interesting to see the inner thoughts of Lilly.

I too look forward to see the replies that are given to the questions that lolawesome asked.
I am looking forward to see more of your work none the less.
Fan Fiction writer's are drug dealers and they don't even know it.

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nemz
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by nemz » Tue May 22, 2012 3:59 pm

lolawesome wrote:Niji
I'm fairly certain you're wrong here, though I can see how you might come to that conclusion.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Kayo12
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Kayo12 » Tue May 22, 2012 8:51 pm

>I hear an uncharacteristically feminine mewling from her
>coupled with a low grunt much more befitting his father.

I think it's supposed to be Akira and Hideki.
Image

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Elcor
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Elcor » Tue May 22, 2012 9:06 pm

Kayo12 wrote:>I hear an uncharacteristically feminine mewling from her
>coupled with a low grunt much more befitting his father.

I think it's supposed to be Akira and Hideki.
I'll put my support, whatever its worth, behind that.
Fan Fiction writer's are drug dealers and they don't even know it.

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Roamin12
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Roamin12 » Tue May 22, 2012 11:11 pm

Kind of morbid, but enjoyable nonetheless. (Not a fan of that kind of music, its not bad, it just isn't something I would listen to all the time.)
lolawesome wrote:Just so I don't sound like a blithering idiot, this is about Lilly listening to Akira and Niji, right?

Very interesting, I had a lot of doubts about Akira's never present "boyfriend" during the game too

This is a one-shot? Or do you plan to do additional chapters?
Possibly Hanako and Hisao, it could go either way. But there aren't enough details to tell for certain.
First Play through: Lilly>Hanako>Emi>Rin>Shizune
Second Play Through: Hanako>Rin>Lilly>Shizune>Emi
I'm a music enthusiast.

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Total Destruction
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Total Destruction » Wed May 23, 2012 3:12 am

lolawesome wrote:Just so I don't sound like a blithering idiot, this is about Lilly listening to Akira and Niji, right?
I had to look up who Niji was, and I almost laughed and puked at the same time. Oh, God, no. I'm a sick bastard, but that's just not my angle :lol:
This is a one-shot? Or do you plan to do additional chapters?
Dunno, really. I intened it as is, but that's really a lie, as I didn't really intend much of anything. If you guys dig what I'm doing, I suppose I could strike while the anvil's lukewarm.
nemz wrote:I'm fairly certain you're wrong here, though I can see how you might come to that conclusion.
Would you mind explaining that one to me? Maybe I'd better rework this a bit, then. I literally didn't intend to evoke images of someone screwing a dog. Oh, man. :(
Kayo12 wrote:I think it's supposed to be Akira and Hideki.
Nailed it. (That's why I titled this piece the way I did, hahah.)
Elcor wrote:It is interesting to see the inner thoughts of Lilly.
Hah, thanks. This thing actually started from there. I know how awkward it can be hearing people in the same building, hell, maybe even the same room, getting it on, and I thought "How would those weird, accidentally voyeristic moments be with a lack of visuals to compare them to and/or a really amped-up sense of hearing?" The rest just kind of fell into place. The whole Akira/Hideaki thing... I'll admit, incesty stuff makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, but I couldn't help but see it between those two in spades while playing the game, and also couldn't help thinking that it was cute as all hell. Yeesh. No idea what's up with me.
I am looking forward to see more of your work none the less.
:D
Roamin12 wrote:(Not a fan of that kind of music, its not bad, it just isn't something I would listen to all the time.)
I getcha. Good thing too, otherwise you'd wind up like me.

Thanks for the feedback, guys! Further insane ramblings as events warrant.
... Danger.

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nemz
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by nemz » Wed May 23, 2012 3:37 am

Total Destruction wrote:
I'm fairly certain you're wrong here, though I can see how you might come to that conclusion.
Would you mind explaining that one to me? Maybe I'd better rework this a bit, then. I literally didn't intend to evoke images of someone screwing a dog. Oh, man. :(
I think s/he got that idea from the ending bit with Akira messing with the boyfriend's hair and only response being a slight growl. But yeah, I knew what you meant... even if it is pretty much pedophillic incest.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Total Destruction
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Total Destruction » Wed May 23, 2012 4:01 am

nemz wrote:I think s/he got that idea from the ending bit with Akira messing with the boyfriend's hair and only response being a slight growl. But yeah, I knew what you meant... even if it is pretty much pedophillic incest.
Yep. Silver lining and whatnot. :mrgreen:

But yeah. Yeeeeaaaaaah, okay. I can see how that line's a bit problematic. Think maybe I oughta tweak that a bit.
... Danger.

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lolawesome
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by lolawesome » Wed May 23, 2012 7:37 am

Heh, it was really the phrase "growl of protest" that tripped me up
http://pastebin.com/u/lolawesome

my pastebin - no rins tho

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Total Destruction
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Total Destruction » Thu May 24, 2012 5:51 am

lolawesome wrote:Heh, it was really the phrase "growl of protest" that tripped me up
Changed it and OH GOD IT STILL MIGHT SOUND LIKE A DOG :evil:

Second part/act/scene/brainvomit to follow soon.
... Danger.

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nemz
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by nemz » Thu May 24, 2012 5:58 am

Well you could always clarify it by having Lilly know exactly where Niji is while she's listening, if you know what I mean. :twisted:
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Total Destruction
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Re: Stars and Stripes

Post by Total Destruction » Thu May 24, 2012 6:04 am

nemz wrote:Well you could always clarify it by having Lilly know exactly where Niji is while she's listening, if you know what I mean. :twisted:
You SICK MAN. Hahah. Is Niji even canon?
... Danger.

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