The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 02/26/2015*

WORDS WORDS WORDS
azumeow
Posts: 409
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story

Post by azumeow » Sat Sep 13, 2014 9:45 pm

Hisao, you damned fool. You damned fool. I can understand some of what you did, but....you damned fool...
"I don’t want to be here anymore, I know there’s nothing left worth staying for.
Your paradise is something I’ve endured
See I don’t think I can fight this anymore, I’m listening with one foot out the door
And something has to die to be reborn-I don’t want to be here anymore"

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Megumeru
Posts: 1260
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Location: Land of the Rising Sun

A short update (ARTWORK I ADDED!)

Post by Megumeru » Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:21 am

The next chapter is still in the works and is coming along nicely. University and life is back in full gear, so update may be slow and I sincerely apologize for that :)

Now, on to what's up.

To 'accommodate' the slow update, I recently commissioned an artwork from an acquaintance of mine for a number of chapters. It took a while, but the result for the first one is great! I will get try to get the next chapter done as soon as possible, but if the commissioned artwork comes out first I'll give a heads up :D

Thank you for your time :D

>>Here<<
Image
They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

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brythain
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Re: A short update (ARTWORK I ADDED!)

Post by brythain » Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:25 am

Megumeru wrote:The next chapter is still in the works and is coming along nicely. University and life is back in full gear, so update may be slow and I sincerely apologize for that :)

Now, on to what's up.

To 'accommodate' the slow update, I recently commissioned an artwork from an acquaintance of mine for a number of chapters. It took a while, but the result for the first one is great! I will get try to get the next chapter done as soon as possible, but if the commissioned artwork comes out first I'll give a heads up :D

Thank you for your time :D

>>Here<<
Ooh. That's a very beautiful piece. Stark and yet illuminating. Goes well with this most tragic tale.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Megumeru
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Joined: Wed Feb 08, 2012 10:17 am
Location: Land of the Rising Sun

Chapter XII: Shadows

Post by Megumeru » Wed Dec 31, 2014 11:36 pm

The Haunting: A Love Story

Chapters
Prologue: Till’ Death...

ACT I -Black and White-
Chapter I: Funeral
Chapter II: Passing
Chapter III: Haunting
ACT II -Light Colors-
Chapter IV: A Drop of Green
Chapter V: Between You and Me
Chapter VI: What Lies Ahead
Chapter VII: Chained
Chapter VIII: Let me Love You
ACT III -Crimson Dusk-
Chapter IX: Dreamland
Chapter X: Sleep Walker
Chapter XI: Nightmare
Chapter XII: Shadows
Chapter XIII: Recollection
ACT IV -Clear Sky-


Chapter XII: Shadows

I remember just earlier today concerning the things Miyazaki and I discussed; about the paranormal, the hauntings that has been occurring, Shizune…everything that needed to be covered. When the dust settled and the discussion ended, we came to the conclusion that the girl whom I loved was no longer the same person. I resisted the idea, the thought of it is…horrifying to me, at best; accepting it as is felt like betraying her trust and turning my back on her at the time when she needed me the most. So, even after his lengthy explanation about ‘malicious’ and ‘wandering’ spirits, the differences between them, and how they react to the living, I asked him one question as a final confirmation. It was the last straw I so desperately cling into as my world began to crumble with the evidence that were laid before me and hoped that maybe—just maybe—it wasn’t Shizune after all.

“Another paranormal entity, you say?”

Like tossing blame to someone else—scapegoating. I crossed my fingers and hoped for—I don’t know—something that will relieve me from the possibility that lay before me. It was as hard a pill to swallow for me as it is to Miyazaki who—out of his own interest—accompanied and assisted us on our endeavor. This whole situation between Shizune and I—particularly her—is known only to myself, Miyazaki, and more or less Yuuko; the other Yuuko, the one who runs the Paranormal Research Club. Although admittedly, the affirmation of the two members of the Paranormal Research Club concerning the entire ordeal is nothing but the tip of the iceberg despite having their knowledge on the subject concerning the paranormal to be second to none within the vicinity of Yamaku High. Thus, this made them the go-to source for things that are often way beyond ‘normal’ comprehension. When Miyazaki quickly skims his notes, I secretly hoped that a new revelation was to be revealed; though, I already expected what was to come.

“Prez, as much as I’d love to think that way,” Miyazaki replies. “If there are any other paranormal entity roaming in the vicinity of the school grounds, then we would’ve noted them in our archives and marked it as one of Yamaku’s ‘Seven Mysteries’ long before you asked us this question.”

“But what if it’s new? What if this ‘malicious spirit’ just decided to appear near Yamaku because of the recent negative energy that occurred in the area and—”

Miyazaki raised his hand and dismisses my theory immediately. “Although it is possible that one area has multiple haunters, it is uncommon and only occur in an area with extreme negative energy—say, Aokigahara forest.”

“Thing is, with just two minor accidents that occurred within the vicinity this year,” he continue. “It’s very unlikely that it is a ‘new’ haunter, as there is not enough negative energy to attract a 'fresh' one.”

Very unlikely…I don’t like the sound of that word…

“The only possibility is if that ‘malicious spirit’ was locally conceived—either due to the accident itself, or because it derived from local urban legends; concerning Yamaku, the only significant link we have is that of the ‘Dusk Maiden of class 3-3’.”

He releases a heavy sigh. “I, too, wish it isn’t true. But for now, it’s the only lead we have. If you happen to encounter ‘Shizune’, then I’m sorry to say but…”

No..I knew it.

“She is no longer the ‘Shizune’ you knew. Take care of yourself.”

I’ve known it all along…

-------------

I stumble and fall from my chair, clouded with fear as I watch the shambling horror closing its distance on us. Under its breath, it continues to howl my name as it extends its arm to reach me. With each step it takes, I quickly scurry backwards towards the wall until there is no room for me to move no more. To my right, I can feel Lilly trembling in fear as she, too, senses the creature drawing closer and closer. It is undeniable; the ‘Shizune’ from my nightmare, from the empty husks of its eyes, the wounds and scabs that covers her skin, a broken neck and a cracked head…everything. I can slowly understand the fear Lilly is experiencing despite her lack of sight—this immense malicious and murderous intentions that envelopes the creature with an aura so strong, even the smallest insects would disperse in fear. The most logical thing to do at this point would be to make a break for it and run, but…

…I can’t move.

As if on shackles, my legs are trembling and refuse to listen to my demands. My entire body feels heavy and powerless before the sight of the ‘corpse’ before us that extends her arm, taking slow, heavy steps as it closes on its prey with an overwhelming aura that overpowers any sense of courage that is left lingering. I slide myself backwards in an attempt to get some distance from it before the sudden sensation of a cold, solid surface presses itself on me.

I have my back on the wall. There is nowhere else to run.

I’m scared…I don’t want it to end like this…

Has it always been a mistake to defend my relationship with Shizune? To spend my time with her despite knowing full-well she is no longer amongst the living? Is this what I get in return? I am such a damned fool…

I clench my fist, close my eyes, and cover my head with my arms—a last, desperate attempt to ‘hide’ myself from the thing that is about to spirit me away. I don’t want to die…I don’t—

*PIN PON PAN PON*

The chime of the school bell echoes across the campus in a loud, thunderous fashion as it signifies the end of the day. The echo of the bell resonates across the halls of the school, as if acting like a giant alarm clock that awakens me from my paralysis. Immediately, I notice the silenced whimper of another—Lilly—who is phrasing something like a prayer in English. Whether or not she fully understands the meaning escapes me, but I assume it is something that ties with her Catholic upbringing. Despite her inability to see, she’s in great fear; like many others who may wound up in situations such as this. Right at this moment, I am the only liable person in this room who can get us out of this situation.

I clench my eye lids tightly. I need to set my thoughts straight…

I open them, and a pair of legs greets me just within arm’s reach.

Don’t look up…

Don’t look up…

“Hiiiii…sssaaaaa…oooo….”



Run.

In what I believe to be a short burst of dormant survival instinct, I bolted to the right spontaneously the moment I feel its hand brushes my shoulder. I hurriedly crawl to gain some distance from it and move towards Lilly, rushing as fast as I can manage. I grab Lilly by the shoulder the moment she is within reach and the frightened girl—to no surprise—returns with significant resistance. As abrupt as it flared, her resistance quickly fade the moment I take her by the hand and squeeze them.

“Hi-Hisao…? I-I—”

I leave no room for her to reply, quickly tugging her unto her two feet for the break.

“Let’s get out of here!”

And we bolt. My feet act as a momentum as I rush for the door that seems to take an eternity to reach, and as soon as it is I reach forward and slams it open with force. What lies before me now is the maze-like halls and corridors of Yamaku High; the last hurdle, an escape from this nightmare. I clutch Lilly’s hand tightly—soft, almost that to a baby’s and smooth like milk and honey; and I pace myself, faster and faster so as to get as much distance from the…‘thing’ that is trailing not far behind.

How do I know? I don’t.

But I think it is pursuing with as much intensity as the person it once was derived from. From one corner to the next, across the entire building—hell, even if we have to hold up somewhere in one of the classrooms, I’d take my chances! At this point I dearly wish for the possibility of encountering another living soul that could bail us out of this predicament—whether it is another student, teacher, staff, even the janitor; as long as I know that we will be safe, then that is all that matter. This nightmare, this…horror that pursues us is unreal; no matter where I go, where I run, or where I turn—she will be there at the end, waiting and…‘calling’ for my name. There is no escape; like a rat trapped in a maze.

After a while, the beating echo of my heart starts to resound within me as I push myself harder and harder at each step—fear is probably what drove me the most; an instinct to survive, perhaps? That is uncertain; what is, however, is the thumping echo of ghostly footsteps that stalks me no matter how far my feet can carry.

*TAP*

*TAP*

*TAP*



It’s close.

My chances of survival thin at each passing second, and I fear I may not be able to see the light of the next day.

I…I’m in fear.

-------------

An unexpected—and unusual—guest greeted me at lunchtime earlier today. It was an odd sight for me, to see him waiting by the door with a knowing grin and anticipation that could match even the most cunning generals that managed to lure its prey into a trap. Sun Tzu would be so proud. With a simple wave and a gesture, I quickly approach the one-eyed paranormal activist with a certain air of anticipation—most of which are unpleasant at best.

“You don’t look too happy, prez.” Miyazaki remarks with a chuckle. “Had a rough morning?”

“How would you feel about knowing that your SO is out for your blood?”

“It’s still just a theory,” He replies, followed with a sigh. “Look, I know you’re sour about the entire issue, but that’s why I’m here in the first place.”

“The president—I mean Yuuko—is well aware of your current state and has an interesting proposition you might want to consider,” continues Miyazaki, before he adds, “Which is why I’m here in the first place. Want to get something to eat while we’re at it?”

Under normal circumstances, I would be spending my lunch with the rest of the Student Council member—Shizune, in particular—in the office, accompanied by a ‘few’ stacks of paperwork that require my attention. With Misha hospitalized, it is no surprise that the current work load of the Student Council doubled for each member (which ironically numbers not greater than three, similar to the organization under Shizune), giving us little opportunity to enjoy youth as it was meant to be—not that we had any the moment we joined the Student Council in the first place, but at least there’s some.

I know full-well of my capabilities and how occupied I am with Student Council matters and school life in general.

…but I can’t disregard anything that concerns Shizune or anything that correlates with her; I won’t. Thus, with a shrug and a hint of reluctance, I followed Miyazaki towards the cafeteria.

It took us a while to find ourselves some empty seat, far from the reaches of the common ears—took even more concerning the all-too-common ‘lunch time frenzy’ that possessed the denizens of Yamaku High at this hour. Bodies being shoved around, shouts, and some even waved their 1000 yen bill in the air to quickly snatch that daily special that even I never had the chance to sample; my lunch time as part of the Student Council—with Shizune and after her—was always in the Student Council office, involving a take-out order or—occasionally—a trip down-town at Shizune’s behest; never considered the latter again since most of my lunches were packed and hand-made by her. Can’t say the same for today…

All this talk about food and the cafeteria reminds me though…

I heard from Misha before, about how Shizune dealt with the situation (before she opted for take-outs and eat-outs for ‘convenience’ reasons). To the bespectacled ex-Student Council president, it was some sort of ‘competition’ where Freudian logic of ‘survival of the fittest’ applies; the strongest/fastest gets the best grub, they say—it’s moderately cheap for a student too. I never took her observation of the cafeteria whole; always with a pinch of salt on the side. How wrong I was.

“Over there, would it be ok?”

Miyazaki directed us down to an empty table in the corner located not far from the glass windows that basks the cafeteria with warm rays in this chilly day. Setting our trays down, I finally had the opportunity to get a good look on what he was having for lunch which—to my own astonishment—was the rumored ‘special’ everyone was after. Compared to my mabo-don, it wasn’t as extravagant as everyone hyped up to be.

“How’d you manage to get the special?”

He grins, “I’m familiar with the cafeteria lady; occasionally, she’d save me the ‘special’.”

“I see,” I reply seemingly uninterested—but it was pretty obvious to him considering what I had in mind, to which he quickly return with a chuckle and cheeky, victorious grin; that bastard.

“It’s a ‘cheese chicken’,” he replied with pride riding on his words and—was that a sense of disappointment? “Sadly, apparently they over-fried this thing today—some of the coating is charred; I was looking forward to it too…”

He sighed, but quickly recovers the moment he cut his ‘cheese chicken’ in two. The dish is, in essence, a ‘stuffed chicken katsu’—similar to that European-centric dish called chicken goard-ton-something-something…or was it gordon’s buru? I swear it goes by that European chef that is famous for his temper. Anyway, the dish Miyazaki’s having more or less follows the concept. Difference is, the center of the chicken is stuffed with secret sauce, cheese, and spinach which intensifies the flavor and complements the chicken—or so according to what he described anyway. As his chopsticks run through the golden brown-and-slightly-charred crust and cuts through the meat in two, the sauce and the cheese slowly starts to ooze out accompanied with its aroma that whiffs the air; immediately, Miyazaki’s smile was beaming with satisfaction.

“But it’s always the inside that counts! Let’s eat.”

We remained silent throughout the first half of our lunch. Miyazaki was busy picking the pieces of his meat, licking the sauces from the chopsticks as I quietly savor my mabo-don. At this point, I began to wonder to what purpose did he brought me here—lunch, yes, but that’s formality acting as a disguise for a greater scheme. I waited, consuming my rice bowl impatiently as Miyazaki savor his meal at his own leisure—it is somewhat irritating to watch, to be honest.

The chatter and laughter in the cafeteria started to drown me deep in thoughts. I remained silent for a few minutes and waited.



Nothing; I felt that I have waste enough of my time. “Miyazaki, if there’s nothing else I’d like to—”

“Are you familiar with the concepts of exorcism?”

His chopstick waves in the air and just with that, he stopped me from moving out of my chair and seated me. I’ll be honest; I wasn’t prepared to fully embrace his proposal—just the thought of it was…discomforting…

Exorcism…

Exorcise what? Shizune? Why …?

A near-sinister grin curls on Miyazaki’s cheeks as he continues to wrap his lunch. He took his last bite and washed them with a glass of water, to which soon after he immediately get on to the formalities. No more bullshit. His trusty notebook on his left and a stack of rectangular cards joined by a ring to his right; on each of them, were calligraphy-esque handwritten scripts. It doesn’t take a genius to know what those are—and its purpose.

talismans

“If push comes to shove,” he starts with a slightly menacing tone, slowly passing the talisman slowly to me. “Use these. Let’s just say that these are…”

…The final solution .

-------------

Picture a setting in a romance-centric genre, where the crimson sky lit the darkened classroom and a rendezvous with a girl is bound to happen; now picture the girl to be a vengeful spirit who's out for your head to spirit you away. Doesn’t sound too romantic now, does it? The classroom we’ve barged into is partially lit and dark; our last refuge as all attempts to escape from the building is…’restricted’ to say the least. There are a lot of things about the paranormal that we haven’t understood—the events that led us to this ‘situation’ are one of those. It was inexplicable—odd, to say the least; something about ‘Shizune’ that we have never seen or heard of—that I have never known. It was as if she has complete control of the building; as if she ‘hovers’ from corridor to corridor, halls to halls, and from exits to another without restriction. Every corner we turn, ‘corpse-Shizune’ was standing at the end of it—waiting. When she moves in to pursue, she shambles erratically forward with inexplicable speed that closes the distance within seconds.

There were no breathing space—nor do I believe that she would let me have them in the first place, as expected of her.

I would be lying to myself if I say that she funneled us into this classroom. Now there’s nowhere for us to run…

“H-Hisao…?” the blond whose hand I’ve been gripping this whole time meekly squeaks, trembling. “What’s going on? She—is she still here…? Where are we?”

I tried to speak, but no words escape me the moment those footsteps echoed from the corridor outside. Slowly we retreat further back as a silhouette of the pursuer reveals itself on the small window of the sliding door before stopping, observing as it twitches and squirms unnaturally like a sick puppet show. Then I hear a ‘crack’—like bones breaking—before the door slowly slides open and a bloodied, rotting hand slides through the gap and pushes it open…

“I.....fooouuundd….yoooou…..”

No…

Nonononononono….NO! This can’t be happening…!

“Hiiiiissssaaaaaaaoooo……”

Standing before us, just a few steps away is ‘her’. The moment she steps into the classroom, poor Lilly immediately fell on her knees and began chanting a prayer—the same one from the student council office before. I feel my legs giving away as any strength it has left immediately dissipates, overwhelmed by the horror that draws closer at each passing second—and I collapse. There’s nowhere to run and no place to hide; the dark figure closes in step by step. What should I do…what to do? What should I—

“If push comes to shove, use these



“Let’s just say...”

Don’t make me do this…

“…that these are…”

You forced me into this, Shizune…

“…The final solution.”

…you forced me into this…



I’m sorry.

My hand instinctively reaches for my vest pocket to draw the stack of talisman Miyazaki gave to me. The beating of my heart thumps louder and faster than ever before as his word clouds my mind at every passing second and with each distance she close. Exorcising is serious business; one wrong move and you might only anger the vengeful spirit , he said. In all honesty, I am not a keen believer of this practice, but does a man have any other option when the real thing shows up to kill you? You only need one talisman, so don’t waste the entire deck, he further explained which prompts my next move. Shizune draws closer…

You really have to ‘touch’ the spirit with the talisman, so be cautious; preferably, plant one on her chest—or shove it, up to you, he continues. I grip the talisman tightly, ready to move as my heart races faster. Don’t forget to chant the names of the ku-ji ; I sincerely hope you know them but if not then memorize what I’m about to say.

I hold the talisman before me and close my eyes, remembering the words that I’m supposed to phrase. There is no other option, no escape; the moment is here.

“Rin, Pyou, Tou, Sha, Kai, Jin, Retsu, Zai, Zen!”

“Finally, rush forward and plant the talisman and say with your might,”

Using his word as a guide, I follow through. She ‘flinched’ for a second the moment the piece of paper lands squarely on her chest. I close my eyes. It didn’t have to end like this…it shouldn’t have. I’m sorry, Shizune…

…Forgive me.

“AKURYOU TAISAN!”

For a brief moment I feel a rush of energy surrounds me and envelopes me as the talisman escapes my grip. I open my slightly and sees the talisman flutters aimlessly to the cold floor…

Before me, lies a barren classroom devoid of life but myself and Lilly.

She is nowhere to be seen.



Shizune is gone.



What have I done…? I ki—

Once again, that familiar feeling overwhelms me. My throat grows tight, no words can be conceived no matter how hard I try; the pain that suddenly spikes my body grows as I try to massage my throat. I grip my chest in pain, my legs grows weak before I collapse on the cold floor with a ‘thump’. For a brief moment I hear Lilly’s cry as she calls my name; the world that surrounds me slowly fades into darkness and I lost my consciousness.

Such a fitting end…

-------------

I wake up a day later in my own dormitory with the Nurse on my side, with a smile of relief the moment he notices I’ve open my eyes. He comments for a moment on how lucky I was to have Lilly nearby to immediately alert the staffs after whatever I did in that classroom; I didn’t spare him the details, and I doubt he’ll believe me anyway. After issuing me a ‘fresh’ bottle of medication for me to take in the next few days, he leaves my room and left me alone—but not for long.

“Hisao…? Is it alright for me to come in?”

From beyond the door, a soft, angelic voice of a prim and proper lady resounds. I quickly give my reply, “It’s ok Lilly; door isn’t locked.”

The door creaks open and immediately, she tries her best to reach for me and embrace me, sobbing.

“Thank god you’re ok…!”

Up to this point, everything that has happened felt like a dream—or maybe, a nightmare. As she sobs on my chest, my thoughts instinctively wander towards the girl I exorcised—no, murdered more exactly. If there are others who saw the incident, they might tell me differently—that it was a necessity, a ‘kill or be killed’ situation, that the accident that builds up to the chain of events as of now is out of my control. I respect that view, but it may never sway me from believing that everything could be prevented in the first place. I don’t know…I just…don’t know anymore. If there is one thing I know right now, are the fact that Shizune may have been vanquished and that I…

…I’m still alive.

I recovered a few days after, no short from Lilly’s constant help and encouragement as she tries her best to nurse me despite her lack of eyesight. We grew even closer after the encounter and as time pass I start learning more about her—and I want to. She’s a very gentle, motherly figure; a stark contrast to the aggressive taskmaster that is Shizune. Lilly’s a very soft-spoken individual and—despite her lack of eyesight—is actually pretty capable around her way in the kitchen. Maybe she received some help from Hanako? I don’t know, for all that I know is how her handmade dishes—albeit porridges and soups—helped me back on my feet. There is more to know about her...

…and I want to know them.

A week after, I finally reply Lilly’s long-overdue answer of her confession. Days pass in a blink of an eye as I spend my time with her almost religiously, standing beside her as a young couple. In the meantime, Shizune’s presence is nowhere to be seen or felt—as if she has now rest eternally; at least, that’s what I want to believe. Now, I spend most of my waking hours accompanying Lilly as her partner. Oh, the things we do…

Sometimes we cuddle, sometimes we kiss…

...Sometimes...



...Sometimes, we just have to feel…something good.

-END CHAPTER XII-

Author's note
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It's nice having that small window of opportunity to finally get around on finishing this chapter :)
It took a long while, I know, and I apologize for that. This year, I'll *try* to churn out the next chapter a bit faster.

Thank you for your patronage and I wish for you all and your blessings/guidance for this new year. :mrgreen:
Last edited by Megumeru on Mon Apr 06, 2015 6:30 am, edited 9 times in total.
Image
They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

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brythain
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by brythain » Thu Jan 01, 2015 3:07 am

Bravo! I'll leave the tiny edits to people better at that, and I enjoyed the 'blue ribbon chicken' jokes, and the strong sense of narrative and terror (or even terroir).

And there'll be a 13th chapter? How ominous! Thanks very much and have a great 2015 ahead.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
"Much has been lost, and there is much left to lose." — Tim Powers, The Drawing of the Dark (1979)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Jan 01, 2015 6:03 am

Nice chapter. I'm waiting to see just how close you're going to stick to the anime in chapter XIII. The story diverged quite a lot in this one.
As for edits, most of those would concern verb forms or tenses. I'm not going to list them all but here's one that has nothing to do with that:
a vengeful spirit whose out for your head
who's

Happy new year to you, too
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Megumeru
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Location: Land of the Rising Sun

Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by Megumeru » Thu Jan 01, 2015 10:08 am

brythain wrote:Bravo! I'll leave the tiny edits to people better at that, and I enjoyed the 'blue ribbon chicken' jokes, and the strong sense of narrative and terror (or even terroir).

And there'll be a 13th chapter? How ominous! Thanks very much and have a great 2015 ahead.
I had fun thinking about it too :lol:
Glad you enjoyed it :D

Now, 13th chapter...? It's planned, that's for sure...maybe. :p
Mirage_GSM wrote:Nice chapter. I'm waiting to see just how close you're going to stick to the anime in chapter XIII. The story diverged quite a lot in this one.
As for edits, most of those would concern verb forms or tenses. I'm not going to list them all but here's one that has nothing to do with that:
Don't expect everything to remain 'faithful' :lol:

The one thing I will say that remain true to the anime is the theory around ghosts and the paranormal. Outside of that, things may change so look forward to it! :D
Image
They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

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nemz
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by nemz » Mon Jan 05, 2015 10:15 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:I'm waiting to see just how close you're going to stick to the anime in chapter XIII.
Er... stick to what anime? Is this a fusion with some other work I don't recognize?
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Megumeru
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by Megumeru » Mon Jan 05, 2015 10:17 am

nemz wrote: Er... stick to what anime? Is this a fusion with some other work I don't recognize?
The theory of the paranormal featured here, in particular, is heavily influenced by Meibi's work 'Tasogare OtomexAmnesia'.

It's a good read, give it a shot :)
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They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

Strikezone
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by Strikezone » Tue Jan 06, 2015 8:58 am

I just about had a god danged stroke. :shock:

You took me on a not so nice trip down memory lane. I got stranded In the Rockies when my UTV broke down on an old wagon trail.
The horror of walking 12 km in the dark with no headlamp, clouds flowing over the moon and sinking the hard trail into darkness every few minutes. Feeling something staring at you, and hearing the gentle whispers(are they the Trees creaking? or the dead of the cursed road), The hunk of cold metal in your hand works for bears. but maybe the thing following you isn't exactly something bullets can touch.

brr..
Thanks for the Heart Pounding read, I could feel the blood flowing in my ears, even if the talisman scene was a tad silly.

Jesus, write a novel or something.

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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 01/01/2015*

Post by Megumeru » Fri Jan 09, 2015 12:02 am

Strikezone wrote:I just about had a god danged stroke. :shock:

You took me on a not so nice trip down memory lane. I got stranded In the Rockies when my UTV broke down on an old wagon trail.
The horror of walking 12 km in the dark with no headlamp, clouds flowing over the moon and sinking the hard trail into darkness every few minutes. Feeling something staring at you, and hearing the gentle whispers(are they the Trees creaking? or the dead of the cursed road), The hunk of cold metal in your hand works for bears. but maybe the thing following you isn't exactly something bullets can touch.

brr..
Thanks for the Heart Pounding read, I could feel the blood flowing in my ears, even if the talisman scene was a tad silly.

Jesus, write a novel or something.
I didn't expect it to have such an effect ^^;

That part is a little silly, and I do admit that :lol:


Anyway, quick update!
While I'm still working on the next chapter, another commissioned artwork has been submitted :D
So here it is Chapter I
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They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

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Sleepwalker
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *ART WORK UPDATE 01/09/2015*

Post by Sleepwalker » Fri Jan 16, 2015 10:22 pm

Every chapter always make me say "Oh shit this is intense". One of the best Fics i've read by now.

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Chapter XIII: Recollection

Post by Megumeru » Thu Feb 26, 2015 6:59 am

The Haunting: A Love Story

Chapters
Prologue: Till’ Death...

ACT I -Black and White-
Chapter I: Funeral
Chapter II: Passing
Chapter III: Haunting
ACT II -Light Colors-
Chapter IV: A Drop of Green
Chapter V: Between You and Me
Chapter VI: What Lies Ahead
Chapter VII: Chained
Chapter VIII: Let me Love You
ACT III -Crimson Dusk-
Chapter IX: Dreamland
Chapter X: Sleep Walker
Chapter XI: Nightmare
Chapter XII: Shadows
Chapter XIII: Recollection
ACT IV -Clear Sky-


Chapter XIII: Recollection

On the first week of December, Misha was finally released from the hospital. It was quite a clear, cold but crisp day when she came trudging in into the Student Council office with her book bag sling to her side and her hair—still pink—slightly unkempt and disorderly. We were initially surprised at first—Misha’s short-hair has grown a few centimeters up to the shoulder, complimented with a side hair of near-same length and a half-ponytail at the back, positioned just a bit higher; very unMisha-like, if I say so myself—at least from our usual standpoint. It made her look very feminine and attractive, but also tomboyish and energetic to a degree—a trait that never seemed to escape her, even if she plans to have an afro wig or a bowl-cut for a hairstyle. It may be her facial expression? I have no idea. But then again, that bright pink hair acts almost like a beacon to anyone from miles away if she ever got lost in the middle of a crowd during rush hour (it’s difficult not to notice her in the first place if her other ‘trademark’ is to be considered). It did took us a minute or two—for Hanako and me, at least—to finally catch on that it was Misha we’re staring at; Lilly seemed to have immediately recognize her just from her voice and speech pattern alone.

“I hate Mondays,” she remarks as she settle her book bag down. “It’s been a while, everyone!”

…and then there’s that trademark bullhorn: “Wahahaha—!”

“Misha…!”

The pink-haired girl gave the widest grin we’ve seen from her in a long time, prompting Hanako to leave her seat to shake her hand and embrace her. Misha smiles softly and returns her affection with a light chuckle and an even bigger embrace, patting her head in the following process before giggling with glee; I can’t help but not to contain the ever-stretching grin that blooms on my face before I, too, leave my seat to greet her. Lilly follows after, greeting her with utmost formality and manner that even Misha can’t help but to laugh and wave her hand in a light-hearted dismissal. She appreciates her gesture—that I can tell—but believes that it’s too ‘stiff’ for her liking; don’t get me started on how she talks to Mutou-sensei either. And then there’s myself. Noticing my presence, she quickly taps Hanako’s shoulder, parts, and rests her hand on her waist as if waiting for her next ‘order’ as a member of the Student Council.

“I’m back, Hicchan!”

I smile in return and offer her a hand, “Welcome back, Misha.”

To what I call a moment of ‘awe’—or should I say, ‘awww’—the hand I offered is quickly shoved aside when she prefers a more personal approach through means of embrace. In a manner reminiscent to Hanako, the pink-haired girl quietly closes the distance and slips her arms around me and…

…and buries her head on my shoulder.



Now, how am I supposed to react to this?

Normally, Misha would bust into the room, speaker’s blazing and greet most of us with a tap (that’s an understatement) on our shoulders or a high-five followed with a big ‘waha’ that will echo in your eardrums until next season—a sentimental greeting is a one in a billion chance. The planets must have been aligned perfectly right about now—yep, they must be; that’s the only logical explanation I can give about this.

“I…must’ve surprised you, Hicchan,” she start with a slight fit of giggle. “It’s ok, you can hug me back.”

I take no time to reply and do as she asked, feeling her rather broad shoulders after having spent her days in the hospital. It has been a while indeed…

“I'm sorry to have worried you,” she said with a smile as she parts; her wide grin beams like the glow of a sun on a clear day. When I think about it, when was the last time I’ve seen her act this way—the cheery, bubbly Misha that we all knew and loved. Misha is, was, and has always been Shizune’s protégé, the loud megaphone of the Student Council, or—to some—the ‘dictator’s right-hand man’.

I do not support such views, however; having worked with Shizune prior and having the privilege to hold her previous post, I can see her reasoning to actually sympathize with her—at least, that’s before she became the…‘thing’ that hunted me before.

But where am I heading with this? Now, back to Misha;

Misha’s infamous grin and laughter, the genuine, one and only powered by Misha-wattage was always reserved for Shizune—for reasons most of us are familiar of, I’m sure. There is no exception and no substitute for it, thus the day when ‘fate’ took her away was the moment that made me believed that it, too, had robbed her of her smile. Hers that followed days after just weren’t the same anymore; that is, until just recently.

It was as if she was born anew, more vigorous and energetic than before—a ‘Misha-2.0’, if I am to summarize.

“So,” she continues, crossing her arm in the process before she leans forward and ask in a discrete manner, one that sends shiver down my spine.

“Is Shizune here with you right now?”

...

No…of course not; not anymore.

How I wish I can give you the answer you wish to hear, Misha. Since your hospitalization, there has been a number of ‘incidents’ revolving her and her presence as Yamaku High’s haunter; all of which led to the conclusion that is her exorcism—by my own hands. It has almost been a month since I’ve heard from her, a few weeks since I’ve started dating Lilly and things has slowly return to normal. But what am I supposed to say? That ‘I exorcised her’? That she tried to take my life away? Or how she is not the ‘Shicchan’ she used to know? Is any of that even enough to convince her of my reasoning for my action? Hell, would she even feel content with how it led to the conclusion?

…would she…?

I glimpse to my left for a brief second, shrug, and nervously grin as she awaits my reply. “Yeah, she’s here. Do you want me to…?”

“Nah, its fine~!” she replies with a grin and a wave of gesture from her hand. “I’ll tell her myself~! Don’t eavesdrop Hicchan~! Wahaha~! ”

No. Of course she won’t. I may once have been Shizune’s partner-in-crime, but of all the students in Yamaku, there is only one person who knows the ex-Student Council President more than anyone; someone who has spent most of her waking hours in Yamaku with her—I don’t have to look far for that. Thus, I lied; if that’s the price to stop her tears, then I’ll accept regardless. She has suffered long enough, and I wish for her not to shed another tear because of it. This is for the best…yeah.



Is there even any other alternative? If there is, would I choose differently?

I let Misha move her hand and communicate freely with sign towards the void, giving Hanako a slightly puzzled but curious look on her—to which I quickly address with a smile and nod; ‘everything is alright’. For the majority of it, I was too distracted to even capture or even bother to translate what Misha conveyed to the emptiness on my left; for as long as she believe that Shizune is there—and is content with it—then it’s fine by me.

Curiosity did, however, reared its head to me to catch a glimpse of her.

“He may be careless, thickheaded, and can occasionally have a severe foot-in-mouth moments—” she pause for a moment; it took me a while, but I get the feeling it’s about someone I’m very familiar with. “But I’m sure you’re familiar with that idiot to notice that, Shicchan!”

Gee, I sure appreciate your lack of subtlety, Misha.

“But he’s a good person, Shicchan. I can see why you chose him in the first place; take care of him, ok? I wish for both of your happiness.”

The pink-haired girl parades her smile once again, complimented with a light-hearted grin before she cracks her fingers, stretches, and yawns. She then pivots to my general direction, smiles, and raises her hand for a light-hearted salute.

“Just for a little bit until graduation, I’m counting on you once more Mr. President.”



I don’t deserve any of that merit. What I did to Shizune…I have essentially betrayed her.

But what can I do, right? If I didn’t do that, Lilly and I might’ve…



For now, just…

Just…smile.

-------------

A few days after, life seems to waddle along normally after Misha’s return. Wake up early, go to school, handle the usual Student Council business, then prepare for classes; the usual. After spending most of my high school life in the Student Council, I have gotten used to the pressure that accompanies me on a daily basis—and that’s with a full member roster. It’s difficult, yet not impossible to imagine what life would be like without Lilly, Hanako, and Misha at the helm, assisting me through and through as our year is slowly but surely coming to close and the workload doubles at each passing day; Shizune would be proud to see what the Student Council had become. If only she could see…



Why does every time I talk about the Student Council, it always leads back to her?

She’s gone, it’s over—I ended it. And I think it’s for the best. If she is allowed to wander any further, who knows what other malicious activities might occurred? She tried to take Misha once, then she went after Lilly and I before I finally put her down. Everything is supposed to be resolved but—

But something just doesn’t feel right! It’s screaming inside me, demanding it to be resolved no matter what it takes—but that’s all there is, isn’t it? Shizune returned as a vengeful spirit, solely to find someone to eternally accompany her in the afterlife. Like all vengeful spirits, they have their ‘methods’ to coerce the living into believe that it’s ‘safe’ before she pulls the trigger—like a hunter, so to say. That’s all there is to it but…

...if that really is all there is to it, then why? Why do I still struggle to—

“Hisao…!”

I quickly snap into attention as my head pans towards the voice; thoughts jumbled like puzzles as it scattered across the floor. Before me, my secretary stands at her best with a file that is tucked between her left arm and her cane to her right—a look of concern adorns her face. Quickly, I shake the thoughts away and push myself to focus on what is ahead of me; whatever happened before is now over, and I can’t waste my time contemplating what has been done.

“Can I help you with anything, Lilly?”

She sighs despondently, “Is everything alright with you? I’ve been calling you repetitively; I thought you’re not in the office.”

“I’m…fine, Lilly. Just a bit tired, that’s all.”

Again, she sighs. “I heard you mumbling something, Hisao.”



“I’ve known you for quite some time; if there is anything—anything at all—that I can do to help, please say so.”

Lilly’s kindness and perceptive never fails to surprise me. I sigh quietly which—out of my expectations—was audible enough for her to notice. She laid the files on the table slowly, using her arm as a guide before she traces the edge of the desk and—well…that’s a surprise…she’s making her way slowly around the desk towards me. Immediately I fly out of my seat with the least amount of subtlety—which she clearly noted, judging by how she raises her arm to look for me—and catches her on my arms for a long embrace. Gently, I caress her silky, long blonde hair as she uses her hands to trace me and locate my lips where she wastes no time to peck and savor. Frankly, I’m starting to get addicted to this feeling as well which—naturally—kept me from filing a complaint; not that I wanted to in the first place.

“Please, don’t push yourself too hard,” She gently lectures as we part. “I’m here for you and, though I’m incapable of seeing, I can still be of aid.”

She’s a good girl. Lilly’s a good girl indeed…

“Thanks, Lilly.”

“It’s why I’m here for you,” she said in response, with a soft smile that compliments her gentle figure. “Now, would you like to know why I came to you for?”

“I'll bite.”

A light chuckle, “You have guests wishing to speak to you—they’re waiting in the main hall. Furthermore, if it’s about ‘biting’ you…”

She leans a bit closer to a whisper’s reach, sending a whiff of her scent to tickle my nose—vanilla.

“Come to my room afterschool.”

With a mischievous yet somehow innocent smile, she signal me to quickly rendezvous with the guests as soon as possible before she slowly makes her way to her desk.

Best not keep the guests waiting…



It’s not easy to focus on what’s at hand when your mind wanders off to what’s after.

-------------

I am immediately greeted with the sight of my bubbly pink-haired vice-president, waving her hands furiously and calling my name in a loud, audible voice the moment I arrived at the main hall to attend my guests; she was initially busy chatting away with them. To her right, the two visitors—a man in his early mid-forties to early fifties and his younger son—stand at a relaxed attention; it only took me a second to recognize the duo and their peculiarity amongst the crowd of students that passes by. Shuffling through the crowd, I made my way to the three as the tempo of my heart increases at each second—I do have an undeniable history with them, after all.

“It’s Good to see you, ma’ boy!”

“Good afternoon, Nakai nii-san.”

I smile cautiously at the sight of the man in Hawaiian shirt and his son, who is as timid as he is polite.

Who, you may ask? Why, it’s the Hakamichis, of course.

I have had a history with them prior, particularly during the fall festival where Mr. Hakamichi himself almost sent me to an early grave—almost. After the entire ordeal, he handed me the family heirloom to keep—which come as a surprise to me as much as it is to Hideaki, but nonetheless he didn’t interject nor voiced a complain. Whatever it is Mr. Hakamichi is planning, Hideaki seems to follow through seamlessly.

And with a quick and polite bow, it starts.

“To what pleasure do I owe you today, Mr. Hakamichi?”

“Cut the formalities, young man. We’re not here for formal business or any of that crap!”

An eyebrow is raised in amusement, the cheery pink laugh-a-ton do what she does best, and the son sighs with a look of defeat;

“We’re here to see how everything is and…”

A pause, followed with a sigh. “…and we’d like to ask how she is doing.”

Mr. Jigoro Hakamichi went quiet, to the point it looks as if he’s meditating or reflecting on his words. I turn to Misha for a second, who return with a shrug and a calming smile. Quickly, she raises her hand; [that’s what he told me earlier as well, Hicchan], she signs. [Between us, you’re someone who’s closest to Shicchan, so I figured having you here would relieve him a bit.]



I’m not so certain he’ll still be singing gospels to me if I reveal to him what had happened; if any, it will be my funeral.

“If I may interject a bit, Nakai nii-san…”

In haste, Hideaki steps forward from Jigoro’s side into the center of our attention. As if covering for his father, he quickly takes his stance and clears his throat—an unusual scene for someone who often takes the backseat when it comes to the Hakamichi family; particularly, when it’s between him and Jigoro. I observe silently, waiting with a steady breath as he readies himself.

“We’re not here on any official matter or anything—unlike a few months ago,” he stats with a low voice. “But we’re also here for a reason. We’re planning to retrieve the rest of her belongings—you can keep the family heirloom, of course; father had decided on that.”

“But it’s—”

My objection is quickly silenced with an echoing snap from the young man, reminisce to Shizune’s own. It caught both Misha and me in a surprise, our reflex immediately kicking us to find the girl responsible for it only to notice that it was her little brother, packed with a stern and serious look that may rival her in time.

“Nakai nii-san, the passing of the heirloom was my father’s decision. It was originally intended to be given to the one who would take my sister as a bride and marry into the family, but unfortunate circumstances made it this way—I hope you’d understand and respect his decision.”

He takes a deep breath and sighs, “We’re…also here to ask you about her, Nakai nii-san. Not because we don’t trust you, but we’re just…worried.”

“How is she?”

I am made speechless almost immediately as both Hideaki and Jigoro focus their attention on me, waiting with bathed breath for an answer they expect me to know. I stutter and at a loss for words, not knowing what or how to reply, stealing glances to my left as if something is there that would provide me with an exit—a revelation, if you wish. I wish I could provide them the answer that they seek—I sincerely hope I could. But what crumbs she had left for me to find had been swept clean by my own hands and I…

“She’s doing fine, but wishes to remain here until we graduate.”

…I was left with nothing but lies and deceit. 

“Is that so...?” Jigoro remarks. I turn towards the nothingness to my left and nod to maintain this charade; the Hakamichi seems to be buying into the whole fakery. “If that is what she has decided, then we'll appreciate her decision.”

That went surprisingly well...for now.

“If there is nothing else of concern," I continue. "I shall direct both of you to her quarters—at least, where she stayed previously.”

Throughout the hour I maintained the charade as if Shizune was still next to me, conversing to them through sign language while I act as the translator—and as the only person who can see her. The long arm of the clock continues to rotate, dragging its smaller brethren as the sky grew darker by the minute as together, we move the remaining boxes (the Hakamichis retrieved some of her belongings previously, but Shizune insisted that some of her belongings were to be kept) that had sat idly within this corner of the dormitory. It took us quite a while, but by the time we're finished, the room was as bare as it once was.

I'm just hoping the next resident wouldn't be disturbed by the fact that a dead student once occupied this room.

All that was left of her belongings now remained in my room—some of her clothes, books, and the cat plushy I gave her during the summer festival. After the conclusion of that day and ever since I started dating Lilly, I had wanted to swiftly remove the item from the premises and yet...

...and yet I withheld that decision. First for a day, then weeks—now two—passed, and still it remained as a constant reminder. Right now, this very moment is the perfect chance for me to move on and start anew; but is this really what I wanted, I wonder? Is this really the step I need to take to finally move on...?

"We'll take it from here, Nakai nii-san," Hideaki said with a box of Shizune's belonging in hand; we are in the process of moving these to Mr. Hakamichi's car. "You've helped us this much; we shouldn't be taking anymore of your time."

I feel the weight slowly left my shoulder as I load the box into the back of the small family car, with Hideaki loading his share a close minute after. He smile at me politely, bowing in gratitude to my assistance to which I return with mine; 'don't mind, it is natural for me to do so'. The hand of the clock now points at five-thirty—half an hour after the PA system announced the end of after-school activity.

"We'll come by for graduation to ask about her one last time—ah, is my sister here with you at the moment?"

Again with the...charade...

I shift my eyes to my right, mustering the best smile I can imitate at the spur of the moment and with a simple nod, I reply. "She's telling both you and your old-man to take care of yourself."

"I see," he smile in return, sighing with a sense of relief and a hint of satisfaction. To think that I..."Just like her, to worry about others before herself."

"Thank you, Hisao nii-san."

With everything packed, the Hakamichis excuses themselves before driving down the hill and disappear into the night, leaving me to ponder my actions today. I fooled them, betrayed their trust in me just to save my own skin...

...but it's fine, right? As long as everybody's fine with it, then it shouldn't be a problem.

...

...unforgivable...

Truly, unforgivable...but there is nothing I can do about it now. With a sigh, I made my way back to the dormitory for a respite; carrying some of those boxes really did a number on me—and there's still some of her belongings in my room as well! Yet somehow...it feels as if the weight on my shoulder increased with every step I take. Why, I wonder...the answer seems so close yet is always out of my reach. It's irritating just thinking about it.

"Hicchan...!"

The voice of the vice-president echoed across the outdoors common area, halting me in the spot as she made her way towards me with an audible 'thump' at each step she takes. That's right, when I think about it...Misha has been missing half-way when we were moving Shizune's belongings. Wonder where she went in such a hurry...

Like a summer storm, she rushes ahead of me and confront me with the ferocity of a tiger—and an unmistakable serious look and irritation that is even rare for her; the only time I've seen her with that face is when she was talking about Shizune and her feelings towards me—which is how I came to notice them in the first place. "I'd like to talk to you for a moment, is that fine?"

I shrug and nod in consent. It's not wrong to entertain her for a bit, is it?

...

I never thought that she'd bring everything down on me like a giant mallet.

"Concerning Shicchan...why did you lie to them, Hicchan?"

She took a step closer; cold sweat run down my cheeks and I have my tongue ripped clean from my mouth. "You're not the only one, Hicchan..."



"You're not the only one who can see Shicchan."

-END CHAPTER XIII-

Author's note
My old laptop broke down while I'm in the middle of writing this, so I actually finished this working in an internet/manga cafe :D
The chapter might be shorter than usual, so I sincerely apologize for that--I sure hope the content isn't lacking!

took me a while, but with this chapter comes the conclusion of ACT III. Next chapter, we will be heading towards the last act of 'The Haunting: A Love Story' and see the conclusion in this tragic love story. Until then, Megumeru signing off! :mrgreen:
Last edited by Megumeru on Fri Feb 27, 2015 2:02 am, edited 5 times in total.
Image
They say they hate Shizune? What is this? BLASPHEMY!

SHII-HAEL!
Shizune>Rin>Emi>Hanako>Lilly
"A writer is a light that reveals the world of his story from darkness. Shapes it from nothingness. If the writer stops, the world dies with it." - Alan Wake
Yes, I write stories. Currently working on: The Haunting: A Love Story

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nemz
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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 02/26/2015*

Post by nemz » Thu Feb 26, 2015 3:13 pm

Hmm... drama is afoot! That's quite an odd circumstance though... either Shizune really is a bad ghost and Misha is also being manipulated, or else shouldn't she be well aware of what has happened and that Shizune can't seem to get Hisao's attention anymore? I'm suprised she hasn't said something about his hooking up with Lilly at the very least, which surely would have changed the tone of things earlier.

That said, there were a couple of spots that bugged me just in terms of writting. Specifically, "bite me" is usually intended to be a rude response, but "I'll bite" is a similar expression that indicates willingness to listen. Also the ending is worded a little strangely. Perhaps "You're not the only person who can see Shichan." instead?
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly

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Re: The Haunting: A Love Story *UPDATED 02/26/2015*

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:47 pm

Wow, he sure wasted no time getting together with Lilly, after "exorcizing" his Ex, did he?

Drama's heightening and the chapter ends on a cliffhanger - let's hope your computer doesn't crash again soon :-)

I wonder why Misha didn't call him out on his lie earlier if she's been able to see Shizune all the time. Hmm… I'd have to reread previous chapters in this light…

You switch between past and present tense a bit more than usual in this chapter. Also use of third person "s" is inconsistent. Aside from that…
…I can still be of aide.”
You probably meant "of aid" but "an/your aide" would also be an option.
…prompting Hanako to leave her seat…
...
It caught both Misha and I in a surprise,…
"and me" in both cases
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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