Iwanako: Mean Time to Breakdown {updated 2015-4-1}

[HoneyBakedHam]

Can't argue with that logic.

[Leaty]

Meant to work on the chapter tonight but I'm feeling off so I went ahead and scored Báthory in her Castle. Now you can watch Emi get obliterated with a tasteful musical accompaniment!

[Blank Mage]

Meant to work on the chapter tonight but I'm feeling off so I went ahead and scored Báthory in her Castle. Now you can watch Emi get obliterated with a tasteful musical accompaniment!

Is it wrong that my favorite chapters are invariably the ones where characters completely lose their shit?

Don't care. Super excited.

[YOTC]

Meant to work on the chapter tonight but I'm feeling off so I went ahead and scored Báthory in her Castle. Now you can watch Emi get obliterated with a tasteful musical accompaniment!

Is it wrong that my favorite chapters are invariably the ones where characters completely lose their shit?

Don't care. Super excited.

Drama is grand.

[HoneyBakedHam]

Leaty, the Google Docs interactive version of MTtB is simply amazing. I'd say you should just drop putting chapters on here and just notify us when you have a new chapter in Google Docs.

Also, I'm loving the YouTube music for the GD version. Much easier to use than that KS media player others had used. And to have that fanfic of Iwanako in a hospital bed as the background for the music? Riveting.

[Alpacalypse]

Just listened to the scored version of Bathory.
I cannot figure out how I'm supposed to feel reading that scene.
On the one hand, Iwanako is being a complete bitch and I should hate her utterly for being so callous. On the other hand, Emi was being a complete idiot and that apology came across as pretty crap not that I'd ever be able to do any better in that situation
I shall ponder this for quite some time, methinks.

Onto, the scoring, I thought that it was really good, especially seeing Shadow of the Truth making an awesome appearance.
However, I'm gonna be pedantic here and recommend one edit: have a notice to end Childhood's End right after Iwanako says "Don't" when Emi tells her that she wants to make it up to her. Childhood's End works throughout the rest of it, but I think that ending the music right there would be pretty effective.
That's just my opinion, though. *shrug*

Good job

Also, Caged Heart is Hisao's theme? You sure about that? I ask since it plays in a few other places, most notably when Hanako blows up during her bad end. Please enlighten me, as I know not of what you type.

[Leaty]

Leaty, the Google Docs interactive version of MTtB is simply amazing. I'd say you should just drop putting chapters on here and just notify us when you have a new chapter in Google Docs.

Well, I wouldn't do that. There's a reason I mirror the fic on AO3 and Fanfiction.net—accessibility matters. Besides, the forums updates are the only ones that have my author's notes, and I don't want to put those in the Google docs.

And, yeah, I think ten-minute loops are the only reasonable way to add musical accompaniment to a fic (Mendacium did one thing right, I guess, even if the song choices were balls.) I'm glad you found them convenient. I just wish I could keep them from becoming the active window somehow... Clicking back to the other tab is annoying.

Just listened to the scored version of Bathory. I cannot figure out how I'm supposed to feel reading that scene.

Well, the chapter is called "Báthory in her Castle." I literally drew a parallel between our protagonist and a rich serial killer who bathed in the blood of young women and was eventually bricked up into a room until she died. So that should tell you how I feel, at least.

On the one hand, Iwanako is being a complete bitch and I should hate her utterly for being so callous. On the other hand, Emi was being a complete idiot and that apology came across as pretty crap

Let's be real here, they're both acting terrible. They were both practically on the brink well before the conversation started, and nothing anyone said made anything even remotely better for anyone.

Onto, the scoring, I thought that it was really good, especially seeing Shadow of the Truth making an awesome appearance.

I think it's awesome, too. It was so cathartic to write a Misstep-style scene with the protagonist in the Hanako seat. Thank you for the feedback!

I'm gonna be pedantic here and recommend one edit:

That was a very good idea I should have thought of. It's implemented now.

Also, Caged Heart is Hisao's theme? You sure about that? I ask since it plays in a few other places, most notably when Hanako blows up during her bad end. Please enlighten me, as I know not of what you type.

Yeah, the Hanako thing is weird (especially since Cold Iron plays right before it, and that's generally the Heart Attack Song), but Caged Heart is almost always reserved for Hisao's internal monologue. Plus, like, it's called Caged Heart. If it's not Hisao's official leitmotif, it's close enough to being one that I would only ever want to use it for scenes with Hisao himself.

Besides, Iwanako has her own equivalent: "Letters". That's her internal monologue song (though I almost like this guy's version better for her... Hmmm...)

[HoneyBakedHam]

Personally, I don't Iwanako is in the wrong in any way. She's going through a life-changing experience and right back into the hospital not even a week into her new school life (at a school that she has no idea how to take it all in). She knows she feels bad for the times she did screw up when it came to handling other people's health issues, but to try to now go to school surrounded by it?

Throw all that in and her confidence and self-esteem problems right now..I'm surprised she's holding it together this much. I wouldn't hold it against her if I was a classmate of hers. If anything, I'd wanna extend a friendly hand to help her get used to the place.

Maybe I'm just into the whole hurting, angsty, I-feel-so-alone feeling cause I went through that throughout grade school and partly still today, I don't know. I just know that I wonder what it would be like to be a student there myself everytime I'm on the forums reading these fanfics.

[Alpacalypse]

Elizabeth Bathory

I've read about her! How the hell did I not draw that comparison before?! Dammit, brain, I thought you were good at remembering useless facts!

That was a very good idea

Yay, I was helpful! +1 self esteem, + 50 life exp.

Caged Heart is almost always reserved for Hisao's internal monologue.

That put everything nicely in perspective. Thanks for enlightening me!
One step closer to omniscience!

this guy's version

Having never played Silent Hill 2 (and probably never will because I'm a wuss who's very susceptible to horror-induced nightmares), the only thing I know about it is that the music is pretty f***ing awesome. That cover just helps to cement that. Thanks for posting that link
Actually, it does work pretty well as Iwanako's theme. Even the name (tenuously) works, since Iwanako is the one responsible for the letters in KS. Good choice.

[Blank Mage]

For my part, rereading the last few chapters has reminded me just bow irrevocably toxic Iwanako's internal monologue has become in regards to Nurse and Mutou. Any authority figure, really. It's gotten to the point where I think heartfelt sympathy will come across as unwanted pity, but anything else will only further validate her Iwanako VS The World mentality. I guess any productive advice will have to come from Hanako or, perhaps, Shizune. Hanako, obviously, is less threatening than a toothless, abused, quadriplegic puppy, and it's literally impossible to be angry at someone whose entire life makes even Iwanako's look warm and inviting by comparison. Shizune can be surprisingly helpful when it comes to offering practical advice and hard truths as a peer, not a superior.

I feel like Lilly's song and dance won't accomplish much. She's too perfect to really be seen as an equal, and advice coming from her doesn't seem like it'd be as effective. Like someone who inherited a small fortune trying to give you well meaning but ridiculously trite financial advice, while you owe $1400 and make minimum wage.. "You should use coupons! It doesn't seem like much, but it really adds up!" ...uugh. I'm, uh, not a huge fan of Lilly.

[HoneyBakedHam]

Yeah, but she does have that healthy adolescent sex drive.

[Leaty]

Personally, I don't Iwanako is in the wrong in any way. She's going through a life-changing experience and right back into the hospital not even a week into her new school life (at a school that she has no idea how to take it all in).

Okay, I should clarify: I, as the writer, am not condemning Iwanako's actions. I think her words were cruel and brutal, but they were probably the most sincere she's been to anyone throughout this story (and throughout much of her life.) It's up to the reader to decide whether or not they think Iwanako is wrong or a bad person.

I wouldn't hold it against her if I was a classmate of hers. If anything, I'd wanna extend a friendly hand to help her get used to the place.

And under normal circumstances, she'd almost certainly have received that, but she made a horrible first impression on Shizune, and so...

Maybe I'm just into the whole hurting, angsty, I-feel-so-alone feeling

I suspect that is a large part of the appeal of this story. Hisao's depression is really shallow, and in the end it really just takes a little skin for him to begin overcoming it. I think that rang hollow for a lot of people, myself included.

A lot of my characterization of Iwanako stems from my own struggles with the volatile cocktail of MDD and other mental illnesses that I grapple with on a daily basis, so that makes this story, well, somewhat more angsty and sour than the VN was. That (and the fact that Iwanako's sexuality is... complicated) is the reason why the story hasn't had much in the way of romantic elements, either, which I'm sure is steadily driving a portion of my audience nuts, because my update speed is abominable.

For my part, rereading the last few chapters has reminded me just how irrevocably toxic Iwanako's internal monologue has become in regards to Nurse and Mutou. Any authority figure, really. It's gotten to the point where I think heartfelt sympathy will come across as unwanted pity, but anything else will only further validate her Iwanako VS The World mentality...{cut}

This is some very enjoyable analysis, thank you.

It's certainly true that Iwanako has become increasingly bitter and unreceptive to the adults in her life—part of that is, again, a deconstruction of the Hisao-shaped hole, at least where Mutou is concerned. Mutou's advice to Hisao was good because Mutou is the kind of adult that can give good advice to Hisao. Giving advice to somebody like Hisao is not the same as giving advice to a haughty, listless teenage girl, and so this is where we see Mutou's social skills break down.

Nurse almost got it right, especially in comparison, but Iwanako is not the kind of person who responds well to (or quickly forgives) an ambush, and the fact that the Nurse was (a bit unintentionally) invasive only worsened matters—Nurse knows about Iwanako's outburst at Emi, obviously, and Iwanako suspects he knows when by all rights he shouldn't, so why should she trust him? And then the Miss Yumi thing—Iwanako comes from privilege and her parents didn't exactly do a great job of aligning her moral compass. The very early chapters of this story highlighted how much internalized fear/contempt Iwanako had for the disabled before coming to Yamaku. Implying (however correctly) that she had a mental illness was never going to go over well. That's the kind of thing you have to hold her hand into realizing for herself.

I feel like Lilly's song and dance won't accomplish much. She's too perfect to really be seen as an equal, and advice coming from her doesn't seem like it'd be as effective. Like someone who inherited a small fortune trying to give you well meaning but ridiculously trite financial advice, while you owe $1400 and make minimum wage.. "You should use coupons! It doesn't seem like much, but it really adds up!" ...uugh. I'm, uh, not a huge fan of Lilly.

I like Lilly, but she's definitely more fun when the facade starts to crack. And, sure, obviously the context matters—many of attractive qualities might, for a girl, be intimidating instead. It's up to the readers to speculate if she'll wind up doing more harm than good—and to decide among themselves if her track record in the VN suggests one over the other.

Anyway, I figured I may as well post this, if people want it. It's the Mean Time to Breakdown Playlist. A lot of the songs haven't been implemented yet, but you've seen some already if you've read the scored chapters. I'd call it the MTtB OST, but that would imply it is O, and it's just an ST.

[Oscar Wildecat]

... Hisao-shaped hole ...

Every time I hear that term in context of this story, I have a mental image of Iwanako walking up to a Hisao-shaped hole in the ground and saying, "Nope. Nada. No way. Not for me." She then proceeds to fill the hole full of concrete; and, once it hardens, breaks out the jackhammers and dynamite and begins to create a Iwanako-shaped hole in its place.

It's not an easy process...
It's not a pretty process...

But -- come hell or high water (as we say in these parts) -- she will make a place for herself.

[In other words, I'm still loving the story. ]

[Steinherz]

... Hisao-shaped hole ...

Every time I hear that term in context of this story, I have a mental image of Iwanako walking up to a Hisao-shaped hole in the ground and saying, "Nope. Nada. No way. Not for me." She then proceeds to fill the hole full of concrete; and, once it hardens, breaks out the jackhammers and dynamite and begins to create a Iwanako-shaped hole in its place.

... goddamn it, cannot unsee

[Leaty]

So, I didn't want to post in this thread again until I finished a new scene, but I just wanted to let everybody know that the soundtracked version of the fic has been completed. The OP has been updated—each (♬) links to the GDocs version of the listed scene. (I've included some Author's Notes as well, at the bottom of each scene, though so far only the first nine scenes have them completed. I recommend not reading them until you're caught up to the most recent update, in case anybody isn't.)

The GDocs scenes link into each other, with a table of contents and directions above the soundtracked prologue. I also tried to make the pages as easy on the eyes as possible—I tried to keep the reading experience fairly similar to the VN using a black background and white text in the closest Google Font I could find to Playtime With Hot Toddies. If anybody has any kind of advice as to how any of this can be improved, feel free to let me know over PM.

If you don't give a fuck about any of the above, I'm sorry this post wasted your time.