Shower Scenes

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Shadowyeclipse
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Shadowyeclipse » Sun Nov 11, 2012 1:50 am

"I'll kill you and all your favorite daytime soaps! I will personally rape everything you have ever loved. Do you realize how much rape that is? By the time I'm done, you're going to look at my dick and feel sorry for me!"

That was probably my favorite line.

This was great.
Emibro, [Hanabro],[Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer

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Oddball
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Oddball » Sun Nov 11, 2012 12:43 pm

Shadowyeclipse wrote:"I'll kill you and all your favorite daytime soaps! I will personally rape everything you have ever loved. Do you realize how much rape that is? By the time I'm done, you're going to look at my dick and feel sorry for me!"

That was probably my favorite line.

This was great.
Feel free to use that line in your day-to-day life.

... And links to each chapter are now added to the first post.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:08 am

Really liked the Misha and Miki endings.
The neutral Shanghai ending was fun as well, but a bit unsatisfying as an ending. It did contain a lot more spelling mistakes than the other endings.
I didn't like the last ending that much - about everybody acted way out of charater there... Well, with the possible exception of Suzu, for whom no official character has been established.

If this were a VN, I would hate the way you made your choice point. There's no way to know what will result from each decision.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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OtakuNinja
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by OtakuNinja » Mon Nov 12, 2012 8:47 am

Kenji didn't act out of character. Neither did Misha, Shizune, Emi and Miki. :) I'm not sure about Rin, but she might do that if provoked. ^^
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:07 am

Okay, I take back Kenji.
I stand by my opinion regarding the others, though.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Oddball
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Oddball » Mon Nov 12, 2012 1:01 pm

The neutral Shanghai ending was fun as well, but a bit unsatisfying as an ending. It did contain a lot more spelling mistakes than the other endings.
I can understand that. It was the last one finished, so I didn't end up going back over that one as many times as the others for mistakes, and I couldn't get the original ending to work right for it so I chopped it off and ended it early.

It was going to have an epilogue at the end where Hisao finishes telling his story (which is why the whole thing was done in past tense to start with). Basically after all that, trying anything romantic with any of the others felt too awkward so he ended up hooking up with Molly instead. That was also going to be the original and ONLY ending. I just couldn't get it to work right though.
I didn't like the last ending that much - about everybody acted way out of charater there... Well, with the possible exception of Suzu, for whom no official character has been established.
Fair enough. That ending was more for fun than anything serious anyway. One of my notes at the start of the document was "Probably not how it ended," Maybe I should have kept that in when I posted it.
If this were a VN, I would hate the way you made your choice point. There's no way to know what will result from each decision.
I agree with this myself. It was really just an excuse for multiple endings anyway. :P

But really, did anything Hisao do in this story work out the way he expected it to anyway? :wink:
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The Hero Hartmut
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by The Hero Hartmut » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:16 pm

Y'know, I posted this story up on the Fanfic Recommendations section of the KS page on TV Tropes. Maybe I should make a page for it at some point...

I'm sorry to see that it's over, but, man, it was a hell of a ride.

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Hoitash
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Hoitash » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:31 pm

The Hero Hartmut wrote: I'm sorry to see that it's over, but, man, it was a hell of a ride.
Indeed.

A great story with some great endings, and overall a great read :)
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Shadowyeclipse
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Shadowyeclipse » Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:31 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Really liked the Misha and Miki endings.
The neutral Shanghai ending was fun as well, but a bit unsatisfying as an ending. It did contain a lot more spelling mistakes than the other endings.
I didn't like the last ending that much - about everybody acted way out of charater there... Well, with the possible exception of Suzu, for whom no official character has been established.

If this were a VN, I would hate the way you made your choice point. There's no way to know what will result from each decision.

To be honest, I do agree with this, but I think any ideas of normal characterization and logic went out the window when the entire cast of the game ended up in Hisao's room. Nekkid.
Emibro, [Hanabro],[Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer

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Oddball
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Oddball » Wed Nov 14, 2012 2:58 pm

The Hero Hartmut wrote:Y'know, I posted this story up on the Fanfic Recommendations section of the KS page on TV Tropes.
I do appreciate that.
To be honest, I do agree with this, but I think any ideas of normal characterization and logic went out the window when the entire cast of the game ended up in Hisao's room. Nekkid.
I thought I did a fairly decent job of keeping them mostly in character. Sort of.
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Shadowyeclipse
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Shadowyeclipse » Wed Nov 14, 2012 5:12 pm

To be honest, I do agree with this, but I think any ideas of normal characterization and logic went out the window when the entire cast of the game ended up in Hisao's room. Nekkid.
I thought I did a fairly decent job of keeping them mostly in character. Sort of.[/quote]

I don't disagree with that, but I think it would be pretty out of character for all of them to be bursting into his room naked in the first place, assuming Hisao hasn't gotten much of a name for himself yet in the school and not really gotten to know any of the girls, or I may be mistaken.

Maybe not Rin, but Rin doesn't give a fuck about anything.


It was still a great read, mind you.
Emibro, [Hanabro],[Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Nov 14, 2012 5:33 pm

Well, in this situation the choice would have been between Hisao and Kenji, so it's somewhat believable.
But them stealing Hisao's clothes for no (rational) reason, and then Suzu's as well and then it having been Hanako's idea...
That went really overboard.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Mader Levap
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Mader Levap » Wed Nov 14, 2012 5:35 pm

Come on, this is comedy work. In fanfictions, this pretty much implies license for OOCness (for better or worse).
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Shadowyeclipse
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Shadowyeclipse » Wed Nov 14, 2012 5:38 pm

Mader Levap wrote:Come on, this is comedy work. In fanfictions, this pretty much implies license for OOCness (for better or worse).
And we know that. It makes a lot more sense than most fan fiction would, because I don't doubt that Kenji would grab the clothes instead of some towels, if not because of his sight, if to test them for feminine weapons of some sort.

But yes, in the end, it is all a joke. We get that.
Emibro, [Hanabro],[Lilly Lover], Rin Kin, Feminist, Two-timer

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Heartless Wanderer
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Re: Shower Scenes

Post by Heartless Wanderer » Thu Nov 15, 2012 3:59 am

I initially passed this over because I mistook the title as meaning it was a smutfic, then I found myself possessed by a morbid curiosity of how a shower-scene smutfic would even work in text form anyway, so I took a peek and found a hilarious humor fic instead of a shitty smut fic.

So needless to say, I like this one. Good work.
[Emibro], [Hanabro], [Lilly Lover], [Rin Kin], Feminist, Two-timer

In other words, [Manly Picnic]

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