The United States of Misha (Misha Post Shizune Good End)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
Post Reply
User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6110
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:01 pm

I wasn't saying there isn't a restaurant like that - there migt well be.
I was just relating a personal experience pertinent to the story.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Hoitash » Sun Jun 03, 2012 7:16 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:I wasn't saying there isn't a restaurant like that - there migt well be.
I was just relating a personal experience pertinent to the story.
Ah, sorry. My ignorance and lack of social skills have again been my undoing.

Ten bucks for juice... wow. Was it at least good?
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6110
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Jun 04, 2012 6:46 am

Yes, very, but I certainly won't return there when I have to foot the bill myself - or need to suitably impress a date like Misha did :-)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
VenomSymbiote
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:35 pm

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by VenomSymbiote » Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:27 pm

Your writing is getting better; I enjoyed chapters 9 and 10 quite a lot!
Lynda shrugged, “not my fault where I live the drinking age is nineteen.”

“It’s twenty in Japan,” Misha said, “and I’m only nineteen.”

“You didn’t care when you were eighteen; why care now?” Lynda asked.

She had a point, curiosity had been the main driving force, but she also liked some of the beers she tried during the movie nights. She had also had a few sips of wine every now and then with her family, and she new she liked the kind offered, so she shrugged, “fair point, Lycchan.”

Sighing, Carla poured the wine into three cups and raised her own, “to our birthday girl, Micchan. Did I say that right?”

Misha smiled, “close enough.”
... This conversation seems a bit to close to what I was talking about earlier, haha!

Also, one quick thing to mention- I was abit confused druibg the beginning of chapter 10. Is it Misha that has inner-ear damage?

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Hoitash » Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:31 pm

VenomSymbiote wrote:
Also, one quick thing to mention- I was abit confused druibg the beginning of chapter 10. Is it Misha that has inner-ear damage?
Some lampshade hanging may have occurred. That was written before your posts, don't worry :)

Yeah, Misha is the one with the inner ear damage. I spend entirely too much time on TV Tropes, and that's a theory floating around there. It's also a follow-up to Chapter One.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

User avatar
griffon8
Posts: 1116
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:47 pm
Location: Southeast Michigan, USA

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by griffon8 » Wed Jun 06, 2012 9:25 pm

Hoitash wrote:[sarcasm]I will admit that though I try my dadgummest to get things right, sometimes reality is occasionally bent for the sake of the story. I do apologize for doing this, since it is probably the single worse thing a writer can do.[/sarcasm]
Fixed that for you. :lol:
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

Griffon8's Writing

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Hoitash » Wed Jun 06, 2012 10:12 pm

griffon8 wrote:
Hoitash wrote:[sarcasm]I will admit that though I try my dadgummest to get things right, sometimes reality is occasionally bent for the sake of the story. I do apologize for doing this, since it is probably the single worse thing a writer can do.[/sarcasm]
Fixed that for you. :lol:
But... I was serious...

Crap, where am I going wrong? What do I need to dig deeper into? What aspects aren't accurate enough? what parts are incorrect?
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

User avatar
Oddball
Posts: 2939
Joined: Wed Feb 29, 2012 2:05 pm

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Oddball » Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:13 pm

I will admit that though I try my dadgummest to get things right, sometimes reality is occasionally bent for the sake of the story. I do apologize for doing this, since it is probably the single worse thing a writer can do.
The single worse thing a writer can do is be boring.

If you're ever forced to choose between telling an entertaining story and making sure it's 100% accurate, go with the entertaining story option every time.
Not Dead Yet

# 2
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri May 18, 2012 5:56 am

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by # 2 » Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:24 pm

Hoitash wrote:
griffon8 wrote:
Hoitash wrote:[sarcasm]I will admit that though I try my dadgummest to get things right, sometimes reality is occasionally bent for the sake of the story. I do apologize for doing this, since it is probably the single worse thing a writer can do.[/sarcasm]
Fixed that for you. :lol:
But... I was serious...

Crap, where am I going wrong? What do I need to dig deeper into? What aspects aren't accurate enough? what parts are incorrect?
You are the wordsmith, you are never wrong, even when your facts are slightly skewed. I, the one who lives and dies by your word, or lack thereof, will accept what you tell us as truth, even if you were to insist that all the world was paper, and all the seas are ink.

In short, I for one don't care about the details so long as the story is good. And your story is very good indeed.
My Deviations. Please try not to laugh.

Lemons, not just for tangy drinks and incendiaries anymore!

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Hoitash » Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:38 pm

Ah, thanks folks. I let a friend borrow my balls when I posted that :)
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha Updated 6/3

Post by Hoitash » Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:26 am

Okay, I’ll be honest- writing erotica makes me uncomfortable. I’m gonna work on that, but I have a feeling Dutch courage will be involved in the beginning. I’m okay with that.

Previous Chapter

Chapter Eleven: The Finals Countdown


Final exams. As the middle of December loomed, the final exam week approached, its smothering grasp on the student body slowly choking the life out of it.

“I need a drink,” Lynda snapped, running her hand through her hair again as she looked at her notes. Though not a student at NYU, studying with Misha at the Kimmel building was one more thing the two could do together. With the Japanese trimester coming to a climax as well, Misha’s Thursday and Saturday evenings were open for a few weeks, so she spent the time studying with Lynda.

“You’re doing better than I am,” Misha said; she thought speaking English was hard enough, but writing a decently long, properly formatted and articulated paper was proving more difficult then she had anticipated.

Lynda snorted, “thanks, I think,” Lynda groaned and threw her notebook at one of the glass walls of the building’s garden, where it made a lovely smacking noise.

“Hey!” someone barked.

“Bite me!” Lynda retorted.

“Calm down, Lycchan.”

Lynda closed her eyes to relax her breathing. After sighing deeply and slowly, she opened them again, “sorry, I guess the pressure is getting to me,” Lynda shook her head and stood up, leaning on the brick edge of a garden plot to heave herself up, “I’m gonna get my notebook,” she said, stalking off towards the thrown book.

Misha went back to her laptop, trying to coordinate what she was thinking into a well thought out paper, a task that would be easier if she wasn’t thinking in two languages and two methods of writing.

“Hi, Misha,” someone above Misha said. Startled by the voice, Misha looked up into a familiar face.

“Hi, Kelly,” Misha said to the young woman standing a few feet in front of her, “here studying~?”

Kelly nodded, “I like it here.”

“Me, too.”

The two looked at each other for a while, Kelly only looking away when Lynda returned with her book, “I didn’t scratch the glass, thank God. Who’s your friend?” Lynda asked Misha.

“Kelly, she’s in my essay writing class,” Misha answered.

“Hi,” Kelly said to Lynda, looking resolutely out the window.

“Well, have a seat and help Misha with her papers, if you can,” Lynda said, “I’d help, but if I blow this damn final I could lose a scholarship.”

“Yeah, you said if I needed help you would help me, and I really~ need it now!”

Kelly nodded and sat next to Misha on the floor, leaning in a little close to Misha in order to see the screen, “which class is this for?”

“My Texts and Ideas course,” Misha said.

Misha explained the assignment and her progress, and Kelly helped guide her where she needed advice or was having problems.

“Thanks, Kelly,” Misha said, “could you help me with my essay course really~ quick?”

“I would, but I need to leave,” Kelly said.

Misha checked the time on her laptop. Kelly was right, it was getting late. Turning behind her, Misha went to tell Lynda, but she was napping on the floor, leaning against the brick, her face drooped down, her hair cascading around her face.

Kelly got up and stretched her legs quickly, “see you in class, unless you come by before then.”

“See you,” Misha said, looking at her other paper, then back to Lynda, carefully shaking her awake.

Lynda’s eyes fluttered open, “did I fall asleep?”

“Uh-huh,” Misha said, turning back to pack her stuff.

“Damn,” Lynda said, shaking her head and packing up her stuff as well, “drowsiness is a side-effect of my meds.”

“Well, you won’t sleep much tonight anyway- Carla’s out again.”

Lynda smiled, “we really do need to name our firstborn after her.”

“Do you think about us being together in the future a lot?” Misha asked once they started their way back to Misha’s dorm room.

Lynda shrugged, “I can’t help it, I’m a planner. I see something that needs a plan, and I plan it. I thought it was the disorder, but apparently I just really like to have control over my life.”

“Considering how little control we really have, that’s not too surprising~,” Misha said.

Lynda tilted her head, “what do you mean?”

Misha shrugged, “I’ve told you about Yamaku, right?”

Lynda nodded, “every now and then. Oh,” Lynda said, comprehension dawning.

“Right; no one who went there who was disabled chose the disability, it just happened. Shizune and her cousin, Lilly, were born that way-Lilly’s blind,” Misha added, remembering she hadn’t mentioned the former 3-2 Class Representative to Lynda yet.

Lynda nodded, “good point,” she said, then nudged her shoulder against Misha’s, “and they thought you were dumb why?”

Misha shrugged, “because I was clueless and overshadowed by the world’s loudest deaf girl.”

Idle conversation filled the rest of the trip, stopping only when the two entered Misha’s room. Quickly confirming Carla was in fact absent, Lynda kissed Misha deeply and slowly, moving her hands lower…

“Lycchan?” Misha muttered into her girlfriend’s mouth.

“Mmm?” Lynda mumbled.

Misha pulled away slightly, “I need to charge my laptop.”

Lynda rolled her eyes and sighed, “all right, I’ll wait on the bed. Oh, and check your email, I think Henry sent you some paper writing and studying tips.”

Misha nodded and plugged in her laptop, which switched back from standby mode before she checked her email. Henry had indeed sent her a message, but he wasn’t the only one. There was another email, carbon-copied to several people, which immediately grabbed her attention:

Hi Misha!

I got Lynda’s email- tell her thanks for finding a good translation program- and Shizune and I think it’s a great idea. We’re working out the hotel arrangements, and have chosen a nice one near the airport for her. It’s still got an Asian influence; we’re not just dumping her off at the Marriot. I just wanted to confirm the weekend she’s coming over, so we can plan everything accordingly. Both Shizune and I look forward to seeing you again, and thank Lynda for thinking of this- this is way better than us having to move around between three homes.

Oh, Lynda, when you get this translated, thank you for your consideration; your thoughtfulness in letting us have time alone with Misha is very considerate. However, Shizune felt your schedule was insufficient- her word- and I have attached her version. She found an emoticon for That Look when she sent it to me, so it is not negotiable. Misha will tell you what that means.

I almost forgot; Shizune has a smartphone with a translator app, which has a text feature, so you won’t have to rely on Misha too much when we’re together.

See you in a few weeks,
Hisao


Misha looked at the email several times, then turned to Lynda, who was already de-clothed and waiting patiently and nervously on the bed.

“You aren’t mad, are you?” Lynda asked, noticing Misha’s lack of a smile.

“How did you know I was going back for break?” Misha asked; she hadn’t been sure herself until a few days ago, when her parents had assured her they wanted to see her between semesters, and were willing to pay for the trip.

“I uh, asked Hisao. See, I figured you’d tell them after you told your parents.”

“What is he talking about, exactly?” Misha asked, getting up from her chair to sit across from Lynda on Carla’s bed.

“Well, I do have a passport,” Lynda said, watching Misha take off her shoes, “and I thought ‘you know, she’s probably going to want to hang out with her friends over break.’ Since you told me your history with that, I felt it only fair your girlfriend be there with you to avoid any possible awkward situations.”

“I see,” Misha said, her voice painfully neutral as she took off her blue jeans, her face stuck somewhere between a smile and a frown.

“Yeah,” Lynda said, “so I asked Hisao if the four of us could get a hotel room near the airport near your home, and the four of us could hang out for a weekend after you had met the parents and done whatever it is the Japanese do for Christmas and our New Year.”

Misha finished taking off her clothes, and kneeling next to Lynda, sighed lightly and frowned, “you could have told me, you know.”

Lynda nodded, “I know, it’s just, like I said, I made the plan, and before I knew it I was sending an email to Hisao, and Shizune really wants to play Risk with me in person, and I bought one of those conversation guides, and, I’m sorry,” Lynda finished her rambling as Misha started stroking her smooth, bare arm.

Placing her right hand behind Lynda’s head, Misha leaned in to kiss her. It was a quick, comforting kiss that made Lynda relax, “Lycchan, I think it’s a great idea. But please, tell me these things, okay?”

Lynda nodded, “sorry, Micchan; like I said, I don’t like rejection.”

Misha nodded and smiled, “I know, but I won’t reject you, so it doesn’t matter.”

Lynda smiled as Misha leaned in for another kiss.

+++

Next Chapter

…Hmm, one small step for man, one giant leap for sober erotica.
Last edited by Hoitash on Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:04 am, edited 2 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

# 2
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri May 18, 2012 5:56 am

Re: The United States of Misha 6/7 Update

Post by # 2 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:19 pm

Hm, only critique I have is that it's kind of difficult to tell Misha's mood after she reads the email from Hisao. She's obviously moving forward with the romance, but her lack of emotion makes it feel odd, as if she's only going through the motions.

Overall, though, I liked it, and request more.
My Deviations. Please try not to laugh.

Lemons, not just for tangy drinks and incendiaries anymore!

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha 6/7 Update

Post by Hoitash » Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:41 pm

# 2 wrote:Hm, only critique I have is that it's kind of difficult to tell Misha's mood after she reads the email from Hisao. She's obviously moving forward with the romance, but her lack of emotion makes it feel odd, as if she's only going through the motions.

Overall, though, I liked it, and request more.
Yeah, I wasn't sure how to play that. I settled for Misha taking a forced neutral position in order to calm Lynda, who is clearly nervous about boundary issues. Also, I figured she's probably upset, but she thinks its a great idea, so went neutral as an emotional safety measure.

Not that Lynda's off the hook- that's what parents are for.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

# 2
Posts: 71
Joined: Fri May 18, 2012 5:56 am

Re: The United States of Misha 6/7 Update

Post by # 2 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 7:06 pm

As a reader, (Since I am a very amateur author), I can say that 'neutral' emotions and romance just don't play well together. Business first, then pleasure, as they say.
My Deviations. Please try not to laugh.

Lemons, not just for tangy drinks and incendiaries anymore!

User avatar
Hoitash
Posts: 1347
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2012 8:22 pm
Location: Holy Terra
Contact:

Re: The United States of Misha 6/7 Update

Post by Hoitash » Thu Jun 07, 2012 7:23 pm

# 2 wrote:As a reader, (Since I am a very amateur author), I can say that 'neutral' emotions and romance just don't play well together. Business first, then pleasure, as they say.
Business was first, it was just nude business :)

Seriously though, you're right. I tried something different and it fell flat. I know that now, and I thank you.

Still, I'd rather try something different and fail than just do More of the Same, he says after watching the Spoiler Warning finale of Alan Wake.

EDIT: I had an idea while I was in the bathroom and added a few words in the end section. They probably don't help a lot, but I think they help take away that odd grayness that was there before.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

Post Reply