The United States of Misha (Misha Post Shizune Good End)

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Hoitash
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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 06, 2012 12:20 pm

Silentcook wrote:Your hyphenation is a little schizo; I don't know where you are from or in which flavor of English you are trying to write, so I can't comment on how to fix it. Still pretty sure that nospace-hyphen-space isn't what you should be going for in most instances, anyway. The forums do support em dashes.

Misha blanks at comparatively simple stuff like "coincidentally" and "inner ear", so her breezing past stuff like "I'm a sucker for a nice rack" is hard to swallow. Idioms and other things not found in grammar books are the first and biggest stumbling block for foreign speakers.

Your choice on style of italics use, but if you "tag" them as foreign language you might find trouble later, if you want to express both a thought and spoken words in the same sentence. Since [ ]s are reserved for JSL, you might want to consider < >s for foreign language instead. God help you if you ever want to use ASL, though; in that case you'll be stuck the other way. :3
I'm from Michigan; my form of English... I have never thought about that. "Bad" is likely my best guess.

Most of what Will says goes over Misha's head; I need to convey that better, you're right. The big word thing is a carry-over from KS, though thinking on it, she may just have trouble following Shizune sign big words.

As to the italics:

I chose omniscient viewpoint so I could get away with not needing italics for thinking; her thoughts more or less go with the narrative, but you have a point. I haven't had her think to herself yet- I'm five chapters ahead of what's posted-but it might come up, you're right. Or, more likely, I'll need to edit it so it does come up. And, in any case, <> is a lot easier than html :)

Italian brackets= JSL. Regular brackets is ASL, and bracket's with quotes is both SL and someone speaking aloud what they're signing (I'm following Weekend at Hisao's use there. I guess from now on <[]> would by JSL.

EDIT: Added a few bits to make Misha's confusion at Will more obvious. Also, I'm keeping the itlaics=JSL for these chapters, but in the future, your <> will be in use. Thanks for saving me from html, and for the feedback.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Silentcook » Sun May 06, 2012 12:55 pm

Not going to otherwise comment on your style choices until they actually appear in writing, but US-EN favors unspaced em dashes when making parenthetical statements—you know, THIS kind of thing—so here's the fix I couldn't suggest before. You don't HAVE to use them, but if you don't, be consistent.
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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 06, 2012 1:03 pm

Oh, I'm sometimes putting a space after a dash and sometimes not?

D'Oh! I need to watch for that. Like I said; decent writer, terrible proof-reader.

Again, thank you; I am always honored when an editor actually looks at my writing, and to have a KS editor read my fic... Yeah, I know you do it for everyone, but still, thanks :)
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Guest » Sun May 06, 2012 3:29 pm

I admire your realism in this story. As a current college student myself, I can say that everything seems pretty close to how it actually is. Misha is my favorite character in KS, and so far, this is the only post-Shizune story I've read that still has my attention. Henry and Will strike me as being this school's version of Shizune and Misha. I like Henry more- Will strikes me as very annoying, and I hate how he hits on Misha like that. I hope he doesn't stay that way.

I'll be keeping an eye on this fic. It has potential.

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 06, 2012 3:40 pm

He's not really hitting on her; he's just a jackass.

Will is a personal ideal of mine: enough of a jackass that people keep him at a distance, but at heart a good man that people don't mind having around, even if you want to punch them once in a while.

So he's a pre-med House, I guess.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by BeoranInChina » Sun May 06, 2012 5:38 pm

This is going more in the slice of life direction, so it fits well with how it was in Shizune's path. Misha's enjoying herself eating parfaits for breakfast. Now, for love! :)

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Sun May 06, 2012 6:22 pm

You know, I noticed that when I wrote the first few chapters, and it made me a bit nervous.

Maybe I'm one of those writer's whose so awesome, even his mistakes are good :)

I seriously need to put "I'm a frakking genius" on my business cards... Right after I deflate my ego.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun May 06, 2012 6:36 pm

I like the story so far. Not much to comment on at all. As to the dashes, I do not like m-dashes, personally. I think one kind of dash is sufficient to express everything without ambiguity, but like I said this is more personal preference than anything else.
Oh, and this is not really something that needs fixing - the comment probably went over Misha's head anyway - but there are plenty of Starbucks in Japan as well.
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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Tue May 08, 2012 1:43 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:... there are plenty of Starbucks in Japan as well.
Huh, the more you know...
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by acewing905 » Tue May 08, 2012 9:45 pm

Definitely liking where this is headed. I usually like anything that sets out to give Misha a happy ending. That girl really deserves one. :D
One thing I found a bit unrealistic was how Misha was quick to open up to them. But maybe it does fit Misha in a way.
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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Tue May 08, 2012 10:09 pm

acewing905 wrote:Definitely liking where this is headed. I usually like anything that sets out to give Misha a happy ending. That girl really deserves one. :D
One thing I found a bit unrealistic was how Misha was quick to open up to them. But maybe it does fit Misha in a way.
Kindred spirits and all that, I think. Besides, Misha has a habit of letting things slip out, I figure not translating for someone won't break that habit, just internalize it.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: The United States of Misha Chapter Two Up 5/6

Post by Hoitash » Thu May 10, 2012 11:00 am

Thanks for reading and commenting, Silentcook. Having a KS editor review my work is a huge honor to me, and thank you very much for doing so. Even though you do it for everyone.


Anyway, Cue the obligatory cameo.

Previous Chapter

Chapter Three: Meet the Roommate


The tour of the campus, the surrounding city, and the dinner that finished it off went well. The tour group had about a dozen people, half Japanese and half Chinese, though a few of each group spoke the other language. Misha had enjoyed the familiarity of it; the distance and isolation of her situation was starting to set in, and every now and then Will’s advice about seeing a counselor came to mind.

Misha decided to wait until after the first few weeks of school; she wanted to get as settled in as she could before undergoing something so emotionally taxing. At least she had managed to wrangle a schedule of International Student events from Henry; he seemed to be a bit absent-minded when he was working. He was also a lot more serious when Will wasn’t around.

The week dragged on slowly for her, since the other international students had come in groups of friends, or had family, and Misha didn’t feel like being a third wheel-the experience of becoming one had been painful enough, and getting through it had been… hard.

She spent most of her time wandering the city, reading an English/Japanese dictionary or grammar book, and skimming her textbooks. Most of her professor’s had sent out the course syllabi by now, so she spent a lot of time getting a head start on her work.

Thursday, at least, provided a decent break from the mundane.

“Hi Hicchan!” Misha said to the webcam clamped to the top of her laptop screen, at nine pm. On the screen, taking up about half of her laptop’s monitor space, was a young man with untidy light brown hair, brown eyes, and wearing a blue sweater-vest.

Hisao smiled back to the beaming Misha, “Hi, Misha. Did you miss me already?”

“Yes~! How are you?”

“Fine, just passing the time before the next semester, but never mind me, how’s New York?” Hisao asked, leaning forward into his webcam’s screen.

“Big, really~ big. Tokyo big, even. And everyone here is so tall, or I’m just short. The language barrier isn’t quite as bad as I thought it would be, though- my English is better than I thought, and Lilly really~ helped with that. There are some issues, still, but I can work through them. I’m nervous about my ASL course, though; fortunately my mentor can help with that.”

“Good, Shizune and I knew you could handle things…why are you giggling?”

Misha had put her hands on her hips and had failed to suppress a quite giggle as Hisao spoke, “you’re hands are moving when you talk, like your signing.”

Hisao looked down to his hands, which were frozen in place performing some gesture or sign of some sort. Laughing lightly, Hisao continued, “You’re right, though I don’t think I’ll ever be as good at it as you.”

“Thanks, Hicchan.”

“Oh, that reminds me; Shizune is really looking forward to speaking to you Saturday.”

Misha nodded, ”Great~, I hope she’s doing as well as we are.”

Hisao rolled his eyes, “She’s already making waves, trying to get into this club or that one. If the university isn’t careful she’ll be student body President in a week. Speaking of which, you’ve been out there meeting people, right?”

Misha nodded, “yeah, yeah~. My mentor with the International Students Office is really fun, and helpful, and he even knows JSL! And his friend Will and him bicker like you and Shicchan.”

Hisao frowned, “We don’t bicker; we competitively attempt to determine who is correct.”

Misha frowned back, “Shicchan does that, you’re supposed to be the calming influence.”

Hisao smiled and shrugged, “fair point. Well… Anything else you want to talk about?”

“Trying to get rid of me already? You and Shicchan won’t get rid of me that easily!”

She hadn’t meant to say it, it just came out, but she knew the second she said it she meant it. Hisao blinked and sighed.

“Shiina Mikado, do I need to drag you on another tour of Yamaku?”

Misha sighed, ”No, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hicchan, I think the isolation is getting to me. Don’t worry, my roommate moves in tomorrow.”

Hisao nodded and smiled, ”good, I don’t like it when you’re depressed, even if Shizune says that’s the real you.”

That hurt. Misha pouted, ”I’m not depressed, I’m… I don’t know what. Will was right, I should see a counselor,” sooner rather than later it seemed.

Hisao smiled at that, “good, recognizing you need help is the first step towards conquering your problems,” Hisao blinked, “huh, you’re right, Shizune has been a bigger influence then I thought.”

“She has that affect on people,” the ones that stick around long enough, at least. The call ended a few minutes later, after Misha promised to call next Thursday. Tired from the darkness and her inner demons, she hauled herself to her bed and fell asleep.

==

Friday brought an end to the week’s drudgery, for it was the beginning of New Student Orientation. It was also the day her roommate moved in, and she did, bright and early shortly after Misha had finished in the bathroom.

When someone knocked on her door, she wasn’t surprised. She was a little surprised to see Lorraine again; she hadn’t seen her since she had checked in Misha.

“Hi,” Lorraine said, “don’t mind me, just moving in your roommate, and making sure you haven’t burned the place down; they don’t like it when you do that.”

Misha nodded and left the doorway. Lorraine walked in, a short young woman behind her. She had light olive skin, long black hair, brown eyes, and wore blue jeans and a simple pink T-shirt. She waved to Misha, “hi, I’m Carla.”

“I’m Misha. Well, I’m Shiina, but everyone calls me Misha.”

Carla stood in the doorway, taking in her room and roommate. Misha had a simple pink skirt and blouse, and smiled to Carla, “you can come in~, you know.”

Carla nodded, smiled, and stepped into the room, hovering by the bathroom door. Lorraine spent a lot less time examining the room this time, and it didn’t take long for her to get the signatures and hand over the keys. Carla thanked Lorraine and ducked out of the room as Lorraine left, saying she needed to get her things.

When she came back, she wasn’t alone. Two people she resembled-her parents, likely- were helping her. Carla held two large traveling bags, while her father lugged the box of a small refrigerator. Her mother held a small fan in one hand, and a laptop bag in another. Her parents gave a polite greeting to Misha, who was trying to stay out of the way by reading her essay writing textbook while curled up on her bed. The three quickly unpacked the clothes, toiletries, unboxed the fridge, said goodbye to Carla, and left after one last look at their daughter.

Closing the door, Carla looked around the dorm again, examining the white walls, “why does every dorm have white walls?”

“Huh?” Misha asked, setting her book down.

“I applied to four schools, and all the dorms had white walls. White paint must be really cheap, I guess,” Carla sighed and shook her head, her hair flying everywhere, “sorry, I haven’t had to get up this early in a while, and its making me a bit upset.”

“Maybe we could get come posters?” the walls had been pretty plain at Yamaku, too, and Misha had had a few posters. She didn’t bring them because she needed the space, and didn’t want to take any luggage she couldn’t carry-on.

Carla perked up at that, “good idea. So, you’re Shiina; the school didn’t give me a lot of info on you, or our suite-mates, for that matter. Anything interesting?”

I’m not sure who I am anymore was her first thought, but that seemed like a bad thing to say, so Misha settled for the generic, starting with the proper pronunciation of her first name-Carla had mangled it wonderfully- and a brief recap of her past: she had gone to a private school for high school, liked playing board games and dice games. That seemed to get Carla’s attention.

“Do you play Risk?” she asked.

Misha let out her trademark laugh; at least she meant it when she did it, these days. Carla flinched and Misha quickly explained, “WAHAHA~! Yeah, I do! Me and my best friend would play it all~ the time. She always won, though.”

“Well, we’ll have to play ourselves; I brought my box with me. I couldn’t stand leaving it at home,” yawning, she checked Misha’s radio clock on the floor and started, “yikes, I gotta go; Orientation starts in half an hour, and I have no clue where anything is. Uh, you wanna come?”

Getting the gist of what Carla said, Misha nodded, “My Orientation is through the International Students Office, but I need to leave, too.”

Stepping outside and towards the campus proper, Carla turned to Misha, “so, what’s your major?”

“I’m double majoring in Communication Sciences and Disorders and Childhood Learning and Education, with a minor in American Sign Language,” Misha said, proud she had managed to remember it properly.

That earned a stunned blink from Carla, “Wow, that sounds like a lot. Can you take a minor with a double major?”

Misha shrugged, “usually no, but a lot of my courses overlap, so to make up the credit differ-ence I was allowed~ to take a minor.”

“Cool,” the two crossed a street, “so are you going to be a teacher or something?”

Misha nodded, smiling, “I want to teach sign language.”

“Huh, don’t you need a teaching certificate for that?”

“Well,” Misha paused as they waited for the next light to change, “I do not know if I’m staying, or going back to Japan.”

“Ah,” Carla said, nodding, “I see. Well, at least you have a good plan for your future.”

“Thanks. What about you, what’s your major?”

Carla waited for them to cross the street and the herd of people around them to spread out before answering, “Psychology. I want to be a therapist, and I faint at the sight of blood, so that ruled out psychiatry.”

“Psy-cho-lo-gy?”

Carla blinked, then gave a rough explanation of the word. Misha nodded that she understood, and they walked the last block to the campus in silence.

Misha had seen the campus already, of course, but she still liked to look at it. The tall gray and red buildings were such a stark contrast to the skyscrapers and older tall concrete buildings that sprawled through New York City. The two said goodbye and went their separate ways.

+++

Next Chapter

Character introduction, it can plod. I hope I did a good job on Hisao…

Also, I embarrassingly accidently gave upper-class dorm room info for Misha’s dorm. Darn.

Also also, a few readers have noticed my “slice of life” approach to this fic. This is an unusual writing method for me, but I think it works here. One of the things I want to do is, besides give Misha a happy ending (as I mentioned when I started) is get her to an emotional state where she could handle a happy ending. The poor girl has suffered some emotional damage along the way, and I want to fix that as best I can, while also remembering that some things just don’t. Stop. Hurting.

I talk too much, in case you haven’t noticed. And again, Sorry Doomish.
Last edited by Hoitash on Wed May 16, 2012 5:30 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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Re: The United States of Misha Updated 5/10

Post by Doomish » Thu May 10, 2012 11:26 am

Don't apologize to me. You have nothing to be sorry for. I love this story, it's very well-written given how tough to handle the subject matter can be. Just because two people write about the same character at the same time doesn't mean there's anything to be sorry about. I haven't lain claim to Misha, so to speak, just because I'm writing a pseudo-route about her. She may be what I write about a lot, but that doesn't mean I'm going to get upset that someone else is simultaneously. I urge you to continue, as a matter of fact. I'm sincerely interested in how you're going to play this out.

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Re: The United States of Misha Updated 5/10

Post by bradpara » Thu May 10, 2012 11:58 am

As someone who loved Shizune's route. I can safely say that I don't mind Slice of Life at all.

It's good keep going, you are on the shortlist for a spot in my headcanon.
Shizune=Hanako>Lilly>Emi=Rin
Family Game Night A Shizune After Story Fic
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Re: The United States of Misha Updated 5/10

Post by Hoitash » Thu May 10, 2012 12:16 pm

bradpara wrote:As someone who loved Shizune's route. I can safely say that I don't mind Slice of Life at all.

It's good keep going, you are on the shortlist for a spot in my headcanon.
Thanks, I love headcanon myself. I like arm canon too, but its harder to find :)

Doomish, sorry for my insanity, and thanks.
"Who are you, that do not know your history?" -Ulysses
Misha Time: United States of Misha Meet the Hakamichis
Awesome, served on the rocks: Hisao and Kenji- Master Detectives! (Check out the Archive for more!)
I wrote a book! Brythain edited it! If you like mystery and history please consider: A Sister's Habit
"You are absolutely insane. And entertaining." -griffon8

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