Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

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Mahorfeus
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by Mahorfeus » Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:54 pm

This was a pleasant surprise.

I admit I haven't reread the earlier chapters like I told myself I would, so my memory might be a little shaky. But in this chapter, Miya seems more open with her insecurity. Perhaps because she is talking with someone who is family(?). Or at the very least, because she is dealing someone who can beat her in a verbal joust. It almost makes her seem more normal... if that even makes sense.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

Dawnstorm
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by Dawnstorm » Mon Jan 13, 2014 3:25 pm

Mahorfeus wrote:family(?)
Apart from her mother, the closest thing she has to a family. [Relevant scenes: the first flashback where Miya freaks out at her mum (a mention in passing), and the scene where Hisao meets Miya's Mum (a bit more background).]

It's sort of funny, but I've got Hotaru's story outlined in my head, purely as backstory for Miya. I'm not going to ever write this. But I always know more about my characters than ends up on the page. That's also the problem I have with fanfiction: someone else knows more about these characters than makes it on the page...

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Oddball
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by Oddball » Mon Feb 15, 2016 4:03 pm

So, I read maybe half of this story before eventually just giving up on it. Now the plot is interesting, it's well written for the most part. Although earlier chapters it seemed like the prose was a bit too flowery, giving it a somewhat forced feel to it, you seemed to have gotten a better hang of it as you went along, only occasionally slipping back into a melodramatic style. (It was probably done on purpose in parts, but at times it just doesn't comes across as trying too hard.)

The reason I gave up the story though was that Miya is just far too much of a bitch for my tastes. I see lots of comments on how she's hard to read and mysterious and I just don't buy it. She's very simple, she's hurting, sad, and maybe a bit confused and to cover it up, she pretends, makes up elaborate stories in her head, and does her best to piss off everyone around her whenever possible. She also tends to protect her problems onto others saying that they need to get over it or they need to stop lying to themselves.


Really, I just don't see any reason why Hisao or anyone else would put up with her.

… other than Rin. She actually seems like a semi-decent person when talking with Rin.

Even right off the bat she started with that whole stealing dawn thing that makes Rin and Kenji look like rational characters in comparison. This may have something to do with why you don't like Kenji. You write her character very much like a mirror of Kenji. Where she uses pain and insults he masks all his troubles with humor and audacity. I was greatly disappointed by how quickly the scene with Kenji ended. To me, it felt like if anyone could take what she threw out and then call her on her own bullshit it would be him.

The last chapter I read was where Hisao turned down meeting Akira and going out with Lilly and Hanako in order to pretend to be Miya's boyfriend. Rather than spending time with people he knows are being nice and trying to help him out, he chooses to lie and spend time with somebody that has went out of her way to push his buttons at every opportunity. That's when I decided that I just don't care what happens to this Hisao anymore. He just seems to exist so Miya can have somebody to hurt and give overly dramatic inner monologues about. This is a Hisao who was too much of a pushover and too filled with self loathing to even commit to the manly picnic.

Sorry if this came off as overly mean or bitter.
Not Dead Yet

Bagheera
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by Bagheera » Mon Feb 15, 2016 11:28 pm

Rats, I was hoping for an update. Oh well.
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


Dawnstorm
Posts: 153
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by Dawnstorm » Sat Apr 23, 2016 2:05 am

I haven't been here in quite some time. I came back here mostly on a whim, because the current anime-season's Shounen Maid's set-up reminded me a little of Miya's backstory. I didn't expect to find my story on page 1.
Bagheera wrote:Rats, I was hoping for an update. Oh well.
At this point it's probably best to consider the story comatose - if not dead. I do think of it now and then. I do have a scene I haven't posted yet, because I haven't edited yet, but...

My problem is that - after real-life issues subsided - I found that I've lost touch with the story. If I'll ever pick it up again it'll be after re-playing Katawa Shoujo (I know my plot inside out; that's not the problem here).
Oddball wrote:Sorry if this came off as overly mean or bitter.
It didn't. This was a very interesting response. Thank you.

There are things in your post I actually agree with. (For example, I found - later on - that I exaggerated Miya in the first scene; if I were to edit this, I'd certainly tone her down a bit.) Other things I put down to differences in taste. It's always going to be melodramatic.

Also:
The reason I gave up the story though was that Miya is just far too much of a bitch for my tastes. I see lots of comments on how she's hard to read and mysterious and I just don't buy it. She's very simple, she's hurting, sad, and maybe a bit confused and to cover it up, she pretends, makes up elaborate stories in her head, and does her best to piss off everyone around her whenever possible. She also tends to protect her problems onto others saying that they need to get over it or they need to stop lying to themselves.

Really, I just don't see any reason why Hisao or anyone else would put up with her.

[...]

...That's when I decided that I just don't care what happens to this Hisao anymore. He just seems to exist so Miya can have somebody to hurt and give overly dramatic inner monologues about. This is a Hisao who was too much of a pushover and too filled with self loathing to even commit to the manly picnic.


I'm grinning up to here reading this. You may not like the story that way, but that's pretty much how I wrote it (with maybe some minor differences).

(Also, "protect her problems" is one of my favourite typos ever. She does project her problems onto others, but "protect her problems" is also pretty apt, I should think.)
Even right off the bat she started with that whole stealing dawn thing that makes Rin and Kenji look like rational characters in comparison. This may have something to do with why you don't like Kenji. You write her character very much like a mirror of Kenji. Where she uses pain and insults he masks all his troubles with humor and audacity. I was greatly disappointed by how quickly the scene with Kenji ended. To me, it felt like if anyone could take what she threw out and then call her on her own bullshit it would be him.
Now this is very interesting and something I'd never considered.

It's true I don't like Kenji, but the reason the Kenji scene ended so quickly is because I don't get Kenji. I've tried various angles (in my head), and none of them worked, so what made it onto the page was... abridged.

***

To those who'd have liked to see the story continue, I apologise. Life happened. I might return to the story someday - it's still living in my head - but to be honest it's not very likely. I'd like to thank everyone for reading and responding. It was a fun experience (as far as the content of this story could be called "fun".)

Bagheera
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by Bagheera » Sat Apr 23, 2016 2:12 am

Life comes first, so don't worry about it. If you've moved on to a point where finishing the story isn't a priority, then so be it. Just know that you'll have an eager audience should you decide to change your mind! :mrgreen:
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


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VampireSurfer
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by VampireSurfer » Mon Jun 20, 2016 8:04 pm

This fanfic... *slowclap*
Rin is best girl, period

PKMNthiefChris
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Re: Meanwhile I wait [Hisao x original character]

Post by PKMNthiefChris » Tue Jun 19, 2018 8:47 pm

I... found myself weirdly relating to Miya as I read this. If Miya's Hanako's darkside, then I guess I felt like I'd be Miya if I used her acting to stay invisible and/or please everyone. Keeping everyone away before they can reject you... This spoke to me in ways that are actually pretty hard to explain. But wow... I have a lot to think about now.

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