A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (completed)

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BlackWaltzTheThird
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by BlackWaltzTheThird » Fri Sep 14, 2012 9:50 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:What does she need energy drinks for if her problem is not being able to sleep?
Remember that when one consumes energy drinks, while it is true that one experiences a high, just like Newton said "what goes up must come down". It's plausible Suzu may be drinking energy drinks with the hope that the come-down might lull her into a sleep. I think. I'm not really well versed in the science of energy drinks, they taste weird.

Also, nice to see this story get "udpated" again. I think I'm starting to agree with Mirage and others though, this is starting to stagnate a bit. "Much ado about nothing", if you will. It seems like the wordcount is increasing exponentially relative to the amount of story developments; which is definitely not a good thing.
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Vekter
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Vekter » Fri Sep 14, 2012 12:54 pm

BlackWaltzTheThird wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:What does she need energy drinks for if her problem is not being able to sleep?
Remember that when one consumes energy drinks, while it is true that one experiences a high, just like Newton said "what goes up must come down". It's plausible Suzu may be drinking energy drinks with the hope that the come-down might lull her into a sleep. I think. I'm not really well versed in the science of energy drinks, they taste weird.

Also, nice to see this story get "udpated" again. I think I'm starting to agree with Mirage and others though, this is starting to stagnate a bit. "Much ado about nothing", if you will. It seems like the wordcount is increasing exponentially relative to the amount of story developments; which is definitely not a good thing.
Cheers, BlackWaltz.
I think it's more to give her enough energy to actually be able to face the day, as opposed to trying to keep her up. I know next to nothing about insomnia, but that seems to be the most logical answer.

And I must agree with Mirage. I'm still thoroughly enjoying your story, Scissor. It's just losing a lot of momentum quickly. I'll assume you've got something planned for us soon, though...

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Scissorlips
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Scissorlips » Fri Sep 14, 2012 1:23 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:What does she need energy drinks for if her problem is not being able to sleep?
Want to clear this up before it goes much further. Maybe I should have been clearer about it, she goes into full reversal from trying to grab as much shut-eye as possible to doing everything she can to avoid sleep after her nightmares kick up again.
Feedback and criticisms
While I disagree, thank you for reading and taking the time to offer your thoughts. Duly noted all the same.
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badmanslayer04
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by badmanslayer04 » Fri Sep 14, 2012 1:46 pm

Don't quite understand why people think this story is losing momentum I thought this chapter was very good and set up the story well for next chapter (assuming that it skips ahead to when Miki and Hisao go to visit)
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JTemby
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Re: Closing Time

Post by JTemby » Fri Sep 14, 2012 2:00 pm

Scissorlips (not really, but still...) wrote: Hey, I thought I'd feed your Suzu addiction, by releasing some extras to the Suzu route, and updating the route with 4-1
Urrrrrrgh
Ok, so I've finally caught up, after my reading/renai hiatus brought on by nothing but solid laziness.

Loving the lack of Suzu perspective in the extras, but low blow with Miki's line:
"Maybe I could get used to this. Being at Yamaku. Being around these two.".
...Serious man, that one hurt.
Also, I must say, turning Taro from some barely revealed character into someone whose cuteness is simply irresistible in 4,000 words is simply amazing.
What I'd do if I had your literacy powerlevel.

Moving onto Act 4-1.
Being September, I can't help but think of that one Green Day song about bears in hibernation or some shit, (Admittedly, I didn't pay much attention to the lyrics besides the chorus) but beyond my extensive knowledge of bad music, I found the update quite enjoyably dramatic, and despite comments such as:
Silly people wrote: Why does she need energy drinks if she's an insomniac
Which suggested that you may of been a bit too subtle with her, once again, pathway down the road of self-destruction. Personally, I believe you conveyed her situation well without making her seem like a cardboard cut-out with a script, a la any recent Keanu Reeves movie.

As far as the plot goes, which is a topic also touched on in other comments, 4-1 is where I expected you to re-establish those early conflicts we forgot about as we lost ourself during the big reveals of late act 3, instead, you delivered a lot of:
"Hisao is worried, Suzu can't sleep, the future is daunting, blah blah blah".
Which is all well and good, it adds more humanity to the characters, etc... But you've already laid that stuff down hard, being it was the BIG plot device of Act 3.

Anyway, my 3 am ramble is over, I pray I made sense...

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Vekter
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Vekter » Fri Sep 14, 2012 2:09 pm

badmanslayer04 wrote:Don't quite understand why people think this story is losing momentum I thought this chapter was very good and set up the story well for next chapter (assuming that it skips ahead to when Miki and Hisao go to visit)
Nonono, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the hell out of it. I enjoy everything Scissorlips writes. I just think it's slowing down a bit. I can understand her single-mindedness though, having gone through the same kind of identity crisis in high school.

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by YourFavAnon » Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:28 pm

While I'll agree it's lost some momentum, isn't that kind of expected. Christ, the dude is writing an entire pseudo-route and actually trying to complete it, should be expected to have a few chapters that may seem slower or less important than others.

I actually enjoyed the last chapter. Was refreshing because it didn't force too many things, but introduced a couple of minor problems and one decent sized one.
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Dippeggs
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Dippeggs » Fri Sep 14, 2012 4:43 pm

Why doesn't Hisao use his helicopter pilot's license and go meet Suzu?

Big plothole, -3/10, would not read again.

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by uwa » Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:17 pm

Scissorlips wrote:Want to clear this up before it goes much further. Maybe I should have been clearer about it, she goes into full reversal from trying to grab as much shut-eye as possible to doing everything she can to avoid sleep after her nightmares kick up again.
For what it's worth, I thought it was pretty clear, and I'm usually bad at picking up on stuff like that.
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demonix
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by demonix » Fri Sep 14, 2012 6:33 pm

Dippeggs wrote:Why doesn't Hisao use his helicopter pilot's license and go meet Suzu?

Big plothole, -3/10, would not read again.
You seemed to have missed the point entirely.

Hisao doesn't have a helicopter pilots licence since he wouldn't be able to get a drivers license let alone that because of his condition.

Suzu lies about her sleeping and Hisao tries to catch her out by saying that he'd just gotten his helicopter pilots license (something he wouldn't be able to get given his condition) because he suspected as such.

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Bi-Polar Hernandez » Fri Sep 14, 2012 6:48 pm

demonix wrote:what is a joke

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by turbulentDuvet » Mon Sep 17, 2012 11:21 am

Been out of the KS-verse, but came back to catch up with the amazing FF on here, and this, as always Mr Lips, has been brilliant, thank you <3

I think it's a little poetic that so many people seem to skip sleeping to catch up with your fantastic rendition of Snoozus' story, thank you for keeping it up and keeping us all enthralled :3
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Total Destruction » Tue Sep 18, 2012 3:59 pm

Oh, man. A couple weeks dealing with IRL tedium and I miss THIS.

"Closing Time." Man. I really, really dug the hell out of this one. I like it when writers/artists flesh out Taro into something more than a Peter Griffin-looking piece of background furniture, and it's really well-done and believable, too. Captures the "Hey, I'm less than attractive and I've got a massive thing for the hawtest broad in school" clusterfuck that a lot of people, including myself, definitely had their fair share of in high school.

Ever watch the movie "Fatso"? It's this Dutch (???) film about a fat amateur cartoonist who winds up rooming with this impossibly sexy little minx that's pretty much this story turned into about an hour and a half. It's pretty nuts. Netflix it sometime.

There's this image on the Shimmie featuring Suzu, Miki, and Taro that really gets me for some weird reason. I prolly have it bookmarked on my old battle station, but I'll dredge it up in a bit. This story reminds me of that, and I dig it.

I liked the other little one-shots, too, but this one in particular resonated with me a lot.

On to the main course.

Re: Tank Fuel. Where I live, there's this generic energy drink in convenience store fountain machines called Dose, and it tastes like someone mixed Kool Aid of an indistinguishable flavor into a container of paint thinner and said "screw it, tastes good." Even though I drink coffee like crazy, I'm an absolute pansy when it comes to energy drinks. An eighty-nine-cent 64 ounce of this stuff put me in this wide-awake, panicky, muscles-pulling-at-my-skeleton state of being that wre it not for fighting games and three friends in the same dilemma, would have ended me. Tank Fuel reminds me of this in effects and alleged rarity (I've never found it anywhere else I've lived).

:D

I think I've already said how much I like Suzu's dad, but there I am again. I like Suzu's dad.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and echo the sentiment that things seem to be slowing down a bit, but as I've learned from this thing time and time again, there's almost always a massive payoff. Heh, dipping into fighting game analogies here, you write like SF2 Guile plays: you duck and crouch, maybe throw out a sonic boom once in a while, then BAM, flask kick/throw loop. KO. Perfect.

EDIT: Found it!
Mishimmie image #1913
Last edited by Total Destruction on Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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JTemby
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by JTemby » Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:06 pm

Total Destruction wrote:Dutch movies, Kool Aid and possibly something about Guile's theme going with everything.
I honestly have no idea what you said, but for some reason... I kinda agree... I think?

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (udpated 9/14)

Post by Helbereth » Tue Sep 18, 2012 4:59 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:What does she need energy drinks for if her problem is not being able to sleep?
Suzu is trying to stay awake to avoid dreaming - avoid nightmares. Hence the energy drinks. Hisao got the energy drinks so he could stay up to try and help her get to sleep, when he thought that was the problem.

It's a miscommunication of interests, I suppose.

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