A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (completed)

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hernytan
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Location: A place where benevolent dictatorship is practice and not theory

Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/1)

Post by hernytan » Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:26 am

Helbereth wrote:
...
There were some pretty obvious hints about it being a dream scattered throughout that sequence, too. By the end, I had a screwed-up expression on my face and a series of questions about the inconsistencies in Hisao's character -specifically as it related to his condition- which were explained as soon as she awoke.
I only realised the inconsistencies in hindsight; when I was reading the story seemed totally okay to me, but that's probably because I've rarely read a story that actually pulled a dream sequence well (ignoring inception)
Funny how I've never seen what is supposed to be the "oldest cliche in the book" written before, not even in short stories by classmates.
Doesn't that make it not cliched? [/Rin-like thought]

Oh, and I forgot my self-imposed rule of thanking Scissorlips in every post, so doubly thanks for this awesome story!
Shizune=Rin=Emi=Hanako=Lilly
It's a great game guys, stop arguing over who is best they are in order of my preference if you must know
Oh, and Misha >> Everyone else ;)

random

Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/1)

Post by random » Thu Aug 09, 2012 10:17 am

maybe instead of Suzu's dream, the double Shyamalanian twist is that it's all Hisao's first heart attack via Iwanako coma dream

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Lumi
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/1)

Post by Lumi » Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:08 pm

Looking good, thank you! If you don't mind, I'll link it along with the other character sketches you've done in the first post under the miscellaneous section, since it isn't from a specific scene, and unless you have a deviantart page or anything like that, I'll link to your OC story in the crediting, as long as that's alright with you.
Sounds like a plan, bro!
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http://learntobevisualnovel.blogspot.com/

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/1)

Post by Guest90206 » Thu Aug 09, 2012 11:35 pm

random wrote:Shyamalanian
I'm stealing that word and you can't do a damn thing about it muahahahaa
Hanabro to the end.

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Scissorlips
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/1)

Post by Scissorlips » Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:11 am

random wrote:maybe instead of Suzu's dream, the double Shyamalanian twist is that it's all Hisao's first heart attack via Iwanako coma dream
Why are you all thinking there's going to be another twist? Would I do that? Would I do that to you?

So, very early Friday morning is almost the same thing as late Thursday night. I am altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further.
My pastebin.
I'm a writer for a visual novel project called Familiarity, where I go by the name Lunch.

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Cold Feeling

Post by Scissorlips » Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:11 am

Cold Feeling


I wake up with a warm body next to mine. Gentle rays of morning light greet my eyes as I open them to find myself in my room. The one at my house, that is, not the one at Yamaku. It's confusing, having more than one. Is this... is this my primary room, or... I'm still waking up here, hold on. Time to... time to take stock. Who am--no, I remember that one. Where am I. Okay, yeah. I'm home.

It's not... it's not very different from my room at Yamaku. The walls are a soft, powder blue, there are more posters, some of the ocean, some of a few bands that I like. It has a very thick, soft carpet instead of random objects all around, and a lot of little things, memories of my life before, on shelves and on my desk. Seashells, photographs, things like that, and everywhere, books. In corners, under the bed, in little piles, some stacked together to form shapes or miniature buildings for reasons that I can't at all remember right now. When I was little, I didn't really like going outside much, there were too many hard or sharp things to fall on. So I stayed inside and read everything I could get my hands on, I even pored over my dad's old comic books, although I didn't understand most of the jokes or references in them.

Another thing my room has in common with the one at Yamaku is that it comes fully stocked with a sleeping Hisao, apparently. He's lying beside me in my bed, his face buried in my hair, my back against his stomach. I shift, turning around to look at him, watching his peaceful, serene expression in the light that filters through my curtains.

I can't believe it. I managed to get a good night's rest, here, in my house. I didn't even wake up throughout the night either, and no part of my dream has tagged along with me. No floors of lava, no spiders. Only Hisaos. Is it because he's here with me? How did we get here? What were we--

Right.

Right. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, then let it out. Yesterday. The sun setting over the power lines, Hisao standing there and I, I opened every door in my head that had been locked so tight.

I... told him the whole thing, didn't I? I told him everything, all about what happened. And he, he just stood there and listened and didn't judge me, he wanted to hear and understand why I have bad dreams, and why I lie, and... and why I'm scared.

I stare at the slumbering boy lying next to me, his eyes closed, his hair falling across his forehead.

Still with me. Still here. Hisao.

What will he think of me now? Will he see me differently, now that he I've told him? Maybe, maybe he actually liked me better before, when we were just doing normal, everyday stuff together.

But we've been getting closer and closer, it just sort of happened. He needed to know. He wanted to know. Even before this weekend, we spent so much time together, eating lunch and studying and going to literature club meetings, and...

What if, every time he looks at me now, he sees me like I was yesterday? A mess. Crying, and, and breaking down, desperately needing someone to hold on to.

I don't want that. I need someone to watch out for me, but I don't need a mother goose, constantly hovering over me. Miki knows that, she makes sure I don't hurt myself and she cheers me up when I'm down, but she knows when to let me do things on my own. And I do some things for her too, I help her study when I can, and I try to help when her phantom pains kick in. It's a give and take thing, she can be really motherly at times, but we're friends, we're equals. That's what I want to have with Hisao, except, not just friends, but...

Maybe I've managed to help you a little bit, but there's still a lot of pain in you, Hisao. I've seen it, I've seen it in your eyes and in the way you watch the other students at school, in how long it took you to tell me about your condition, and how hard it was to let me listen to your heart the other day.

You hurt. I hurt too. Can't we hurt together? Can't I help you too? Please. I don't want to be the only one who needs help.

“Hisao.” I say softly, wanting something to take my mind somewhere else, wanting to hear his voice. “Wake up.”

It turns out he's not quite as heavy a sleeper when he isn't in an energy drink-induced coma. The boy lying beside opens his eyes a few moments later. He stares at me, and then gives a drained smile. If he was ever a morning person before, he's not now. That might be my fault, I return the smile to the best of my ability.

“Hey.” He rasps, his voice raw from having just returned to the land of the living. “Good morning.”

“There's no such thing.” I reply, squirming a little closer to him. He nods as vigorously as he can manage, which isn't much at all.

“How are you feeling?” He asks.

“Good, I... better.” I reply. Even with my worries, it feels good to see him, to be around him.

His smile widens, and he hesitates for a moment, but then reaches forward. Hisao pulls my body next to his, both of us lying on our sides in my bed. I gaze into his eyes, even as my breath begins to quicken at the sensation of his chest against mine.

I can feel myself begin to blush, but I know he's asking because of yesterday. I know he means after what I told him, the part of me that I let him see.

“What happens now?” I whisper, staring into those warm brown eyes.

Hisao studies me for a few moments, still looking pretty groggy. “What do you want to happen?” He asks.

I try not to grimace, I try not to let my emotions take control again. I don't know. I don't know what should happen now, I've never done this before, I've never been with someone like this and, and today we have to go back to school and then there's studying for exams and there's the actual exams and then there's summer vacation. And I...

What I want is to not think about it. It's too early in the morning for things like that. And later it will be too early in the afternoon, and then too late in the evening, if I have anything to say about it. Can't we just, can't we take one step at a time?

One step at time.

“I want to wake up.” I say, pushing my thoughts back down and away. “Can you help me with that?”

Hisao's smile widens. “I'll see what I can do.” He replies.

His hint taking skills are improving. He moves his head closer, and I shut my eyes. Starting to get the hang of this. We've... had some time to practice by now. Our lips gently meet, we begin to kiss. My face is growing redder, my heart is beating faster, but this is what I want, I let the feeling of his touch envelop me.

After a few moments, Hisao begins laughing and breaks the kiss, pulling his head away. What, what? What did I do? I blink at him rapidly, afraid that I've messed something up somehow. I thought that was how this works, I thought we were--

“Morning breath.” Hisao grins, and I glare, my face is so hot now.

“You really know how to ruin a--” But he cuts me off, kissing me again with passion, with intensity. I guess I'm one to talk. Actually, this is no time to talk or even... even think, it's getting a little harder to do so right now. I lean forward into him, wanting more of his touch, wanting more of him. I wrap one arm around his shoulder and pull him sideways, Hisao accepts, sliding over to rest on top of me. His chest rubs against mine through the fabric of my shirt, the feeling is strange, electric, exciting, this is...

We're, um, getting in trouble.

I try to think back to some of the stories I've overheard from the girls at school, I remember bits and pieces from books and movies, uh. Before my fuzzy head can think about thinking about what I should do next, Hisao retreats again. I suck in a quick breath of air, but, but, Hisao come back.

He's using one elbow to prop himself up on the bed so that his weight doesn't rest entirely on me, but we're still so close, please come back, before I can start freaking out, before I mess this up for real.

He's blushing in the morning light as he stares down at me, a nervous but gentle smile on his face. I look back up at him, the smell of his skin clouding my senses.

“You're pretty brave, aren't you?” I tease him, awake but probably not thinking straight at this point. “In my parents' house?”

“It was your idea.” He replies, looking embarrassed.

“Maybe I'm the one who wears the pants after all.” I giggle, but I'm taking quick, shallow breaths. This is. This is nice. New. More than what we've done before. My heart is pounding in my chest.

“I don't see any pants here.” Hisao says under his breath, our faces still only inches apart.

“I'm okay with that.” I whisper. I reach up to pull him back to me, when suddenly, there's a knock on the door. I jump, my hands flinching away.

“Suzu?” My mother's voice calls. “Are you awake yet?”

I crane my head backwards to stare at my bedroom door for a moment, my face feeling like it's about to go down in flames. Then I look back up at Hisao, who's blushing almost as hard as me, but with a gleam in his eye.

“Under the-” He begins.

“Yes, yeah.” I mumble quickly, and he nods, pulling himself off of me, I immediately miss his warmth. Hisao slides off the bed. There's the soft sound of his body scraping across the carpet as he drags himself out of sight.

“All set.” He says. His voice is muffled, but I can still make out the yawn that comes next.

No, no way, just the sound of a yawn is not enough to make me--damn. You'll... you'll pay for this.

There's a couple more knocks on my door, and I groan, hoping that I look okay. There's no, um, evidence or anything right? Would there be? I don't know.

I glance around. The majority of Hisao's clothes are in a pile along with mine next to my bed, but otherwise, it's like he vanished into thin air. Like an assassin. Hmm. Maybe the Heartbreaker is an expert in infiltra--

“I'm coming in.” My mother says, making good on her promise as she opens the door. I flop back down onto my bed, feeling drained by the sudden change of plans.


My mother drags me out of bed and, luckily, out of my room before Hisao has the urge to sneeze or anything like that. I trudge behind her to the kitchen, and from there it's a continuation of our talk last night at dinner, about how I need to start thinking about life after Yamaku. It's something halfway between a battle and a negotiation, she gives me a book about finding “my inner self”--my mother isn't much for new age talk like that but at this point, I think she's just throwing things at the wall and seeing what will stick. Although books don't stick to walls. And she hasn't thrown anything at me. Yet.

In return, I manage to convince her to unenroll me from that workshop for college entrance exams that she had signed me up for, if maybe--maybe--I'll go to one during the summer, and not the period just before exams at my school. However, that means that it's pretty much guaranteed that I'll have to spend the break here, at my parents' house.

I haven't really thought about it. Summer vacation is always this vague thing lurking somewhere off the distance, hooray, no classes, no teachers, no studying, but...

Last summer, I was stuck here and I, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep for days, for weeks it felt like, not with Seiji's room right next to mine. Not with the house drenched in memories of all the time we spent together. My parents treated me like I was made of glass, and maybe I felt like I was too.

It's been a year. They've managed to return to living normally, and I was able to get somewhere close to that too, I just buried it, I just buried everything.

But look how much was dug up just from being here for a weekend. And if I'm stuck here for a whole month again during the break, I don't know what I'll do.

I don't want to. I love my mom, I love my dad, but this house...

“Suzu.” My mother's voice drags me back to reality. Just as well, I didn't care much for the alternative anyway.

“Promise me you'll read the book?” She asks, wearing a patient smile. I mutter something about putting it on the top of my to-read list--joke's on her, I don't have one. Well, I did, but I lost it--and she nods, reaching for a plastic bag on the counter.

“One more thing.” She says, her expression carefully neutral. She extracts a small container and hands it to me. What.

I have a bad feeling about this. Upon flipping it open, I'm met with the sight of several rows of small, identical pills.

I don't... what are...

Mom is watching my expression carefully, like a hawk or, or...

Ohhhhh god. I swallow hard, snapping the case shut. Act natural Suzu, forget that you were just making out with your boyfriend in your soft, soft bed and...

My mother coughs and I look up, oh god I bet I look guilty I know I look guilty stop looking guilty! But mom only laughs at my reddening face and embarrassed squirming.

“You're a big girl now, Suzu.” She says. “Just don't tell your father, because you're not actually allowed to date until you're 26, remember?”

I let out a weak laugh. “Thanks, mom.” I mumble.

She smiles at me, but then her expression grows wistful. I'm sure she wouldn't have objected to sharing a similar discussion with my brother as well, one day. There had been girls who were interested in him before, but he had always politely declined and then laughed it off later, saying that he only had room in his heart for one girl. And that was... and that was me.

And look where it got him.

“I know this isn't easy for you, Suzu.” My mother says softly upon seeing my face fall. “I know you didn't ask for any of this.”

Well I kind of asked for Hisao to spend the night with me, but I know what she's talking about. I know what she's getting at. I look down, look away, yes, it's hard, mom. It's hard losing a good portion of every day to dreams, it's hard waking up with a new bruise or to find all my free time gone. It's... it's hard just being here, in this house, where I used to see Seiji every day, where we spent most of our time together.

But I can't be like that. I can't. Because I know my mother lost just as much as me. And I know it must be hard to see... to see your son, just gone in the blink of an eye, and, and then your daughter is a wreck and needs therapy and you don't know what to do. And then she drifts along through school and doesn't know what she wants to do after graduation because she always followed her big brother everywhere and now he's gone and she's just lost.

“I'm sorry, mom.” I say. My eyes are beginning to burn again.

My mother gently shushes me, puts a hand on my shoulder. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath. And then she's back in control. I wish I could do that. Maybe when I'm older.

Ha.

That's a good one.

“Go put some clothes on, I'm going to start making breakfast.” She says, giving me a gentle push out of the kitchen. I head back to my room, my thoughts too heavy for me to care that I'm only wearing a t-shirt and panties at the moment. Besides, it's hot and, and this is my house... okay, okay, I walk a bit faster, I must have been sleepier than I thought or I would have thrown some shorts on. My door is a little hard to open while carrying both my book and the, um, birth control pills that my mother had given me, but upon succeeding I notice only one pile of clothes on my floor. It looks like the Heartbreaker has left the building. Or the room, at least.

That's... that's fine, I think. Even though I'm, um, more prepared to resume our. Uh. Conversation? Activities? Whatever. Even though I'm technically better equipped to start over than I was before, I don't feel up to it now.


I meet up with Hisao a little later, once the breakfast bell has been rung. I wish I was kidding about that, but it's a real bell that my dad insists on ringing as he walks around the house.

“I feel like cattle.” Hisao says as we're rounded up and directed to the dining room.

“Be glad we never have beef for breakfast. Moo.” I reply with a grin, even though I'm starting to get tired again, and I really hope that eating something will let me stave off sleep for a while. Neither of us mention our, uh, experiments in waking up this morning. But... but from all the studying sessions we've had for our science class, one thing I know for sure is that you're supposed to repeat experiments until you get them right. Right? So... yeah. Next time. Or later. One of those.

Breakfast does the trick, and I'm able to stay awake for a good part of the rest of the day. We spend most of the time just relaxing around the house, it's a long trip home and classes resume tomorrow, so we can't really go anywhere. Before long it's time to pack up and make the drive back to the train station, but there's one more thing I need to do first.


“Hey, ready to go?” Hisao asks, wincing a little at the weight of his duffel bag.

“Yeah. Just a minute.” I look from him back to the door in front of me. The one next to mine.

Before I go, I need to see inside. I've been away for so long, I need to know what's happened to it. If my parents have changed it, if, if they've put things away, out of sight. Maybe put a lock on the door. The way they act around Hisao, everything's fine, it's like no one ever lived here and left and never came back.

But it hasn't been that long. Everything's not fine, even though they're pretty good at making it look like it is.

Do I want to be able to act like that? Should I? Is it right? I don't know. I just know that I have to see what's on the other side of the door in front of me.

A hand is on my shoulder, I turn my head. Hisao is still here, looking at me with concern.

Don't look at me like that, Hisao, please. That's how people looked at me when I finally got back to school, after it happened. Like I'm wounded, like I'm breaking. Like I'm broken.

I was, back then. I know that now. But I think I'm better, I, I think you've helped me get better. So don't look at me like that, don't follow me everywhere with a pillow, or try to do everything for me. I don't want a guardian, I want you. The person I've come to know and need, just the way you are.

Please, don't change. Don't change because of what I told you.

“Are you okay?” Hisao asks, cocking his head to one side.

“I'm fine, really.” I say, forcing a smile. But my head is feeling heavy again.

I gesture to his bag. “Go on, load up.”

Hisao frowns for a moment, but concedes. “I'll be outside, if you need me.” He says as he departs.

There's a sinking feeling in my stomach as I watch him go.

Maybe I shouldn't have told him.

A part of me feels better, feels like a weight has lifted off my shoulders, if only a little bit. But what if it does more harm than good? Could things have kept going between us, if I had left it buried a little longer? Would my dreams have kept getting worse? Maybe they still will. I won't have Hisao with me every night to chase them away.

For a moment I regret telling him to go, but then I shake my head back and forth. All that does is mess my hair up and force me to blink a few times, but I focus my gaze on the door in front of me. Time to go, before my dad starts honking the horn, I hate that.

I reach forward and turn the handle, pushing the door open. The air inside is stale and stuffy, a few steps in and I can reach over to switch on the light.

I take a long, slow look around, and it feels like I've taken a leap back in time. If you ignored the layer of dust coating everything, you could almost believe that... that he could walk back in here at any moment, with that bright smile and those tired but warm eyes.

The room is just like I remember it. The walls are a calm, faded green, the bed is still made. There are books and paintings, just cheap replicas but Seiji loved them all the same.

He was interested in art the way I'm interested in literature. He didn't do any painting himself, but he loved the history and the culture surrounding artists and their lives. He joined the literature club just so I would have someone to go with, but he still dragged me to the occasional art club meeting, where he was content to just sit and watch the other students paint. I think he was waiting, really, waiting for something that he wanted to say, something he wanted to share badly enough that it would finally make him pick up a brush himself and take a stab at sharing it.

The utter stillness of the room washes over me. Thoughts drift and bounce around my head, pace back and forth, escape and then come back. I wish he had at least tried to paint something, then we would have known if he could. He was good at a lot of things, I'm sure he... he could have been great, if he had wanted to. If he had only had the chance.

Suddenly, I feel like an unwelcome visitor, like an intruder. If it wasn't for me. If it wasn't for me, maybe this room would be filled with his paintings by now, maybe, maybe he would be a famous painter, or at least on the way to becoming one. If he hadn't come with me. If I had even just thought to bring Miki with us.

I turn to leave, but stumble over some box or book or something I hadn't seen before. Thankfully, the carpet here is just as thick as in my room, the impact doesn't hurt at all. But I don't have the strength to pick myself up again, I feel the room begin to grow dark. Someone's... someone's going to have to come find me here, and if it's my parents, they'll have to see this room and if, if it's Hisao, he'll think I'm helpless again, and...

I don't know how long I lie there. Everything just stops, I don't dream, I just don't exist for a while. When things begin to come back, someone is kneeling beside me on the floor, ruffling my hair with a large, rough hand.

“Time to wake up, girly.” My father's voice calls. “You don't want to miss your train, do you”?

“Dad.” I say weakly, the taste of sleep in my mouth. This was a mistake, I want to leave, I want to be aware from here. I don't deserve to be here. But I can't seem to move my body.

“Come on now.” He says. When I don't respond, I feel him scoop me up in his arms.

“You're definitely getting bigger.” He grunts, and I smile in spite of where we are. I manage to open my eyes, staring up at him.

“You don't have to carry me.” I mumble, but he shrugs dismissively and begins taking me away, away from that room and towards the entrance hall.

“Everyone needs someone to carry them sometimes, girly.” He says, looking down and giving me a wizened smile. “You'll figure that out eventually.”


Both of my parents accompany us on the drive back to the station. As they see us off, I make sure to get a hug from each of them. My dad asks Hisao if he wants a hug too, and when my boyfriend just smiles and sputters all embarrassed, my father laughs and gives him a firm handshake. I think they have a guy moment, or something like that, my dad looks at Hisao like he's trying hard to see the person inside, or like he's trying to impart a message. I wonder what he's saying? “If you hurt my daughter, I'll break your kneecaps”, maybe? Maybe.

The train ride home passes by uneventfully, at Hisao's prodding I do a little bit of review for our classes with him, since tomorrow will be the start of exam season and I don't really feel like reading the book my mother gave me. I, um, hope I remembered to pack it. Or, well, maybe it wouldn't be so terrible if I forgot.



I feel like I'm in a zone. Not like, not like “the” zone. That's when you're all man, I can do this, I got this.

I do not got this. Er, have this. I don't. I really don't know how I'm supposed to--oh, twilight. That's the zone I'm in right now. Or at least, that's the way it feels. I glance to my right, where Miki is staring at the words that Mutou scrawls across the blackboard. She looks like she wants someone to come along and put her out of her misery at this point. To my left, Lezard gives every impression that he's considering running away and joining the circus if it means he won't have to deal with the upcoming exams. Past him, Molly's hands are rapidly dancing across her paper in an attempt to jot down every word that our teacher says, even though her expression says that she isn't understanding any of it.

I can't really believe it. We get a three day weekend, and then bam. Well, it's a bigger bam than that. A really big one, I'm just too tired to think about what a huge bam it is. But it is one. Just when we get back, we only have one day until exams begin, that's not fair. Bam! Although...

It's a little harder to take a look around the rest of the classroom and be stealthy about it when you're in the first row, but I take that chance. Several of the more dedicated students in our class don't look nearly as panicked, I can see Shizune steadily jotting down notes with a look of cool determination. She probably spent a lot of the time during the long weekend studying. Past her, Taro is jiggling one leg up and down repeatedly, it's almost lunch time Taro, hold on. Further down the same row, Akio is ignoring the lecture entirely, choosing instead to stare intently at the book in his hands. Wait, is that...? I think it's the same one that we begged off of Mutou for the book drive. Has he been hanging on to it this whole time? Is that even healthy?

Before I can begin to delve too deep into the dangers of philosophizing about time travel--when I should be worrying about thermodynamics no less--the bell rings. Even Mutou is visibly relieved and so is the rest of the class, half of which pull themselves from their chairs with a groan, the other half turning to their friends in the seats next to them to talk about what they did over the long weekend.

Another glance over my shoulder reveals that Misha is begging Hisao for assistance with her studying, I can barely make out their words over the dull roar of the other voices in the classroom. Hisao turns Misha down, I guess he feels like our study group is all he can manage right now. I suppose I'm okay with that, I imagine that Shizune is the type who feels like the less studious members of the group would drag her down even if we'll be taking the exams individually. Too bad about Misha though, maybe if she came, we could institute a snack policy and put her in charge. I bet she knows where to find all the best goodies. Just as I'm about to get too distracted again, this time by the viability of a private snack detective business, my classmate's booming voice draws me back.

“Oh, ah, so what did you do over the weekend, Hicchan?” Misha asks, translating her question for Shizune as she says it. Or is it Shizune's question? I missed that part.

I watch them from the corner of my eye, feeling a little guilty about eavesdropping but, um, it's a public conversation in an open place, right? Although keeping things low-key is never really an option when Misha is involved, I guess. And besides, it's not like it's a big secret, as long as Hisao doesn't...

“Just took a trip with Suzu to her house near Nagoya. It's pretty nice out there.” He says. I guess I feel relieved, although I knew he wouldn't say anything about. About the things I told him. And probably, probably not about the things we did, or almost did or, or tried to do, um.

Miki suddenly appears next to me, leaning over onto my desk. She gives me a wink before turning to stare intently at the trio of students in the row behind us. Is she using me as a shield so her snooping is harder to detect? That's... that's dirty. And unfair, she has an advantage.

“We just did a little studying, and I got to meet her parents. Nothing else happened.” Hisao says, his tone both firm and a little uncomfortable. Uh oh. I turn back to peer at them as inconspicuously as I can.

The Student Council duo are studying him intently. Shizune peers at him with her curious, analytical gaze, and Misha crosses her arms, which always has the added effect of pushing up her already generous chest. Not that I'm looking. Not that I'm jealous or anything like that.

A few moments pass before Hisao breaks the silence. “Really, nothing happened.” He says. In a way, he's kind of right. Kind of.

Miki glances at me with one eyebrow raised, a sly expression on her face. I've already told her the most important parts about what happened over the weekend, but my silence about others might have spoken louder. Ergh. I don't ask her to fill me in on things like that in her life, does she expect me to tell her about stuff like that?

Misha says something about what a cute couple the two of us make--Miki grins at me and I try to avoid her gaze, feeling my face grow a little warm--and then the Student Council departs for lunch. Misha gives us a bright smile and a wave, whereas Shizune is content with merely a curt nod as they pass us, disappearing through the door of the classroom.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Hisao throwing his things in his bag, as he stands up from his desk I quickly turn to Miki, who raises her eyebrows at me, ready to help me cover up our snooping.

“So how about that track team?” I ask with feigned enthusiasm.

“It's going pretty good.” Miki nods her head, crossing her arms. She doesn't have to push up her chest like Misha does, her loose shirt does a good enough job of showing off her, um, features. Not that I'm... jealous, or anything. I wonder if I would look good in a boy's uniform? Maybe I should steal one of Hisao's sometime.

“Are you running fast and things like that?” I continue with our ploy as Hisao walks up to us.

Miki grins. “I actually broke the sound barrier yesterday. I'm aiming to go faster than light by the end of the trimester.”

Maybe I'll add super-speed to her powers, the list certainly seems to be growing. “That sounds like--”

“I know you two were listening.” Hisao chimes in. At the same time, the two of us both jump a little, turning to look at him as if we had no idea he was in the room. I'm doing everything I can to keep a grin from spreading across my face, me and Miki are pretty good at this by now.

“Listening to what?” I ask.

“Whatever do you mean?” Miki adds, damn it, there I go. Hearing her use such a flowery and formal tone makes me begin to crack up, she shoots me a halfway dirty look.

“Sorry, sorry.” I say to her, and then turn back to Hisao. He's doing that eyebrow raised grimace face that he does sometimes.

Even though the atmosphere around the school has changed with exams coming up, it feels like things are starting to get back to normal for the two of us. But part of me almost wants to avoid spending too much time with him, I'm afraid that things will change between us. That he'll start treating me different. It's not like things were bad before, things were fine, at least I think they were. It was just, my dreams were bad and I was getting scared and I wouldn't let him in. Because that was scary too.

Now I have, not completely, but a lot. He's seen more of me than almost anyone else has, and I don't mean... I don't mean underneath my clothes. I mean, I do like to go the swimming pool here at the school every now and then. But I'm getting distracted.

I try to rid my head of all these unpleasant thoughts and focus on the present. The three of us make our way to the cafeteria, Hisao offers to buy me lunch.

The way he looks at me when he says it, and then insists. The way he motions for me to sit down at our table and makes a gentle remark about the floors here being hard.

I don't know.


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Last edited by Scissorlips on Sat Aug 11, 2012 2:18 am, edited 4 times in total.
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I'm a writer for a visual novel project called Familiarity, where I go by the name Lunch.

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If I Gave You My Love

Post by Scissorlips » Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:12 am

If I Gave You My Love


The pressure rises over the next few days. You cram for the first exam, then when that's over, you have to start getting ready for the next one right away. I get my almost-wish of not getting to spend much time with Hisao, or at least, outside of studying in the library or one of the empty classrooms. Club meetings aren't suspended this week but they might as well be, no one has time for things like that. As exhausting as keeping up with the frantic pace of the tests is, what little free time I have is spent worrying about what's coming afterwards. For some reason, once exams are over with, we still have an entire week of class before they let us go for summer break. I have no idea why, everyone is so braindead and burned out by that point that even the teachers don't want to be here anymore, and it's not like we won't forget anything that we learn in that brief time over the course of the next month. I certainly intend to try, at least. But after that, people will start going home, or they'll leave on trips, and a few unfortunate people with nothing better to do will hang around the empty grounds and probably melt in the heat. And after that...

Once we get back from break, the third trimester is when things really pick up, even worse than now. I remember what it was like last year, when all the third years were freaking out about getting their grades up before graduation, or preparing for college entrance exams, things like that. At the time, I wasn't able to even fathom what it was like being in their shoes. I guess I figured that I would never find myself in that kind of situation, I would never have to worry about things like that.

Part of me still thinks that.

I don't want worry about that right now, though. I've been so tired at night--well, all the time, really--that I've been lucky enough not to dream very much. Over the last few days, I haven't so much as roundhouse kicked a masked henchman in my sleep, and I haven't seen any endless, starry night skies. But I don't want to think about that either, maybe even thinking about it is like a bad luck charm. So instead I squint at the textbook in my hands, most of my body submerged in one of the oversized beanbag chairs in the school's library. Warm afternoon light pours through the windows, and Hisao is seated at a nearby table, where he leans over his own textbook, copying down bits and pieces into his notes. Miki is... somewhere around here, I think. She may have slipped away, either because she doesn't really care for the library or, or maybe she was just hungry and stepped out to grab something to eat. I don't see her anyway, I hope she hasn't just given up on our next exam and decided to just go running.

Hisao certainly isn't giving up. Tomorrow is our English exam, and it's not his best subject. It's actually something I'm not that bad at, so for once I'm not stressing out about this one, I've even been able to help him with a few things so far today, which is nice. I want to make up for all the times he's explained things for me in our other classes, if I can. I want to give back, I want to help him too.

Hisao is frowning now, looking a little frustrated. Maybe it's time for Suzu Suzuki, English tutor extra... okay, just ordinaire. Or... averageaire? I'm okay at it. Anyway, maybe I can help.

I lurch forward in the beanbag, but I'm unable to achieve liftoff on the first try. After my second attempt, Hisao is staring at me incredulously, argh. Almost... almost got it...

There. I finally manage to pull myself out of the beanbag chair, standing up. I dust myself off for a moment, glancing around in case anyone else was watching, but all the other students are absorbed in their studying. Right, okay.

I take a few steps over to stand next to Hisao, glancing down at his paper. His notes have come to a dead stop, I think I can make out a few swear words scrawled here and there. But they're in English, so points for that.

Hisao looks at me expectantly, and I chew my lip for a moment.

“That's an ampersand.” I say, pointing to one of the symbols in his textbook.

“You just made that up, that's not a real word.” Hisao scowls.

“No, I mean it!” At my prodding, he flips to the glossary in the back.

“Well it certainly sounds like a made up word.” He says upon finding that I'm right, trying to play it off all cool.

I shrug. “That's English for you.”

Hisao's grimace tells me that he agrees. Even though I'm hardly a master at this, it feels nice to know something that he doesn't. Wait, I don't mean that like, look I'm smarter than him at something. I mean like maybe I can help him with this, and he'll see that we can help eachother. That he doesn't need to take special care of me. That I can be there to take care of him.

“Are you worried about the exam tomorrow?” I ask with a smile. I can fix this. I can prove it wasn't a mistake to tell him.

Hisao looks thoughtful for a moment, but then shakes his head. Oh.

“I think I'll be alright, even though English isn't my best subject.”

I try to roll with it. “You're bad at English but you're in the literature club? That should be illegal.”

Hisao smirks at me. “If I get arrested, then it's your fault for letting me in.”

I let out a little laugh, my fault. For... for letting him in.

Yeah. Maybe. Maybe so.

But he continues. “I think I'll be able to get through it though, and besides, my grades in the rest of my classes will be enough to get me by. Mutou says I shouldn't have any problem getting into a good university.”

Oh.

Well that's, that's great.

“Well how about going over-” I want to move this conversation back a couple of steps, but Hisao looks up at me.

“Have you thought about what you'd like to do, Suzu? After graduation?”

I stare at him for a few long moments, trying to keep the smile on my face, feeling the excitement in my chest get snuffed out.

I sit down on the table next to his books, suddenly aware that I haven't touched the one that my mother gave me. I found it though, I remembered to pack it after all. I just haven't looked at it yet.

“Have you thought about maybe doing some job shadows, or looking at internships?” Hisao asks. I give him a weak smile, but then go back to staring at my hands, clasped in front of me.

“No, I haven't thought about that.” I mumble. Why is he worrying about things like this when the exam tomorrow is going to be hard?

“Well...” Hisao cocks his head to one side. He almost looks like our teacher now, when he's revving up to give us a speech about the parts of the scientific community he enjoys so much. Or, or he looks like my father.

“You don't always have to know what you're interested in before you go to a college. Here, I have some more brochures that Mutou gave me.” He reaches for his bag, please, please Hisao, don't.

“You sound like my parents.” I mutter, a little more bitterly than I intended. But he doesn't seem to catch it. He laughs, and continues digging around for the pamphlets.

“But I haven't even called you girly yet, girly.” He says.

“That's weird, don't do that.” I manage a smile and he smiles back, but I mean it, please don't call me that, Hisao. Don't call me girly, or, or Snoozu, and please, please don't call me Suki. Just call me Suzu. I just want to be Suzu to you.

“What if I called you Hicchan?” I tease him, eager to step away from colleges and graduations.

Hisao grimaces. “Then I would just call you Misha.”

I laugh, then close my eyes and suck in a deep breath, intent on giving my best impression of our classmate's booming laughter, but Hisao speaks up.

“Here, I thought you might like these.”

I open my eyes to see him thrusting several brochures at me, and my heart sinks again. You don't give up, do you? I wish you did. And maybe you're not as good at taking hints as I thought.

“Thanks.” I say flatly, taking the papers from him and pretending to give them a glance over.

“That first one there is out in the country, it reminds me of your house. It looks peaceful.”

“Huh.” I wonder where Miki is.

“And this one has a really good general credit program, you could use that to-”

“Hisao.” He stops, looking like he was in the middle of some pre-prepared speech. I wonder if my parents put him up to this.

“I can't deal with this right now.” I give him a strained smile. “Not on top of exams and everything. Please.”

His face says 'I'm just trying to help', and I know he is, but it's not what I need right now. It's not. No matter what he or anyone else thinks.

“Okay.” He says. “I understand. I should probably be more worried about exams myself anyway.”

“Maybe you should.” I flash him a tired grin, suddenly feeling very worn out.

“Are you still coming over later?” I ask, sliding off the table. Hisao glances at my legs for a moment as I do, uhm. But then he looks back at me.

“I wouldn't miss it.” He says, giving me that warm smile of his.

“Okay, good.” We had made plans to try to get through some of the movies that we bought at the convenience store last week, as well as maybe do a little extra studying, and, um, yeah.

“I'm going to find Miki.” I say. “See you around eight?”

“Sounds like a plan.” He nods, and I smile.

“Okay.” I walk over to the beanbag chair to retrieve my bag and begin to head towards the exit, but then stop. I make my way back over to Hisao, who watches me curiously, his eyebrows raised.

“Forget something?” He asks.

“Yeah.” I mumble, trying to resist the slight blush that's creeping into my face. I want... I want...

There'll be time to do this later, probably. I hope. But before I go, I want to know that things are still okay between us. That he's not upset with me for cutting him off, and I want him to know that I'm not upset with him either I just, I need to not think about things like that. For now. For a while.

Hisao is twisted in his seat to face me. I take another step closer, and then lean down and towards him. His smile returns, he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. I savor the warm sensation for few moments before pulling back. Luckily, there's still no one else paying attention to us in the library. A part of me wonders if I would have ever done something like this in the beginning of the school year, but then again, it's been a season of firsts, apparently. For good and for bad.

“Was that for luck?” Hisao asks, wearing something of a stupid grin. Ha.

“Why, do you need it?” I smile back, wishing my face wasn't so hot right now.

His expression weakens for a moment, and he almost looks more tired than me. “Yeah,” He says. “I do.”

“Hm?” I perk up at his sudden change, maybe I should stay, maybe I can do something for him after all. But he shrugs it off, tilting his head towards his books.

“I've got to get back to work, especially if we're going to goof off tonight.”

Goof off. I wonder what the technical definition of that is. “Oh, okay. Bye.” I know this conversation is over, and retreat with a smile. Hisao gives me a wave before retuning to his studying.



Where am I? I can hear... uh, thrashing, and I think... is someone screaming? What's...

I let out a moan as I open my eyes. Hisao is still sitting on my floor next to me, we're still leaned against my bed with a couple pillows behind us for comfort.

“You might not want to wake up just yet.” He says nervously, one hand on his mouth. He steals a glance at me and then turns back at the movie playing on my television.

“Wh... why? What...” I slowly look from him to the screen. The tinny screaming coming from the TV's speakers gets louder before coming to an abrupt end.

“Wah!” I cry, jumping in my seat. I stare at the scene playing out in the movie and then back at the boy sitting next to me. At his chest, specifically.

“What. What?” Hisao grimaces at me. “Nothing is about to burst out of my stomach.”

“How do you know that?” I ask through grit teeth. “Maybe your disability is aliens!”

“Maybe you're an alien.” He grumbles as he picks up the remote. I give a weak laugh, I think that was actually the first time I'd ever watched that scene. I'd seen the movie with my dad when I was little, but he made me close my eyes for all the “gross parts”, as he put it. In hindsight, I think that only forced my imagination to come up with even more horrible ideas of what must be happening on the screen, in fact, maybe that's why I have such a morbid imagination at times.

“Come on, I was just kidding.” I say, reaching for the remote with a smile.

“Nope, nope, I am officially freaked out now.” Hisao pulls it away with a grin. He stops the movie and I sigh. I lean into him, enjoying the sensation of his warm body next to mine. I must have nodded off, but I don't think I missed too much. I'm glad he's still here.

“Probably a good idea anyway.” I mumble, resting my head on his shoulder. “Should people with heart conditions watch scary movies?”

“Hey, I'm tougher than you know.” He quips back, laying his head on mine. I really like it when we do this, it feels nice, it feels peaceful.

“But maybe you're right.” He says. “We should probably be watching 'Sleeping Beauty' or something.”

I pull my head away, turning to look at him with narrowed eyes. He stares back innocently, but I begin glancing around for a pillow. Ah, there. I lean forward to grab it.

“No, no. No.” Hisao gently takes a hold of my wrist, preventing me from equipping my weapon.

“Yes, yes. You deserve it.” I mutter, straining against him. Eventually he relents, I snatch the pillow and turn to deliver my sleepy wrath, but the sleepy part suddenly outweighs the wrath or just about anything else. I end up just slumping against him with the pillow resting between us.

“Hey.” Hisao raises an eyebrow. “I thought you were going to punish me.”

“Next time.” I say groggily, looking up at him. I think... I think I need to wake up again.

“And besides.” I release one hand to point towards my desk. “'Sleeping Beauty' is over there.”

Hisao looks over, squinting for a second, and then suddenly lights up. “So you do have it.” He says, grinning.

“It's my favorite.” I mumble, and then yawn.

Hisao laughs. He tries to stand up to get the DVD, but I reach past the pillow to grip his sides tightly, pulling him back down.

“Hmm?” He looks back at me.

This is nice, the two of us together like this, just getting away from the pressure of exams for one night. And here in my room, there's nothing to fall on, there's nothing to hurt me. Hisao doesn't have to worry about... about protecting me or anything like that. We can go back to the way we were, before I must have made him realize just how dangerous my condition can be, before he started seeing me as someone who needs a constant guardian. Hisao. I can, I can walk around the school grounds by myself, most of the time. I can get my own lunch, and you don't need to make those huge study guides for me, I don't need that, I just need a little help going over the things I miss because of my narcolepsy.

I want to tell him that. I want to set this straight, before it goes too far, before he cements some image of me in his head as a broken little girl. Lost her brother, good thing Hisao came along to save her, isn't it?

It... well, it is. It's a good thing he's here, I'm glad he's here. But not like that. Not like this, this isn't what I want from him.

What I want from him is...

I don't want to ruin the moment we have here, I don't want to risk screwing this up. Right now he isn't looking at me like I'm fragile or weak, and he isn't saying anything about graduation, either. I want to keep it that way.

“Can you help me wake up again?” I ask.

Hisao stares back at me for a few moments before grinning sheepishly. “I could give it a try, yeah.” He says.

He leans backwards until his back is resting on the floor, and I move with him, laying on top of him. The pillow is now the only thing separating his body from mine. Well, that and, that and our clothes. But.

Hisao gently reaches for the pillow and pulls it aside, there goes that. I lean down and kiss him, resting my chest on his. I can feel my heart beating firmly, and even through his shirt I can make out Hisao's heartbeat as well. Its erratic pulses are nowhere near in time with mine, but that's all right.

We're not so different. We're not so strange.

I press myself against him, our eyes are closed. Hisao carefully wraps his arms around me, one hand cupping my head to bring me closer, to kiss me deeper. His other hand slowly smooths across my back, down my sides. I try not to shiver at his touch, I'm actually trying hard to resist the trembling that spreads through my body. I'm comfortable being around Hisao now, I like holding his hand and, and waking up with my head on his shoulder, he's even carried me from place to place during one of my sleeping spells, when I needed to be somewhere. But this is different, and I'm scared but I don't want to be scared, I want to feel more of his touch, I want to. I, I want to know him better.

My head feels so hot again, that fuzziness is coming back, it's different from the usual cloud of fatigue that follows me around. Some part of my brain is shutting down, and... and other parts of me are waking up, I'm beginning to sweat. Still on top of him, I place my hands on his shoulders and push myself up, pulling my face away from his.

Practically sitting on his stomach, I stare down at the boy below me. Hisao looks up at me, eyes heavy with... with what's probably lust and maybe, maybe love.

I wouldn't know. But I hope that's what it is. Because I'm pretty sure that's what I feel as I take in the sight of this messed up, suave, embarrassing boy.

He isn't like anyone else I've ever met. Sometimes he says and does things that remind me of other people I've known, but overall, I've never met someone like Hisao. Things haven't been perfect for us, I've messed up a bunch of times, I almost killed our chances of being together with my dream of the amusement park. But he was okay with that. He, he didn't mind, and he didn't mind me falling asleep on him all the time, and he even put up with my dancing around his questions and flat out refusing to answer him, when he wanted to know why I was scared. Now that he does, I don't know, I'm not sure. Things are changing, even being here with him now, like this, means that our relationship is changing. I don't like all the directions it's going in. I don't think I want him to keep looking at me the way he does in school, I don't want him to think of himself as my protector.

I don't want you to shield me from the world, Hisao. I just want you next to me, I want your hand in mine, when the world comes knocking on our door.

“Are you okay?” The boy below me asks softly, still staring up at me. I nod, my breaths coming hard and fast.

“A-are you?” I reply with a nervous smile. Hisao smiles back.

“Never better. And I mean it.” He says. Hisao reaches up to gently touch the side of my face. I close my eyes, turning my head to embrace his hand. I place my own hand over his, his skin is so warm.

Things aren't perfect between us. But I would never want to take back all the time we've spent together over the last few months. If, that day he first walked into my class, I had known that we would be here like this, I definitely would have sat up straight as he gave his introduction. I, I would have made sure to smile at him as he walked past, and I would have talked to him before waking up in the nurse's office.

Or maybe... maybe if I did that, things would have happened differently. Maybe we wouldn't have ended up spending the festival together for some reason, and none of this would have happening. In that case, I don't regret a thing, even the awkward bits, even the mistakes I made.

“Hisao.” I whisper, opening my eyes. I'm almost about to cry again, but I don't feel hurt, I don't feel pain.

“I'm glad you're here.” I say.

“Suzu...” He breathes, but before he can say anything else, I guide his hand lower, to the first button on my blouse.

I close my eyes again as our fingers work together to undo it, I guess I should be happy that he seems to have no idea how they work.

The first button comes undone. Confident that I can leave the others up to him, I begin to untie my bow. I was right to have faith in him, by the time I get it off Hisao is three buttons lower. My heart is beating faster and faster.

I drop my bow on the floor, opening my eyes. Hisao is almost finished unbuttoning my blouse now, he's frowning, hopefully not with concentration, I don't think it takes a genius to get one of these off. No, he looks pained but not at the same time, like he...

Like he doesn't want to screw this up.

The last button comes undone. I peel my blouse away, hoping that he doesn't notice my shoulders begin to tremble as I let it slide off of me. Hisao takes in the sight above him, my somewhat pale skin, marred with scratches and bruises, and scars and the occasional bandage. I hope... I hope he doesn't mind those. His eyes are drawn to my plain, powder blue bra and I glance away, embarrassed, but he's smiling at me.

“Suzu.” He says again, I look back, look into those warm brown eyes. “You're beautiful.”

I don't know how to respond to that. I... I don't, I... damn it, damn it, crying, stop. Stop. I lean back down to kiss him again, letting out a soft whimper as I melt into his embrace. Now it's my turn to try working his buttons, Hisao, Hisao, I want to tell you how much you mean to me, how much this means to me. Hisao. Hisao, I love you, I...

I...

The room goes dark.


I wake up some time later, lying in my bed. I stare up at my ceiling for a few moments, trying to remember where I was and what I was... ohh no, oh...

Sitting up, I look down to see that I'm wearing my shirt again, and it's buttoned all the way up. My bow is missing, that was probably a little much for him. Hisao is sitting on the edge of my bed, watching the end of the movie I had woken up to, only... actually, I don't know how long ago it was. Hearing my moving, he turns to look at me and smiles.

“Hey.” He says simply.

“Hey.” I try to smile back but... damn it, I can't, I can't believe that happened, right when we were... um.

Interrupted again. I hate it.

I think Hisao takes my frustrated look as something else, because he quickly speaks up.

“I didn't do anything while you were out.” He says.

“I... I know.” I blink a few times, shake my head a little. Hisao scoots a little closer to me and I swing my legs over the side of the bed, moving to sit next to him. The movie is over, the credits are playing. Good riddance.

“Are you worried about that?” Hisao asks softly, giving me a concerned look.

Worried about... about falling asleep and people... people touching me? Doing things to me? That's another thing I try very hard not to think about, not to imagine. But it's still a possibility. It could, it could still happen, as much as the idea terrifies me.

I shut my eyes, then open them again. “Not with you.” I say, looking back at him. “I trust you.”

Hisao narrows his eyes, clearly thinking about it, about what could happen if I fell asleep around the wrong people. “Suzu,” he says. “I will never, NEVER let that happen to you.”

“I know.” I try my best to smile at him. This is one thing I don't really mind him being protective about. I would probably do everything in my power to prevent him from... to prevent him from getting raped if he was in danger of that, too.

“I mean it.” He stares at me intently. I lean closer, wanting to change the subject.

“I know.” I whisper, before begging another kiss from him. Our lips meet softly, our passion has boiled away and left us raw, left me brittle. As we part, Hisao begins to laugh, and I know we've moved away from dark, scary things.

“You fell asleep.” He grins, but he's looking at me fondly as he says it.

I groan. “Sorry.”

“It's okay.” He replies, standing up and off the bed. “There'll be time later. After exams, maybe.”

Maybe nothing. I hope. “Are you leaving?”

“Yeah.” Hisao says apologetically. “More tests tomorrow, I don't think I'll have time for the whole cloak and dagger thing in the morning.”

Even though I'm sad to see him go, I can't help but grin at the memory of sneaking him out of the girls' dorms. It's happened a couple times by now, we're starting to get the hang of it. Among other things, if tonight was... was any indication.

One last kiss, one last hug that lasts for maybe a little longer than it should, but he doesn't mind. We say goodnight and Hisao departs, and I know. I know that there's hope for us.



The last day of exams. It feels like all the previous ones were building up to this, science is my worst subject and it just happens to be the one thing standing between us and summer vacation. Although I'm in no rush to get back to my parents' house, I can't help but feel my body tense up as I sit at my desk. Me, Miki and Hisao spent hours preparing for this one, even though he clearly feels pretty confident about it. While the rest of the class is nervously paging through their notes trying to get some last minute cramming in, he's up at the teacher's desk, talking to Mutou. Asking... asking about his time at university, asking if he knows many researchers or people who work in laboratories and what it's like. Asking about the future.

I feel kind of shallow for only caring about the upcoming test when he's looking forward to more important things, but... I still, I can't deal with that right now. I can't. I don't know how to do any of those things, how to apply to colleges, how to take entrance exams, how would I get there? What would I do? A part of me can't help but think that, if only... if only Seiji were here, or if he had been around long enough to be doing those kinds of things, then maybe I could have went with him, I could have learned how to do it. But then again.

Then again he probably would have. He, he'd be at university right now, if it wasn't for me.

The bell rings, signaling the start of class. There's an electricity in the air, and it's completely different from the one that gave me the strength to push open the doors around my memories, back home. I feel like I'm sinking.

Someone's standing in front of my desk, I look up, Hisao.

“Ready?” He asks, even as Mutou begins passing out our exams.

Ready for the test? I don't know. Probably.

Ready for the future?

No, no, no.

I open my mouth to say something, but our teacher requests that the boy in front of me take his seat, and Hisao complies, giving me an encouraging wink. "Remember the hypotenuse." He says.

"You just made that up." I reply, but he gives me a worried look as he retreats to his seat. I begin to panic for a moment, that's a real thing? And I'm supposed to know it? But I stuff it down, there's no more time for cramming.

He's still been treating me differently. He's still been trying too hard to do things for me, going the extra mile to make sure I don't get a single scratch. While my sore limbs might thank him, the rest of me is in distress. I can't let this continue, I don't want this cloud to hang over us for the next week and into summer vacation, whatever ends up happening.

But that will have to wait, as a thick--really thick, urgh--stack of stapled paper lands in front of me, chaining me to the present.

I stare at the exam on my desk, the last thing thing standing between me and summer break.

The last thing keeping the future away from me.

“Please begin.” Mutou announces upon returning to his desk. I glance over at Miki, who gives me a quick, determined nod, and then pick up my pencil.


It's getting harder to focus as I chew through the test. Every second that passes takes me further and further from the world I know and into the unknown. Every problem finished feels like a shot into the dark.

A car accelerates uniformly from rest to a speed of 7.10 m/s over a distance of 35.4 m. What is the acceleration of the car?

0.712 m/s/s. B6.

Your classmate Saotome is capable of jumping to a height of 2.62 m. Determine his takeoff speed.

7.17 m/s. Miss. G10.

You drop your phone into a well--oh no I do not think so--and you hear it hit the water 3.41 seconds after being dropped. Determine the depth of the well.

57 meters deep, but I would never do that. A2, it's your turn Seij--

I look up from my exam. The classroom is gone. My desk and chair sit on a thin gravel path, and above me is a brilliantly lit summer night's sky.

The stars again.

I feel the presence beside me before I see it. There's nothing here, nothing but the path at my feet, the twinkling sky above, and the skeleton, draped in black, at my side.

Death stares at me silently for a long time, I almost wish he would open that bony mouth and say some sarcastic remark. But he continues to study me. Finally, he turns and, without a word, begins walking past my desk, following the small trail of stones on the ground. Everything else is drenched in an absolute, dense black.

“Where are you going?” I ask, although I don't mind his departure at all.

“Don't know.” He replies, looking back at me. “But you should come with me, Suki.”

“I'd rather not.” I say softly. I need to... I need to finish this exam. That I now can't read, it's just a blur of ink on paper. Damn it.

Death lets out an irritated sigh. “Then stay here.” He says dismissively, continuing on his way.

Well this isn't so bad. I consider doing just that and waiting my dream out, maybe whistling something, but movement catches my eye. It takes a few moments for me to figure out what's happening. But then I realize that the stars above are going out.

One by one.

Fear slowly starts snaking into my chest. The sky gets darker, a little bit at a time, above me. Down the path, I can see the stars winking into existence in the space above the already blurring outline of the hooded figure that walks away from me.

Okay, okay, maybe this isn't all bad. It's just dark, it's just...

...now my desk and chair are sinking. Okay, this is... kind of all bad and... damn it. Damn it. I can't believe I'm... damn it.

“Wait!” I call, standing up. My feet immediately begin to sink and I struggle to free myself from the growing black. As I move forward, the path reappears underneath my feet, and I run to catch up to the only other person around.

“I told you.” Death mutters as I shakily fall into step beside him. I still hate this, of course, I still hate being here. But being under the stars again is better than being back there, sinking into the unknown.

Only now do I notice how cold it is here, and I shiver. The two of us don't say anything for a little while, we just keep walking, and I hope I wake up, I hope I wake up.

A few more minutes of this, and I'm still here. “Where are we going?” I ask.

“I don't know.” He repeats, his tone grating. And even so, there's nothing I can do but follow him.

Eventually, he stops, and I do the same. I look down to see that the gravel path has ended but there's nothing here, in fact. In fact.

I glance up. The stars are gone.

There's nothing here. Only the dark.

“Take my hand, Suki.” Death says softly. He reaches towards me but I shrink away, suddenly terrified.

“No. No.” I take a step back, I don't want to go anywhere else with him, I don't want to be here in the first place!

“Suki.” He says, his tone hushed. “Please.”

I can't see the skull beneath the shadow of his hood anymore, I think I can almost make out a pair of sad, green eyes, but it's too dark, it's so dark, I...

“N-no, no, I don't want to.” I take another step back, but my feet are starting to sink again. “Seiji, I don't want to.”

He extends his hand again, I can barely see anything now, all I can make out is white emerging from his sleeve, whether it's bone or pale skin, I can't tell. Something is wrong here, something is so very wrong, this feels ten times worse than the last game of battleship that we played. Then, I felt like I was on some small island in a vast, black ocean, and I was afraid of sinking but, but now I...

I think I'm already underwater.

The figure in front of me, I don't know what to call him anymore, he steps closer, reaches forward, but he doesn't say anything now. I can barely even see him, even though he's right next to me by now and--

I'm sorry, Seiji, I'm, I'm sorry but I can't, I don't want to, I'm so scared. I don't know what else to do.

I turn and run.

I run through the dark, through the black, and my feet are sinking into nothing and I can't see anything at all and--

My hand hits something. Light and heat and sound rush all around me, suddenly I'm gasping for air.

I'm touching a door frame, I'm, I'm... I'm halfway out of the classroom. My classroom.

My desk is knocked over, my exam is on the floor. The other students are... are all staring at me in shock, a few mouths are open. Even Shizune looks concerned, Hisao is halfway out of his seat already and Miki's body is tensed like a leopard, about to come after me.

I take deep, panting breaths, no one says a thing until Mutou carefully breaks the silence.

“Suzuki? Are you all right?”

I look over at him, and he's frowning in concern. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do, it's like nothing has changed.

So I keep running.

“Suzuki!” The teacher's voice calls after me but I just keep going, I bolt down the hall, almost trip down the stairs wouldn't that be nice and I don't stop until I'm in front of the first place I can think to go, the library. Somewhere along the way I notice that I'm crying. When I walk through the door and make my way past the empty aisles to the literature club room, I still am.


Some time passes, I don't know how much. But eventually, I can hear footsteps outside the door. Someone knocks. I don't respond.

The door opens, a little slowly, it's heavy and that fact has only further cemented this room as some sort of dungeon in my mind. A dungeon, like where people go to rot. But it's also cool, and dark, at least until the light switch is flipped on. I wince, shielding my eyes.

“I knew you would be here.” Someone says. I was expecting Miki or Hisao, or maybe even Yuuko, but it's none of the above. Standing in the doorway is Lezard, frowning at me.

Of all the people to chase after me, I didn't think he... I mean, I guess it kind of makes sense.

“How'd you know?” I mumble. I'm sitting in a corner, hugging my knees to my chest. My tears have dried by now but I don't want to go back to the classroom, I don't know what to tell them, I don't know what to tell myself.

“I've known you since we were first years, remember?” He replies, crossing his arms.

Right. That's true, even though I don't really remember talking to him that much. I don't think we were in the same class that year, but we've both been a part of the literature club for a long time, so...

“Suzu, you need to come back. Just explain to Mutou that it was a narcolepsy thing. You need to finish your exam.” Lezard says. I look up at him, he still seems more irritated than concerned. Is he just that bad at expressing his feelings? Or is he that afraid of looking weak?

I guess I know what it's like to be afraid. And he's right, he's right. I have to go back. It's not that unusual for me to sleepwalk, or... or sleeprun, I've done that before. I'll just tell them the truth. Another bad dream, I have to finish my exam.

I have to do this. Everyone has worked so hard to help me get here, and, and if I fail now they'll all be disappointed. And even as... even as scary as my dream was, I'll always be a narcoleptic. I'll always have dreams, hopefully they won't be as bad as that, but I'll always sleepwalk too.

I can't give up here, I can't--

“Hey.” Another voice growls from the other side of the door, this one familiar. Lezard whirls around.

“Piss off, Nakai.” He replies, glaring. I look up.

“Is Suzu in there?” Hisao asks.

“Yeah, she is, but since you've been doing such a marvelous job of helping her out, you should have known that already.” Lezard spits.

People are... people are fighting over me again. I don't want that, I still haven't managed to patch things up between Hisao and Kenji. The last thing I want is for someone to get hurt because of my stupid dreams. Because of my stupid head.

“Get out of here, Lezard.” Hisao's tone is threatening. It's not a request. The boy in the door glances at me for a moment, before disappearing from sight, replaced a second later by my boyfriend.

“There you are.” He says, walking over to me. “I looked everywhere, Miki is checking the dorms right now.”

“I'm okay.” I mumble. He's doing it again.

“Did he do anything to you? Did he say anything?”

“What? No, Lezard wasn't-”

“Has he been following you?”

“Hisao.” I frown at him. I'm worn out from my sprint here and from all the days of exams and from, and from walking in the dark, why is he being like this?

“Lezard didn't do anything, he was just trying to help.” I say. Hisao almost looks doubtful for a moment, but then he relents.

“Fine, good. Come on.” He reaches down to pull me up and I tentatively take his hand, but there's no strength in my knees anymore, I fall back down, the impact on the cool floor stings.

“Suzu.” Hisao says firmly, quickly. “Come on. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise you'll be okay.”

I stare up at him, my back still pressed against the cold wall.

“I'm going to keep you safe.” Hisao says, offering his hand again.


[Accept.]
[I have to endure.]


Previous I First
Last edited by Scissorlips on Fri Mar 01, 2013 4:38 am, edited 8 times in total.
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I'm a writer for a visual novel project called Familiarity, where I go by the name Lunch.

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by YourFavAnon » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:29 am

Well then.Things have certainly taken an interesting turn..
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by Spry » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:42 am

Oh shit it's choices. So I guess it means that the story will have a good and bad end.
Scissorlips wrote: Next I Previous I First
..Or will it?
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by JTemby » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:47 am

Two for one sale in the fanfic isle? I can dig it.

Soooooooooooooo... Nope, got nothin', everything was prefect, I'm actually more happy with how the failed h-scene turned out in comparison to the alternative.

Edit:
Oh... Oh god... -sniffles- This was unexpected...
Bahahahaha~, I did call it earlier, this is turning into the Hanako route quickly.
Last edited by JTemby on Fri Aug 10, 2012 11:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by YourFavAnon » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:51 am

Spry wrote:Oh shit it's choices. So I guess it means that the story will have a good and bad end.
Scissorlips wrote: Next I Previous I First
..Or will it?
He's mentioned before that it will. I don't know if I'm going to be able to will myself to read the bad ending.
I write things occasionally.

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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by theartificial » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:54 am

I'm gonna go for bad end first, so that the good end can then recover me.
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Shizune, Lilly, Hanako, Emi, Rin, Suzu, Rika, Saki, Aiko.
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Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by hernytan » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:56 am

Scissorlips wrote: [Accept.]
[I have to endure.]
So... it has come to this 8)
Once again, excellent writing, sir.
Shizune=Rin=Emi=Hanako=Lilly
It's a great game guys, stop arguing over who is best they are in order of my preference if you must know
Oh, and Misha >> Everyone else ;)

random

Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/1)

Post by random » Fri Aug 10, 2012 11:40 am

Scissorlips wrote:
random wrote:maybe instead of Suzu's dream, the double Shyamalanian twist is that it's all Hisao's first heart attack via Iwanako coma dream
Why are you all thinking there's going to be another twist? Would I do that? Would I do that to you?

So, very early Friday morning is almost the same thing as late Thursday night. I am altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further.

I'm just overly adamant that the canon Katawa Shoujo story is Hisao is having a dream induced by a coma caused by the Iwanako confession heart attack, and the main girls are different facets of her personality - Misha being her subterranean lesbianism



ON SNAP! A NEW SNOOZU CHAPTER! DEVOURS @ SPEED OF NEUTRINOS!

LOL @ Suzu's mom giving her birth control pills, maybe her dad stealthily slip Hisao a box of condoms too

Oh, Hisao didn't stay in Seiji's room, are the Suzukis rich?

Is the end in sight? Or are you planning another crescendo of hinted at feels?

Oh, the nagging thought of Suzu thinking Hisao is now coddling her ... I like, I like - definitely something that could build to an emotional event

There's only so many ways to thank you for this wonderful tale, and I'm sure all the others have stated it in ways lightyears better than I could ever do - but thank you and I now sit back and yearn for more

random

Re: A pseudo-pseudo Suzu route (updated 8/10)

Post by random » Fri Aug 10, 2012 11:43 am

Another Snoozu chapte?

*faints*

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