Hisao: Master of Romance

[Megumeru]

Just a couple of short stories I came up with while I rest from writing/rewriting the more-serious "Sensou no Tegami"

HISAO: MASTER OF ROMANCE
A series of humorous ‘what-ifs’, depicting Hisao as the ‘Master of Romance’ akin to your favorite ‘Johnny Bravo’


Before he knew what was going on, Misha gave Hisao a light kiss on his lips—which misses deliberately due to her bad aim or nervousness. Confused, Hisao straighten himself up.

“What are you doing?”

She smiled, giggled, and started to play ‘shy’ towards Hisao’s. “Hii-chan, do you like me?”

“Of course I do.”

She buried her head in Hisao’s chest, almost seemingly talking to his scar.

“Then please comfort me, just this once.”

…

“Baby,” Hisao respond, his hands holding Misha’s sides. “You know I would.”

Before he could respond any further, Misha pushed Hisao down to his bed. With a finger as swift as the wind, he hushed Misha.

“Besides, I dig fat chicks and pink drills—though, no drills are fine.”

“…”

*SLAP*

-------------

The white ceiling of the hospital greeted a tired and strained Hisao after his failed attempt to chase Lilly down the airport. The familiar music of the music box brought his senses back together, recognizing it as the melody that resonated with Lilly. He opened his eyes, and saw Lilly walking into the room…

...with his parents.

“Hisao, dear,” his mother said first thing, holding a paper. “We received a bill from a taxi company the other day…”

His father crossed his arms. “It said here that you spent thousands of yen from Yamaku, to Saitama, and to Sendai’s airport; WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU THINKING!?”

“Also, Hisao…” This time, it’s Lilly’s turn. “I need you to take ‘responsibility’ as well; you have outranked my 'healthy adolescent sex drive'.”

…

His hand reached for the sky, before finally collapsing to his forehead “Ooooh baby…!”

*SLAP*

-------------

With the force of a runaway train, something small collided into Hisao, sending both tumbling down into the ground.

*THUMP*

She was small, with saucer green eyes and two cute ponytails. But what caught his attention were her prosthetic legs that supported her petite figure. Immediately, she stood up and apologized.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…!”

Somewhat stunned from the impact, Hisao clutched his chest, making several difficult poses. “HUH! HAH! HHHNNNNGGGGHHHH…!”

“…uhmm…are you ok?”

“Baby,” he replied. “Baby, you broke my heart…!”

“Uh…ok?”

“…no seriously, get the Nurse…”

*WHUMP*

-------------

Opening the door to the art room for supplies, he met a peculiar figure sitting by the window—her legs acting as her arm as she gobbled her curry bento with ease. She stood up, introduced herself as ‘Rin Tezuka’, and after a brief conversation she began to deduce Hisao’s disability.

“It wasn’t visible, so it must be inside…” she deducted. A grin forms on her lips.

“The problem must be in your pants.”

…

“HUH! HAH! HHHHNNNGGHH…!”

Stunned by Hisao’s reaction, Rin backed away a few steps. Hisao, however, does not stop there. “Baby, you know me inside—and out!”

He pushed his crotch forward with an awkwardly choreographed ‘dance’. “The problem is in my pants!”

*CLANG*

*SPLOSH*

It doesn’t take Rin three seconds to send a can of ‘Prussian Blue’ paint to Hisao’s face with a kick, followed with a roundhouse kick to his abdomen (a la Chuck). With her victim now knocked-out on the floor, she proceeded to return back to her original spot and finish her bento.

The two Student Council members who witnessed Rin’s act before closing the art room concluded:

Nothing happened that day.

-------------

As he explore the interior of the library, he noticed a girl who sat in the corner on a bean bag reading what was apparently a book titled ‘Life of Pi’. ‘Isn’t that the delinquent girl,’ he thought before he proceeded to pick up a reading material of his own and seat asymmetrically in front of her. For a moment, they exchange their gaze to one another before finally, and unexpectedly, their eyes met. The girl, with the purple hair and a somewhat obscured burn mark that trailed across her face, was startled and embarrassed at the same time.

Hisao waste no time to introduce himself.

“HUH! Hey there little mama, my name’s Hisao Nakai! What’s that you’re reading?”

“I…” she tried to reply. Her tongue was tied even further the moment she noticed Hisao began making some weird poses. “I…”

“I’VEGOTTODOSOMETHING!”

As subtle as a honey badger ripping a cobra apart, the girl threw her book right into Hisao’s face, stood up, and ran away as far as she can.

Hisao, on the other hand, recognized her character and attempted to reply. “Damn, you’re cu-…HUH! HAH! HHHHHHNNNGGHHH…!”

…before collapsing.

*THUMP*

-------------

“No, this is not some romantic princess picnic,” Kenji remarked. “What the hell, man?”

He pulled out the bottle of whiskey before he continued.

“This is a manly picnic. No glasses, no napkins, whiskey only; the beverage of true men.”

“No chicks?”

Kenji froze on sight.

“I said, no chicks?”

...

“I…” Kenji tried to reply, his tongue momentarily tied. “I could be your ‘manly’ chick…”

“W-what…!?”

With a few short step, Kenji drew closer to Hisao. “Come to papa…”

“No, no man…not cool! Not cool! No, no…”

His back against the fence, and before he knew it he stumbled down leaving a trail that reminisce of Darth Vader.

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!”

*SPLAT*

-------------

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!”

Hisao woke up in a cold sweat, his hand trembled, and he was breathing erratically. He quickly scans his surroundings, making sure of his position and status before he calmly reverted back to normal.

“Thank God it was all a dream…” he said as he tried to take small, rhythmic breaths to calm himself. “I dreamt of failing every single romance due to some dumb move—why the hell is Kenji even there?”

Knowing it was all a dream, he quickly regained his composure and tried to nestle back into his blanket. Immediately, he realized there was another person inside it. Despite the obscurity of the lighting, the round, thick glasses that rest beside his bottle of pills and that giant whiskey bottle beside it gave out the identity of this ‘other’ person. Yes, it was all a dream…

…or is it?

“NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…!”


END

*and so said-author proceed to grab another can of beer and work on his other fic*

[andros414]

I must both curse and applaud you, Megumeru. I just read all of Hisao's lines in Johnny Bravo's voice. Damn.

[Mealforthree]

Nuff said.

[Megumeru]

I must both curse and applaud you, Megumeru. I just read all of Hisao's lines in Johnny Bravo's voice. Damn.

If it does make him sound like so, then I reached my desired standard.

http://shimmie.katawa-shoujo.com/image/2622.jpg
Nuff said.

Indeed.
HUH! HAH! HHHHHNNNNNGGGHHHHH...!

[Homeless]

LMAO, thanks needed a good laugh

[Roamin12]

Haha, needed the laugh, just finished reading With Apologies, needed something to keep the nightmares away.
Anyway, that was pretty damn funny, thanks for the laugh man.

[Megumeru]

Pleasure's all mine, readers.
Thank you!

[Mealforthree]

Yo Megumeru, homie, you should write more fanfics in this vein, actually, I would definitely dig that.

[Megumeru]

Yo Megumeru, homie, you should write more fanfics in this vein, actually, I would definitely dig that.

Haha , I do write comedies once in awhile when I'm stuck or am out of inspiration for the more serious ones--frees your mind, you know?

I might do that in the future,

We'll see, we'll see...

[Megumeru]

...and so I decided to write a few.

HISAO: MASTER OF ROMANCE
Take Two



"Hey have you heard about that eerie rumor concerning Yamaku?"

"About what?"

"About the accident that occurred during last year's festival! Apparently, a boy fell off the roof after he tried to romance his friend!"

"Really? There was something like that!? That's..."

"What's worst, his friend was a guy , can you believe that!?"

"...what does that have to do with an 'eerie rumor'?"

"Well, no, but...doesn't that mean he's gay?"

"No, seriously, is that what you're worried about?"

"There's that, yeah, but another thing is that his friend was that senior! That guy who kept on rambling about feminist conspiracy, and that guy who fell of the roof was known as the Master of Romance and...

"OH JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!"



Baby, I HHHNNGGH for you!
*Now back to the real deal*

"Hey have you heard about that eerie rumor concerning Yamaku?"

"About what?"

"About the accident that occurred during last year's festival! Apparently, a boy fell off the roof after he tried to romance his friend!"

"Really? There was something like that!? That's..."

"Rumor has it that his ghost now haunts the school grounds--especially here, on the roof!"

"Is that true?"

"They said if you say 'Manly Picnic' three times under a clear night sky, he'll appear and push you down with him!"

"That's scary...!"

"...do you want to try it?"

"Eh? The rumor... ? But..."

"It's just a rumor--wouldn't hurt to try, right?"

The two girls stop their conversation as they edge closer to the railing where the assumed 'Master of Romance' had met his demise. They peered down, noticing the great height and the brick pavement below that is sure to lead to certain death. They clasp their hands tight, their lips tremble, and they nod in unison as they exchange their gazes. Even if death awaits them in this clear, solemn night, they are determined to see this through.

"Manly Picnic, Manly Picnic, Manly Picnic..."

Silence.

The girls look at each briefly.

Then a wind, a silhouette, and a fog appear before them as it slowly shape-shifts violently as a transient figure slowly appears before them in the most human-like form...
...
...or is it?

"HUH! HAH! HHHHHHNNNNGGHHH!" He said as he completed his form, followed with difficult unnecessary poses. "Who in the name of the loving-god-of-Venus has summoned me...!"

Confused and bewildered, the girls exchange their gazes. They, however, won't be unnoticed for long.

Like a tornado, Hisao (spirit) spins towards them and stands before them. "Woah there! Hey little mamas, the name's Hisao--can you help me? I think there's something wrong with my eyes..."

"Y-yes...?" one of them replied. "W-what's wrong with your eyes...?"

"What's wrong? Because..."

He inches closer to them.

"I can't take them off you two! You two are pretty!"

He proceeds to wink at them.

The next morning, two bodies of Yamaku High senior students were found in the brick pavement below. Police investigation concluded it was 'suicide'.

-------------

No seriously, I HHHNNGGH for you!

After her confession, Hisao and Lilly decided to spend their first night together in the sofa--partly due to Lilly's 'Healthy Adolescent Sex Drive' on overdrive-mode. As they snuggled together, Lilly's heart thumps louder and louder as their bodies intertwined and their heat and fluid were exchanged with each stroke, each movement. She couldn't take it any longer.

"Hisao! Call me, call me!"

"Hnnngh! HHHNNNNGGHH!! HHHHHHNNNNGGGH...!!!"

"...I want to reenact a love scene, call my name!"

"HHHNNNNGHH!! HHHHNNNNNNNNNGGHHHH! HHHHHHHHHNNNNGGHH..."

"..."

*SMACK*

"O-ow! Lilly...what's that for?"

She put up a stern look. "Hisao, please call my name. What is it with you and this 'hhngh' thing?"

"But Lilly..." he protests. "I am calling your name!"

"Oh? How so?"

He stands up, his hand stretches and flexes as he poses. "My poses are like sign language! HNNGH! HHHNNNGGHH! HHHHNNNNNGGHHHHH!"

"..."

The next morning, Hanako found Lilly snuggling a little too close to her. When asked why, she replied "I want to be a lesbian."

-------------

Damn it, I HHHNNGGH for you!

Hisao had revealed his scar to Hanako--an act that to her, symbolizes deep meanings of trust and commitment. Locking the door behind them, she bare herself before him.

"This," she start, revealing a trail of burn scars from her shoulders down to her waist. "This is the real me..."

Hisao gazes intently, his eyes were strong--albeit a little too strong. "Well baby, I haven't shown you the full me!"

With a spin, Hisao (somehow) managed to strip himself bare leaving only his KS-heart patterned boxers.

"HUH! HAH! HHNNNNGGHHHH!"

Not sure whether she was to be surprised or terrified, Hanako watches in the sideline as he poses.

"And baby," he continued while switching poses. "I can even flex johnny too!"

"..."

"HNNNGGHHHHH!!"

sure enough, johnny flexes up, left, right, and curves to his will.

"IIIYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN...!!!"

The next morning, a newspaper covers a story about an arrested rapist dubbed 'Master of Romance'.

[Mealforthree]

Oh God, this is the best thing since sliced tomatoes!

[The O.H.L.]

That "I want to be a lesbian" line had me actually laughing out loud. Not an easy feat when there are people sleeping just two rooms away and at 5 AM.

[Roamin12]

My sides, they hurt, and my brain hurts from the lack of oxygen in my head right now.
The line that got me was Lilly's "I want to be a lesbian." That had me in stitches.