The Lilly Archives: Three Years Later

[TheLillyArchives]

Chapter 1: Reliving the past
It had been three years since my second heart attack. Since then, Lilly and I had continued our relationship beyond Yamaku. We were chasing our dreams of becoming teachers. Hanako had become a journalist, though sometimes I wonder if her audience is paying more attention to her than the news... Lilly and I planned to return to Yamaku to teach others, and help other achieve their dreams, just as Mutou had helped me. It was holiday season, and Hanako had a few days off, so we planned to meet at the Shang Hai. Yuuko had become the full time owner of the Shang Hai, and she left her position at the library.
Lilly: Yuuko!
Yuuko: My, you guys have grown!
Lilly: It's good to see you again.
Hanako: Yeah.
I just nodded, and we were directed to our seats. Lilly ordered a plate of sandwiches and a pot of black tea. Her request was nostalgic, as we had ordered the same the first time I had come.
Hanako had been telling us of her recent travels, when Lilly suddenly receives a call.
Lilly: Sorry! Please excuse me.
She made her way outside, and it only Hanako and I remained. We took notice of the changes Yuuko had made, and the Shang Hai had become a popular tea house; there were no seats left empty. Lilly returned with a grim look on her face, and we all knew what was to come.
Lilly: Hisao, Hanako, I have something to tell you two...
Hanako looked like she was on the verge of tears.
Lilly: My aunt's illness has returned, and I fear this time I may be leaving for good.
My heart starts beating faster, and I'm not sure if I can make it this time.
Lilly: I have to leave tomorrow morning.
A single tear makes its way down Hanako's face, dropping into her teacup.
We left the Shang Hai, and thanked Yuuko.
Chapter 2: Life in the Present
Hanako and I shared our final goodbyes with Lilly. We shared one last glass of wine, the first time of which all three of us were of drinking age. Lilly made her way to her terminal, and we knew that that would be the last time we would ever see her. Hanako cried.
I am currently teaching Yamaku, while Hanako quit her job and became the new librarian. Lilly's calls have slowly gotten less and less frequent, to a point where she stopped calling completely.
Hanako and I have started dating, though it will never be the same as the experiences I have shared with Lilly. Since Lilly has left, Hanako has become much less stable, back to a state similar to while we still attended Yamaku. I still keep the crane Lilly had given me at Yamaku. Sometimes I wonder if she still remembers me, and if she had moved on to dating others as I had.
My heart has been getting stronger and stronger lately, and my doses of medications have gradually decreased. Hanako and I still try to play chess when we can; I believe the current score is 40 to 42? After school, Hanako and I often go down to the Shang Hai. We always order the same thing: A plate of sandwiches and a pot of black tea.

I miss you Lilly...

Chapter 3: Planning for the Future
It has been five years since Lilly had left us.
Hanako and I are engaged. She is still the Librarian, and I still teach at Yamaku. Yesterday, she finished the last book in the library. I congratulated her, and we went down to the Shang Hai to celebrate. Yuuko still manages the place, and she no longer needs to ask us what we want. It still is always a plate of sandwiches and a pot of black tea...
Though I am happily engaged to Hanako, I still wonder what Lilly is up to. I decide to call her. Instead of Lilly's voice, I hear a prerecorded message, telling me that the number was no longer in use. I have lost all connection with Lilly. My wish is to see her one last time, and tell her how much I miss her. I would thank her for all she has given me, and the experiences I have shared with her. I will never forget Lilly.

I love you Lilly Satou.

[Rikabro]

Sure are a lot of conflicting emotions in here. In a way I guess it's what you'd call a happy ending for Hanako, who after all those years finally gets to be with Hisao. Pains me to think she'd been thirdwheeling for three years after the end of Lilly's route. Lilly's calls tapering off gradually over the years is upsetting, but true to her character.

If I might make a suggestion, you may want to repair the tense-jumping (which is easy enough to do). You switched from past to present tense a couple of times throughout your narrative.

I'll also recommend you read this post:
http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=2485

Thanks for sharing! Hope to see more of your writing on here.

[Daitengu]

Feels like I'm reading the clif notes of a story. Second heart attack would indicate Lilly's good end, so it seems out of character for Lily to leave AGAIN, and Hisao to not stop her or follow/chase her.

[Otakumon]

Why would Lilly's aunt getting sick again cause her to have to move to Scotland and never be able to move back? Her family is wealthy and can afford care for the aunt who might not even live long enough for Lilly to get there, if I'm reading it right. I know you had to get her out of the way so Hanako and Hisao could hook up, but it seems pretty confusing.

[Elcor]

Feels like I'm reading the clif notes of a story. Second heart attack would indicate Lilly's good end, so it seems out of character for Lily to leave AGAIN, and Hisao to not stop her or follow/chase her.

I agree with this. It reads like someone who had gotten Lilly's good ending yet truly wanted a Hanako and Hisao relationship.

[Breaker deGodot]

Sorry, but that made zero sense whatsoever. If this is the good ending, then why is Lilly leaving again? Why would Hisao not even try to stop her? That's ridiculously out of character.