A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction) (U 2/14/13)

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Mahorfeus
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mahorfeus » Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:10 pm

So, never give Hanako spoilers?
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Specter Von Baren
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Specter Von Baren » Sat Mar 17, 2012 11:45 am

I don't know. Seems like allot of stretching to get the situation to work. Things like the nurses not seeing Hisao's scar, Hisao for some reason wanting to figure out who he is on his own, Lily and Hanako (Especially Lily) agreeing to not just tell Hisao who he or they are. It seems rather contrived.

A better way to do it would be to give Hisao a legitimate reason for not wanting to be told who he is, like, have him think he wants to figure it out for himself because he doesn't want to be influenced by the opinions of others to become someone he isn't. He wants to know who he believes himself to be, not what others see him to be. Maybe even have it so he's somewhat suspicious of everyone even if he realizes that it's a most likely irrational thought.

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Otakumon
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Otakumon » Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:38 pm

Specter Von Baren wrote:I don't know. Seems like allot of stretching to get the situation to work. Things like the nurses not seeing Hisao's scar, Hisao for some reason wanting to figure out who he is on his own, Lily and Hanako (Especially Lily) agreeing to not just tell Hisao who he or they are. It seems rather contrived.

A better way to do it would be to give Hisao a legitimate reason for not wanting to be told who he is, like, have him think he wants to figure it out for himself because he doesn't want to be influenced by the opinions of others to become someone he isn't. He wants to know who he believes himself to be, not what others see him to be. Maybe even have it so he's somewhat suspicious of everyone even if he realizes that it's a most likely irrational thought.
He has a reason but he forgot what it is.

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Exbando
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Exbando » Tue Mar 20, 2012 3:46 am

Chapter 4 is FINALLY finished. Again, this picks up right at the end of Chapter 3.

Previous Chapter

--------------------------------

After a minute or two, a nurse comes in and asks what I need. Ms. Satou explains about going to the cafeteria. The nurse simply nods, and then leaves the room. After another minute, she comes back into the room, this time while pushing a wheelchair. She comes up to my bed, and starts unhooking things from me. I stop paying attention to what she’s doing; I’m too busy thinking about what the three of us are going to talk about at lunch. We’ve pretty much exhausted all conversation options, considering my stupid request.

It isn’t long before I’m put into the wheelchair, and we’re headed off to the cafeteria, the nurse pushing me, with Hanako following, Ms. Satou holding onto Hanako’s arm for what I assume to be guidance. Then again, from what I can see when I take a look behind me, Hanako seems to be hiding behind Ms. Satou.

We soon reach the cafeteria. I decide to let the nurse pick out my food for me. After all, she’ll know what foods are good for someone with amnesia. Maybe there is a food that might help me remember anything other than one girl’s name and face.

When we reach a table, the nurse asks if we are okay getting back to the room. I nod, and the nurse leaves. Hanako and Ms. Satou sit down, and we begin eating. The two of them aren’t saying anything, but maybe they just don’t like to talk while eating. That seems to make sense. It would probably be difficult for Ms. Satou to understand what anybody is saying if their mouth is full.

I decide to take the silence as an opportunity to look at the right side of her face. Not at her scars, but trying to find her eye that is hidden behind her hair. It doesn’t take too long before Hanako notices me, though. Our eyes lock for a moment, and it looks like Hanako just might try running away from me.

She must not like people staring, which is understandable. Hanako doesn’t run away, however. She simply looks down, focusing on her food. I think I see, if only for a quarter of a second, though, a smile. A very shy smile, but a smile nonetheless. Unfortunately, it was so quick that I’m not sure if it’s just my mind playing tricks on me.

The three of us continue to eat our lunches in silence, each of us, probably, are thinking the same thing:

Am I ever going to remember everything?

When all of our trays are empty, Hanako takes them to the trash. With newfound energy in my arms, I start getting ready to wheel myself out of the cafeteria and back to the hospital room. It’s because of this that I’m surprised when Hanako starts pulling me away from table. Surprised, but I’m not complaining. Now I can save whatever energy I had for something else later, whatever that could be. A thought occurs to me when this happens, so I decide to say the first thing between us for about a half hour, “Ms. Satou?” I ask, her facing perking up as I do so, “If Hanako is pushing me back to the room, will you be able to find your way there?”

Ms. Satou gently laughs. “Don’t worry about me, friend, you have your own needs to worry about right now. I have my ways of getting around without somebody’s help.” That answer seemed well rehearsed. She must get that a lot, then.

The trip back to the room is uneventful. Ms. Satou walks in only a few moments after Hanako pushes me in. I manage to push myself back in to the bed, but I decide to sit instead of lying down. I’ve done enough lying down for today, thank you very much. Ms. Satou and Hanako find chairs and sit down as well.

Silence still fills the air. I should say something, if only to break the silence. “Did you enjoy your lunches?” I ask. Small talk is better than silence, at least.

Ms. Satou is the first, as usual, it seems, to answer the question, “Yes I did, thank you.” Hanako merely nods in agreement.

“Good, good,” is all I say. Silence returns to the room. I guess we really have run out of things to talk about. A couple more minutes pass by, when Ms. Satou stands up. “What’s going on, Ms. Satou?” I ask.

“I think that now would be a good time for us to leave, now that we know that you are still in one piece,” she replies. Hanako stands up fairly slowly after Ms. Satou explains. “Don’t worry, we’ll be back to visit you again soon, friend,” she says.

I respond, “I understand, you must have work to do. I guess I’ll see you later, er, I mean-“

I’m cut off by Ms. Satou gently laughing. “Please, don’t change your speech on my account!” she says with a smile on her face. “I’ll see you later, friend.”

“S-see you around, Hi-um, f-friend,” Hanako says, looking like she doesn’t want to leave, but too timid to say anything to Ms. Satou.

“Goodbye, Ms. Satou, Hanako,” I say as they exit the room. And now, silence is back in the room, only this time, it’s going to stay for quite some time. As much as I don’t want to lie down, I decide that now is as good a time as any to get some sleep. After all, I didn’t get any sleep last night, so I had better catch up. As I lie down on the bed, I think back to the last thing that Hanako said to me:

S-see you around, Hi-um, f-friend.

Wait a minute...did Hanako nearly say my name?

--------------------------------

Next Chapter

I hope you all are enjoying the story so far, or at least not hating it. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, especially since this chapter is pretty much filler. I would like to say that I was busy doing homework, but my mom taught me that lying is wrong. Truth is, I was playing Jak 3, Rock Band 3, God of War: Chains of Olympus, and Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to homework.
Last edited by Exbando on Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Hanako > Lilly = Emi > Shizune > Rin
Feeling like your heart is broken? Need to get it off your chest? Tell your story here
I have a fanfiction! It's pretty bad. I started another fanfic cause I'm stupid!

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:30 am

After all, she’ll know what foods are good for someone with amnesia.
Foodbuffs FTW! I recommend Cerebral Cereals* for the INT buff ;-)
It would probably be difficult for Ms. Satou to understand what anybody is saying if their mouth is full.
Why should that be harder for Lilly than for anyone else?

*I made that one up
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by MrDogsniper » Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:20 pm

A lovely story continue.
Sandvich!

Nameless

Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Nameless » Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:32 pm

and so it continues...
Just a small thing about the conversation between Lilly or Hanako talk to Hisao,constantly reiterating Hisao's name is annoying, awkward, and disrupts the flow of the story (unless that is what your going for). We don't really say people's names that often in daily conversation with people in general.
If you must reiterate "friend" try repositioning it at the very least to make it flow better.

For example:
“It’s good that you can remember Hanako’s name, friend. I think it should be taken as a sign that you haven’t forgotten everything permanently.” Vs.
“Friend," Ms. Satou says breaking the silence, "It’s good that you can remember Hanako’s name. I think it should be taken as a sign that you haven’t forgotten everything permanently.” Vs.
“It’s good that you can remember Hanako’s name. I think it should be taken as a sign that you haven’t forgotten everything permanently.”
Or
“Don’t worry about me, friend, you have your own needs to worry about right now. I have my ways of getting around without somebody’s help.”
“Friend" Ms.Satou says with a smile, "Don’t worry about me, you have your own needs to worry about right now. I have my ways of getting around without somebody’s help.”
“Don’t worry about me, you have your own needs to worry about right now. I have my ways of getting around without somebody’s help.”

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Exbando
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Exbando » Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:44 am

And you all thought this story was dead! Here is Chapter 5. I hope you all enjoy it.

Previous Chapter

--------------------------------

Where am I? Everything around me is dark. I can’t see a thing. I lift my hands up, but I can’t see them, even though I think they’re in front of my face. Am I blind, like…what was her name, again? Damn it! I can’t even remember her name, even though I saw her today!

I try to feel around for a wall to support myself. I can’t feel anything around, either. Come to think of it, I can’t even feel anything under my feet. I can’t feel anything, am I floating? It’s hard to tell since I can’t see anything.

I wonder if I can move while floating, like a ghost or something. I try to simply will myself to move. Again, a lack of knowledge of my surroundings makes it very difficult to know if progress is being made. Maybe a swimming motion would yield better results? I try, but, again, nothing. This is pretty aggravating.

On a whim, I decide to turn around, maybe get a sense of my surroundings. To my surprise, I can actually see something! A small, faint light off in the distance. I use this small light as much as I can to look around. I can see my hands, now. I look down, towards my feet. It does look like I am floating, but now I can feel a surface beneath my feet. Strange.

Now that I’m beginning to regain my senses, I feel cold. Maybe that light will provide some warmth? No harm in trying, right? I start walking forward. As I am walking, the light begins to grow, and I feel slightly warmer. This warm feeling is definitely better than the cold feeling from before.

I continue walking, never changing pace. The cold feeling slowly going away, to be replaced by the warm feeling. The light grows more and more as I continue to walk. Eventually, the light grows so much that I can’t see anything again.

I stop walking. Not because I don’t like this feeling or anything, but because I heard something. A voice. I’m not sure what it said, but it’s not long until I hear it again.

P-please, d-don’t give u-up, Hisao.

Who is Hisao? Is that me? It’s hard to say; nobody’s around. I don’t ever remember being called that, so it must be someone else. I resume walking. The warm feeling is now beginning to envelop me. It’s very nice.

I’m b-begging you, Hi-Hisao. D-don’t g-g-gi-give u-up, PLEASE!

That voice again. There’s something familiar about it. I wonder who it is. I wonder who they’re talking to. I stop walking. I try to look around. Maybe there is someone else that I haven’t noticed yet. Nobody. Does this mean that I am Hisao? If I am Hisao, then who is it that’s speaking?

I sit down, if only to figure this mystery out. Assuming that I am, in fact, Hisao, than this disembodied voice must belong to someone very important to me. Time to force some memories out.

After what feels like hours, I still can’t remember. I’m fairly close to giving up on figuring this out. I don’t want to give up, though. That’s what this voice is telling me not to do. I wonder. If I can hear this person talking, then they should be able to hear me as well. Maybe. It’s worth a shot. “What is your name?” I say. After what feels like a couple of minutes, I get a response from somewhere behind me.

H-Hanako.

Almost immediately, a flood of memories begin to fill my eyes. All involving a dark haired girl with dark eyes. There are scars on at least a third of her face, but those don’t matter. She is beautiful. How could I have forgotten Hanako? I must be a total douchebag to have forgotten her.

I have to go to her. I stand up. As soon as I do so, I begin walking again. What? No! I don’t want to walk, I want to turn around! I can’t control my body! What’s going on?! It’s now that I notice the warm feeling is getting too hot. I’m scared. Is this how I will die?

If it is, then I need to talk to Hanako, even if I can’t see her. “Hanako. A beautiful name for a beautiful person,” I say, with a little fear in my voice. It’s getting hotter and hotter “I-I don’t know what’s going on right now, and I’m scared.”

Hi-Hisao…

Hanako’s voice; it’s so soothing, even in a time like this. “I-I don’t know how much longer I have, so I have to make this quick,” I begin. I need to say this now. “I love you, Hanako. I love you with all my heart.” It is really hot now. It’s unbearable.

P-please, H-Hisao, don’t g-give u-up.

I won’t give up. I have to fight. I have to fight for control. First, I need to gain control of my legs. However, as much as I try, I can’t turn around. As much as I want to, my body simply will not co-operate. “I’m not giving up, Hanako. If I’m going down, I’m going down fighting.” It is way too hot, now.

F-fight harder, then.

“I’m fighting as hard as I can. I-I-I don’t know if I can win, though. I’m really scared, Hanako.” It’s true. I don’t know if there is a single person out there that wouldn’t be scared if they were in this situation.

F-fight for m-me, H-Hisao.

This time, Hanako’s voice came from right beside me, instead of behind me, as it was before. All of a sudden, I feel something covering my left hand. It’s warm. The same warmth from before, before it became unbearably hot. I can feel strength in that hand again!

I need to stop walking. I grab my left leg with my free hand. That leg stops the walking motion, but the other leg is continuing, dragging my other leg. I try grabbing my other leg, to more success. My left leg began walking, only to be stopped my arm. I fall over on my face.

My body has stopped. It’s like my body has given up. I know that if I get up with my strong arm, my legs will just start walking again. I can’t stay like this, but I don’t want to die. Can I turn around? I try to use my strong arm, which is still comfortable compared to the rest of my body, which now feels like it is on fire.

I reach my arm out and slam my hand on the invisible floor. When I try to slide my body to the right, however, I realize that the floor has no grip. My hand simply slides to the left. This is not good. I can only move forward, towards the blinding light. I’m amazed that I can still see my hands.

You can do it, H-Hisao.

I begin to feel that comfortable warmth spread over my right arm now. Strength is beginning to return to that arm as well! I try to turn around again, this time with two arms instead of just one.

Slowly, I turn around, and I am surprised that it is not darkness behind me. Instead, it’s like a scene from a movie. I see a man lying in a hospital bed, but he is not alone. There are doctors all around, attempting to use a defibrillator. The one thing that I find strange, though, is that Hanako is there, crying and holding the man’s hands. I see Hanako beginning to talk.

You can’t g-give up!

I-is that man me? Am I really dying? I start crawling, since I can’t trust my legs at the moment. The image starts getting larger and larger. It’s almost like I’m going into the image itself. The heat is also slowly going away.

However, as I’m crawling, I realize that I am no longer getting any closer to the image. Come to think of it, I can feel something grabbing my legs. Something that’s so hot it might as well be on fire. I don’t even need to look to know what it is. I must look like I belong in a horror movie as I try to crawl towards the image, only to be pulled back, towards the burning light. The last thing I see before being blinded by the light is Hanako’s face.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

“You can’t g-give up!” I yell. I’m crying and holding onto Hisao’s hands for dear life, wishing that I could help him in some way. The machine that keeps track of his heart rate has been flat lining for a couple of minutes now, but it might as well have been lifetimes. I know that Hisao is still alive because he’s squeezing my hands. That and he’s been muttering. Not nonsense, but muttering to me. Hisao somehow knew I was here without ever opening his eyes.

I feel Hisao’s grip start to loosen. Is he back?! He must be back, right? I hear one of the doctors sigh. “Call it…”he says, lacking any emotion. No. He can’t be.

“Time of death: 3:38 P.M.” the nurse responds, also lacking emotion.

“NOOOO!” I scream. “YOU CAN’T BE DEAD, HISAO! YOU JUST CAN’T BE!” I start breaking down, sobbing. I lean over Hisao’s now lifeless body. “No-t you too…” The only boy I ever loved is dead. He told me he loved me, but I never said it back to him. Why couldn’t I say it?! I didn’t even say goodbye, I only told him to fight, to not give up.

I feel an arm around me. I look over, and see that Lilly is holding me. She is crying as well, but silently, at least compared to my sobbing and wailing. I turn back, my face now resting on Hisao’s chest. Lilly sits down, putting her head on my back.

We spend two hours just sitting there crying. Lilly is the first to get up. “I think we should go home,” she says, attempting to hold back the tears.

“N-no,” I respond, doing a worse job of fighting the tears. “I-I want t-to s-st-stay h-here. I sh-shouldn’t d-drive an-anyway.”

I feel Lilly’s hand on my shoulder. “We took a taxi, remember?” she says, not able to hold back the tears at this point. “It’s not good for us to stay here.” I reluctantly get up, and we head out the door.

Goodbye Hisao. I will miss you.

--------------------------------


Next Chapter(Google Docs)

And there it is. U mad bro? Constructive criticism is always appreciated.
Last edited by Exbando on Tue May 22, 2012 3:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
Hanako > Lilly = Emi > Shizune > Rin
Feeling like your heart is broken? Need to get it off your chest? Tell your story here
I have a fanfiction! It's pretty bad. I started another fanfic cause I'm stupid!

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Mahorfeus
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mahorfeus » Sun Apr 01, 2012 1:50 am

You just turned this story into pure garbage. Inconsistent tense, crap dialogue, everybody's out of character, sentence structure is out of whack, and there's no threesome going on yet...

April Fool's :D
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Brogurt
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Brogurt » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:39 am

Okay so what was the point of this anyway

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Apr 01, 2012 3:18 am

Probably another April Fools joke...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Guest » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:47 pm

Brogurt wrote:Okay so what was the point of this anyway
Purchase a calender

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BobBobberson
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by BobBobberson » Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:08 pm

Troll ending is troll.

Ok, not really, but I definitely wasn't expecting Hisao to die. I thought he was going to somehow remember everything and hook up with Hanako (again). Ah, well. Good story mate.

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mut-Who » Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:52 pm

Not sure if ending is April Fool's Day joke, or if entire fic was meant to be April Fool's Day joke.

I suppose we'll see here soon. Regardless, the fic has been nice a read to far, save for the ambiguously troll ending.
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tony246
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by tony246 » Mon Apr 02, 2012 12:17 am

I would like to think that it was an april fool's day post purely because of the lack of transition.

But then again, this is the internet so...yeah.
I'm not good with this sort of thing, so I"m just going to say it here:
Thank you, Four Leaf Studios.

That is all.

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