A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction) (U 2/14/13)

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Exbando
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A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction) (U 2/14/13)

Post by Exbando » Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:21 am

Hi everybody. This is my first attempt at a fan fiction. I had the idea for the plot while I was at work today, and I wanted to make it happen, so here is the first chapter.

--------------------------------

I’m woken up by some strange mumblings. I can only catch some small snippets of conversation.

“How did he manage to survive?”

“Luckiest guy I’ve ever seen!”

“Was anybody with him at the time?”

“When do you think he’ll wake up?”

“Did he have any ID on him?”

So many voices…just where am I? I try to get a look at my surroundings, but it’s too dark to make anything out.

“We should probably check on him.”

I hear a door opening from across the room. I manage to make out a tall figure entering the room before I’m blinded by the lights coming on. When I can finally see again, I notice that I’m in a hospital room. Why am I in a hospital?

“Oh good, you’re awake.” It takes me a moment before I realize that the tall figure from before is talking to me. “My name is Dr. Hideki Nakano. Now, we couldn’t find any ID on you when you were brought here. Could you tell me what your name is?”

“My name-,” I begin. “My name is…” Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me right now. Why can’t I remember what my name is?! It’s so simple! A name! This is going to be really embarrassing… “I don’t know, actually…”

Dr. Nakano merely nods. “I was afraid of this. Can you give us any names of people that you know? Close friends or family, perhaps?”

I try to think of any family. I obviously had parents, but I can’t even picture them in my head right now, let alone remember their names. I feel like I had friends at some point, but it’s the same story. They just seem to be blank. “No, sir, I can’t remember anything,” I say in a quiet voice. WHY can’t I remember any of this? Maybe those friends that I had weren’t all that important to me…

Dr. Nakano seems to be in a lot of thought. “This will be tricky…,” He says calmly. “If you don’t remember who you are, and you can’t think of anybody that can identify who you are, then we’ll see if we can figure out who you are from what you can remember. Tell me, do you remember the event that got you here? You seem to have taken some damage to the head, obviously.”

What do I remember? Everything is just a blur right now. Maybe I can remember if I ask when it might have happened. “How long have I been here?” I ask, perhaps a little bit too off topic from his question.

“You’ve been here for about two hours. I, quite frankly, am amazed that you were able to get up so fast. The other doctors of my team are amazed that you are simply alive.” It’s only just now that I realize that there are three other people behind Dr. Nakano. They seem to be only watching the conversation. It’s almost like they’re afraid to speak up and say something. “Now, do you remember anything from the incident that brought you here?” he repeats.

I had thought that getting a time frame would help, but it’s done nothing. At this point, I’m not even surprised by that. I tell Dr. Nakano that I can’t remember, and he simply shakes his head. “If you can’t remember, we have no way of knowing who you are.” He says grimly.

“Do you have a cell phone?” says a voice that I haven’t heard from yet. It seems to come from one of the doctors in the back.

A cell phone? What does that have to do with anything? “Why do you need to know that?” I ask.

“Well, if you have a cell phone, then we could call some of your contacts, and they could come in and tell us who you are.” He states, with a little excitement in his voice.
That seems to make sense, so I quickly check my pockets for a cell phone. Nothing. Damn it, we were so close. “Unfortunately, it doesn’t-,” I start. At that moment, I remember a seemingly random string of numbers. Is it a phone number? It’s the same amount of numbers as a phone number. Who knows whose number it is, but it’s worth a try. I start talking again, “It seems that I don’t have a cell phone on me, but I do remember what I think is a phone number.”

The doctors seem a little bit happier about this turn of events. “Well, what’s the number?” Asks Dr. Nakano. I give them the number, and they send one of the doctors to go and call whoever it is with the bad news that an acquaintance is in the hospital, and they can’t remember anything. That’ll be a fun call. I’m glad I don’t have to make it.

A thought occurs to me, though. “What time is it?” I ask innocently enough. I don’t want to wake someone up and then have whoever it is driving here in the middle of the night just to tell the doctors my name. If there’s one thing that I can remember, it’s the fact that I don’t like to cause trouble for others, and I’ve already caused a great deal of trouble for the doctors here.

One of the doctors looks at her watch and responds, “It’s about 5:30 A.M.” 5:30? And I’ve been here for only two hours? What the hell was I doing at 3:30 in the morning to get myself in the hospital?

After a couple of minutes, the doctor that made the call comes in and whispers something to Dr. Nakano. “Well, it’s better than nothing, I suppose,” is all I can got out of their conversation. Dr. Nakano turns to me and begins talking, “The person that picked up the phone might know who you are, and she will be here at about noon to confirm or deny this. You should get some rest. You have a concussion, and sleep is important. We’ll wake you up if you aren’t already awake when she arrives.”

I guess it’s good that my completely out of the blue memory actually helped, but something is bugging me. “Excuse me, Doctor,” I start, “but just what is, ‘better than nothing?’”

Dr. Nakano frowns slightly and says, “She is blind.” Then Dr. Nakano and the other doctors exit the room, and turning off the lights in the process, leaving me to sleep.

--------------------------------

Next Chapter

Constructive criticism is always appreciated. I don't know how long this is going to be, but I'll keep writing it until it's finished. And yeah, it'll probably get really cheesy.
Last edited by Exbando on Sat Feb 23, 2013 3:29 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:21 am

You should get some rest. You don’t have a concussion, and sleep is important.
I guess that's what you meant. It's hard to receive a head injury that causes amnesia and NOT have a concussion. It's like cutting off an arm without bleeding^^°
Also, just why are the doctors disappointed that Lilly (Let's assume it's her) is blind? That shouldn't have any bearing at all on whether or not she can identify Hisao.
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Exbando » Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:07 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
You should get some rest. You don’t have a concussion, and sleep is important.
I guess that's what you meant. It's hard to receive a head injury that causes amnesia and NOT have a concussion. It's like cutting off an arm without bleeding^^°
Also, just why are the doctors disappointed that Lilly (Let's assume it's her) is blind? That shouldn't have any bearing at all on whether or not she can identify Hisao.
First of all, thanks for reading and replying.

I had heard that falling asleep when having a concussion was a bad thing, and I didn't want the doctor to just tell him to go to sleep if he had a concussion. As for the doctors being put off by her blindness, let's just assume that the doctors didn't really think of how a blind person could identify someone.
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:03 pm

Exbando wrote:I had heard that falling asleep when having a concussion was a bad thing, and I didn't want the doctor to just tell him to go to sleep if he had a concussion.
Not really...
Losing your consciousness is always a bad thing, because an unconscious person is in danger of asphyxiation if not treated properly. Also a conscious person always means less stress for the resue team, because a person who is conscious is always breathing, has a pulse and can notify the doctors if he's feeling worse.
Losing your consciousness because of a concussion is also a bad thing - mainly because it means it was a bad concussion, which can have further undesirable consequences...
Falling asleep in a controlled environment - like the emergency ward of a hospital - is rarely ever considered dangerous.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Exbando » Sat Mar 10, 2012 12:15 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Exbando wrote:I had heard that falling asleep when having a concussion was a bad thing, and I didn't want the doctor to just tell him to go to sleep if he had a concussion.
Not really...
Losing your consciousness is always a bad thing, because an unconscious person is in danger of asphyxiation if not treated properly. Also a conscious person always means less stress for the resue team, because a person who is conscious is always breathing, has a pulse and can notify the doctors if he's feeling worse.
Losing your consciousness because of a concussion is also a bad thing - mainly because it means it was a bad concussion, which can have further undesirable consequences...
Falling asleep in a controlled environment - like the emergency ward of a hospital - is rarely ever considered dangerous.
Alright, I edited that part so that it's more "realistic"

Now you're telling me that I can't survive an explosion behind me? Aw man, there goes my plans for next weekend...
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Rikabro » Sat Mar 10, 2012 5:01 pm

I don't know anything about concussions. I think you can (if you want to) mess around with the particulars in order to make it more scientifically accurate without losing any of the actual story, though. Obviously this is just a set-up for a longer narrative. Hisao was in some kind of accident and has amnesia. That's workable enough.

I think the doctor's remark about Lilly's blindness was fair enough. It was off-the-cuff and he overheard it, so it's not like he came out and said that to Hisao directly, or really thought a whole lot about the implications of blindness.

I look forward to Lilly identifying an amnesiac Hisao who may or may not recognize her.
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by CarnivalNights » Sat Mar 10, 2012 5:13 pm

Kind of dull, but will still follow. I'm sure it'll be much more exciting in upcoming write ups.
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by FishyBroski » Sat Mar 10, 2012 7:32 pm

Sounds great so far! Can't wait for more (:

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by waynoinsano » Sat Mar 10, 2012 11:43 pm

I don't think Lilly's blindness fit into that scene, she knows that she could identify someone she knows and would have no reason to even mention it. I believe you should've held it off to when she walks in and Hisao see a blind girl is here to identify him.

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Otakumon » Sun Mar 11, 2012 12:47 am

Are you sure it's Hisao that's injured? The feminists may have finally tried to bump off Kenji. 8)

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Nameless » Sun Mar 11, 2012 1:18 am

hmm... a very uneventful beginning...
It is interesting that the doctors checked for ID yet they didn't check for a cellphone...

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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Exbando » Sun Mar 11, 2012 2:09 am

Rikabro wrote:I don't know anything about concussions. I think you can (if you want to) mess around with the particulars in order to make it more scientifically accurate without losing any of the actual story, though. Obviously this is just a set-up for a longer narrative. Hisao was in some kind of accident and has amnesia. That's workable enough.

I think the doctor's remark about Lilly's blindness was fair enough. It was off-the-cuff and he overheard it, so it's not like he came out and said that to Hisao directly, or really thought a whole lot about the implications of blindness.

I look forward to Lilly identifying an amnesiac Hisao who may or may not recognize her.
I don't feel like researching all about concussions and amnesia right now. I think what you said is right. For the purposes of this story, realism doesn't really matter.
CarnivalNights wrote:Kind of dull, but will still follow. I'm sure it'll be much more exciting in upcoming write ups.
No pressure, right? Maybe I'll try to get Michael Bay to help with the writing. That'll make it way more exciting, right?
FishyBroski wrote:Sounds great so far! Can't wait for more (:
Thank you! I hope you enjoy the rest when it gets finished!
waynoinsano wrote:I don't think Lilly's blindness fit into that scene, she knows that she could identify someone she knows and would have no reason to even mention it. I believe you should've held it off to when she walks in and Hisao see a blind girl is here to identify him.
I wanted him to question why he would know a blind person (as will be seen at the beginning of the next chapter). Besides, what's in the past is done, right?
Otakumon wrote:Are you sure it's Hisao that's injured? The feminists may have finally tried to bump off Kenji. 8)
Spoilers! Aw man, now I've got to re-write everything so that there's a new twist...so annoying...
Nameless wrote:hmm... a very uneventful beginning...
It is interesting that the doctors checked for ID yet they didn't check for a cellphone...
I think you should suspend your disbelief and just look over that hole in the story.

Technically speaking, chapter 2 is already finished. But after reading responses (and thinking about what I had wrote while at work for 11 hours), I kinda want to rewrite all of it, with absolutely no idea of what to change it to. Self-doubt has reared its ugly head once again....
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by andros414 » Sun Mar 11, 2012 2:51 am

Nice start, I'm looking forward to more chapters.

I'm starting to wonder if it's not Hisao. All we know for sure is that the main character is a male, was out very late at night, doesn't remember his name or those of family/friends, and he knows a blind girl. I don't think doctors would be careless enough to miss a large scar on a person's chest, and the type of scars Hisao should have been a hint to check for other things that could help identify him. After all, how many teenagers with arrhythmia would be out running around after multiple heart surgeries and attacks?

I also don't think it's Kenji, either. Remember, he's legally blind and had to lean in real close when he met Hisao to see his face clearly. I'm pointing this out because I feel a person would have to be making large and obvious gestures for a near-blind person to be able to tell they're "only watching the conversation" and that "It's almost like they're afraid to speak up and say something."


Though I do have a very bad habit of over-thinking and reading too much into things, so hopefully the next chapter comes out soon. ^^
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Mar 11, 2012 3:25 am

Yeah, I noticed that too.
Someone who is in intensive care in a hospital will almost certainly be hooked up to an ECG at some point, and I think it would be hard to miss something like Arrythmia. If they are anywhere close to Yamaku, that's the first place they'd call to ask if they're missing a student with that condition. I'm willing to suspend my disbelief for that, though. It presupposes a bit of medical knowledge.
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Re: A Familiar Face (Hanako Neutral End Fan Fiction)

Post by Exbando » Sun Mar 11, 2012 5:09 am

I figure I should get chapter 2 out now before I get any more ideas and try to change the story more than it needs to be. In this chapter, you're going to see just how stupid our main character can be at times.


Previous Chapter

--------------------------------

How Dr. Nakano expected me to sleep is a mystery. My mind is just racing with too many questions. But the big question on my mind is, “Who do I know that is blind?” And that’s if I even know this person. For all I know, I could have just pulled random numbers out of my ass and they happened to call some blind lady that I’ve never met before.

I suppose that the one good thing about not being able to sleep is being able to figure some things out. It’s pretty clear that I have amnesia. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to remember everything. I wonder if I’ll even be able to remember ANYTHING.

A couple of hours later, I feel like taking a shower. Maybe that’ll calm me down a little bit. I try to get up, but I realize that I’m hooked up to a couple of machines. I sigh. I briefly consider using the “call nurse” button, and asking them if I can, but I decide against it. I don’t want to bother them with something as trivial as a shower. They probably have much more important things to attend to.

I look to my right. There’s a clock there. It says that it’s 10:42 A.M. I’ve still got over an hour before this blind girl shows up. I turn my head to the left, towards the bathroom. The door is closed, and on the outside of the door is a mirror.

I try to get a good look at myself, hoping that I can remember who I am. I have short, brown, messy hair along with brown eyes. Other than seeming a little tall, I look fairly average. Nothing really standing out, except for those couple strands of hair that doesn’t look like they would ever cooperate. And I still can’t remember anything about me, my family, or my close friends, if I even had any.

I look back at the clock. 10:47 A.M. Oh, fuck you, Father Time. This is going to be a long hour and thirteen minutes.

At some point while waiting for this girl to show up, I decide that, in the event that I actually know her, I don’t want her to tell me who I am. I don’t care how much easier it is if I do that, I want to figure out for myself. The same goes for her name. I want to be able to remember everything on my own, now. I can’t really explain why, I just want it to be that way.

I hear something that catches my attention. A very light tapping sound. There’s no real rhythm to it, which strikes me as odd. The tapping starts to get ever so slightly louder and louder. Once it stops, I hear Dr. Nakano say, “He’s in this room, Ms. Satou” as the door opens. Is it noon already?

I look towards the door, and I see something completely unexpected. This girl doesn’t look like a native Japanese girl at all. She is very tall, has pale skin, and has long, wavy, blonde hair. The clouded look of her eyes gives away the fact that she is blind. “Um, hello?” is all she says to me. I’m still dumbstruck by her looks. I don’t really know what I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting that.

I try to lighten the mood little bit with a joke. “Well, if you’re a friend of mine, I must have been a pretty lucky guy.” She starts smiling. It looks like my joke had the intended effect. She starts talking before I can explain anything.

“It IS you! Do you remember what happened last night?” her face drops a little, “Do you remember me? My name is-”

“No,” I interrupt. I already heard Dr. Nakano say her surname, but I don’t want her to say her first name. “I’m sorry, Ms. Satou, but I don’t remember you. I wish I could, I really do, but I can’t.” She lowers her head. I probably would have done the same thing if a friend couldn’t remember me, I think. “I don’t want you to worry to try and help me remember. I want to be able to remember these things on my own. I know that you know my name, but I want to realize it on my own. The same goes for your name, and anyone else that might know me.” Now she seems very depressed. “I think you should at least tell Dr. Nakano my name, though. It’s probably more important to him.”

“If you don’t want me to tell you your name, how shall I address you?” Oh, right. I hadn’t thought of that.

“Maybe you could just call me, friend?”

Her face seems to perk up a little bit. “I’m glad that you are willing to let me call you a friend,” she responds with a smile on her face

A thought occurs to me. Do I have any other friends? I ask Ms. Satou this much, and she smiles. “We do have a mutual friend. She said that she is coming in about an hour. I assume you would like to remember her name for yourself, as well?”

“Yes, that is what I would like,” I respond. Ms. Satou simply nods.

“Would you like me to call her and inform her of this, or would you rather tell her yourself when she arrives?”

I think about it for a moment. “I feel like you should tell her. You know her better than I do, and therefore you will know the best way to handle that situation.”

“Very well. I will call her now,” she responds, a little coldly. And she steps outside of the room to make the call. While she’s out of the room, I try to remember everything I can about Ms. Satou.

Still nothing. But I do get an idea. I wait for Ms. Satou to get off of the phone with the mystery woman. It seems like much longer than it actually takes. Father Time really enjoys fucking with me like this.

Finally, Ms. Satou re-enters the room, looking down. I suppose now is a better time than any to tell her my idea. “I got an idea while you were on the phone, Ms. Satou.” I begin.

“Oh?” she responds, her interest piqued, “and what would that idea be?”

I respond simply, “Two weeks.” She looks confused, so I elaborate. “I want you to wait two weeks. If I can’t remember my own name in that time, I want you to tell me who I am.”

Ms. Satou seems to brighten up a bit at this. “Of course I will,” is her response.

Our conversation is interrupted by a light knocking on the door. Is it Dr. Nakano? Or is it the mystery woman? I want to get up and answer the door, but I’m still stuck in the bed. I let them in the only way I can. “Come in!” I say to the person at the door.

The door starts opening, and I recognize the face of the person that is entering. The thing is, it’s not Dr. Nakano. It’s a woman. She has long, straight, dark hair. Some of her hair is covering the right side of her face. From across the room, I can’t tell why she would do that, but when she starts walking toward the door, it starts becoming clear. It seems like somewhere between a third and half of her face is badly scarred. Everything about this woman feels familiar, but why? I still can’t come up with a name, but I suppose that being able to recognize her is better than what happened with Ms. Satou. I catch myself staring at her scars, and it seems like she does as well. She brings up her hand to cover the right side of her face while I try to look away.

“H-Hello,” is all the response I get from this person. She seems like a very shy person. If it weren’t for the fact that she already knows me, I doubt that she would have been able to even walk toward me.

I smile at her. “Hello there,” is all the response I can give. I wonder if it’s a good idea to tell this woman that I recognize her. I decide against it, for now. I should at least get a conversation started before I drop that bomb. Maybe another joke will lighten the mood? “I must have been quite the player to have two pretty ladies like you as friends.”

Ms. Satou smiles and laughs a little at this, but the mystery woman looks down. I can’t read any facial expression from her. I wonder if I said the right thing. Should I address it? I decide to bring it up. You never know where a conversation could lead, after all. “Why are you looking down like that? Can’t you take a compliment, Hanako?”

--------------------------------

Next Chapter

And there it is. My newness to writing is definitely showing here. As for all of the doctors that are seemingly not applying common sense with certain conditions that the character may or may not have, let's just assume that they're more worried about amnesia at the moment.
Last edited by Exbando on Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:22 am, edited 2 times in total.
Hanako > Lilly = Emi > Shizune > Rin
Feeling like your heart is broken? Need to get it off your chest? Tell your story here
I have a fanfiction! It's pretty bad. I started another fanfic cause I'm stupid!

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