Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

WORDS WORDS WORDS


Mahorfeus
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Mahorfeus »

Good stuff, always worth waiting for.

I chuckled some at the way you opened it up, though. Were some of the scenarios that you thought up really boring enough to omit/not write? :D
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Titus
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Titus »

:mrgreen:

Alright, an update! I enjoyed it.

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Meadows
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Meadows »

Kayo12 wrote:You should read 'Bowl of Noodles'.
Ah, well now I feel kind of stupid. That puts things in perspective.
And we don't talk about that fic. :(
Yeah, sorry. I regret bringing it up. Not as much as I regret reading it, though.
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themocaw
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by themocaw »

Meadows wrote:
Kayo12 wrote:You should read 'Bowl of Noodles'.
Ah, well now I feel kind of stupid. That puts things in perspective.
And we don't talk about that fic. :(
Yeah, sorry. I regret bringing it up. Not as much as I regret reading it, though.
Or as much as I regret writing it. :|
badmanslayer04
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by badmanslayer04 »

I'm really looking forward to how you continue this
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Scissorlips
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Scissorlips »

It lives! Glad to see more Saki, mocaw. I hope this is the resuming of a long and prosperous relationship. Also, I'm still interested in seeing the bad and neutral paths, even if no one else is.

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themocaw
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by themocaw »

So yeah, guys, It's been six months, I may as well admit it: this is deadfic.

I'd like to start off by taking a moment to apologize to anyone who might have clicked on this page expecting to see another section of the Saki fic. Sorry to disappoint. :(

I will, however, at least, give you an infodump on how I was planning to continue this:

* I wanted to subvert the whole "dying girl is angelic" thing by having Saki trying to reinvent herself after a past in which she was a juvenile delinquent. Most of this you find out from Mutou's brother.
* Those of you who were thinking that there was something untruthful about Saki, you were right. . . her whole happy-and-sweet personality's a fake, and she was trying to play the role of the sweet girlfriend towards Hisao, but not quite doing it.
* There might have been a scene where some thugs who were hassling her got the hell beat out of them with a metal crutch, destroying it and forcing her to rely on others to walk. Probably not, it wasn't fitting in the new direction the story was taking.
* Saki would have continued to be a bit of an underhanded bitch to the original five, mostly because she (rightfully so) suspects some of them of having feelings for Hisao, and she's a jealous, possessive harpy. The turning point comes when she says something unforgiveably cruel to Hanako.

-----

* The good ending involved Hisao finally standing up to his girlfriend and calling her out on her behavior. Saki explodes and lets it all out. . .
Saki: "So this is it, then? Fine. I was through anyway. I was sick and tired of trying to be your perfect girlfriend anyway. I'm. . . I'm sick and tired of all of it. I'm sick and tired of having to keep up a happy face when all I want to do is scream and cry. I'm sick and tired of people thinking I'm strong, when all I am is weak. I'm sick and tired. . . of people leaving me. My father. My friends. You."

Saki: ". . . it doesn't matter."

She turns away and faces the wall. Just like she always has when she doesn't want to talk.

. . . that's always been the way, hasn't it? We've dated for two months. . . and I don't think we've ever really known each other.

I turn to leave.

. . . I can't. There's something. . .

Oh.

Hisao: ". . . Enomoto?"

No response.

Hisao: ". . ."

Hisao: ". . . for what it's worth. . . I never wanted a perfect girlfriend."

Silence

Hisao: ". . . I'm sorry if I forced you to be one for me."

I close the door behind me as I leave.
The neutral ending takes place here.

* The good ending proceeds from there and gives us a series of time-skips across the rest of the school year. Hisao quits the fashion club and helps out with the student council while he founds the science club. With the lessons he learned organizing the Fashion Club, he manages to turn the Science Club into a small but thriving community.

December comes and with it, Christmas. Hisao recieves a love letter from Shizune, which he gently turns down.
Shizune (Note): I understand. Merry Christmas.
A day or so later, Misha grabs Hisao by the collar and drags him out of class: turns out that Shizune is "out sick" and needs someone to take over for her on the planning committee for. . . something or other, I hadn't figured that out yet.

Anyway, Saki's on that planning committee, and this is where we have a chance to see how she's changed since we saw her last. Her hair's cut short, and her demeanor has changed: she's more openly sarcastic than underhandedly cutting. When the meeting is over, she openly asks for help with her crutch.

The next day, the two of them run into each other in the hallway for the first time since the breakup: turns out the two of them each individually switched the way they walk to class to try and avoid the other. A short conversation leads to this:
Saki: "Hisao?"

Hisao: "Yeah?"

Saki: "Thanks for breaking up with me."

Hisao: ". . . that's an odd thing to thank someone for."

Saki: "I know, right?"

She smiles at me, a genuine, pleasant smile.

Saki: ". . . Maybe that's not the best way to put it. Maybe more like. . . thanks for calling me out on my bullshit. It. . . well, it wasn't a good time for me, when you did that, but now that I look back, I needed it."

Hisao: "It wasn't all your fault, you know. I wasn't exactly in a good place in my life either. I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I used you as an escape. My perfect girlfriend."

Saki: "Yes, that's all true, you're horrible."

We share a small laugh. All of the tension of these past few months evaporates like smoke.

Saki: "Well, I'll be seeing you around."

She turns to walk away, leaning on her cane.

I feel. . . free.

For the first time in over a year, I feel like the shadow that has loomed over me since that day in the snow is gone. Sunlight has broken through the clouds at last, and I'm ready to move on.

Hisao: ". . . hey, Enomoto?"

Saki: "Hm?"

<Cue Credits>
* The epilogue. . .
Hisao: "You're late."

Saki: "I know. I got stuck doing something with the Fashion Club, and I couldn't get away. I'm sorry! I'll make it up to you by paying for coffee."

Hisao: "You shouldn't waste time, you know. Someone once told me that time is a gift. Hours are gold, minutes are diamond. . ."

Saki groans as she sits down across from me, propping her crutch up against the table edge.

Saki: "I never believed any of that, you know. Even when I was saying it."

Hisao: "Doesn't make it any less true."

Saki: "Well, then, it can be your catchphrase now. You be the hopeless optimist for once."

Hisao: "Wow. Harsh."

Saki: "You said you wanted to get to know the real me. Here I am. If you don't like it, tough. You can buy your own coffee."

Hisao: "I never said I didn't like it. The real Saki's way more fun than the old one."

Hisao: "One warning, though: if you call me 'darling,' I'm going to run away screaming."

That makes her laugh. She gives me a playful wink and a smile as the waitress comes by to take our order.

Saki: "Fair enough."

<zoom out on the scene - Hisao and Saki sitting together at the outdoor cafe, chatting.>
-----

* The Bad Ending

Hisao never calls Saki out on her behavior, and the two of them continue their fake, destructive relationship. Hisao ruminates on the fact that although this relationship taxes him, tires him, and sometimes depresses him, it's all he's got in the world. All he and Saki really have to rely on are each other.

"After all, isn't that what it means to be in love?"

-----

* The Awkward H scene
Wouldn't be a Katawa Shoujo path without one. . .

I was considering having it take place at the nadir of Hisao and Saki's relationship: a desperation move to convince each other that the relationship was real. It would have felt raunchy, angry, and wrong: the two of them selfishly using each other, rather than making a real connection.

-----

So yeah. If I have the time and energy in the future I might go back to this path and fill in the details. As it is, I didn't feel right leaving this behind without some form of closure.

Good luck and have fun,

"themocaw."
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YourFavAnon
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by YourFavAnon »

Man, the sort of reverse idea of bad end = relationship and good end = them broken up, but getting closer on more realistic terms would have probably eaten me alive with good and awful feelings.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Too bad you're not going to finish this, but thanks for giving us this peek. It's better than to be left hanging completely.
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Mader Levap
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Mader Levap »

Shame it did not got finished, as I find reversal of usual endings interesting too.
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Bagheera
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Bagheera »

Aw, that makes me sad. :( Well, we got the drabbles and a good run on the rest, so I can't complain; if you're not feeling it you're just not feeling it. I don't think you'll have to worry about lack of interest if you ever get around to finishing it, though! :D
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Kayo12
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Kayo12 »

It makes me sad to see that this won't be finished as this is one of my favorite works on the site. If and whenever you decide to get back to it, you can count on me to be one of many eagerly waiting fans.
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nemz
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by nemz »

Its a shame it won't be ending properly, but it's fanfiction... when it stops being fun what's the point in pressing yourself? It would probably show in the writting anyway and end up not making anyone all that happy, so good on you for being honest with us and with yourself.
Rin > Shizune > Emi > Hanako > Lilly
Mahorfeus
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by Mahorfeus »

Definitely a shame, but there's never any foul in calling it quits. I remember being one of the ones clamoring for a full expansion on your pseudo-route, and even though this is not finished per se, I think you did an excellent job on it.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
themocaw
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Re: Themocaw's Saki Pseudo-Route

Post by themocaw »

So I was hanging out in KS Generals, and the question of whether any other writers can pick this up came up.

The answer is yes. Anyone who has the inclination to do so can pick up from where I left off. If you've got the time and energy I don't, then go for it and more power to you. Feel free to use my ideas or not. Feel free to use or ignore anything that's already been written.
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