Scar Tissue- A Hanako Story (Pseudo-Complete)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
Post Reply
User avatar
FluffandCrunch
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:57 am
Location: West Michigan

Scar Tissue- A Hanako Story (Pseudo-Complete)

Post by FluffandCrunch » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:35 pm

Worked on this for some time. I hope everyone enjoys.

Suggestions on plot and corrections on grammar and spelling appreciated.

Part 2: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 677#p88677
Part 3: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 920#p88920
Part 4: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 326#p89326
Part 5: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... =30#p89904
Part 6: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 338#p90338
Part 7: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 623#p90623
Part 8: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 088#p91088
Part 9: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t ... 723#p91723
------------------------------

Part One

[Stride]
The living room is very quiet, painfully so. The only sound is the ticking of the clock, every click an uncomfortable shudder that runs up my back, counting down the seconds. I sit next to Lilly on the couch, holding her hands in mine. She squeezes them every so often, hard enough to turn my knuckles white, but I don't mind. I'm just as nervous as she is and I'm squeezing her fingers almost as hard.

Hisao is pacing back and forth slowly, with a look of deep concentration on his face, the same face he wears when he's answering a student's difficult question. I can tell though by the way his eyes shrink to tiny dots and his forehead crinkles over his nose that he's just as impatient as the two of us are, maybe even more so. He's worried and scared, though he would never want us to know how upset he really is.
He's holding in his hands the cause of why we're all sitting around in uncomfortable silence. That tiny, white plastic stick, like so many others that have been used and thrown away is the reason we're all sitting here quietly waiting for the recommended time to lapse.

“Hisao, what does it say?” Lilly asks, her voice shaking.
I squeeze her hands tightly, trying to lend her whatever strength I have.

Hisao turns to us, his eyes flashing down to the object in his hands.
“I'm sorry, Lilly, but it hasn't even been the full two minutes yet.“
Lilly sighs, her pale shoulders slumping.
“It seems like it's been much longer than that....”

I try to smile and put an arm around her, holding her close to me.
“It'll be okay. I'm sure we'll have good news this time. You'll see.“

Lilly weakly smiles, rewarding me for my efforts to cheer her up.
“Thank you, Hanako. I hope so as well.”

Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby. With all the talks you get about using protection and being safe when you're a teenager, I never thought it would be so hard for two people to have a child after they're married.

I see Hisao's eyes light up and eyebrows raise as he peers at the pregnancy test one more time. I sit up at attention, a quiver running through my heart, but then his eyes droop and his arms go limply to his side.
I sit back again, heartbroken on their behalf.

“It's negative, isn't it?” Lilly asks, sensing our disappointment, her voice barely a whisper.
Hisao drops the test into a trash can and replaces the lid, unable to look at it anymore.
“Yeah.”
He turns towards us and forces a weary smile.
“We'll have better luck next time, though.”

I know he's trying to make Lilly feel better, but I can see in his eyes the doubt and worry left unspoken, the concern he hasn't mentioned to Lilly.

He thinks it's his fault.

All those years of so many pills and medications, Hisao thinks it's his fault he can't have a child with Lilly.

Seeing the two of them like this is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long time. I wish there was something I could do to help them except pointlessly sit here, disappointment again and again visiting the two most important people in my life.

Lilly has a tired smile on her face.
“Yes, next time,” she says wistfully.
Hisao sits on the opposite side of Lilly from me and wraps his arms around her, the three of us holding each other close together.
He touches her face with a gentleness I've come to envy.
“Hey now, it's not like we don't enjoy trying, you know? “
Lilly turns a little red and I giggle.
“No, of course not.”
Now Lilly is really red.
She's so pretty when she blushes.
“Thank you, Hanako. I know it's been hard for you as well. With me and Hisao needing so much....private time together. I hope you don't feel put out of the house because of us.“

I shake my head, tucking a loose strand of hair back behind my ear.
“Of course not. You two deserve all the time you need. I know you'll make great parents.“

Lilly's smile is a little stronger now and she breathes a sigh of relief as she gets up from the couch.
“Well, shall we have some dinner then?” she says hastily.
“Yeah, that sounds good,” I reply.
“I could eat a horse,” Hisao says with a grin.
Lilly laughs and runs her fingers through his messy hair.
“You'll have to settle for what I cook for you. I'll start. Hanako, would you help me in a little bit?“
“Sure, Lilly.”

She exits the room leaving Hisao and me sitting on the couch. At first I feel a little awkward. Hisao sinks down into himself and into the sofa, surrounded by cushions and an air of misery. I'm not sure what to say. Lilly wants something to occupy her mind from their problems but Hisao is left alone to wallow in them.

I should do something.
I do the first thing that comes to mind.

I turn the television on and flip the channels for a while. Then I turn the volume up a little high and set the remote down so Lilly can't hear us.
I take Hisao's arm, wrap it around my shoulder and lean up against his chest.
“You okay?”

Hisao looks down at me with the sweetest, saddest eyes I can imagine and makes a pained, rumbling noise in his chest.
“It's all my fault.”
“You don't know that, Hisao,” I try to reassure him, “you're just having some bad luck. It'll happen at the right time, I know it.“

Hisao shakes his head, tightly wrapping his arm around me and letting his head rest against my hair.
I can feel his breath rustle my bangs.
“It has to be me. There isn't any other explanation. All those years of taking my medication, I never thought much about what it would do to me in the long run. A few lost night's sleep here or there, a couple of nightmares, nothing more. Now that I've finally got my condition under control, now the side effects start showing up and Lilly is the one who has to suffer for it.“
His lip twists into an ugly, self hating expression. I can't help but flinch to see that bitter look on his face.
“Lilly deserves better than this....”

I put a hand on his chest over the faded, white scar from over a decade ago. “There's nothing wrong with you or Lilly. I know you two will have a baby. You deserve one. You took care of me when I needed you and you'll have the chance to do the same for your child as well, whenever they may show up. All you need is a little patience.“

Hisao lets my words sink in for a few minutes and then he smiles at me, making my heart flutter and face warm up.
“Thank you, Hanako.”
He kisses me on the cheek just next to my lips and my skin burns where he touches me. “Me and Lilly owe you a lot.”

Tell him how much you love him. Tell him that you need him and Lilly. Tell him you'll never be able to pay them back for all that they did for you.
Tell him you want him.


“I-I know.”
I giggle weakly and wink at Hisao.

He hesitates, then smiles at me and stands from the couch, stretching as he does.
“Let's not keep Lilly waiting. I'll set the table, okay?“

“Sure Hisao. I'll be right there.”

[Painful History]
Hisao leaves me alone in the living room with the blaring television. My smile vanishes from my face as he steps out of the room.
I know I've come a long way.
I barely stutter anymore.
I can go out by myself and be perfectly fine with people looking at my scars.
I borrow Lilly's clothes and I'm not bothered in the least to show a little shoulder or leg.
I know I can be pretty.
I can look someone in the eye for a whole conversation and not flinch away.
But I still can't tell Hisao what he means to me.
I just can't say how much I love the two of them.

How can I use words, any words, to express just what I feel?
Is there some magical phrase I can use to convey just how deeply I love them?

Exactly how do I love them, anyway? What are they to me? My best friends, yes, but what else? Are they my brother and sister or something more intimate? I long for them and it's tearing me up inside to see them suffer through this.
I sigh and wipe my eyes clear.
I may not be able to put my feelings into thoughts or words, but I know that I love them more than anything in the world and I'll be here for them no matter what, the same way they were there for me.

After a few minutes, Hisao pokes his head into the living room. He looks at me curiously. “You going to join us?”
I smile and turn the television off.
“Coming, Hisao.”

----------------------------------------
Last edited by FluffandCrunch on Thu Mar 22, 2012 5:48 pm, edited 17 times in total.

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 671
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Brogurt » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:39 pm

FluffandCrunch wrote: The living room is very quite
Nope.
FluffandCrunch wrote: Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.

Bagheera
Posts: 292
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 9:53 pm

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Bagheera » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:42 pm

Brogurt wrote:
FluffandCrunch wrote:Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.
Eh? Why not? Seems like a natural progression given Lilly's good end.
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


User avatar
FluffandCrunch
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:57 am
Location: West Michigan

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by FluffandCrunch » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:43 pm

Brogurt wrote:
FluffandCrunch wrote: The living room is very quite
Nope.
FluffandCrunch wrote: Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.
I corrected my spelling error, but was there something wrong with my grammar on the second?
Or are you 'NOPE' because the idea is bad?

User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 671
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Brogurt » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:47 pm

FluffandCrunch wrote:
I corrected my spelling error, but was there something wrong with my grammar on the second?
Or are you 'NOPE' because the idea is bad?
Nothing personal; it's just the point where I stopped giving a shit about the content of the fic

User avatar
FluffandCrunch
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:57 am
Location: West Michigan

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by FluffandCrunch » Tue Mar 06, 2012 8:49 pm

Brogurt wrote:
FluffandCrunch wrote:
I corrected my spelling error, but was there something wrong with my grammar on the second?
Or are you 'NOPE' because the idea is bad?
Nothing personal; it's just the point where I stopped giving a shit about the content of the fic
Well, everyone has their preferences. :lol:

Bagheera
Posts: 292
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 9:53 pm

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Bagheera » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:11 pm

Brogurt wrote:Nothing personal; it's just the point where I stopped giving a shit about the content of the fic
No one's forcing you to read it, you know. Is there some reason you have to threadcrap whenever it comes up?
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


User avatar
Brogurt
Posts: 671
Joined: Sun Oct 09, 2011 7:07 pm
Contact:

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Brogurt » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:19 pm

Bagheera wrote:No one's forcing you to read it, you know. Is there some reason you have to threadcrap whenever it comes up?
Because it makes people like you mad.

User avatar
FluffandCrunch
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:57 am
Location: West Michigan

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by FluffandCrunch » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:21 pm

Brogurt wrote:
Bagheera wrote:No one's forcing you to read it, you know. Is there some reason you have to threadcrap whenever it comes up?
Because it makes people like you mad.
Oohh, you guys!

User avatar
GG Crono
Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 7:05 pm
Contact:

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by GG Crono » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:26 pm

I feel it should be pointed out as well that "Yea" is not a word. You want "yeah" or, y'know, "yes". :)

In any case, there's an interesting setup here. Enough for me to see how it pays off.

Bagheera
Posts: 292
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 9:53 pm

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Bagheera » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:27 pm

Brogurt wrote:
Bagheera wrote:No one's forcing you to read it, you know. Is there some reason you have to threadcrap whenever it comes up?
Because it makes people like you mad.
Don't flatter yourself. I just find it odd, that's all. Most people don't intentionally alienate others for shits and giggles, and it strikes me as a bizarre choice for a writer who presumably wants to be taken seriously. But if you don't . . . eh.
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


User avatar
Nekken
Posts: 197
Joined: Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:15 pm

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Nekken » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:28 pm

FluffandCrunch wrote:
Brogurt wrote:
FluffandCrunch wrote: The living room is very quite
Nope.
FluffandCrunch wrote: Hisao and Lilly have been trying to have a baby.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE.
I corrected my spelling error, but was there something wrong with my grammar on the second?
Or are you 'NOPE' because the idea is bad?
I suppose that if you really want to be pedantic, the term is "trying to conceive." Hisao won't be having a baby, even if Lilly does become pregnant. But "trying to have a baby" is clear, especially if the viewpoint character isn't someone who would get all technical about it. I guess that depends partly on what has been going on in Hanako's life: if she''s been studying medicine then she'd be more technical, but otherwise she probably wouldn't.

Either way, I like this. I had a little trouble identifying the viewpoint character in the first few sentences, but I think that's a neat effect. Is this the whole story, or the beginning of a serial?
Last edited by Nekken on Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Falling in love is a volcano. Being in love is a kotatsu.

User avatar
CarnivalNights
Posts: 55
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:35 am

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by CarnivalNights » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:34 pm

We've done a good job on this board not flaming each other. Let's keep the streak going. I don't want a fanfic writer suddenly stop writing because of a hostile board.
Image

User avatar
FluffandCrunch
Posts: 89
Joined: Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:57 am
Location: West Michigan

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by FluffandCrunch » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:40 pm

Nekken wrote: Either way, I like this. I had a little trouble identifying the viewpoint character in the first few sentences, but I think that's a neat effect. Is this the whole story, or the beginning of a serial?
I have more in the works right now. I think about eight parts of varying length.
Also, thank you for pointing out the grammatical error. I know it's not technically not correct, but with the first person perspective, I thought it would be more appropriate.

Lothbrok
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:06 am

Re: Scar Tissue

Post by Lothbrok » Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:40 pm

I don't know if you planned it or not but i don't find seeing all your works as one story all that hard in fact it is kinda natural.
Just my opinion.

Post Reply