Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
Post Reply
User avatar
CosmicGhost
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 5:15 am
Location: QC, Philippines

Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

Post by CosmicGhost » Tue Mar 06, 2012 5:38 am

Hey hey everyone! Here's a short story that my friend and I wrote. I hope you guys enjoy it, It's only a short fanfic and I will not make it into a Chapter segmented style of fanfic like my other one, Love With A Hint of Luck. And yes, I will be continuing LoveLuck's Chapter 2 next week, after our examinations. So without further ado, here is my short fic.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gamble of Life

Life... They say it's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you get. It's true I guess. I mean, look at me! I'm miserable, it's been 6 years since Hanako slammed that door at my face... I remember it all too clearly. They say I should let the past move on along, but I can't... Why? That event was the most life-changing event I had. That event was what inspired me to become the man I am right now. My name is Hisao Nakai, 24, Japanese, I live in Las Vegas though. I'm a high rolling gambler. Everyday my life is either a one-use ticket to heaven, a heaven where the streets are paved with chips and cards, either that or my days becomes another miserable fragment glued to my soul, haunting me forever. Life can turn a hundred and eighty degrees if you're not careful. But let's not get into my autobiography here. I always repeat these thoughts in my mind just in case someone would ask how's my life been doing. I'm not gambling right now though, I just thought it would be healthy for me to be in the park. I gaze at the bright starry sky with these thoughts in mind. As I look to the right, a petite girl catches my attention.

"Excuse me, may I sit here?"

"...Uh, sure, it's fine with me."

Well that came out of nowhere. I was just peacefully looking at the starry night sky, drinking beer and all the sudden this woman appears, but that's not my problem here. It's just that... this woman... she seems like a person I should know. A person I have met if I haven't already. Does she even know me by any chance? Tch, how should I know? It's not like I'll go ask her out of the blue.

"You shouldn't really be drinking this late, Mister."

"Yeah, I guess you're right... But it's not like I have any-"

"Don't reason with me... Hisao"

Well, that answers my question. She does know me. But how? When? And why?

"Uh, how.. do you-"

"Your face never changed, just your hair. It's me Hisao... Emi."

Emi? What? No... I can't believe this... If this really is Emi, then how come... How come it doesn't feel like her usual happy self? It's been years, I guess people change.

"Emi...?"

"Yes, Hisao?"

"H-... How did you find out I was living the U.S. now? I.. I never told anyone I was planning on migrating here."

"Simple really, I just had to ask some of your friends from your former high school that time. They all said the same thing, And I decided to stay here too until I found you. So I guess you could say, I was stalking you."

The thought of Emi stalking me is just really creepy, maybe even illegal. But why exactly did she follow me here to another country? I mean, it's not like I was one of her best friends, I never had close friends back in Yamaku. But I don't understand. What does she need from me?

"Emi.. why did yo-"

"Why did I follow you all the way here? Because I knew how Hanako changed your life completely... You went from the fresh and happy face of Yamaku, to the most miserable person I knew. But that's not the case. I went to approach you right now because of something urgent. I went with Lilly and Hanako in the trip here to Las Vegas, but Hanako was hospitalized earlier, and she's on the brink of death. All she wants now... is to see you, Hisao.

"Huh? Why me? It's not like I was important to her."

"... Hisao..."

"Yeah?"

"You... you're a dumbass..."

That was uncalled for. I mean it's not like I was not saying the truth. She slammed the door at my fucking face, wasn't that enough to show her hatred to me? I never even sensed a slight amount of joy after that event.

"You see... You were her whole world back then, and even now. She did seem angry at you, but she didn't forget you, she was always regretful for rejecting you. She wished she could go back in time just to make things better... but it all ended up like this."

Whole world? Right. Like I'm gonna believe that crap. Like I said, she slammed the door at my fucking face. I can't really say I was her whole world. In fact, she might even think of me as a lesser being. Dammit Emi, what are you doing this time?

“Do you really think I'll believe the crap you're putting me up with? She didn't regret a single bit. She seemed much more happy after I left her life. You shouldn't forcefully pull anyone into another person's life.”

“WELL FINE, IF THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL,THEN I GUESS I WASTED A LOT OF MY TIME, ENERGY AND MONEY TO FIND YOU JUST FOR HER SAKE!.. I care for Hanako because she is my friend. If you don't want to do it, fine. I won't tell you how to live your life, and you don't tell me how to live mine.”

And just like that, she left without saying goodbye... She was serious that time. I could feel her words piercing through my soul. I can't really be that much of an asshole now... can I? Now... I have to do something. I have to do this myself. Emi offered to help me fix my life, but I turned it down. It all boils down to the decisions you make. I got to see Hanako right now. I stand up from the bench, hoping to catch up to Emi, screaming her name.

“EMI! WAIT, PLEASE!”
She stops on her tracks.

“What do you want this time?”

“I... I changed my mind. I want to come with you... I need to see Hanako.”

Silence fills the air, it stings horribly. I'm here standing, waiting for a response. She'll probably turn me down. But I just wish she would accept.

“Fine. But this time, I don't want you to think she doesn't care for you. She really does.”

“I... I understand.”

“Oh, and Hisao?”

“Yeah?”

“Sorry for snapping earlier. I just... I just can't stand the new you.”

“I'm sorry too... for being a prick.”

We get inside the cab, to go visit Hanako. It wasn't that much of a long ride. I look at Emi to my right side... her face indicates that Hanako's situation is really serious... I don't understand anymore, what have I done with my life? Was I really that much of a prick?... And then it hits me. I just asked myself if I really was an asshole. I can't believe how my life changed. But... Hanako... Hanako may just be the cure. Without even noticing it, we arrived at the hospital. Time passes by so quickly I guess.

“Hey, Hisao?”

“Yeah, Emi?”

“Take care of her... please?”

“Wait!? Are you telling me I'm going there by myself?”

“I'm sorry... I still have to help Lilly back at the Hotel.”

“I... I understand.”

“Room 325.”

“Got it.”

I make my way to the room... The more I get close to it, the more nervous I get. What do I say to her? What should I do? Should I just tell her I'm sorry? No... I got to be honest with her... I grab the doorknob, and proceed to turn it. My mind goes blank for a quick second. And what I see next was really shocking. Hanako... bandages all over her body and the right side of her face. The doctor I spoke to earlier said that she lost a lot of her blood from the accident. No... I must stay calm and approach her.

“Emi...? I-Is that you..?”

“Hanako...”

“Hi...sao...”

“I w-wish you didn't have to see me like this...”

“Hanako... don't say such things. I... I was really stupid not believing Emi at first... But now that I've seen you... I couldn't leave anymore. I don't want to leave anymore. I want to
stay by you Hanako.”

“H-Hisao? W-What.... What are you talking about?”

“I'm sorry Hanako... for everything... I never wanted to leave you in the first place... the only reason I never showed up anymore was because I thought you didn't want me to stay... I thought you never wanted me in your life.”

“No Hisao... I... I a-also wanted you to stay with me... but... the way you acted that time infuriated me... I wanted you to treat me as an equal... not as some kind of sacred object you need to protect...”

Now I feel guilty... she wasn't the one who turned my life around... I did. I was the one who made the stupid decisions, I was the one who did all of that. I was the one who was stupid enough to blame others for my own actions... but... If I had the power to turn it around that time... will I have the power to turn it around this time?

“I... understand.”

“Hisao?”

“I understand how you feel about me now... I was a fool not seeing it the first time. I was always blaming you... that you were the one who made my life go downhill. But now I realize that it was me. I was the one who changed my life. So now Hanako... will you help me turn my life back the way it's supposed to go..?”

She gets a puzzled look on her face... she's thinking what should she do with me telling her the stupid things I've done.

“Hisao...?”

“...Yeah?”

“I'll help you. I-I... I want to help you in your problems. I might die sooner or later... but before all that... I want to see the old Hisao back... the Hisao... I fell in love with.”

My eyes start to open wide with her statement. I quickly dismiss it by looking away in embarrassment, realizing how dumb I steered my life, and how she still forgave me after all those things... I shed a tear, because she was the nicest person I've ever met. She forgave the one she loved... the one who betrayed her. Before I knew it, I started crying. My life steered in the wrong direction because of my decisions, and her reactions. But I'm trying to manage to steer it back to the right path...

“Hisao...?”

“Y..yeah?”

“I love you. Even if I die right at this moment, I'm just glad that I was able to see you... the old you, again.”

“I... I love you too, Hanako. I'm sorry that you had to see how my life went...”

------------------------------------------------

Thank You for reading!
Honest feedback is always appreciated. Its for me to become a better writer. Well, I guess. Pardon my horrendous writing skills, English is in fact just my second language. But I guess people get to start somewhere, right? :D (EDITED ORIGINAL SUBMISSION WITH A LITTLE BIT OF STORY POLISHING)
Last edited by CosmicGhost on Tue Mar 06, 2012 10:32 am, edited 3 times in total.
Chocolates, lol.

'Love With a Hint of Luck' is my fanfic. I just started with the fanfic business, so don't expect me to deliver professional writing.

User avatar
Mirage_GSM
Posts: 6059
Joined: Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:24 am
Location: Germany

Re: Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:11 am

Seems Emi was exaggerating when she said "brink of death"... Anway...

Honest opinion: Too much happening too fast.
It reads like the summary of a story rather than the story itself, especially the second half. Like you wanted to get it over with...

Could become a good story if you fleshed it out some more:
There's a long drive - why doesn't Emi talk to Hisao? Why did they come to the US in the first place? Why is Emi with Hanako and Lilly? What happened to Hanako?
And then Hisao meeting Hanako: "Long time no see. Sorry I was a fool, let's spend the rest of our lives together." Fin.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

User avatar
CosmicGhost
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 5:15 am
Location: QC, Philippines

Re: Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

Post by CosmicGhost » Tue Mar 06, 2012 9:23 am

And there goes the magic of Mirage. Haha, I knew someone was gonna comment on the pace of the story. I wasn't really thinking straight while making this up. I'll try to make a more polished version of this if I have the time to do so. Well whatever, thanks for the feedback. Appreciate it. :D

Edit: Polished it for ya. :D
Chocolates, lol.

'Love With a Hint of Luck' is my fanfic. I just started with the fanfic business, so don't expect me to deliver professional writing.

User avatar
Otakumon
Posts: 258
Joined: Fri Apr 29, 2011 12:01 am
Location: 3rd rock from the sun

Re: Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

Post by Otakumon » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:14 pm

Hisao, the fresh happy face of Yamaku?! :shock: The guy does nothing but bitch and moan since his first heart attack. At least he is still as dense as ever. If an old classmate of mine let me know that another one was near death in a hospital my first reaction would be to find out what happened and which hospital.

User avatar
CarnivalNights
Posts: 55
Joined: Tue Feb 07, 2012 4:35 am

Re: Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

Post by CarnivalNights » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:30 pm

It feels a little rushed.
Image

User avatar
CosmicGhost
Posts: 27
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 5:15 am
Location: QC, Philippines

Re: Gamble of Life (Hanako Bad End Spoilers)

Post by CosmicGhost » Tue Mar 06, 2012 6:40 pm

@Otakumon Emi never got to know how Hisao really was. Err, I guess.

@Carnival I was trying to finish the story as fast as possible since it was just a short fic. Maybe in the future, I'll try make my short-fics 2 chapters short so it doesn't feel rushed. Thanks for the feedback though.
Chocolates, lol.

'Love With a Hint of Luck' is my fanfic. I just started with the fanfic business, so don't expect me to deliver professional writing.

Post Reply