Ten Summers Later

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FluffandCrunch
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Ten Summers Later

Post by FluffandCrunch » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:12 am

[Daylight]
The harsh screech of the alarm clock fills my ears as the sun streams in through the window, illuminating my bedroom.

I stare at the ceiling for a while, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the brightness that covers the white walls that stretch above me.

Pulling myself out of bed, I hastily put my running clothes on, brush my teeth and splash some water in my face, beginning a routine practiced to perfection these last several years.

Hanging on the door, my suit is ready for school, right where I left it the night before. I get a funny feeling in my chest and it has nothing to do with my heart; I recognize it as pride.

On the nightstand is a collection of prescription bottles, far less than what I used to take to keep my condition in check.

Medical science has advanced to the point where, along with my healthy lifestyle, I only need five pills a day and even then I rarely have any trouble with my heart anymore.

I down the pills without the aid of water, no more a task or burden then drawing breath or putting one foot in front of the other.

Leaving the bedroom, I can already smell breakfast cooking, the scent of the morning filling the hall and leading me down the stairs.

The tall girl at the stove turns around when I enter the room, her face blossoming into a smile.

Tall Girl:
Good morning, Hisao!

Hisao:
Good morning, Hanako.

I put a hand on her cheek and kiss her hair. She smiles back at me brighter than the sun that had woken me up only minutes before.

Hanako:
“Ready for the first day of the school year?”

Hisao:
“Yea, I am. I barely got to sleep last night, though. Even after all these years, I still get the jitters every time I head back to Yamaku.“

Hanako smiles as she sets my breakfast on a plate and hands it to me, our fingers touching for just a few moments.

Hanako:
“You'll do great, just like you do every year. You are popular with the students, after all.”

I smile and nod. I do get along well with the students. They see me as being both knowledgeable and easygoing, they know they can come to me if they need any help whether it's with schoolwork or personal troubles.

I say a silent thanks to Mutou for setting me on this path to becoming a teacher. I miss him on days like this, but his work in the field takes him away for long periods of time. The only connection we have nowadays are frequent letters and the articles he writes for the many science publications that I subscribe to.

It was thanks to him that I was able to get the position at Yamaku that he vacated in the first place.

I realize how much I owe him and how in debt to him I am.

Hisao:
“How about you? Ready for the new year?”

Hanako smiles and gives a confident nod, something I will always take notice of considering how she was when we first met.

Hanako:
“I still have a few things to get ready, but I will be there tomorrow. My kids are going to need some orientation before we begin on their counseling.“

Hanako, like me, followed in the path of education. She has a real way of reaching those kids who other teachers find it hard to connect with. Like I helped her come out of her shell when we were young, now she is helping other young children put the pieces of their own lives back together.

I could not possibly be any more proud of her than I am now.

Taking the food from Hanako with a thanks I head towards the breakfast nook.

[Concord]
As soon as I enter the dining room, I stop cold in my tracks and feel as if I accidentally stepped back to little more that a decade ago

The sun streams in through the window, illuminating a golden halo of curls around a pretty girl's head. She sits serenely with a cup of tea clasped gently within her long dainty fingers, her smile the result of calm serenity, the birds singing in the garden outside the open window adding to the scene. The wind blows in and rustles her hair, causing it to dance and shimmer with pure light.

I have to blink several times before I realize I am not back in that empty classroom on the first day of school all those years ago. I am in the house that I share with Hanako.

And my wife.

Lilly looks up at the sound of my footsteps.

Lilly:
“Good morning, Hisao.”

She says it with a smile that makes my chest ache, but only in a good way.

I stand there silent for a few moments more, the memory beginning to fade from sight, replacing the young girl I fell in love with the beautiful woman who I married.
She tilts her head at my silence.

Lilly:
“Is something wrong? You aren't still nervous about today, are you? You kept twisting about in bed, I was growing concerned.“

I smile if for my own convenience, but I'm sure she can hear it in my voice as I reply.

Hisao:
“No, not at all. I feel great this morning.”

I sigh quietly.

Hisao:
“Just remembering another first day of school a long time ago.“

Her cheeks color and she nods, understanding the memory which knocked me back on my feet for a minute.

Hanako slips into the room behind me and sits across from Lilly. I sit next to my wife at the table and we begin the task of eating before the busy day begins.

Hisao:
“Since you don't start until tomorrow, any plans for today, Hanako?”

She looks a bit thoughtful, turning her head slightly and putting a single finger under her dainty chin.

Hanako:
“Well, I thought I might head into town and have lunch at the Shanghei.“

Next to me, Lilly smirks in the midst of pouring us our tea.

Lilly:
“Lunch, hmm? Not to see Kenji again, perhaps?”

Hanako turns a bright shade of scarlet.

Needless to say I'm floored by this development.

Hisao:
“Wait, what? Kenji?”

I don't need to look at Lilly to hear the smile in her words.

Lilly:
“Hanako and I had tea at the Shanghai just a few days ago. Kenji was there and they seemed to be quite familiar together in those surroundings.“

Hanako's eyes darted away from the both of us and observed nothing but the birds outside.

Hanako:
“We...we've had lunch a few times, that's all.”

I have to take a few moments to collect my thoughts and get my mind working properly again after this.

Hisao:
“Lunch with Kenji? I don't know how I feel about that...“

Hanako looks just a little hurt by my comment.

Hanako:
“Hisao, he's your friend. Why would you have a problem with it?“

Hisao:
“Well, it's just that...Kenji is sort of weird.”

Lilly finishes pouring the tea and Hanako and I take our cups from her.

Lilly:
“I think he's grown quite mature since school.”

Lilly puts the teakettle down, her smile turning into just a tiny bit of a frown.

Lilly:
“Except for those silly conspiracy books he writes.”

Hanako:
“Well, not all of them are that silly...”

I have a good laugh at that and Hanako brightens considerably.

Hisao:
“Well, if you do see him today, tell him I said 'Hello' and I'll expect him next week.“

Lilly's smile turns completely into a frown at my comment.

Lilly:
“You two aren't going to end up drunk on the school roof again, are you?“

Hisao:
“Of course not!”

I start mumbling into my hand.

Hisao:
“It's the school season. We'll drink here.”

Lilly looks at me with all the indignant disapproval she can muster.

Lilly:
“Just please don't make a mess again this time. Poor Hanako and I had to clean up after the last 'picnic' you two had here. Promise?“

I smile remembering the last time Kenji and I got together at the house.

Hisao:
“Rule number one about Manly Picnic is you do not talk about Manly picnic.“

Lilly can't help but laugh now, banishing the tiny frown from her face, her laughter like the sound of a wind chime.. Hanako joins us, her eyes glittering like powdered amethysts.

----------------------------------------

We quickly finish our meal and clear the table, Hanako heading towards the kitchen.

[Sarabande from BWV1010, Musicbox]
Fetching a tall bottle from a wine rack I pour the deep burgundy liquid into a pair of tiny wine glasses for Lilly and myself.

Hisao:
“Wine in the morning; you get me started on the strangest habits.“

Lilly smiles back at me as I place the delicate glass stem into her long fingers.

Lilly:
“Only a glass a day. It's good for the heart, after all.”

I can't help but agree with her.

We tap the glasses together and they sing, the rosy fluid swirling within the glass tumblers, warm and glowing as we drink.

I take the glasses and set them aside. I then take her hand into mine and help her stand, pulling her gently into my arms and wrapping my hands along the swell of her hips, whispering in her ear as I do.

Hisao:
“I love you so much, Lilly.”

Lilly's cradles my face in her hands, feeling the contours of my jaw and cheeks, touching my lips for only a moment before bringing her mouth to mine. I kiss her gently, the warmth from her lips and hair melting into my skin and sending lightning through my toes. She nibbles on my lip for just a moment before pulling away, looking straight into my soul. Lilly may not be have her vision, but I can clearly see the look she gives me.

Lilly:
“I love you, Hisao.”

We hold for just a while longer until Hanako enters the room.

She smiles at the two of us. She has Lilly's bag in one hand and my suit in the other.

Hanako:
“Come on you two. You'll be late!”

We reluctantly pull apart, still hand in hand. Collecting our things, we head outside to the car, Hanako behind us.

Hanako:
“Have a great day!”

Me and Lilly give Hanako a hug and kiss before we leave, sharing a family embrace before we go out separate ways.

I take a moment to appreciate these two wonderful woman in my life. This little family we've cobbled together has changed the course of all of our lives. The house seems so empty when Lilly is visiting Akira and the rest of her family or Hanako is gone on one of her trips. I'm appreciative that they're back home where we can all be together.

Lilly and I get into the car and head down the road away from the little house we share with the woman who may as well be our very own sister or daughter.

The last thing I see is Hanako waving to us in the rearview mirror, a sunrise worth of a smile on her bright face and a hand gently over her heart.

----------------------------------------

[Fripperies]
It doesn't take very long to get the gates of Yamaku Acadamy.

The gates to the school grounds are the same as they ever have been. Perhaps a bit more weather worn, but as strong and tall as they were the first time I saw them.

Funny. When I first came here, I thought of how pompous and frightening they were. As if they were saying to me on that first day, “This is where you'll be forever.”

Now all they say to me is, “Welcome home.”

Lilly and I head through the gates arm in arm.

Many student are bustling around, anxious and excited for the first day of school after the long summer break. I recognize many of the faces from years past and they recognize me and Lilly

Student:
“Good morning, Mrs. Nakai!”

Student:
“Welcome back, Mr. Nakai!“

We greet them with friendly waves and acknowledgments. The sun glows warmly, summer still well and strong here at the Acadamy. The trees dance in the wind with shades of green high above, rustling and whispering their own greetings to us and student alike. Surounded as we are by children, we make our way quickly towards the old main building and through the doors.

Just like outside there are many students here, some heading straight for their classes, others staring hopelessly at slips of papers with their schedules on them.

Even among all this racket and confusion though, I spy a color that flashes among the huddled student body.

Unkown:
“Wahahahahaha!!! Look, Shiichan~!! It's Hichan and Lilly!! Aren't they just so cute together!

[The Student Council]
Parting the students like Moses and the Red Sea, I see the familiar faces of Misha and Shizune. The two young women walk arm in arm, students scrambling out of the way of Misha's boisterous presence and Shizune's domineering aura.

Lilly:
“Pricipal, Vice Principal, good morning to both of you.“

I give both girls a nod and sign carefully as I talk.

Hisao:
{Hello, Misha. Hello, Shizune. Lovely morning, isn't it?}

Shizune:
“......”

Misha:
“Welcome back to Yamaku Acadamy, Lilly! Welcome back, Hisao! Your right, Shiichan~! Hichan is getting better at signing!“

The two exchange a few flashes, their fingers dancing in the air before them.

Shizune:
“......”

Misha:
“Lilly, Shichan wants to thank you again for all the extra help you gave us getting this school year up and ready.“

Lilly nods demurely.

Lilly:
“Of course. I was only too happy to help.”

Shizune strikes a proud pose, adjusting her glasses to the tip of her nose.

Shizune:
“......”

Misha:
“Of course we would have been ready for today on our own~! But you were a big help! Wahahhaah!!!“

I can't help but think that last part was a little white lie on Shizune's part.

Misha's laugh seems to agree with me.

Lilly laughs as well, likely understanding Misha's mirth

Lilly:
“I have no doubts on that, Shizune.”

Misha turns to me and looks a bit worried for a moment as she looks me up and down in my running clothes.

Misha:
“Umm, Hichan. You exercised already today?”

Hisao:
“No, not yet. I'm heading down to the track soon, though.“

Misha suddenly looks as if someone just popped her balloon. Misha signs what I say almost as soon as the words are out of my mouth. After a few signs of her own, Shizune adjusts her glasses in a superior manner and crosses her arms over her chest.

Hisao:
“Something wrong?”

Misha waves Shizune off and regains her bubbly attitude.

Misha:
“No! Hahhaaha~! I just lost a bet!”

From behind us a boy with an eye patch comes running past, trailing his backpack behind in his one arm.

Shizune turns with the speed of a viper, sharply clapping her hands once and signing furiously, faster than I could follow her fingertips!

Shizune:
“......!!!”

Misha spins around in an identical manner and poses in almost the same position Shizune takes, the two of them indomitable guardians of rules and regulations.

Misha:
“Mr. Akimoto! There is no running in the halls at Yamaku Acadamy!!!!”

The two of them set off at a brisk pace, hand in hand, after the offending runner.

I suppress a chuckle at the two of them as they leave. Misha's loud hair and even louder voice are absorbed by the flow of students shuffling off into the hallways and up the stairs out of the lobby.

Lilly sighs next to me.

Lilly:
“Were they holding hands again?”

Hisao:
“Yea, yea they sure were.”

Lilly seems highly disappointed.

Lilly:
“Those two should learn some discretion. There are students watching!“

Without warning, I slide my hand down Lilly's back, firmly grasping her from behind with my fingertips!

Lilly squeaks in shocked indignation and, I think, a little bit of playfulness.
She quickly slaps my hand away, recovering her stolen dignity.

Lilly:
“Hisao! Not at school!”

I can't help but laugh, loud and hard. She may say that, but the color of her cheeks tell another story.

Lilly:
“Just for that, I'm not going to let you walk me to my class today.“

She is teasing me, but she knows exactly how to do it and what buttons to press. I snake my arm back into her's before she can escape.

Hisao:
“Aww, but please!”

She smiles coyly as she unwinds her arm out from mine.

Lilly:
“There's a time and place for that.”

[Lullaby of Open Eyes]

The way she drops her eyelids tell me a whole story about what we will be doing when we got home.

Hisao:
“Oh, I can't wait for school to be over now.”

Reaching out to her I give her hand a loving squeeze.

She hesitates for a moment, listening carefully. Hearing no one around, Lilly wraps her arms around me and we hold each other for several long breaths.

Hisao:
“I love you.”

Lilly:
“I love you.”

We reluctantly pull apart.

Lilly fishes from her bag her cane and snaps it fully out.

Hisao:
“You okay?”

Lilly:
“I think I can manage to find my own classroom. You go on. You still have to get your run in before class starts.“

I take her hand and gently kiss her fingers, drawing a blush from her pale cheeks.

Hisao:
“Lunch?“

She nods.

Lilly:
“Of course. The usual place?”

Hisao:
“Sounds perfect.”

Lilly smiles as she turns away from me.

Lilly:
“I'll bring the tea.”

She turns and with the pleasant staccato tapping of her cane, walks down the hallway towards her class.

I watch her leave until she turns a corner and I lose sight of her yellow hair, remembering a little cottage and a field of golden wheat as I do.

I couldn't suppress a sigh even if I wanted to as I turn and go my own way.

------------------------------
[Generic Happy Music]

I make my way through the building and drop my suit off at the faculty room.

Heading outside through the back doors, I find myself at the school activity field. There are a few student warming up in the central green and a couple are already running laps around the track.

From the bottom of the bleachers, a diminutive voice calls out. Emi throws both her hands into the air and jumps as she waves, her running blades cutting back and forth as she does. Then she points an accusing finger at me as I make my way down the steps.

[Standing Tall]
Emi:
“You're late!”

Hisao:
“No, you're early.”

Emi smiles her trademark grin, making her look as if she hasn't aged a day since we were in school.

Emi:
“Welcome back, Hisao! Misha owes me dinner!“

Hisao:
“Hah! So that's what she was talking about!”

When I make it to the bottom step, Emi gives me a big hug.

I pull quickly away.

Hisao:
“Ughhh! You smell like sweaty strawberries!”

Emi looks at me with those puppy eyes of her and shatters any of my established defenses.

Emi:
“Some of us work hard before school starts. Unlike you who's gotten fat over the summer! What does that wife of your's feed you, anyway?“

I pinch myself, grasping just a bit of extra weight around the midsection.

Hisao:
“Not my fault. I've been running every day. How can't I with you calling me just to 'check up'.

Emi giggles, her hands tightly clenched to her chest.

Emi:
“Someone has to keep you in shape!”

She stands to her full height, barely reaching my neck, bouncing on her running blades as she does.

Emi:
“Soooooooo...?”

She questions me with a sharp look, fire and challenge in her eyes as she draws closer.

She always forces me to be the one to say it.

Hisao:
“Want to go for a run?”

Emi laughs and jumps brandishing her legs like a pirate's cutlass.

Emi:
“I thought you'd never ask!”

Hisao:
“Just a mile, though, I have to get ready for class right after.“

After a quick but thorough stretch the two of us set our feet on the starting line, Emi's eyes glued to mine.

Emi:
“You'd better not disappoint me, Hisao!”

I remain silent, trying my best to look as cool as I can.
A few students watch in eager anticipation as two teachers begin too square off and those on the track even jog off to the side, giving us plenty of room with which to test each other.

Somewhere a starter pistol fires and the two of us are off.

[Hokabi]

Emi immediately pulls away to the cheers of her students, leaving me in her dust, her legs cutting the air like knives. I start out slow, my feet pounding the dirt hard, but then I begin to press myself and gain speed. Soon I don't seem so far away from her, barely ten feet behind the woman with lighting in her hair.

With a look behind, Emi sees me gaining on her. Far from worried, her face explodes with a fierce joy as I live up to her expectations.

Then she obliterates my hopes by blasting out of reach and around the bend.

Stuidents shout and encourage us as we go, but Emi is always too far ahead. All I can do is barely keep up.

My heart pounds at a good firm pace against my ribcage. My lungs bring in precious air and force it out again to make room for more. Legs working in time, I feel a small bit of Emi's own fierce joy and pride. I never would have been capable of this when I was in school.

Times like these all the hard work pays off.

------------------------------

[Standing Tall]
Four laps around the circle pass faster than I would have imagined possible. By the time I'm done walking the last few hundred feet to cool down, my heart beats strongly and my lungs pleasantly ache from the exertion.

Emi is in the center of a mob of students congratulating her victory.

She emerges from them and comes over to check up on me.

Emi:
“You all right?“

There's some genuine worry in her eyes as I straighten and hold my hand to my neck, checking my pulse.

Hisao:
“Never better. These new meds they have me on work wonders. I can usually go for twice that without being concerned.“

Emi smiles broadly, her nose scrunching up as she does.

Emi:
“Great!”

A sly look takes hold in her green eyes.

Emi:
“Tommorrow?”

I laugh and give her a thumbs up.

Hisou:
“Count on it!”
------------------------------

[Air Guitar]
We cool down on the bleachers as I gulp down a bottle of water. The students have taken back the field and are already running laps once more.

Hisao:
“Good group of kids this year?”

Emi nods confidently, her legs propped up on the bench in front of us.

Emi:
“Yep! A great group! Already went through tryouts and I think we've got the best possible year this time!“

I'm a bit surprised to hear that.

Hisao:
“You've already put together the track team? It's only the first day of school!“

Emi looks at me with that competitive glare.

Emi:
“If they want it bad enough, they'll try out in the summer right along with me.“

She pokes my stomach playfully.

Emi:
“Some of us watch our condition when school is out.”

I push her away playfully and stand up from the bench, dusting myself off.

Hisao:
“If you have a complaint about what I'm eating, take it up with my wife and Hanako.“

Emi:
“Maybe I will! How is Hanako anyway? I haven't seen her recently.“

Hisao:
“She starts tomorrow with some of her kids. She came back from her trip just a couple week ago.“

Emi:
“Okinawa, wasn't it?”

Hisao:
“Yep, almost all summer.”

Emi:
“And you and Lilly?”

I look out over the field and back at the school where even now I can imagine Lilly getting her class prepared for the year.

I don't know how to respond at first.

I settle on the only words possible.

Hisao:
“Perfect in every way.”

Emi smiles broadly.

Emi:
“Good for you two.”

She stands alongside me and stretches her back.

Emi:
“Well, time to get going. I got some kids who need to work on their times.“

Hisou:
“Yea, I better get a shower in and head to my own class too.“

We part ways but I turn back towards her.

Hisao:
“Hey, Emi?”

She turns back before hopping down to the ground.

Emi:
“Yea, Hisao?”

Hisao:
“Speaking of which, how is Rin?”

Emi bursts out with a bubbling giggle that shakes her whole body from head to artificial toe.

Emi:
“Same as ever! Still in Tokyo at her gallery. Those artsy types can't get enough of her. All she does is paint, wax philosophic and spend time with that boyfriend of hers!“

I smile, happy for our friend's success in the art world. I had just read an article about Rin and her career in a magazine. Hard to admit it, but I was just a bit envious of her.

Hisao:
“Great to hear! See you around!

Emi:
“Bye, Hisao!”

Emi bounced off back to the track, gathering students around her like moths to a supernova.

------------------------------

I quickly shower in the faculty bathroom and slip into my suit. It's a lot better than I normally would wear or buy for myself, but it was a gift from Lilly so I wear it with a degree of satisfaction and pride. The inner silk lining feels good against my skin and the tie is just the right off-color of green to accent the shirt, vest and jacket. I probably am a little overdressed, but first impressions are always the most important.

[Letting My Heart Speak]
As I walk down the halls towards my classroom, I can't help but look back on the years since I came to Yamaku. I wish at times that I could go back and talk to my younger self, give him advice on what choices to make and what he should look forward to in the future.

Appreciate the people he will meet.

Take every chance he can to enjoy the time he has with them.

To not be afraid of this place and come to realize just how much of a home it will soon become.

As I think about it though, I can't help but wonder if my interference would only make things more difficult for my young self.. I can't think of even a single thing I would have done different now that I think about it.

I have a loving wife.

A wonderful family.

More friends than ever before.

A job that I look forward to every day.

My health.

Looking back, I can say with honesty that if I ever met my young self, maybe in the halls of Yamaku, maybe in the dorms or the track field. Maybe even that special field of golden wheat in Hokkaido or that snowy clearing when my life took such a drastic turn, I would tell him one and only one thing.

Hisao:
“Always follow your heart, kid. Even if it is broken, it will never steer you wrong.”

I enter the class and over a dozen fresh new faces look up at me. I know some of them. They have a look of hope and expectation.

Some of them I don't know yet.

They look a bit fearful. Maybe they've only just learned of their disabilities and are unsure of what to expect from this place like I was back then. They wonder what this place will be to them.

This wonderful, magical Yamaku Acadamy.

I have no doubt they will learn exactly what this place is all about.

Maybe some will find the things I found here. Happiness, love, acceptance, respect for themselves and others. A connection they lacked before that no physical malady can hamper or take away.

I can't wait to see them make their own choices.

I write my name on the chalkboard and underline it boldly.

Mr. Nakai:
“Welcome students to the first day of school. Let's get started.“
Last edited by FluffandCrunch on Tue Feb 21, 2012 6:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Chronopolize
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by Chronopolize » Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:26 am

I find it highly amusing how I well I can imagine the bgms.

Seacow
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by Seacow » Mon Feb 20, 2012 6:27 am

HNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG WHAT A BEAUTIFUL STORY. ONE MAN TEAR IS NOT ENOUGH!

Spelling mistake here and there. Really like the music touch you added. Really helped to set the atmosphere, having downloaded the Enigmatic Box of Sound. Couldn't help but go :shock: with Hanako and Hisao at the start along with the three living together. After all, http://i.imgur.com/SIAFG.png

Also, that fight club reference...

themocaw
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by themocaw » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:46 am

I laughed, I daww'ed. . . I got totally confused at first as to what was going on in the first section and wound up writing a drabble.

Looking forward to seeing more from you.

bradpara
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by bradpara » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:00 pm

Feels.

This is great. Only thing missing was a cute kid. But like I said it was awesome. We need more After Story fics.
Shizune=Hanako>Lilly>Emi=Rin
Family Game Night A Shizune After Story Fic
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Brogurt
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by Brogurt » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:05 pm

No offense, but I kind of stopped reading once I saw the implications that Hisao married Lilly instead of Hanako.
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scott1and
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by scott1and » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:27 pm

Lesbian head mistresses :D And it was a nice read. I was a bit put off at first due to the format of the story, but after seeing it was meant to be read like a visual novel was quite into it.

One word of advice, if this is your first time writing, in future I would try and write in a story format, as scripting puts a lot of people off reading it. I know this technically isn't scripted, but some people will still see it as slightly irritating. On a lighter note, still liked the story, and hope to see more in the future :mrgreen:
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lblf
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by lblf » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:35 pm

The BGM selections were a great touch. Added another dimension that other fanfics didn't have. Quality writing as well, imagining the scenes and character emotions you were trying to convey came very naturally. I do agree with scott about the dialogue style, but I understand that you were going for a visual novel format so it's cool. Hope to see more from you

Alparslan
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by Alparslan » Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:03 pm

FluffandCrunch wrote:
Hisao:
“Rule number one about Manly Picnic is you do not talk about Manly picnic.“

i fell off my bed laughing.

well done

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FluffandCrunch
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by FluffandCrunch » Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:50 pm

Thank you all for your comments. I was quite nervous about posting here.
I have done writing in the past but the script-like format was a conscious decision on my part to fit into the game style, making it feel like an Epilogue as naturally as I could. Normally I do write in narrative. I was particularly proud of the BGM selection though. Writing them with the music playing makes me Feel.
I knew I was going to get some Hanabros pissed off with the M. Night turn around at the beginning, but after all Lilly is cannon
I'm glad the Fight Club bit went over well. I was concerned it would either be out of character or a bit too much of a fourth wall break.

While I would prefer to keep writing in the script format (faster and a lot more fun if IMO), does anyone have a request following the same lines as what I've written? I'd like to do more, but have trouble coming up with ideas.

GaseousMaskk

Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by GaseousMaskk » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:32 pm

I really liked the script style. Did feel like I was reading some sort of "expansion" to KS heheh. I can imagine all the scenes and older-fied versions of the characters. The twist at the beginning caught me off guard haha but I love Lilly and Hanako so I got no problems with that. And Kenji... haha i dunno why but I would like to see a script with Kenji and Hanako at lunch :P

Bagheera
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by Bagheera » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:38 pm

FluffandCrunch wrote:I knew I was going to get some Hanabros pissed off with the M. Night turn around at the beginning, but after all Lilly is cannon
Meh, they have no reason to be. There are five canon pairings in HS and at least a half-dozen more on top of that if you're willing to reach a bit; anyone who's stuck on one needs to either unclench or learn to avoid fanfic.

For my part my only complaint here is that it reads more like a prologue than an actual story. So here everyone is aaaaaaand . . . now what?
Girls: Emi = Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Shizune = Rin
Routes: Rin = Shizune > Emi > Lilly = Hanako


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Otakumon
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by Otakumon » Mon Feb 20, 2012 7:15 pm

FluffandCrunch wrote:Hisao:
“Ughhh! You smell like sweaty strawberries!”
Don't you mean sweaty lemons? :mrgreen:

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waynoinsano
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by waynoinsano » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:23 pm

Brogurt wrote:No offense, but I kind of stopped reading once I saw the implications that Hisao married Lilly instead of Hanako.
Shrug.jpg
worse yet Hanako X Kenji.

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CarnivalNights
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Re: Ten Summers Later

Post by CarnivalNights » Tue Feb 21, 2012 12:14 am

That was great. Loved it.
Image

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