The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Brogurt
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Brogurt » Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:44 pm

Is this what k-on is actually like?

tony246
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by tony246 » Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:56 pm

Brogurt wrote:Is this what k-on is actually like?
No, not really, to be quite frank I haven't watched a lot of it to really know but it's not really like that I think.
I'm not good with this sort of thing, so I"m just going to say it here:
Thank you, Four Leaf Studios.

That is all.

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Specter Von Baren
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Specter Von Baren » Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:17 am

Now I want to see everyone experimenting with the idea of a Punishment Game. I'm sure Shizune would love it.

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Daitengu
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Daitengu » Mon Mar 19, 2012 12:33 am

You cats should watch it. If you like cute slice of life comedy. Tons of funny moments.

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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Mar 19, 2012 3:20 am

Dreams don't need to be coherent, but try to keep one tense throughout anyway.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

tony246
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by tony246 » Mon Mar 19, 2012 5:38 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Dreams don't need to be coherent, but try to keep one tense throughout anyway.
Ah tense usage, my old enemy has once again risen up to defy me. Well, I'll see what I can do on the weekend.
I'm not good with this sort of thing, so I"m just going to say it here:
Thank you, Four Leaf Studios.

That is all.

tony246
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by tony246 » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:16 pm

We are back for another fluffy chapter, this time extra fluffy due to a certain fan fic piece depressing the heck out of me.

Anyways, well, it seems as though Hanako has been a bit out of the spot light with the craziness of the student council and Emi's actions, which is weird since this is her post end fic. So this should fix it. Please enjoy.

+++
Previous Chapter
+++

Chapter 6: New Routine

Huff…Huff…

I give a brief sprint for about a fraction of the loop before slowing down. After that I walk for the rest of the lap before giving another quick burst of speed. All of this is at a reasonable and logically restrictive pace that will not kill me.

The speeding girl next to me has already passed by five times. Six times. Seven times. Ok, now she’s showing off.

“Geez Hisao, you’re sooo slow,” Emi teases as she slows down to my pace.

“Excuse me for having a heart condition,” I mutter. “I said I wouldn’t be much of a running partner.”

“And I said it would just be nice for someone to be around in the mornings. I mean do you see anyone else here?”

I look around and see she was right; there is absolutely no one else on the field besides us. Which is a shame really, the morning breeze blowing through the trees and grassy fields felt quite nice.

“And Rin always wanders away or sleeps in or something when I ask her to come here,” Emi continues to bemoan her fate. “Oh woe’s me.”

“No, woe is me! I could be sleeping in, but you had to drag me out of my bed didn’t you?”

“Oh don’t be such a spoil sport, it’s for your health,” Emi retorts. “Speaking of which, I guess it’s time to see the nurse?”

I glance down at my watch. Emi’s right, it was getting close to breakfast time. We both walk off the track and stroll to the Nurse’s office

+++

“Well, it sounds like everything’s in working order,” The Nurse says, putting away his stethoscope.

“That’s a relief,” I reply. “Well, so I guess we’re done here.”

“Not yet.”

“Not yet?”

“Not yet. You see, I’ve received word that you’ve recently been seeing Ms. Ikezawa in a romantic relationship,” The Nurse states.

“How do you know that?”

“Well, you see, apparently Molly Kapur told—”

“Stop!” I interrupt. “Just skip to the end please.”

“Hm, well, basically, Emi told me,” The Nurse says.

“Of course,” I mutter. “Well, why would this be at all important?”

“It’s for your health Hisao,” He assures me. “Now, I’m going to reassure you that you can certainly do THAT as long as you take things slow.”

“THAT?” I ask. “What’s THAT and why are you stressing the word so much?”

“You know, THAT,” He says, completely ignoring the second part of my question.

“Wait...THAT that? Are we really going to talk about THAT? Here? Now?”

“I assure you this is all confidential and is most certainly not something to be avoided,” The Nurse says with a somewhat serious expression. “It would be a shame for you to die tragically in the middle of THAT.”

“Ok, I get it, but I’m very certain that we’re not going to do THAT for a while,” I retort, trying to block out what he’s saying.

“So you have already done THAT,” The Nurse questions.

“Well…it’s…gah, it’s complicated.”

“Listen Hisao, I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to do THAT and that your medication will not interfere with THAT, I’m just saying that you should theoretically do THAT without having your heart explode on you. But on the offhand possibility you have done THAT, I would at least like to know that your heart did not suffer horribly due to overexertion or something.”

“Look, it’s fine, I’m not dead and I think, with Emi’s forced exercise and diet, I should be fine from now on as well. So can we please stop talking about THAT?”

“Agreed. Now I think it’s time for you to go, have a nice day.”

As I left the Nurse’s office, I started to think about all the intricate ways I can get back at him without harming my health or the health of others. It’s so much simpler to prank someone when they aren’t responsible for the wellbeing of others.

“Hisao!” Emi shouts, interrupting my plotting. “How did it go?”

“Fit and healthy, well, as much as possible I suppose,” I state.

“Great! Now shower up so you can be ready for THAT!”

“Ok…wait, what?!”

“You know, your first dorm cooked meal from two lovely ladies,” Emi clarifies.

“Oh, that.”

+++

Walking into the cafeteria, I see Rin sitting by herself in a table near the corner. Seeing no reason not to, I walk over and say hello. She…does not notice. It seems as though a certain tile on the ceiling has more weight and importance than me.

After a bit, I see Hanako and Emi, both carrying lots and lots of plastic boxes of questionable origin. They quickly cover a good section of the table with various foodstuffs, all of which smell quite nice.

“Your perfectly balanced meal of the day!” Emi shouts.

“I h-hope you like it,” Hanako says.

I look at the plate in front of me. It appears to be a regular omelette. A few bites later and I am pleasantly surprised by how amazing it tastes. Apparently my joy did not go unnoticed as Hanako and Emi both give each other a little high-five.

“Well, what do you say Hisao?” Emi asks, eyes somehow growing large and puppy-like again.

“Thanks for the food, Hanako,” I state. “I can’t believe you made this all by yourself.”

“Hey! I helped too!” Emi says.

“Oh that’s impossible, I mean there’s no way you can cook this good,” I say, smirking all throughout that statement.

She slaps my head.

“Ass,” She mutters.

“Geez, I was just kidding. But seriously, this all looks great…but don’t you think it’s a bit much?”

“Hisao, breakfast is the m-most important meal of the day,” Hanako states. “No breakfast leads to poor nutrition which leads to low performance in daily activities.”

“Alright, alright, I get it. But don’t you think all of this is a bit much?”

“What are you talking about Hisao? We’re eating too!” Emi says as she gulps down an entire omelette.

+++

During lunch, everyone gathered to the rooftop for an exciting round of sky staring. To explain, when I arrived at the rooftop, I saw Rin staring at the clouds again. Instead of questioning it, I decided to join her instead. After that Hanako and Emi arrived and saw us staring at the clouds, so then they started to stare at them. Now we’re staring at the clouds for no reason.

Overall, it is a strange lunch period.

“Doesn’t that one look like a bunny,” I say.

“Oh, yeah it does! How cute!” Emi exclaims. “And that one looks like a seal. And that one looks like a penguin. And that one looks like a bird!”

“I-I see a book, a trumpet, and a whale,” Hanako says.

“And why are we laying on the floor and not eating our lunch before it gets cold?” I finally ask.

“…”

Everyone immediately gets up and we quickly scarf down the lunch.

+++

At dinner time, I was waiting for Hanako in our usual room. Looking around, it feels like it’s been ages since we’ve been here. A few minutes pass before she enters the room, hands filled with even more food.

“Good evening,” She greets.

“Good evening,” I reply. “Emi finally let you get away?”

“S-she said that dinner time is for c-couples…so she just stopped by to give me the rest of the food,” She explains.

“That’s…pretty polite of her actually.”

Hanako quickly sets down the plates of various foods. A lot of various foods. Really, when did she and Emi make all of this?

“Hanako, you aren’t over exerting yourself, are you?” I ask.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Well, don’t you think this is a bit much?”

“…You don’t like it?”

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just that if you’re going out of the way just to do this, well, um, it’s just rather…erm, how do I say this?”

“I’m not pushing myself,” She assures me. “So, you don’t have to worry. I j-just got a bit excited when I was cooking with Emi. It…was fun.”

Smiling, she happily swallowed a bit of her food. Feeling relieved that she wasn’t doing something like pushing herself when she wasn’t ready, I finally start to enjoy this wonderful meal she made.

…Well, actually…the food really is a bit much.

“Uh, Hanako, the food is good an all, but I don’t think we can finish it.”

“Eh? But Emi said that she eats about this much on a daily basis.”

“Emi’s a walking food compactor, she doesn’t count.”

“Hm, w-well, I’ll have to change things a bit for tomorrow then,” She says. “B-but the food is definitely good, right?”

“Yes, it’s definitely good,” I reassure her, scooping a large pile into my mouth. “See, wonderful. Delicious. Nectar of the gods good.”

“Oh, well, good then,” She finally agrees, mouth twitching into another smile. “I’m glad you like it.”

Relieved that she finally believes me, I swallow down another mouth full. It was indeed very good. I can really get used to life here like this. Can’t believe I was so apprehensive of this place before.

+++
Next chapter
+++

Gah, endings still kill me, but I'm working on it. And working on character interaction. And just working to make sure this isn't horrible. So please point out if something is horrible on your way out. See you all next week for Hisao's date.
Last edited by tony246 on Mon Apr 23, 2012 1:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'm not good with this sort of thing, so I"m just going to say it here:
Thank you, Four Leaf Studios.

That is all.

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Daitengu
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Daitengu » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:35 pm

“Oh, well, good then,” She finally agrees, mouth twitching into another smile. “I’m glad you like it.”
Twitching how? I'm use to a twitching smile indicating hidden irritation. I'm rather stumped because it could mean alot of things when it comes to Hanako.

That's about all I got for criticism personally.

tony246
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by tony246 » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:53 pm

Daitengu wrote:
“Oh, well, good then,” She finally agrees, mouth twitching into another smile. “I’m glad you like it.”
Twitching how? I'm use to a twitching smile indicating hidden irritation. I'm rather stumped because it could mean alot of things when it comes to Hanako.

That's about all I got for criticism personally.
Gah, I was trying to say she was trying to not smile but then couldn't resist smiling again. Or something. Look, I'm not the most creatively descriptive person when it comes to certain actions.
I'm not good with this sort of thing, so I"m just going to say it here:
Thank you, Four Leaf Studios.

That is all.

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Daitengu
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Daitengu » Mon Mar 26, 2012 8:57 pm

tony246 wrote:Gah, I was trying to say she was trying to not smile but then couldn't resist smiling again. Or something. Look, I'm not the most creatively descriptive person when it comes to certain actions.

mm maybe something like: “Oh, well, good then,” Finally agreeing, her nervous mouth relaxes into another smile. “I’m glad you like it.”


add: hmm.. I see what you mean, that IS difficult to word. oh maybe this *edits* x1 x2 x3 x4 Think I got it the fourth time lol

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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Brogurt » Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:23 pm

>Anyways, well, it seems as though Hanako has been a bit out of the spot light with the craziness of the student council and Emi's actions, which is weird since this is her post end fic. So this should fix it. Please enjoy.

>the only part with just the two lovers is the lone part at the end
>it's not particularly romantic
ಠ_ಠ

Moving on, I think this fic flowed pretty well compared to what I remember form your first writings. In particular, this part:
Walking into the cafeteria, I see Rin sitting by herself in a table near the corner. Seeing no reason not to, I walk over and say hello. She…does not notice. It seems as though a certain tile on the ceiling has more weight and importance than me.

After a bit, I see Hanako and Emi, both carrying lots and lots of plastic boxes of questionable origin. They quickly cover a good section of the table with various foodstuffs, all of which smell quite nice.
Seemed right on the mark to me, but it kind of tapered out with lines like:
Smiling, she happily swallowed a bit of her food. Feeling relieved that she wasn’t doing something like pushing herself when she wasn’t ready, I finally start to enjoy this wonderful meal she made.
Which I didn't particularly like. I'm not sure if it was the subject matter, or the word choice, or something else entirely,, but it gave me the impression that, with this being near the end of the fic, you stopped giving that much of a shit about it.


Anyway, yeah, 's cool.

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Daitengu
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Daitengu » Tue Mar 27, 2012 8:35 pm

Brogurt wrote:
Seemed right on the mark to me, but it kind of tapered out with lines like:
Smiling, she happily swallowed a bit of her food. Feeling relieved that she wasn’t doing something like pushing herself when she wasn’t ready, I finally start to enjoy this wonderful meal she made.
Which I didn't particularly like. I'm not sure if it was the subject matter, or the word choice, or something else entirely,, but it gave me the impression that, with this being near the end of the fic, you stopped giving that much of a shit about it.


Anyway, yeah, 's cool.
Hmm, Could be sentence flow.

maybe:
Smiling happily, she swallowed a bit of her food. Relieved that she wasn’t pushing herself too hard, I'm finally able to enjoy this wonderful meal she made.
that help any?

tony246
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by tony246 » Tue Mar 27, 2012 9:38 pm

Brogurt wrote: >the only part with just the two lovers is the lone part at the end
>it's not particularly romantic
ಠ_ಠ
To be honest, I had a different version of events in my head that would have probably lead to something a bit more romantic or something, but that version had a weird characterization moment that I didn't think would fit. And the end result led to the romantic end being less romantic as I planned.

In short, I'm working on it.

And about sentence flow and somewhat horribly withered ends...I'm working on that too.

But yeah, really endings and heartwarming moments and human interaction are not my specialty and I apologize for that.
I'm not good with this sort of thing, so I"m just going to say it here:
Thank you, Four Leaf Studios.

That is all.

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Roamin12
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Roamin12 » Thu Mar 29, 2012 4:13 pm

Enjoying the story, added to subscriptions!
While some parts seem far fetched, this is a fluff fiction so if stretching the characters some leads to the result you wish, feel free to move their personalities around a bit, just not too much. Good work so far man! :)
First Play through: Lilly>Hanako>Emi>Rin>Shizune
Second Play Through: Hanako>Rin>Lilly>Shizune>Emi
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Re: The Road of Adulthood (Post Hanako Good End)

Post by Beoran » Tue Apr 03, 2012 5:28 pm

I love this light hearted stuff, please keep at it. :)
Kind Regards, B.
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