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Mirage_GSM
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sun Feb 19, 2012 4:14 pm

Shizune, frowning, turns on her heel and kneels down in the sand, desperately trying to hoist her slightly overweight friend to her feet, anything to keep her moving.
After years of little to no food, she is still overweight? (Not saying that she was in the first place...)

Also, how can Shizune match her steps to Hisao's without seeing him?
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Doomish
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Doomish » Sun Feb 19, 2012 4:37 pm

If they go the same pace, she can still be outside of the illumination of the torch and keep up with him. The only reason he wasn't able to see her is because the darkness grew thicker as he went further into the tunnel, almost like a fog, which he mentions.

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Demonhornz
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Demonhornz » Sun Feb 19, 2012 11:59 pm

Dang Shizune. I guess Hisao doesn't need to feel like an ass around her anymore, seeing how she got some serious payback.

Honestly, to the commentators...it sort of annoys me to see insulting quips to Doomish about keeping the story going. I think I can trust the assurances that there won't be a cop-out ending and also assume that the author has a plan in place for continuing in the first place. That's why I really don't mind...hell, it's a pretty good fiction.

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Mahorfeus
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Mahorfeus » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:15 am

I am definitely getting a Dark Tower vibe from how the "ending" played out, but I am definitely anxious to see how everything turns out.
"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love." -Stendhal
The verdict is (finally) in:
Hanako > Rin > Emi > Lilly = Shizune

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Doomish
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:10 pm

Forget it.
Last edited by Doomish on Sat Aug 10, 2013 8:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Demonhornz
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Demonhornz » Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:08 pm

I have nothing much to say, except that I'll be looking out for the next chapter.

Also, a question - can they not respawn anymore?

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:16 pm

So how do you manage to put out a chapter this length almost every day?

...Anyway, I wonder what the deal is about Emi. They all seem to act like she won't be coming back, when they shouldn't have any reason to believe so. Did I miss something?
Honestly, to the commentators...it sort of annoys me to see insulting quips to Doomish about keeping the story going.
I'd like to think that my opinions about the story are not insulting. The writing is very good - it has to be for a story like this to keep me interested for so long - but I don't have to point that out every single chapter, so I tend to focus on the negative aspects
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Doomish
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 4:15 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:So how do you manage to put out a chapter this length almost every day?
I type chapters in packs of three. When I sit down to write, I always write about three chapters, or 12,000 words over the span of a day or so. I also type in class when I can; as a college student, I don't have very much to do when I'm not going to class or shopping so typing is all I really do. As soon as I finish, I post the first of the three chapters, and then post the rest over the next day or so. You may have noticed there was a four-day gap between Chapter Seven and the start of Act II; I was writing the next parts of the story during those four days. This, of course, means that there will be a little gap between now and the next three, but that's just my rough update schedule.
Mirage_GSM wrote: I'd like to think that my opinions about the story are not insulting. The writing is very good - it has to be for a story like this to keep me interested for so long - but I don't have to point that out every single chapter, so I tend to focus on the negative aspects
Of course. I don't view criticism as insulting, my moral policy is to take everything people say to me for what it's worth. A lot of people didn't want me to keep the story going, and to be honest, I didn't want to either at first; but I came up with an idea that didn't fall into trope after trope and decided to continue it on a whim.

Thankfully, it seems to be working out fairly well now that we're getting into the meat of Act II. There are, unfortunately, only a few chapters left in the story (I use "a few" lightly, as there is still quite a ways to go before I can bring it to a conclusion), but then I'll begin refining it into somewhat of an actual book. I may even include a prologue chapter that transcribes the events of Katawa Shoujo in a nutshell for exposition, so that you can read through the story without even knowing what the game is beforehand.

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myshoesarebrown
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by myshoesarebrown » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:21 pm

Using caps lock when people are screaming bothers me. It doesn't really emphasize that the character is yelling or shouting, all it does is distract me. And my head reads capslock in a different voice by default. I can understand people are yelling if exclamation points are used, and stating that "soandso shouted" or "soandso yelled". It bothered me before in the story, but I just ignored it. However, I couldn't take Hisao's breakdown very seriously while it was in all caps.

I'm fine with using caps for, say, the occasional word for emphasis -- though then I'd think italics would work better. I'm also fine with it for the voice, because that's pretty much the only way to emphasize how it sounds so different.

::Interpretation Time::

Overall, I enjoyed Hisao's breakdown. Or, perhaps I might say, "breakthrough"... in an extreme way. I'm starting to see a trend here:

-Hisao has finally decided to stop "white knighting" the girls.
-Hisao is finally honest with Lilly.
-Hisao is finally becoming independent -- even if his independence is despair.

These are all things KS preaches throughout the game. This story seems as if it's looking at these same ideas, but in a... different... light.

"Can you stand up for yourself?" Hisao relied on Emi. Even after her death, he needed to have a part of her to keep him going. He left it behind this time, and doesn't really seem to need it anymore. The mentions of Emi have become more and more sparse, and when Lilly accuses him of not being able to move on, the story hints that he IS moving on.

"Can you face your fears?" Hisao is afraid of being alone, and afraid of seeing the girls come to harm. He is starting to get over this fear, and is distancing himself from the girls. This one doesn't seem to have been delved into as much as the others, yet.

"Can you see what I see?" Hisao is the only one who has seen the world and happiness in a long time. For the longest time, he was the only one who had any form of hope left -- other than Emi, perhaps. This can develop in two ways, I believe: Either Hisao will "see what the girls see" and go 100% into despair, which seems likely. Or, the girls will begin to "see what he saw" and begin to gain hope.

"Can you tell me what you think?" Hisao finally does so in this chapter. He doesn't hold back. I would include his gunfire as "telling what he thinks".

"Can you seize the day?" This is a bit more tough. I would say Hisao has seized the day on multiple occasions, even if none of it mattered in the end.

All of these are a lot more flimsy upon writing them than they were in my head, but... no reason to not post them, now that I went through the trouble of writing them out.
My shoes aren't actually brown. Well, one pair is, but I mostly wear grey ones.

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Doomish
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 8:15 pm

Forget it.
Last edited by Doomish on Sat Aug 10, 2013 8:17 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Demonhornz
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Demonhornz » Mon Feb 20, 2012 9:21 pm

Damn. ...Some heavy shit.

I won't be able to put my interpretations or guesswork to words like other people can, but rest assured I eagerly await what comes next.

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Nekken
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Nekken » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:04 pm

Doomish wrote:"Did you know that Hanako once cut herself? She fell into a terrible depression, I stayed with her for weeks. I'm surprised you don't remember it given how much you talk about the past."
What you did there, I see it. Speaking of which, is there any news?
Falling in love is a volcano. Being in love is a kotatsu.

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Doomish
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:09 pm

I've already started working on Cutter's penultimate chapter, as soon as I post the final chapter of With Apologies when it is finished, I'll get back to it.

But I suppose now is the best time to reveal that all of my various Katawa fanfiction stories are going to interlink with each other (except, obviously, for this one), and my next one is going to be a direct result of Cutter when it concludes. It's sort of like a running canon between separate fanfiction stories; not quite sequels, but not quite asides. I'll be able to explain it better once I get it started.

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Doomish
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Doomish » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:11 am

EPILOGUE
It's only a few minutes before I awaken. I move into a sitting position, running my hand through my hair before remembering I don't have a hand on that arm anymore. It happens more often than I'd like.

I'm suddenly filled with vitality, almost anger, and I'm not sure why, as the girls- or, mostly girls around me each sit up, some more awake than others. The room is small, square, concrete on all sides. It's more like a prison than a room, as a matter of fact, and I wonder if it's intentional. I recognize the girls immediately after examining our little prison, and I snap to my senses.

I stand up, furious, but am suddenly quelled by the crackle of static and the noise of a speaker starting up.

A voice clears its throat. The voice. "YOU MAY ALL BE WONDERING JUST WHERE YOU ARE." It begins, deep, rumbling. I've heard it before somewhere, but I can't quite place it. "I UNDERSTAND YOU MAY BE CONFUSED AND AFRAID, ALL OF YOU. THERE ARE SEVEN OF YOU IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW, SOON TO BE SIX. YOU ARE THE LAST REMAINING SURVIVORS OF THE NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE; CONGRATULATIONS."

I already don't like this character, whoever he is. He sounds constantly angry over something, as if he despises even himself. I rub my arm anxiously, straightening my shirt, wanting it to get to the point so I can start chatting with the people I know so well and finding out just where we are.

"ONLY ONE OF YOU KNOWS ME PERSONALLY, BUT PERSONAL MATTERS MEAN NOTHING NOW. YOUR LIVES MEAN NOTHING NOW." It rambles on. "FOR I AM YOUR RULER. I AM YOUR LEADER; I AM THE PERSON WHO HAS GIVEN YOU LIFE, AND WHO SO SHALL TAKE IT AWAY. I AM GOD, AND YOU ARE BUT PEONS."

"Get to the point." I squint at the wall where the voice seems to be coming from. I am in no mood for listening to someone brag on and on. The voice is starting to sound more and more familiar, but I still don't know who it is If only I could remember where I was before this...

"AND NOW YOU ARE GOING TO SUFFER IN THE PLACE OF THE BILLIONS OF PEOPLE YOU LEFT BEHIND. CONGRATULATIONS, NATSUME, TAKASHI, SUZU, MOLLY, NAOMI, IKUNO, AND MIKI. YOU ARE THE ONLY HUMANS LEFT ALIVE."
I rub my stump anxiously, and grit my teeth. I know who the voice is now, and it takes me a moment to remember the name. But now I can place it, and now I'm confused.

Hisao Nakai.

Before I can address him, the door swings open, revealing a glowering, dark hallway. "TAKE THE FIRST FEW STEPS TOGETHER." The voice roars. "AND YOU WILL LEARN

JUST HOW MUCH

I HATE YOU."

END


And so it all begins anew. Thank you for reading.

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Demonhornz
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Re: With Apologies To Harlan Ellison [Spoilers, Gore Discret

Post by Demonhornz » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:20 am

Ahaha, such a cruel cruel ending! I will admit that Hanako's happy bit and the 'progress' Hisao made in learning about the voice made me think there'd be some semi-happy conclusion. But this is a definite, solid end and I thank you for a gripping read. The cycle goes on...chills.

As for Cutter...hmm...I still have the same hang-ups over it, but I might check it out someday.

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