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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:29 pm

Robnonymous wrote:
Doomish wrote:I'm going to try my hardest to avoid describing things visually as they pertain to Lilly, but from other interpolating characters, I'll have no choice. I know it doesn't make much sense, because it really shouldn't be that hard, but for some reason I find it that way. I'm chipping away at it, though, while writing another, completely different fanfiction every time I get stuck.
It's no big deal, really. It made sense that the visual descriptions popped up once someone with actual vision entered the story. To me at least. I just wasn't sure if you'd done that on purpose or not. ;)
Ah. Well, either way, I'm distancing myself from this one until I come up with a direction to take the plot. I apologize for the short hiatus, but I need a few days to contemplate where I want the story to go from here. Here's a snippet what I'm writing in the meantime. See if you can spot what it's a reference to:
...I don't know what happened to him, but I've stopped dwelling on that. I've stopped dwelling on anything anymore, really. I'm cold, hungry, but I'm not letting it get to me. I'll never let it get to me. The others think I'm the only one that still has any hope left, any hope that we'll see the light of day again. Hope of anything, really.

But I'm not the worst off. Lilly sits in the corner, huddled and broken, head and arms across her knees. On the few occasions we're given food, she doesn't have any. She cares too much about Hanako to let her starve, even though she never says it. She hasn't spoken in years, and I'm starting to think she's unable to anymore. Her blonde hair is matted to her forehead, and her eyes are closed, sewn and grafted shut by the malevolent dictator that runs our lives now. Not that it matters to her. Nothing matters to her anymore. Sometimes she looks up, alert, mumbles for a moment, and then slumps right back over, dry heaving like she's going to vomit, but she never does. We think the reason she doesn't stand up is because she's starting to grow into the wall, but we can't ever be bothered to check. Nobody ever catches what she says, but she doesn't ever come back to reality for very long.

Hanako is gone. Mentally, of course. She's been clawing at the walls recently, her fingernails and eventually her fingertips turned to bloody stumps on the end of her hands. They're always fine after she wakes up. I tried to talk some sense into her once, tried to keep her from scrawling on the walls in her own blood until she fell asleep, but she just looks at me with horrified, anguished eyes, and I can't bring myself to tear her away from her work. The burns on her body have been spreading for a few years now, every day slowly enveloping more and more of her beautiful visage into a horrible, scarred monster. Eventually the scarring grew so painful that she wrenched her own eye out, and can only see out of the one that hasn't been covered yet. On a good day, you can still talk to Hanako like nothing was ever wrong, and she'll work past her giggles and her horrible, gnarled smile and talk about how she misses the way things used to be. Sometimes she sits over by Lilly and they cry together. Sometimes she doesn't.

Shizune and Misha are sitting in the corner opposite Lilly's, staring at each other. Thinking. Shizune has always been unable to speak her mind properly, and now that she's seen Misha broken and shredded to bits so many times that it's physically hurting her, I don't think any of us want to hear what she has to say. They're no longer two entities, Shizune and Misha, but one bigger object. Not physically, of course, but they're literally inseparable. If you bring them more than a few feet from one another, their almost animal instincts will kick in and they'll claw at whatever they can find to get out of your grasp and back to each other. Misha's trademark hairstyle was torn right from her head on the first day we were put in this place and it's never come back. Sometimes she twiddles idly with the air like she's twirling the drills again, but then she realizes what she's doing and is ashamed. Misha is very protective of us, and would- and has -thrown herself onto almost anything to protect the rest of the group, especially Shizune. Shizune has stopped trying to comfort her physically, but I'm almost certain the two have grown almost a symbiotic telepathic link. The way they help each other is insane, I've seen them collaborate like twins, one knowing exactly what the other wants and vice versa. Emi's suggested they're sexually entwined, but I've never seen it happen.

Rin is also gone. Only, physically. Nobody has seen her in a decade or so now, and I'm starting to think that the voice above us let her go, either out of pity, or out of mercy. I have nothing to say about her. She never broke. She was our voice of reason, the one thing that kept me sane. And now she's been gone for so long that I can't even tell how much time we've been down here anymore. In fact, she might have been taken away from us to spite me and only me.

Emi... It hurts to talk about Emi. The voice broke her first. It took away her prosthetics, forced her to hobble around on her stumps for a while. After it got tired of that, it threw her down into what she talks about as the pits of hell, being constantly jabbed by pins and needles in sheer darkness. When she returned, she didn't talk for a year or two. I don't really blame her. Emi's been talking to me, lately. I'm the only one she ever talks to. The others are too far gone to listen to her anyway. It took her some time to work up her emotions, but the facade she puts on is almost like her old self. She's constantly crying, but she tries not to let it get to her. By now I'm sure she can ignore the tears to the point of her entire shirt being soaked without her even giving a second thought. The voice gave her back her prosthetics eventually, but she can't take them off. She's tried, and she claims it will kill her and she'll never come back to us. They're manufactured like some sort of horrible steampunk anomaly, jutting out in random spots and chugging like they're controlling her. She's shown me how they transform before, how they arrange themselves into whatever shape she needs them to be to get by. I've seen them coil like springs, and turn into thick hatchets to cut through jungles as she walks high above us. I've never seen what the ends that latch onto her legs look like, but she claims they're long, horrible hollow needles, jabbing so far up her legs that she can feel them in her pelvis when she walks. She can't run anymore, it hurts her too much.

She spoke again. "I said stop it, Hisao." I turn towards her and realize that I'm so lost in thought that my nails are digging into her sides, tiny specks of blood coming from the deepest puncture. I hesitate to let go of her, because I know what's going to happen when I do. I mutter a sorry. I can't muster up enough courage to feel anything, because as soon as I start feeling anything, I know I won't be able to stop. Like mechanical creatures, my hands retract from around Emi's sides. I hold her when I don't know what else to do...
Just a small passage of what I've been working on. It doesn't pertain to this story at all, but I may flesh it out once Cutter is finished. That is, if I ever get Cutter finished. The next chapter will be coming soon, I promise.

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Brogurt
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Brogurt » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:33 pm

I have no eyes and I must see?
I have no arms and I must hug?
I have no legs and I must give footjobs?

Damn, this is hard.

Lothbrok
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Lothbrok » Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:34 am

That excerpt was... so dark... why do I want more... I should probably leave this thread alone for a while got some thinking to do.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Sun Jan 29, 2012 1:20 am

Lothbrok wrote:That excerpt was... so dark... why do I want more... I should probably leave this thread alone for a while got some thinking to do.
There is a problem with me posting it. Not because of the content, but the title. I wanted to call it "With Apologies To Harlan Ellison", but a much better writer than me has already used the title, the content and the story for herself... Hisself. I don't know what Cat Bountry is. An enigma, I guess. I can't call it I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, because Shizune is the first thing that comes to everyone's mind, and she's not the focus of the story. I'm suffering the same thing Rin's gone through in her story path in the actual KS, in that I can't call this particular work of art anything because nothing would be able to describe the content properly.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:09 am

Forget it.
Last edited by Doomish on Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

boredism
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by boredism » Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:48 am

Maybe its because I know what happened afterwards and the seriousness of the affairs... but Hisao seems a bit... distant.
Also a side note: doesn't Hanako have to go to a therapist? or is that just unscheduled whenever Hanako feels up for it kind of thing?

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MoonShadow
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by MoonShadow » Wed Feb 01, 2012 10:10 pm

Doomish wrote:Just a small passage of what I've been working on. It doesn't pertain to this story at all, but I may flesh it out once Cutter is finished. That is, if I ever get Cutter finished. The next chapter will be coming soon, I promise.
I... hate you. There is no other word for what I feel. This piece of text is pure gold. But, I hate you. Because I am not going to sleep correctly until I see the end of this story.

As for Cutter... damn. Your story is well written and all, so good job, but I will reserve my real judgement for when the story is complete.
"If there can be no victory, then I will fight forever."
-Koth of the Hammer

"If you're not having fun, what's the point of living forever?"
-An unknown vampire

You can spot a werewolf-infested town by its lack of butcher shops.

Don't underestimate the aerodynamic qualities of the common goblin.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Wed Feb 01, 2012 10:50 pm

MoonShadow wrote:
Doomish wrote:Just a small passage of what I've been working on. It doesn't pertain to this story at all, but I may flesh it out once Cutter is finished. That is, if I ever get Cutter finished. The next chapter will be coming soon, I promise.
I... hate you. There is no other word for what I feel. This piece of text is pure gold. But, I hate you. Because I am not going to sleep correctly until I see the end of this story.
You're in luck.

As for this story, there's only one more Hanako chapter to go. Then, I'll finish the Lilly asides and everything will have come full circle; after which, I'll focus more on writing With Apologies To Harlan Ellison. We'll see where the future takes us I suppose.

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Demonhornz
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Demonhornz » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:08 am

I was partway into chapter 3 before I stopped and realized why I was uncomfortable.

Ahaha. It wasn't the cutting or the gore, it was Hanako's Lilly-loving. Erm, as in more than friends. That, to me, is extremely odd that that would be the thing that makes me want to stop reading.

Anyway, it's a good story and you're an excellent writer as far as I'm concerned, but I stop here simply because of the yuri, even if it is one-sided. I misinterpreted the 'Lilly/Hanako' thing in the title because, upon glancing at the first post, I saw a Hanako and a separate Lilly section, so I figured they wouldn't be a pairing (again, one-sided or not, since I haven't read enough to confirm).

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 1:43 am

The "Lilly/Hanako Spoilers" in the title actually refers to spoilers for their various paths within the story itself, it has little to do with the yuri. To be honest, the feelings Hanako thinks she might have for Lilly is one of the story's driving elements, because it's just another thing she's torn with indecision on.

Also, I realize I've been neglecting this story, but don't worry, I'll get back to it soon enough.

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Demonhornz
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Demonhornz » Mon Feb 20, 2012 2:01 am

Doomish wrote:The "Lilly/Hanako Spoilers" in the title actually refers to spoilers for their various paths within the story itself, it has little to do with the yuri. To be honest, the feelings Hanako thinks she might have for Lilly is one of the story's driving elements, because it's just another thing she's torn with indecision on.

Also, I realize I've been neglecting this story, but don't worry, I'll get back to it soon enough.
That's actually what I assumed at first, but...well, I jumped to conlusions at chapter 3. Ahaha. And I actually also thought she might not even be sure what she wants anymore...sexually. She starts by wanting Hisao, then thinks of Lilly. I honestly didn't know what to think until the next scene after the naked breast comparison in the morning, which is when I suddenly stopped due to the aforementioned uncomfortableness.

So, tell me honestly, even for someone like me with major hangups over looking at same-gender pairings, think I should continue reading? Will there be...a lot of yuri? Because I do like your style and I do find your writing somewhat addicting (is that disturbing?), but want to avoid looking into...well, you know.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 3:27 am

Honestly? I don't think it's enough to make you want to quit reading. Chapter three is basically the crux of Hanako's emotional spiral, there isn't really any girl-on-girl after that despite Hanako's mixed feelings on the subject. It obviously has to come up in conversation at some point when Hanako eventually decides she's had enough of the self-torment, but there isn't any full-on lesbian sex or anything.

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Demonhornz
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Demonhornz » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:03 am

I don't mean sexual since it was stated that this wasn't a fapfic, I meant...romantical. Like. If those feelings still...you know, are a heavy thing.

Edit: Wait, no, I'm being an idiot. I shouldn't spam your thread with my half-assed reservations about this stuff. Sorry, argh. If it's something I'm being wishy-washy about reading for a stupid reason, I really shouldn't bother the author and instead just move on.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Mon Feb 20, 2012 5:17 am

I don't think you're being wishy-washy at all, but in that case, yes, it's a core element of the story. It's fine, I know that some stories aren't going to appeal to everyone; and I don't know what your reasons for not wanting to proceed are, but it doesn't make you an idiot to be hesitant.

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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Zaknafein » Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:16 am

As someone who struggled (and at times still struggles) with self-injury, cutting being my primary method, this story hits extremely close to home. Not to mention all of the extremely close friends I've had who have gone through it. Throughout quite a bit of it your portrayal of it has been extremely accurate. There are times when it's a bit hard for me to read because of how much I can relate, but I do enjoy the story and looks forward to seeing how it turns out.

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