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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:33 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:This has gotten quite bizarre...
There's no way nobody would notice the communal bathroom in the dorm looking like a slaughterhouse for several days, especially in a place like Yamaku with Hanako havinbg regular appointments with a shrink.
Regarding Lilly, I don't think she would have neglected to inform the nurse. She's much too responsible for that.
Well, Hanako has her own kitchen area in her dorm so I've officially messed the geometry of her living situation up already. Let's just pretend she has her own bathroom, too. As well, Lilly hasn't gone for help yet because she knew Hanako would be dead by the time she got back, but you never know. The next chapter should enlighten you, in a sense. Also, as for the eating thing, you'd be surprised how long people with body issues can stave themselves off from food before finally cracking. It's pretty horrible, actually.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Mirage_GSM » Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:51 am

I didn't comment on the eating part. I know people can survive without eating for weeks, but it does lend additional weight to my criticism for Lilly's actions. As for the "being dead by the time she got back" - that's what padded cells are for.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Mr. Jack
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Mr. Jack » Wed Jan 25, 2012 7:18 pm

A tad peculiar, yes, I must admit. But I've enjoyed the writing and the story itself thus far, so I shan't complain.

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quellsnarg
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by quellsnarg » Wed Jan 25, 2012 7:48 pm

What a destructive relationship, lol. It wasn't particularly healthy in canon, either (imo), but this... yeahhhh. Codependence is an ugly thing, and I know that from experience from Lilly's side of the relationship. Reading this reminded me of some of those feelings.

You asked for input but I'm not sure if you want concrit... if you do, I'll give my comments. I will say that your writing style is solid; the only things I would critique are the ways you handled the plot, but I know that that sort of feedback isn't what some authors want, especially if they write a story for relief, which I (possibly erroneously) got out of this story from your first author's note. In regards to that, it's really not fun to be that low and I'm sorry you've been there, too.
Shizune >>> Emi > Rin = Hanako >> Lilly

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:34 pm

Forget it.
Last edited by Doomish on Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Thu Jan 26, 2012 11:23 pm

There won't be any new chapters for a while, you have my apologies. Real life and writer's block are intervening at the same time, which makes it almost impossible for me to get anything done. As soon as I'm past my block and am sleeping on a regular basis again, the first Lilly aside-chapter will be posted... That is, once I'm past my block, sleeping on a regular basis, and it's finished, anyway.

iamjagman
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by iamjagman » Fri Jan 27, 2012 1:18 am

Just wanted to say that these were all absolutely amazing, and as I'm still trying to figure out whether Lilly or Hanako is my "waifu" (they both tugged at my heartstrings soooo bad), these stories had both of them basically slip into insanity, I cried buckets of not-so-manly tears. You could seriously be a professional writer.

Lothbrok
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Lothbrok » Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:46 am

That was a great chapter!
Also take you time RL is more important.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Fri Jan 27, 2012 10:16 pm

Forget it.
Last edited by Doomish on Wed Jul 17, 2013 4:11 am, edited 3 times in total.

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Brogurt
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Brogurt » Fri Jan 27, 2012 11:54 pm

Doomish wrote:He’d been with Lilly last time Hanako had a mental deconstruction
I actually think I hissed when I read that.
I assume that "been with" means that they were fucking and she was crying, no?

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Sat Jan 28, 2012 12:08 am

Brogurt wrote:
Doomish wrote:He’d been with Lilly last time Hanako had a mental deconstruction
I actually think I hissed when I read that.
I assume that "been with" means that they were fucking and she was crying, no?
Uh... I didn't mean it that way, no. I think you misread the context. I know I stressed Lilly's sexual deviance but I'm pretty sure that would just be too weird. I meant in close proximity, maybe, y'know, having lunch together or something. Not "been with" as in "We were literally fucking each other's brains out and Hanako busts in like 'I need to use your window' and then she starts crying and we're like whaaaaaaaaat"

Sorry, I had to break my conscious style of posting there for a moment. I'm definitely changing that line to something less, er, able to be construed.

EDIT: I suppose changing 'her' to 'them' will suffice; It doesn't change very much and the sentence still flows well while being devoid of anything that could be construed as sexual. I'll try to avoid such slip-ups in the future, you have my apologies.

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Robnonymous
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Robnonymous » Sat Jan 28, 2012 12:26 am

I'm most certainly really enjoying these (still), but I also felt the need to nitpick. Mostly it's just that the story is told from Lilly's "perspective," but there are some moments when she's visiting Hisao where there are visual descriptors. I assume they're from Hisao's point of view anyway, but I wanted to point that out just in case it was unintentional. :)
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

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Brogurt
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Brogurt » Sat Jan 28, 2012 1:07 am

I suppose part of the reason I misinterpreted that line was what immediately came after it. I think that tears being shed would be a given during a breakdown, and mentioning "a lot" of them made it seem like there was more than one reason behind it. I had originally doubted myself, but after reading the tears comment, I was almost certain that you were speaking of the sexings. Whatever; at least it's cleared up now.

But I'll tell you that it certainly would be more jarring, to every party involved (this includes us readers as well as the characters), if something like that had happened.

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Doomish
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Doomish » Sat Jan 28, 2012 1:09 am

Robnonymous wrote:I'm most certainly really enjoying these (still), but I also felt the need to nitpick. Mostly it's just that the story is told from Lilly's "perspective," but there are some moments when she's visiting Hisao where there are visual descriptors. I assume they're from Hisao's point of view anyway, but I wanted to point that out just in case it was unintentional. :)
I figured this would come up eventually so I may as well address it. My style of writing is sort of odd. I prefer short, distinct dialogue, but long, descriptive paragraphs when necessary. I like narrative omniscience, but I'm not very good at keeping straight when writing about it.

The problem with that is that this part of the story, being what it is and about who it's about, doesn't allow me to do that. I want to portray the element of Lilly's blindness without the story actually being from Lilly's point of view, if that makes sense. Thus, I have to have all of the descriptors appear to come from Hisao, who is, of course, sick in bed. Writing a story following Lilly is much more challenging than writing one following Hanako, because I can't use Lilly to accurately describe visual things. Thus, I'm forced to use Lilly's other senses as much as possible, while sneaking in visual things where they are necessary. For example, we didn't know Hisao was laying in bed until I, the narrator, mentioned that's where he was. Lilly, the character, only assumed he was there because that's where his voice had come from.

However, I can't outright say that, because, like I said, the story isn't from Lilly's point of view, it's from her perspective. In fact, I'm trying to keep Lilly's blindness in the background in favor of her as a personality, as she does in KS itself. One of the only reasons she was so comfortable in Hanako's room on the first and second day was because she couldn't see it was spattered with gore, hence, she could tell herself nothing was wrong. When she sits down on Hanako's bed to chat with her, I'm going to have to introduce several new things about the room, the characters, anything that Hanako wouldn't be focused on. to keep the story interesting. We haven't gotten to that point from Lilly's perspective yet, but when we do, I'm going to have to describe everything again without using the same descriptors I used for Hanako's side. This is where the element of perspective and POV comes into play. Everything has to be different because Lilly is a different character. She perceives the events around her differently. One of the reasons for my hesitance to keep going was because I'm pretty inept at describing the same thing from multiple perspectives, which is what a lot of Lilly's chapters are going to be.

But where does that leave me? I honestly couldn't tell you. I'm going to try my hardest to avoid describing things visually as they pertain to Lilly, but from other interpolating characters, I'll have no choice. I know it doesn't make much sense, because it really shouldn't be that hard, but for some reason I find it that way. I'm chipping away at it, though, while writing another, completely different fanfiction every time I get stuck.
Brogurt wrote:I suppose part of the reason I misinterpreted that line was what immediately came after it. I think that tears being shed would be a given during a breakdown, and mentioning "a lot" of them made it seem like there was more than one reason behind it. I had originally doubted myself, but after reading the tears comment, I was almost certain that you were speaking of the sexings. Whatever; at least it's cleared up now.

But I'll tell you that it certainly would be more jarring, to every party involved (this includes us readers as well as the characters), if something like that had happened.
It'd certainly be more emotionally effective, but despite what Lilly's first chapter is telling us as readers, I'm trying as hard as I can not to make Hisao out to be a dividing fault between the two friends. He's the impartial party. He doesn't really even know he's at the center of the issue until the most recent Hanako chapter I've posted, but again, Lilly spends more time with him, and he's therefore going to turn out to be more critical to her storyline. We'll just have to see where it takes us.

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Robnonymous
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Re: Cutter [Lilly/Hanako Spoilers]

Post by Robnonymous » Sat Jan 28, 2012 6:40 pm

Doomish wrote:I'm going to try my hardest to avoid describing things visually as they pertain to Lilly, but from other interpolating characters, I'll have no choice. I know it doesn't make much sense, because it really shouldn't be that hard, but for some reason I find it that way. I'm chipping away at it, though, while writing another, completely different fanfiction every time I get stuck.
It's no big deal, really. It made sense that the visual descriptions popped up once someone with actual vision entered the story. To me at least. I just wasn't sure if you'd done that on purpose or not. ;)
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

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