Weekend at Hisao's (Was: At the Train Station) - [Some Porn]

Post Reply
Posts: 459
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:20 pm

Weekend at Hisao's (Was: At the Train Station) - [Some Porn]

Post by themocaw » Sun Jan 22, 2012 1:55 pm

Weekend at Hisao's Index

At the Train Station (This post)
A Dark and Empty House
Dinner with the Family
On the Couch (Erotic Content)
In the Bedroom (Erotic Content)
Tied to the Bed (Erotic Content)

Battle Lines
Back at the Train Station Again
Stepping Together Into the Future
Epilogue: Drabbles from the Reception


At the Train Station

She waves at me over the heads of the crowd. I wave back and step aside, waiting for the other passengers to walk by. She is grinning excitedly, like a little kid on Christmas morning, as she literally skips towards me and flings herself into my arms for a nice, tight hug, which I am, of course, more than happy to provide.

[You have no idea how much I need this,] Shizune signs, after we finish our hug and finally let go. [College has been hell.]

[You should have chosen a nice, relaxing subject, like science, then,] I sign back, grinning, [instead of something stressful like business].

[Hypocrite. You were the one sending me email after email about how much you hate your lab classes.]

[Temporary insanity,] I joke. [I must have been delirious from having so much fun. Is that everything you packed?] I ask, gesturing to the small duffel bag slung over one shoulder.

[I'm traveling light,] Shizune signs back, as we leave the train station. [No books, no laptop, just the essentials.]

She looks fantastic. In the three months since we've last seen each other, she's grown her hair out from its old chin-length pageboy cut to about shoulder length, tied up into a high ponytail. A pair of small, tasteful diamond studs adorn her pierced ears, offsetting the diamond pendant hanging from the silver chain around her neck. She's dressed in a black turtleneck and a short, pleated skirt in a red tartan pattern, the hem of the garment ending an enticing couple of inches above the tops of her thigh-length black stockings. She's exchanged her old glasses for a pair of elegant black half-frames. Taken individually, each element works for her. Taken as a whole, the effect is nothing short of stunning.

She catches me staring at her, and she grins. [Like what you see?] she signs.

[Love it,] I reply. [You look great.]

[You don't look so bad yourself,] She signs back. [I like the new haircut.]

I grin sheepishly and rub the back of my neck. [I had organic chemistry last semester. I got sick of my hair always getting in my face with my hands full of glassware, so cut it shorter.]

[It looks great. Very professional. My father, however, would not approve.] She pauses, stands up straight, and strikes an arrogant, condescending pose, one hand resting on her duffel bag as if on the hilt of a sword. [Short hair! Long hair is the sign of a true man! Short hair is for convicts and delinquents! And that blazer! Only lawyers and tax collectors wear blazers! Disgraceful. . .]

I roll my eyes, and Shizune giggles silently, putting her hand over her mouth as her eyes scrunch up with delight at my annoyance. [Your father still thinks I'm a useless piece of crap that won't ever amount to anything,] I say, as we walk down the stairs and towards the bus stop. [I could fly to the moon and bring back a moon rock, and he'd complain that in his day, they would have brought back two.]

Shizune rolls her eyes, but she does not disagree. [I sympathize. There's a lot about me that my father doesn't approve of either.]

[Oh? What now?] I ask, feeling my hackles rise. If he's been giving her a hard time about not talking again, I swear I'll. . .

[Well,] Shizune signs impishly, a smirk quirking up her lips into a catlike smile. [For one thing, I'm not wearing panties right now.]

I blink and blush bright red.

Shizune's smirk turns into a sly grin. [Want me to prove it?]

I immediately divert us away from the crowd and into an alleyway behind the train station. She's already undoing my pants as we toss our bags down and start kissing. She comes up for air with her face flushed red with desire and her breathing heavy and low with arousal. I move in for another kiss, but she pushes me gently away and leans back against the wall. She pulls up her skirt. She wasn't lying.

It's always been like this. For Shizune, it's the thrill of possibly being caught. Whether it's in the student council room back at high school, or tied to a chair in her parents' guest bedroom, or in a back alley behind the train station, nothing turns my girlfriend on like thinking that, at any time, that someone could see her in the throes of making mad, passionate love to me.

Screwing her against a dirty wall in a dark alley behind a train station isn't my idea of romance, but I proceed manfully onward, putting my own squeamishness aside. She throws her head back and grabs me close, gasping wordlessly as I come in hard and fast. A little too hard and fast: a sudden flutter in my chest reminds me of the limits I need to respect, and I slow down into a somewhat more measured pace, taking deep, long breaths. With time, the tunnel vision recedes, and I'm able to simply enjoy this moment.

I'm already starting to feel myself nearing the breaking point, much quicker than her body language tells me she is. I try going through the various hydrocarbon functional groups by memory, including formula, structure, and nomenclature. Her body starts to tense up just as I'm visualizing the molecular structure of ethylene. She bites down on my shoulder to stifle her shuddering cry of pleasure just as I finish working through the steps of the hydroformylation of the same into propionaldehyde.

After that, I forget about chemistry for a bit and concentrate on wild, passionate, animal sex. It doesn't take much longer after that.

I take a moment to wipe her off with my handkerchief, then do the same for myself as Shizune dusts herself off and rearranges her hair. I toss the soiled cloth into the trash as we walk out of the alleyway. The bus stop is empty except for us, so we sit down together on the bench and wait for the next bus to come by.

[Thank you,] Shizune signs after a bit.

[For what?]

[For. . . indulging me,] she says, blushing a bit sheepishly. [For putting up with my perverted tastes.]

[It's fun for me too,] I admit. [But next time. . . let's do it the way I like.]

[A little wine, a little music, some candlelight? Falling asleep in each others' arms afterwards?]

[Well. . .] I admit. [We don't have to fall asleep. . . seems like a waste of time when there's so much else we could be doing. . .]

Shizune grins at me wolfishly, then reaches up to put my arm around her waist. She leans her head against my shoulder and closes her eyes, and we sit there, waiting in companiable silence, for the bus to arrive.

It's going to be a good weekend. I can feel it.

Author's note: I have a few vague ideas of maybe expanding this into a story about the rest of the trip, paying a visit to Hisao's friends and family, if I can think of an interesting way to do it. Anyway, I just had this idea in my head after watching Shizune's two H-scenes and noticing a real exhibitionist theme running through them.
Last edited by themocaw on Mon Feb 13, 2012 10:57 pm, edited 5 times in total.


Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by Guest » Sun Jan 22, 2012 7:20 pm

Need pic of outfit NOW!
Anyways, manfully can't believe that there is actually such a word.
The only thing that annoyed me is the chemistry rant, mainly because I am here to procrastinate my chemistry homework :D

Also I feel bad for Hisao's wallet, looking at Shizune having diamond earrings and necklaces.

Well I guess I should get back to my chemistry homework, or procrastinate a bit more.

Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:00 pm

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by i_do_shit » Sun Jan 22, 2012 11:51 pm

Yes, keep on writing.

I generally don't want to comment on other people's work. All I end up doing is offering generally unwanted critique or mindless praise, and both feel pretty awkward. But it'd be a shame to pass up on this, especially seeing how little feedback is passed around here.

You did a good job. I actually enjoyed reading that story, because it's well-written (a surprisingly rare quality.) I feel like you got the characters right, and your dialogue is spot-on and very natural. Seeing the sign language brackets in prose feels a little weird at first, but you handled it in the best possible way. (By actually using fucking brackets, unlike some people. And also treating it as normal dialogue. Mostly that.) Everything else felt in its place, and there was nothing that proved to be horribly distracting to the experience as a whole.

So yeah, that's it. Sorry for the interruption, and carry on. If you do end up writing anything else, I'll be glad to read it.

User avatar
GG Crono
Posts: 150
Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2009 7:05 pm

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by GG Crono » Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:45 am

I have to say, I wasn't expecting much of this, and you surprised me. Actual pornographic material aside, this stands as a very nice character piece. (And the smut isn't badly-composed either. ;))

You should definitely write more stuff, porn or not.


Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by Guest » Mon Jan 23, 2012 2:24 am

Good writing.

For once I get to pick both. Wouldn't mind seeing more of your work.

User avatar
Posts: 381
Joined: Thu Feb 24, 2011 12:32 pm
Location: I just don't know anymore...

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by scott1and » Mon Jan 23, 2012 11:48 am

Good story, and the sexy content wasn't too bad either. If you continued this I'd be interested to see where this could go.

User avatar
Ax Maverick
Posts: 24
Joined: Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:03 am
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by Ax Maverick » Mon Jan 23, 2012 2:52 pm

Nice. Good writing style, very natural dialogues and the scene descriptions were great, too.

Let's see more of what you can do.
"Stop telling me not to worry about you! Just this once... Let me cry..."


"I fell in love with you, and I refuse to let that be thrown away, just because you're afraid to lose me."

"Why are you doing this? Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Posts: 311
Joined: Tue Feb 15, 2011 6:07 am

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by bradpara » Mon Jan 23, 2012 8:56 pm

Very hot, very well done. Please write more.
Family Game Night A Shizune After Story Fic

Posts: 459
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:20 pm

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by themocaw » Tue Jan 24, 2012 2:49 am

Guest wrote:Also I feel bad for Hisao's wallet, looking at Shizune having diamond earrings and necklaces.
Shizune buys her own jewelry. :) And it's not like she's dripping in jewels. I figure this is her good stuff. She wants to look good.
i_do_shit wrote:Seeing the sign language brackets in prose feels a little weird at first, but you handled it in the best possible way. (By actually using fucking brackets, unlike some people. And also treating it as normal dialogue. Mostly that.)
I'm aware that sign language has its own syntax, but it's so close to Hulk Speak, that I didn't want Shizune to come off as dumb. :P
some people wrote: Various comments about porn.
I think one of the things that people screw up with when writing sex scenes is not thinking about what the scene says about the relationship between the characters. If you get too caught up in being titillating, you lose track of what's important: telling an interesting story.

Speaking of telling an interesting story, working on the second part. So yes, there will be more.

Posts: 459
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:20 pm

A Dark and Empty House

Post by themocaw » Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:10 am

The story continues


Is there a word that means the opposite of nostalgia? If so, I guess that's what I felt as I come home, yet again, to a dark and empty house. It's something I'd done so many times before as a child and as a teenager, that doing it again now that I'm home from college seems familiar, but not in a good way.

On the other hand, I'm not alone this time.

Shizune nods and looks around appreciatively as I close the front door behind us. [I'm home,] she signs to me, smiling impishly.

[Welcome home,] I sign back, giving her a slight smile.

She takes a moment to step out of her shoes (a rather stylish pair of strappy black heels) and step into a pair of house slippers I hand her. She heads over to a framed photograph on the wall: a family portrait featuring me and my parents sitting in a photo studio. It's a picture that we had taken the day before I entered high school: I'm wearing a black German-style uniform with the straight collar, rather than the green blazer and tie of Yamaku. She runs a hand over the glass thoughtfully, then smiles. [You've got chubby cheeks in this picture,] she signs to me.

[I lost a lot of weight when I went into the hospital,] I reply. [About ten kilos, I think.]

Shizune purses her lips and nods quietly. [I'm sorry,] she signs.

[Don't be. I needed to lose the weight, anyway.] I reply.

Shizune nods and drops the subject. A few moments later, I see her eyes light up as she runs over to another framed photograph. . . or set of photographs. . . at the foot of the stairs. She gets a huge, mischievous grin as she points to one of the photos. [I see Hisao's first kiss!]

Oh lord, not that one . . . [I was four years old!] I protest. [I don't even remember her name!]

[How mean!] Shizune teases. [What a terrible thing to do, to break a young girl's maiden heart like that!]

[It was just little kids playing,] I insist. [I think she kissed me because I gave her a piece of candy or something.]

Shizune smirks. [A kiss for some candy, hm? What would you give me for. . .] She doesn't finish the sentence, instead licking her lips and raising her eyebrow suggestively.

I have to laugh at that. [You're insatiable.]

[It's been three months,] she points out. [I'm making up for lost time. Let's do it.]

[What, right here?]

Shizune rolls her eyes. [Hisao,] she signs, very seriously. [What if your parents come home? I know you think I'm pretty daring, but I don't want to be naked the first time I meet my boyfriends' parents.]

She's got a point. [My bedroom, then.]

She smiles and nods, holding her hand out to me. I take her by the hand and lead her up the stairs to my old room.

I'd be lying if it said it hadn't changed a bit since when I was in high school, but its close. The poster of Goku fighting Freiza still hangs over my bed in a place of honor. A few old ribbons and awards from elementary and junior high school are pinned to a bulletin board over my desk. On the opposite side, a small television set with an old Playstation console hooked up to it. There's a Dragon Quest game still in the disc drive. If I recall correctly, it's the game that I was playing the night before I went out into the woods to meet up with Iwanako.

Shizune nods appreciatively as she looks around. [Nice room,] she signs.

[It's all right,] I reply. I take a deep breath. [Do you want to take a shower?] I ask.

Shizune glances up at the posters, then the mischievous grin that she's had since downstairs broadens into a positively wicked grin. Before I realize what she's doing, she's lifted up my mattress and is feeling between it and the box spring. A look of triumph comes over her as she finds what she was looking for. . . and pulls out an old ecchi magazine.

"Hey, stop that!" I shout, making a grab for her. Shizune dodges away, still grinning smugly like a cat that's just caught an entire flock of birds, as she flips through the pages, making appreciative expressions at various points. [Geez, I thought I threw that away,] I sign at her.

Shizune doesn't respond, mostly because she's too busy flipping pages and looking at the photographs. One of them in particular catches her eye, and she holds it up to show it to me: an image of a busty girl in a bikini posing on a beach, giving the camera a coquettish look as she crosses her arms under her breasts. Shizune tosses down the magazine and replicates the pose exactly. I have to laugh.

She gives me another grin, then bounces up to give me a kiss on the lips: slow and gentle, almost comfortable in its softness. I return it with a little more passion, only to have her pull away and put a finger to my lips, shaking her head. [Shower,] she signs.

My offer to accompany her into the bath is rebuked. [No peeking, either. That's breaking the rules,] she insists, before closing the door behind her.

I take the time to head down to the kitchen and arrange for a few snacks. A bottle of white wine I've had chilling in the refrigerator since last night: some strawberries I bought this morning, a couple of chocolates, and one last thing that I hope she'll appreciate. I put them all on a tray and bring it up the stairs to my bedroom, putting it down on my desk just as the bathroom door opens and Shizune steps out.

She's wearing a light blue bathrobe of some flimsy, cottony material that doesn't really conceal what it covers, so much as accentuate it. She's got her hair up in her towel as she walks into my room, drying her hair off. [I'm done,] she signs.

[All right. Have a snack if you want. Just don't uncover that covered plate,] I reply.

[Oh? What's under there?]

[A surprise. No cheating.]

My girlfriend rolls her eyes again. I fight the urge to tear the bathrobe off and take her right then and there: I want this to go perfectly, and it won't do to go for it while still smelling of sweat and that dank alleyway behind the train station.

I'll admit, however, that I shower as quickly as possible, given the circumstances.

By the time I come out of the bathroom in my bathrobe, Shizune's poured two glasses of the wine and is sipping at one of them, alternating between small sips and bites of strawberry. She passes me the other, and we clink the glasses together before each taking a deep, satisfying draught. She takes me by the hand, then, and pulls me down onto my bed, reaching up to cup my face in her hands and give me a slow, sensual kiss. Her hair flares around her in an ebony halo as she falls back onto the sheets, her face flushed pink with desire as she runs a hand down the front of my robe, tugging lazily at the belt. . .

The sound of the front door opening is like a needle scratching against the phonograph of my mind. "Hisao! We're home!" I hear my mother call out.

Shizune frowns at the sudden change in my expression. [What's wrong?]

[My parents are home,] I sign back.

[Oh. . . no. . .] She gives a little groan of frustration. [I thought you said they were working late tonight.]

[They're home early. Of all the days. . .]

"Hisao?" my mother calls again. "Are you home?"

I stifle a frustrated scream into my pillow, then take a deep breath. "We're here, Mom," I shout back.

"Come on down, then."

"In a minute." I look down at my extremely disappointed girlfriend and shrug my shoulders in resignation.

[It can't be helped, I guess,] Shizune signs back. [Let's go.]
Last edited by themocaw on Fri Jan 27, 2012 10:56 am, edited 3 times in total.

Posts: 27
Joined: Tue Jan 10, 2012 8:47 pm

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by boredism » Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:21 am

hahaha... reminds me of the time my parents and I walked in on my sister's "escapade"... ahh good times...

User avatar
Posts: 162
Joined: Thu Jan 19, 2012 7:56 pm

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by Robnonymous » Wed Jan 25, 2012 3:24 am

Hisao's parents make me RAGE SO HARD! :evil:
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:06 pm
Location: Canada

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by lblf » Wed Jan 25, 2012 5:06 am

I actually avoided reading this cause of the "porn" in the title. But now that I have I'm glad I did. It's really easy to read, and the writing is definitely a step (or two) above most fanfic I've read here so far. Keep it up!


Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by Guest » Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:15 am

I like it very much. Can't wait to see more.

Posts: 459
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 12:20 pm

Re: At the Train Station [Porn]

Post by themocaw » Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:45 pm

lblf wrote:I actually avoided reading this cause of the "porn" in the title. But now that I have I'm glad I did. It's really easy to read, and the writing is definitely a step (or two) above most fanfic I've read here so far. Keep it up!
Yeah, given that the story's expanded and changed a bit from what it originally was, i've changed the title and clarified that this isn't mindless Ikea porn in the tag. :P

Post Reply