Bad Dreams (Hanako)

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Robnonymous
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Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:30 pm

Hey all! Moderate-time lurker, first time poster. After playing through way more KS than is probably healthy, I decided to take a shot at writing my own bit of fiction. I'd say it sounds weird to feel compelled to write an epilogue to a particular character's story because I really wanted to know how things turned out, but I know I'm not the only one here who feels that way.

With that in mind, here's my own take on an epilogue (of sorts) for Hanako and Hisao. It's a little short, but it felt good to get it out. :)

EDIT 1/20/2012: I've made a number of small adjustments like cleaning up the tense in a few places and adjusting how long after the game the story takes place. Other than that, I've expanded things a bit with a few new "chapters" (so to speak). Overall, I'm much more satisfied with this version and hope you all feel the same. :)

If not, that's cool.

------------------------------ Bad Dreams ------------------------------------

At first she isn’t quite sure what’s happening or where she is. After pausing for a second or two to get her bearings it all comes back to her: she’s at home. Her home. The one she’s made with Hisao. But something’s not right. An odd feeling hangs in the air, and she can’t help but feel as though something is chasing her. Then she sees it.

A tiny wisp of smoke curls up from the bottom of the door to their bedroom.

Her right hand - her scarred hand – reflexively moves to her face as she gasps.

“No!”

Her words fling her body into action as she turns and bolts down the stairs, calling out to him.

“Hisao! Hisao, where are you?!”

No answer as she nearly trips on the last step. No answer as she rounds the corner and pushes through the kitchen door. No answer as she turns back to see the flames creep along the frame of the door she’d just walked through.

The fire sweeps toward her with incredible speed, as though it were hungry. Even if she could bring her body to move, she doubts it would make any difference. All she can manage is to stand there and wait for it to reach her. To finish what it started so long ago. She closes her eyes. Let it take her. Hisao’s gone and she’s tired of running.

“I’m sorry… I… I can’t… not again…”

Strong arms wrap around her, accompanied by a familiar smell.

“Hisao…”

She opens one eye and risks a peek.

Hisao isn’t looking at her. His eyes are focused on the approaching flames. Reality slows to a crawl as he finally turns his head and their eyes meet.

“Hisao!”

He doesn’t say anything. He merely gazes into her eyes with a faraway look on his face. It’s almost as though he were deep in thought, looking through her rather than at her. After what feels like an eternity, his eyes suddenly snap into focus. He doesn’t say a word, but gives her a gentle smile. Then he breaks his hold and shoves her away.

Time beings to move again, albeit slowly. The fire creeps up his legs as her body flies through the threshold of the home they’ve shared for so long. She knows what he’s feeling right now. She’s all-too familiar with the sensation. As the flames make their way toward his chest, she brings her eyes back up to meet his. She can’t bear to after he’s tossed her aside so readily, but the sight of the flames on Hisao’s body is just too much. To her amazement he’s still wearing that gentle, loving smile.

In that fraction of a second before the fire takes him completely, she can almost make out what he’s thinking.

“Hanako, I’m glad you’re safe.”

And then her world turns to ash.

----------------------------

“NO! HISAO!”

Hanako bolts upright, her forehead covered in sweat. It takes her a second to register what happened.

Only a dream. It was only a dream. I’m in my own bed, there’s no fire and Hisao is-

“Eep!”

The sudden feeling of his arm around her makes her jump.

“Ah, sorry. Are you okay?” he mumbles.

She looks over into Hisao’s half-awake but incredibly concerned eyes. Her body won’t move at first, but after a moment she manages a slow nod.

“You had that dream again, didn’t you?”

She nods again.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

He looks away and frowns for a moment, unsure of how to proceed. The expression makes her nervous. When he looks back and sees the distress written on her face it nearly breaks his heart.

“I’m not mad, Hanako. Really. I’m not even annoyed. I’m just… worried about you. And frustrated. I hate seeing you unhappy and I hate that I can’t do anything to make it better. This… this hurts me.”

It takes an enormous amount of will to keep from rolling her eyes at him, “Hisao, we’ve already talked about-“

“I know, I know,” he cuts her off, “but I can’t help it. I love you, Hanako. I don’t want you to feel like this.”

It’s a conversation they’ve had many times before, and one she wasn’t interested in repeating. She knows it might lead to an argument, but she can’t keep the words bottled up.

“We’ve been over this,” she sighs, ”I don’t want your protection or your pity.”

“It’s not pi-“

“No,” she says firmly, “Look, this is something I’ve got to get through on my own. I don’t need your help, and seeing how upset it makes you when you try upsets ME.”

“I know, Hanako, but-“

“I said no, Hisao.”

She shifts back down under the covers and rolls to her left, facing away from him to hide both her anger and her tears. Why does she always do this? He loves her, and she loves him. Why can’t she accept that? Why does she still refuse to let him take care of her? She knows that’s what couples do; they take care of each other. But no, she’s flipped out on him. Again. It’s a wonder he hasn’t left her yet.

She can feel the bed shift as he settles back down next to her. A moment later his hand is resting lightly on her thigh. When she doesn’t brush it away it gently moves up past her waist, along her side and to her shoulder. She can’t help but shudder involuntarily, not that she’d admit to it. His arm stretches over her as he searches for her hand, which she offers up automatically.

“I’m sorry.”

He slowly rubs a thumb over her scars. An act that once might have made her uncomfortable, but now calms her down. She takes a moment to consider just how miraculous that is.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’ll drop it. Just promise me one thing.”

She turns her head slightly without a word.

“Please promise me that if it gets to be too much to handle on your own, you’ll let me know. I may not be able to fix it, but I still want to be here for you.”

She thinks about this for a second, then gives a slight nod.

“I promise.”

She feels his body relax and hers quickly follows suit. He pulls his arm towards his chest to give her a slightly awkward but very welcome hug. She can feel him take a deep breath as he buries his face into her hair. He gives her hand a light squeeze and she squeezes right back.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

And with that, they both drift back to sleep.

----------------------

“Damn-it,” Hisao mutters under his breath.

He can’t concentrate. It’s the middle of the day’s last lecture and he can’t stop thinking about Hanako long enough to jot down one or two words. Ever since they moved in together she’s been having that dream. It was once every couple of weeks at first but it’s been happening much more often lately. What does it mean?

“- when we supplement for X,“ the teacher drones on.

I shouldn’t have come to class today. This was a waste of time. I should’ve stayed with Hanako. She’s been on-edge a lot lately since the dreams have been getting more constant. Why did I leave her home alone like that? I suppose she would’ve been mad if I’d stayed, but still…

“- WILL be on the test, folks.”

Hisao lets out a long sigh. Class is almost over, he can stand to wait another half hour. Besides, Hanako would probably accuse him of smothering her or something if he came home early. Like she always does every time he tries to help without her consent. The thought immediately bothers him. This isn’t what our relationship is about. We love each other, and that’s more than enough. Everyone goes through stuff like this from time to time. It’s just another part of being a couple.

He gives up on the lesson and his thoughts drift to the past. Their first awkward meeting, the night at the jazz club, that gut-wrenching confession in the park and the way she kissed him afterwards. He smiles unconsciously.

“I wonder…” he breaths.

He’d been mulling it over for quite some time, but the more he thinks about it the more it just makes sense. After a few minutes his mind is made up. Now the remaining twenty-three minutes of class seem farther away than ever.

----------------------

Hanako looks up from her book to check the time. She frowns slightly. Hisao should’ve been home almost forty-five minutes ago. She tries to return to reading but she can’t get her mind back on track.

“Oh well,” she says aloud as she marks her page and places the book on the coffee table.

She gets off the couch and starts walking to stretch her legs. She hadn’t realized how long she’d been sitting there. As her muscles begin to unwind she thinks about asking Hisao for a backrub when he gets home. He’s not particularly good at it but it’s better than nothing. Plus it almost always leads to… She feels her cheeks begin to flush.

“Hisao…” she mumbles to no one in particular.

She slows her already leisurely pace as she reaches their bookshelf. Her eyes begin to wander across the photos they’ve placed there. She smiles.

There’s one of Hisao standing in front of the gates to the University. He’s positively beaming. It was his first day, and he was so excited. He’s still just as determined to become a teacher as he was then. Perhaps even more so. Her eyes shift to the right.

It shows the two of them asleep on Hisao’s parents’ couch. She’d met his parents for the first time that weekend. Things were naturally awkward at first, as everyone had expected, but they took a liking to her almost immediately. When she’d brought it to Hisao’s attention he smiled at her and said, “Can you blame them?” The picture was taken the night before they left. They’d fallen asleep watching TV and his mom managed to capture the moment without disturbing them. Her eyes drift down.

Graduation. She’d been secretly dreading the day that for the whole year. Even after she and Hisao had started dating. She just kept picturing that big stage, hearing her name and having to take that agonizing walk across it with all eyes on her.

She smiles again.

In the end it wasn’t so bad. Everyone clapped for her, as they had with all of the other students, but she could just make out Hisao and Lilly over the din as they called her name and cheered her on.

The sound of the front door opening snaps her out of her daze.

“I’m home!”

She rushes into the next room and flings her arms around Hisao’s shoulders. He looks down at her with surprise, but can only register the thought for a moment before her lips are on his. They stay like that for what feels like both a long while and not long enough before she pulls away and grins at him.

“H- Hi. Um… not that that wasn’t fantastic but where did that come from?”

“I was just thinking about you, and then there you were.”

He smiles back at her.

“I could get used to this…”

She giggles.

“Anyway, I just walked in the door,” he says as he starts untangling himself from her, “I need to take care of a couple things, but I’m coming right back.”

She does her best to keep smiling, despite her disappointment.

“Hold that thought,” he calls back as he rushes up the stairs.

As soon as he’s out of sight she drops her facade. Did he just blow her off? No, no he wouldn’t. There’s no way. He was just in a hurry is all. Probably had to use the bathroom and didn’t want to mention it. Even so, she couldn’t help but wonder.

Is this how it starts?

----------------------

“AAAHHHH! NOOO!!!!”

Hisao’s eyes snap open. Hanako! What..? Is she okay? Where is she? Where is HE?

He takes a quick look around the room and collects himself. It’s happened again. He looks over to see her curled up with her chin resting on her knees. She looks so alone right now. How can he help her? How can he FIX THIS?!

He sits up without a word and puts his arms around her. She’s still shaking.

They sit like that for several minutes before one of them breaks the silence.

“I’m… I’m sorry… I woke you up again,” she croaks.

He doesn’t speak. Instead, he squeezes her tighter and waits for her to settle down a little more. Little by little her body begins to relax. It isn’t until she’s able to place her hands on his that he opens his mouth.

“It wasn’t real…”

She stiffens a little at his words and he silently starts cursing himself. He just started another argument, didn’t he?

“I KNOW that.”

Yup, he did. He takes a deep breath and continues anyway.

“I mean it’s okay now. I’m here. I’m fine. We’re both fine. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”

“I know that…” her voice starts to crack again.

He holds his tongue. If he keeps going, he’ll probably make her cry. He hates it when she cries. The sound makes him feel like his soul is being torn apart, to say nothing of the feeling of total inadequacy that comes with it.

“I just… I just want it to stop. I’m…” she chokes back her tears, “I’m sick of the dreams. I’m sick of feeling so helpless.”

She turns to look at him. Her eyes lock with his. There’s something hiding just below the surface there. Anger? Fear? No. No, it looks like she’s decided something.

“And I’m sick of hurting you like this.”

For a moment he can’t think of how to respond. Did she just suggest that they stop seeing each other? No, it couldn’t be. Still, it takes a moment to get his thoughts in order.

“Hanako, you don’t mean-“

Before he can finish she starts sobbing. Her entire body begins to convulse as the feelings she’d been trying to bottle up pour out of her. She tries to shrug him off but he tightens his grip.

“Let…” she sniffs, “go.”

He doesn’t.

“Let…” sniff, “me…” chough, “GO!”

He won’t.

He touches the hand that isn’t latched on to her for dear life to her cheek. He tries to turn her head gently but she refuses to cooperate. He tries harder, but she still resists. He doesn’t want to risk hurting her, so he clears his throat and tries to sound as authoritative as possible.

“Han-“ he coughs back his own tears, “Hanako.”

No response.

“Hanako, look at me.”

Still nothing.

“Look at me!”

Her head starts to turn, then stops. Then starts again. He uses his free hand to help it along. When their eyes meet it’s all he can do to keep from breaking down. She looks completely lost. Almost as tough she’s given up. Well he hasn’t. He won’t. Not over something like this.

“Hanako…”

She tries to look away but he moves his head with her gaze.

“Hanako, I’m NOT letting you go. Not now, not ever.”

She stares blankly at him for a moment, completely dazed. He starts to worry that she’s gone into some form of shock when her arms wrap around his chest and start to squeeze. She burrows her face into his neck, still sobbing uncontrollably. It hurts his heart to hear it. She tries to say something, but nothing coherent comes out. He thinks it sounds something like “I’m sorry,” but he can’t be sure. It doesn’t matter.

He starts to stroke her hair softly. He doesn’t know how long they’ll stay like this, but he doesn’t care. He’ll sit with her for as long as it takes. All night. All day if he has to. He’ll sit with her until he can take away her pain. No matter what.

----------------------

The nightmare is still on her mind the next day.

She knows exactly what it means. She still hasn’t gotten over her problems. At least not entirely. She’s worried that Hisao will eventually get tired of her and leave, just like everyone always does. Her heart knows how ridiculous that sounds, but her head still won’t accept it.

“-for a minute.”

She snaps back to reality and quickly looks around. They’re in the park. The same park where they first admitted their feelings to each other. She couldn’t help but smirk a little. Wow, that was an awkward moment for the two of them. It was worth it, of course, but she still feels a little foolish whenever she thinks back on it. Why would he bring her here?

Hisao slumps down on the bench and motions for her to join him. She does. Before he can even lift his arm she’s already leaning into him, as clear an indication of how far they’ve come as any. She thinks back. Has it really been almost two years?

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”

She nods an affirmative as her eyes drift across the scene. It really is a beautiful day. A lot of people are out enjoying themselves. It makes her think of the time they used to spend wandering Yamaku’s grounds hand-in-hand. Even now she can still feel that jolt of energy whenever their fingers lock. She smiles.

They sit comfortably in silence for several minutes before he makes a move to rise. She’s a little perturbed at him for disturbing the moment, but starts to stand up with him anyway. He gently puts a hand on her shoulder.

“Wait a second.”

She pauses halfway between sitting and standing briefly before settling back down onto the bench.

Hisao opens his mouth to say something then snaps it shut just as fast. He begins to pace back-and-forth slowly, nervously running his fingers through his hair. He won’t look her in the eye. She does her best to fight back the feelings of uselessness and loss that are already threatening to creep into her mind.

“Hanako, I’ve been giving this a lot of thought. I’ve been going over it all in my head for a while now, even before the nightmares started.”

She knew it.

“Hisao, I-“

He holds up a hand, “Please let me finish.”

She stops.

“What happened last night isn’t what I want to talk about. I want to talk about you. About us.”

“Hi-,“ she tries to say his name, but it won’t come out. All she can manage is a weak, almost imperceptible whisper.

“Hanako… I love you. You know I love you. And I know you love me. Each day we spend together is something I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.”

Her eyes are fogging up now. She does her best to fight back the tears but fails, just like she always fails. Since she can’t stop them, she looks down at her lap in a desperate attempt to hide them. So, this is it then. His interest has finally run its course. No more Hisao. No more home. Back to being alone.

“I’ll be honest, last night is what finally pushed me over the edge. After thinking about it for so long, it just…” the words catch in his throat, “it made me realize that I’ve just been putting this off for no real reason.”

She focuses on her hands as they ball up into fists. Why does it have to end this way? Why couldn’t she keep herself in check? And why can’t she bring herself to fight for him now that it really matters?

“Hanako… Hanako, please look at me.”

She can’t bring herself to.

“Okay, well then I’ll come down there to you.”

She hears him shuffling around, but all she can see through her tears are a few colorful blobs. She can feel him take her hands in his. She doesn’t resist when he turns them over. What’s the point of resisting now, anyway? He’s made his decision.

“Hanako… are… are you crying?”

Her voice still won’t work. She tries to shake her head but is doubtful that it’s moved an inch, despite her best efforts.

“Please don’t cry. You’ll make me…” he sniffles.

What kind of joke is this? HE’S the one tossing her aside like a piece of garbage. Why does HE care?

There’s silence for a moment, then she feels him place something in her hands. It feels like a small box. Some sort of parting gift? A consolation prize, perhaps? So long, kid? You were a great contestant but the show’s over and it’s time for you to go home? If she could make any sort of sound right now it would probably be a humorless chuckle.

“It’s okay, Hanako.”

She feels a hand on her face now. His hand. He starts gently brushing her check with his thumb to wipe away the tears. Even now she can feel how much he loves her through such a small gesture. But if he cares about her this much, why would he…

“Well if you aren’t going to open it, I will. The last thing I want to do is get this far and chicken out.”

The box in her hands shifts slightly as her brain starts to process what Hisao just said. Chicken out? He’s dumping her. After all they’ve been through together. After all that they’ve shared. He’s dumping her. What’s there to chicken out of?

She starts to blink away the tears, some finding their way back inside while others roll down her cheeks and onto the box in her lap. As things come into focus it still takes her a moment to understand what she’s looking at. She blinks again, then looks up at Hisao blankly.

He smiles back at her. It’s the same smile he gave her after their first kiss. After their first REAL night together and every night they’ve had together since. It was his smile for her. Her and no one else. She looks back down to her lap.

“H-“ she clears the lump out of her throat, “Hisao, this is…”

She looks up at him again. He’s still smiling, but his eyes are also beginning to well-up now.

“Hanako, I know that-,” he chokes back his own tears, “I know that I’m not perfect, and I know that there are some things I just can’t fix for you. And I know that my stubborn refusal to accept that gets on your nerves from time-to-time.”

Her eyes drift down and away from his face for a moment. How did she not notice that he was kneeling before?

“The thing is, last night I realized that I always want to be there for you. Whenever you wake up in the middle of the night, I want to be there to hold you and tell you it’s okay. I want your face to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up.”

Slowly, steadily, it all starts coming together.

“Hanako, I’d like to think that you’ve already made me the happiest guy in the world, but it would make me even happier if you say ‘Yes.’”

The tears she’s been fighting so hard to control come back full-force, only this time she welcomes them. Clutching the box in one hand, careful not to drop it, she leaps forward into his arms. They both stand for a moment, silently clinging to each other.

“Huuu-,“ is all she can manage at first. She tries again.

“Hi- Hisao… of course… Of course! Yes!”

She looks up at his teary-eyed face and gives him the most heart-felt and sincere smile he's ever seen. If he hadn't just asked her to marry him, he's sure he would have now. He leans down to kiss her and without hesitation she hops up to meet him part way. Thoughts about the ceremony and how Hisao's parents might handle the news will come later. For now, all that matters is that they have each other. And that's more than enough for her.

“Hanako?”

“Hmm?”

He pauses.

“There’s just one thing that’s bugging me.”

“Hmm?”

“How did you know I was going to propose?”

She can feel herself blushing. She can’t help but smile at her reaction now that she knows it was so foolish. He’s never going to leave her. Not after all that they’ve been through together. Not after all that they’ve shared. She answers without looking up.

“Lucky guess.”
Last edited by Robnonymous on Sat Jan 21, 2012 3:05 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

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Brogurt
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Brogurt » Thu Jan 19, 2012 8:57 pm

Nice to finally see a Hanako fic post-release that's not written by me.

Anyway, the third person really got to me, and not in a particularly good way. Since we only see what she sees, and all the thoughts are hers, such as when she's thinking that he's going to abandon her, I would have written it in first person from her perspective. There's some exceptions though, like how she doesn't notice that he's kneeling, but I think it could have been written in a way that introduces the matter a lot like how it currently does. So instead of "she doesn't notice..." it would be "I notice" and it would come later on in the narrative.

And of course, the formalities. Thumbs up, would read again, etc.

I'm sure there's a better way to deliver that final line. I don't know what it is, but I bet it's there.

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Robnonymous
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Thu Jan 19, 2012 9:35 pm

Brogurt wrote:Nice to finally see a Hanako fic post-release that's not written by me.

Anyway, the third person really got to me, and not in a particularly good way. Since we only see what she sees, and all the thoughts are hers, such as when she's thinking that he's going to abandon her, I would have written it in first person from her perspective. There's some exceptions though, like how she doesn't notice that he's kneeling, but I think it could have been written in a way that introduces the matter a lot like how it currently does. So instead of "she doesn't notice..." it would be "I notice" and it would come later on in the narrative.

And of course, the formalities. Thumbs up, would read again, etc.

I'm sure there's a better way to deliver that final line. I don't know what it is, but I bet it's there.
Ehhh... I see what you're saying with regards to the third person, but I'm just not a huge fan of writing in the first person. Call it random preference, call it stubbornness, it's just not something I tend to use a lot. Thanks for the feedback and thumbs up, of course. :)

As for that last line, I wasn't entirely sure about it myself so it's nice to know I'm not the only one who isn't feeling it. I'll mull it over a bit and see what I can come up with...
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Jan 20, 2012 5:41 am

Boy, am I glad Suriko didn't finish Hanako's path on such a sappy note^^° A proposal just a few weeks after getting together is laying it on a bit thickly...
I also think the story would have been better suited to first person narrative, but as you said, that's mostly a matter of preference.
Also, you decided to write it in present tense (which is also a matter of preference, but imo is more suited to first person narrative) but a few instances of past tense have crept in. Tenses should be kept consistent throughout.
Other than that, nicely written - not my cup of tea, though...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Robnonymous
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Fri Jan 20, 2012 7:47 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:Boy, am I glad Suriko didn't finish Hanako's path on such a sappy note^^° A proposal just a few weeks after getting together is laying it on a bit thickly...
It's supposed to be several months (not entirely sure of the timeframe), actually... But yeah. I dunno, for some reason I felt like Hanako and Hisao deserved a "sappy" ending after the way things went before. Guess I'm just a big softy. :lol:
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

MrBackpack
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by MrBackpack » Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:38 am

Robnonymous wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Boy, am I glad Suriko didn't finish Hanako's path on such a sappy note^^° A proposal just a few weeks after getting together is laying it on a bit thickly...
It's supposed to be several months (not entirely sure of the timeframe), actually... But yeah. I dunno, for some reason I felt like Hanako and Hisao deserved a "sappy" ending after the way things went before. Guess I'm just a big softy. :lol:
I'm with you on this...

Though I think that all of the the girls deserved a sappy ending.
I has all the feels

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scott1and
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by scott1and » Fri Jan 20, 2012 1:52 pm

The story was good, although the mix of tenses put me of a little bit. And even though the marriage was a bit soon, its a FanFiction, so reality can screw itself in favour for a fluffy ending :mrgreen: Keep up the good work (I'm giving a thumbs up even though you can't see it!)
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by lbfl » Fri Jan 20, 2012 3:25 pm

I agree that all the girls deserve a sappy ending, which is why I enjoyed this despite the back of my head telling me that a few months after is much too quick for Hanako to think about marrying Hisao. But yes this is fanfic so screw reality, I'm happy for Hanako. Cheers for putting time to write this up.

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Robnonymous
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Fri Jan 20, 2012 4:48 pm

Thanks everybody. :)

After giving it some thought, I've decided I'm not done with it. The more I considered it, the more I realized that there really wasn't much of a reason to keep it set so close to the game's timeline, so first and foremost I'm going to be pushing it ahead a bit. I'm also determined to expand upon it, adding more details and interactions, varying perspectives (i.e. Hisao), possibly a flashback or two, etc... I feel like there needs to me more to it.

I sort of regret putting it up as soon as I did as I only spent about an hour on it last night. Of course if I hadn't, I wouldn't have received the feedback which has encouraged me to keep refining it. So yeah, I'm going to be leaving it up in its current state for now but will eventually replace it with the new version once I've gone through the proper revisions. After that, who knows? ;)
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

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tyren
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by tyren » Fri Jan 20, 2012 6:05 pm

I liked it pretty well as it was so I look forward to seeing what it looks like once you've spent more time on it. :D

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Robnonymous
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Fri Jan 20, 2012 8:56 pm

Thanks! I've combed it over something fierce and I have to say I'm much more proud of it than I was of the initial draft. Which I didn't consider a draft at first... :P

Anyway, it's just about ready for posting. I just want to get a second set of eyes on it for proofreading and then it'll replace the older version. I've cleaned up the tenses (it only shifts into past tense when memories are involved) and expanded a bit more on it. I won't lie, it's still sappy but I think it's more believable now. And it's STILL in third-person. 8)
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

lblf
Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:06 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by lblf » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:38 pm

I'm game for any well written (happy) pieces of Hanako, I'll be waiting :evil:

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Robnonymous
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:39 pm

lblf wrote:I'm game for any well written (happy) pieces of Hanako, I'll be waiting :evil:
Wow, you posted that just as I submitted the revision. Nice! :lol:
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

lblf
Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:06 pm
Location: Canada

Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by lblf » Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:18 pm

Robnonymous wrote:Wow, you posted that just as I submitted the revision. Nice! :lol:
Score!

So you changed the time frame to a couple of years? I think that much better than a several months cause I felt before that Hanako's overcoming of her stuttering was a little too soon so a couple of years definitely makes more sense. Ah the image of Hisao giving Hanako a backrub with that shy smile on her face :) .

Nicely done. I'm not a writer myself so I don't think I'm capable of giving criticism in terms of writing quality. But I definitely enjoyed reading it! I'm a sucker for sappy endings.

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Robnonymous
Posts: 162
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Re: Bad Dreams (Hanako)

Post by Robnonymous » Fri Jan 20, 2012 11:23 pm

lblf wrote:
Robnonymous wrote:Wow, you posted that just as I submitted the revision. Nice! :lol:
Score!

So you changed the time frame to a couple of years? I think that much better than a several months cause I felt before that Hanako's overcoming of her stuttering was a little too soon so a couple of years definitely makes more sense. Ah the image of Hisao giving Hanako a backrub with that shy smile on her face :) .

Nicely done. I'm not a writer myself so I don't think I'm capable of giving criticism in terms of writing quality. But I definitely enjoyed reading it! I'm a sucker for sappy endings.
You telling me you enjoyed reading it is more than enough in terms of criticism. Thanks! :D
Bad Dreams (Hanako) - My first KS fanfic. it's actually a happy story
Reconciliation - (a Hanako bad-end story) - My second KS fanfic. Not all that happy.

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