Brogurt's Chocolatey Hanako Fanfiction (Updated Nov 26th)

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Re: Brogurt's Seven Symphonies of Hanako Ikezawa

Post by Suox » Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:39 pm

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Last edited by Suox on Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Homecoming

Post by Brogurt » Thu Feb 02, 2012 12:20 am

Homecoming

Lilly said she’d be back today. Akira as well.

For this reason, Hanako and I are both visibly excited. Each of us bears a smile so wide that it threatens to creep off our faces, and the anticipation only keeps growing. It’s the middle of the day, the sun is shining bright, and here we sit waiting at Yamaku’s front gates, awaiting her return.

I begin to close my eyes for a breather, but I am interrupted by an exclamation and a shake of my arm.

“They’re here!”

I open my eyes just in time to notice a cab come to a stop right at the front gates. A door opens on each side, and out step Lilly and Akira. Hanako rushes to Lilly’s side, and I follow, slightly less enthusiastically. I think that more due to my tiredness than my feelings, though.

“Lilly!”

Hanako, after weeks without her best friend in the world, is reunited with Lilly, and is nothing short of ecstatic. I wonder if she might accidentally squeeze Lilly to death. Following their prolonged embrace, I extend a hug to Lilly as well.

“It’s feels like it’s been forever, huh?”

Unlike Hanako, I restrain myself from being too intimate, choosing to go the route of a friendly hug rather than a loving one. I reserve my loving hugs for only one person.

“Hello, Hanako, Hisao. It’s nice to know that you’re both getting along well.”

“Yeah, it’s great to see that you two are alright.”

Well, that should be expected, given that-

Oh. That’s right. We haven’t told her that we’re officially a couple yet. I suppose we’ve never really seen the need to. And as much as I might like to make it a “welcome back” surprise, Hanako and I did agree that today was going to be about Akira and Lilly’s return.

Naturally, being the center of attention isn’t really my thing, nor is it Hanako’s. I know she’s not the same frightened, insecure girl that I met in the library on that fateful day, and I’m not the same insecure boy who didn’t want to admit that he had problems too, but it’s not like we’ve done a one-eighty and turned into total rockstars or something.

But I have my doubts that anyone who has tea parties with his shy girlfriend, a proper classy girl, and a girl who looks like a boy when she wears her lawyer suit could ever be called a rockstar.

My stomach suddenly gives me a wake-up call in the form of a shuddering growl. Almost as if on cue, Hanako speaks my thoughts for me.

“I th-think we should get something to eat. And there’s a place downtown I’ve been wanting to go to…”

Each of us expresses approval of the idea in a decidedly quick fashion, and we soon find ourselves en route to our destination, with Hanako cheerfully leading the way. I guess everyone here just wants to get to the food as soon as possible.

One journey and several orders later, it’s time for conversation to pick up, now that we’ve had our first bites of food.

“So, Hisao, Hanako…” Lilly begins by addressing us with the same dignified demeanor that she always has. “I apologize for not keeping up with you two very much. I’d have liked to, but there were more urgent matters at the time.”

I share a worried look with Hanako, and then ask the question that I’m sure is on both of our minds.

“So, your aunt… is she alright?”

Perhaps sensing the worry in my voice, Lilly responds straightaway.

“Her condition has been steadily improving, and I’m glad for it. How about you two? Did anything big happen when I was gone?”

I glance to Hanako with my eyes, asking her if she wants to say anything. Just once, for good measure. She shakes her head, a sudden look of solemnity on her face.

No, I suppose nothing happened that night. We didn't do something that we would quickly regret. It was a quick and painless process for us to come as close as we did.

I guess Lilly doesn't need to know right now, though. Maybe someday down the line, we'll have the strength to tell her the whole story, of all the stupid things we did and all the mistakes we made.

“Eh, not a whole lot. Mostly just the same old schoolwork. But I’ll tell you this: we have both been working towards building our futures. I think something just clicked and each of us realized just how important this all is.”

“That’s good to hear. For the both of you.”

Hanako perks up to speak.

“I’ve got a driving test next week, in fact. I’ll probably get my license!”

Her smile widens a little; prideful, even for such a small thing. It must mean a lot to her though, to finally be able to put value in her life.

“That’s wonderful to hear.” Lilly almost sounds proud of Hanako at this point. “What about you, Hisao? What kind of future are you looking forward to?”

“Uh… After that pop quiz… not a life as a historian. That’s for sure.”

We all share a hearty chuckle at my misfortune. Following this, Lilly responds in an overly concerned manner.

“Don't let one test bother you so much, I'm sure it can't be that bad.”

“I've never been good at history… this just cemented things.”

“Don't sweat it.” Akira interjects soundly into our conversation. “I've never been that great at history and stuff either. And I found myself a well-paying job.”

Wanting to make something of this conversation, I hastily spill out the thoughts on my tongue.

“I have been finding myself increasingly interested in the sciences, though. I’m thinking of some kind of biotechnology research. Like, twenty years from now, maybe we could integrate technology with existing body functions so that it might really bring help to those who need it most. Mutou has been pretty supportive too, but I wonder how much he actually cares that it's what he teaches. I can’t shake the feeling that he just wants me to get out and do something.”

“That’s quite noble of you, Hisao. As for Mutou, that's his job.” Lilly’s statement comes with an air of authority. “Yamaku isn't here just as a place to relocate persons with disabilities. Part of its purpose is to give everyone here an opportunity to make a future for his or herself.”

“That sound like a spiel he gave me a while back.”

After saying that, I take a moment to think about my words. That kind of message actually seems like one that most of Yamaku's teachers and undergraduates would embrace.

“He may have told it to me once before.”

So I was right on the money, then overthought things and blew it. Hmph.

I notice Akira make a slight gesture with her eyes, and an even slighter one with her head towards Hanako. It dawns on me that she may be trying to tell me something. Perhaps Mutou, knowing that Lilly and Hanako are very close, told Lilly to tell this to Hanako, in an effort to cure her of her truancy and lack of direction. Failing that, maybe Lilly turned to Akira for advice as well.

The thought causes me to bite my lip. Hanako was more serious than I had thought when she said that too many people worry about her. Lilly, Mutou, Akira, herself, and then me. That’s pretty much everyone she knows.

I then relax somewhat when I realize that such is not the case anymore. She's already gotten a push in the right direction, now it's up to her to choose her path.

“Speaking of… Hey, Hanako, have you considered any fields of science or IT or something?”

“That would be alright… but I'd like something a bit more…”

“Exciting?”

She blushes.

“I think so, yes.”

Akira butts in again.

“That's understandable. If your career is something you don't like, you're only accomplishing the latter half of ‘doing what you love for a living’.”

“Th-there are some things I’ve found myself interested in, though. Journalism, for one. Also, there’s other things, like photography and music production, and stuff that involves computers.”

Hanako’s sudden desire to express her self and her ambitions reminds me of myself, right back there. It’s cute, really.

I consider asking her if singing is something she considered, but I decide against it. Luckily, before the conversation can run dry, Akira adds her own take on the situation.

“Seems like you've got a lot of options ahead of you. There's all sorts of ways you could incorporate computers into writing, music, games, and other stuff.”

Hanako shows off her trademark flawless smile once more. This may well be the first time that she’s had an idea of what to do with her life, and the support of a professed lawyer could only serve to boost that confidence, I think.

“Hey, so me and Lilly have some unpacking to do and it's getting pretty late…”

Lilly nods serenely in assent.

"We'll get out of your way now, if you two don't mind. I think we’ve kept you long enough."

She says it in a way that makes me feel like it would have been accompanied by a wink and a nod. If she were capable of eye contact, of course.

“Alright then, catch you later.”

“Bye…”

“Later.”

“Goodbye.”

The two Satous take their leave, and right as I am about to resume eating, Akira says something that catches my ear.

“They’re a cute couple, huh?”

Her voice rings quite loudly. Did she mean for us to hear her comment? I feel like slamming the table and turning to dramatically face her, but that would probably send the wrong message and I don’t want to knock over my coffee.

So I settle for simply turning to her and drilling my eyes into her back, seeing if I can make her feel my gaze. She peeks over her shoulder at me before returning her attention to what’s in front of her and whispering something to Lilly. Likewise, I turn my attention to Hanako.

“Did you tell Lilly about us or something?”

“No.”

“You’re certain? I know I’ve been saying-”

“I know what you’ve been saying too. About our communication. ‘No lies and no secrets’… I did not tell Lilly about us.”

“Well, the last time I even contacted her, I’m certain I didn’t express any romantic desire for you, since… those feelings weren’t really there.”

“And I’ve never told her that I was interested in you as more than a friend either.”

“I made certain not to make anything apparent today, as hard as it was. Because, like we agreed, we wanted to keep the focus on them instead of us.”

“Even though it didn’t really happen that way.”

I chuckle.

“Yeah, we did kinda get sidetracked into talking about our futures and stuff.”

We sit in silence for a while, working away at our food. I think I’ve come to respect these silences. Hanako’s a quiet person, so they’re obviously going to be present from time to time, but recently, these bouts of inactivity have given me the feeling that we’ve temporarily gotten all of our problems out of the way. Something I’ve never really experienced before coming to know her as well as I do now.

I suddenly realize that Akira and Lilly had finished their meals long before we did. Was this intentional? So that they could leave the two of us together? Yeah, they know. They definitely know. And as much as I’d like to figure out why they know, I don’t know where to start.

Luckily, Hanako finds the timing appropriate to break this silence, and relieve me of my musing ways, for a moment.

“Th-thank you, Hisao. These last couple days have been everything I'd hoped for.”

I raise an eyebrow at her statement.

“There’s no need to thank me. We’ve together now, right? The chance to be with you is all the thanks I need.”

“…A-also, I'd like you to know…”

She averts her gaze and starts fidgeting, very slightly. I let her continue.

“I… I don’t really know how to say this…”

She focuses her tension into playing with a button on her shirt, wringing it timidly.

“But… for the first time now…”

She looks me in the eye.

“I feel like I know why I survived that fire.”






You’re totally sure about this?

Shizune signs determinedly back to me.

Yes, Misha. When I tell you that I want you to give her a call, I don’t mean otherwise.

Alright, alright. I’m just not sure why you’re so caught up in this.

I see a spark of… something in her eyes, as I often do. But this time seems different from the rest.

I have my reasons.


Okay.


I clumsily fumble around my bag for a moment, before finally procuring a cellphone. I punch the numbers in and put my ear to the speaker.



I move my shoulder up to hold the phone in place, so I can free up my hands. It's times like this that I'm extra thankful for learning sign language.



Shizune, the person on the other end is speaking a different language. What do I do?

Tell her that you'd like to speak to Lilly Satou. She should get the message.


I lightly clear my throat before speaking.

"Hello Mrs. Satou, is Lilly there~?"

"Ah, more friends from Japan? It's wonderful to see so many people concerned about her. Just one moment; she'll be with you shortly."

The line goes silent, for a moment, before someone picks up.

"Hello, this is Lilly speaking."

"Hi! It's Misha~!"

"Oh, it's you… This doesn't happen to be school-related, does it?"

She doesn't sound very happy right now.

Get straight to the point, then. She'll have no choice but to be more receptive.

"Of course it's not~. Alright, so! To the point! There's something that Shizune and I want to let you know. It's about two close friends of yours~…”
Last edited by Brogurt on Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Brogurt » Thu Feb 02, 2012 12:23 am

I hate this fic so much. There's so much nothing until the conversation at the end, and even that's not very interesting.
"We didn't want to make our love too apparent, since today is about the Scots."
This must have been as much of a pain for me as it was for the newlyfound couple. I had to slash a lot of things in order to keep that theme up, but I definitely think that it led to things that led to things that led to things which made this writing better than if I had actually made it a "welcome home" surprise instead.

I'll admit this, though. I think my favorite line to ever come out of my mind is in this particular work.
I feel like slamming the table and turning to dramatically face her, but that would probably send the wrong message and I don’t want to knock over my coffee.

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu Feb 02, 2012 4:09 am

Misha calls Lilly "Miss Satou"???
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Theeyebrowsofdoom » Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:35 am

Dammit Brogurt, the sick relative is not the grandma, it's the aunt.

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Brogurt » Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:08 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:Misha calls Lilly "Miss Satou"???
i thought that it happened in act 1 i'll go look again
Theeyebrowsofdoom wrote:Dammit Brogurt, the sick relative is not the grandma, it's the aunt.
isguhoifjsabdbgjojispbkj


okay fixd

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by xaolindragon » Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:30 am

OH MAH JEBUS. DAT CLIFFHANGER. Too good.

I can't wait for the next chapter.

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by scott1and » Thu Feb 02, 2012 5:38 pm

Another good story from the mind of Brogurt. Didn't see many mistakes, then again I don't particularly look out for them.
Image

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Theeyebrowsofdoom » Fri Feb 03, 2012 6:12 pm

Also, good writing. However, having read them all, I realize that some chapters were written pre-release, some post. Therefore they follow different continuities, therefore they do not form a greater whole. Can they technically still be called "chapters" in this case?

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Brogurt » Fri Feb 03, 2012 7:52 pm

Theeyebrowsofdoom wrote:Also, good writing. However, having read them all, I realize that some chapters were written pre-release, some post. Therefore they follow different continuities, therefore they do not form a greater whole. Can they technically still be called "chapters" in this case?
I dunno. I just wanted something to say how many stories there were in the title without alliteration since I didn't feel like it. But the next two "topics" of mine (using that word sparingly since I'm not sure what else to call them) will abolish the chapters thing anyway.

Edit: actually, I may not be abolishing the strictly defined "chapters" in the very next writing. time will tell about that decision
Last edited by Brogurt on Sat Feb 04, 2012 4:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by griffon8 » Fri Feb 03, 2012 10:31 pm

Just reread all of your stories here. I'm glad to say that your writing is much better now than it was when you started. I actually found it difficult to read the stories before 'Sorry'.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Brogurt » Sat Feb 04, 2012 12:50 pm

So just as an afterthought, what does everyone think about the titles? I think all of them serve their purpose in introducing the point of each story, except maybe for "Sorry" and Pills. I feel like they bring up an important part of their respective stories too early, and each element should be left to come as a surprise during the reading.

"Sorry" is a much worse offender than pills in this respect, and I'll get to that in a minute. Pills is more straightforward, where it is made clear that pills or medication will play some role in the story. No way, right? I think it's not as bad, because one might think that it's just referring to Hisao's pills, so Hanako's pills can still have some impact when they're introduced.

As for "Sorry", the title is based off the last line in the writing, probably a big no-no. The word choice in the title also sets the tone for something far askew from my previous writings; where all of them at least ended on a happy note, this one did not. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the title "'Sorry' Is Just a Word" immediately says that it's not going to end well, and thus gives the reader a chance to prepare themselves for the worst, lessening the impact. I'm saying this in the mindset that the worst part is when Hisao gets punched and decides to leave Hanako crying, which obviously led to the whole. The title says it clearly (perhaps too clearly): something is going to have to happen to cause some serious grief and regret. I want to know if it did, and if it diminished the experience or not.

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To Whom It May Concern

Post by Brogurt » Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:59 am

To Whom It May Concern

Only when a white blur darts across my field of vision do I realize that I had lost myself in the outside world again. It must have been a bird or something, snapping me out of my trance. I really need to kill these habits of daydreaming and improve my work ethic. Or, if possible, use my inspiration from the outside to supplement my work. I do think the latter sounds like a really good idea in spite of the former.

Anyway, as much as I might like to be outside or escaping into a book, I have business right now. I am not going to leave this desk until my letter to Hisao is finished.

Part of me wonders what he’s going to think about it. He’s already received a letter from the girl he was previously in love with, Iwanako, and he said that, to him, it was like a written admission of them having “broken up,” and that it was time to move on. I guess calling her his previous love might be saying a bit much, though.

I tell myself that I’m only doing this because I want to be able to talk to him without stuttering or pausing, but I know that there’s some other reason too. Maybe I just want to show off by writing a better letter than she did. To show off my vocabulary and competency in ways that I wouldn’t reliably be able to do if I were speaking to him.

I’m not some mere child writing a silly note to her crush. This is a fantastic opportunity for me to prove by worth. To write like an elegant wordsmith of the highest caliber, to really show him what I’m made of.

Alright, just let the thoughts flow from mind to hand to pen to paper. If I can’t help from freezing up even when I should be relaxed, what does that say about me?

Dear Hisao,

That’s step one. Now, I just write what I feel. I can change things later if need be.

I know that when I say things aloud, my speech sounds stilted, on behalf of my anxiety. I know that I push my thoughts out when I speak, just to get the social interaction over with. You probably know by now that that the reasons for this run very deep, and are rooted in my very first memories as I was trying to adapt to life after the fire, and nearly everything since. I don't like any of these things about myself. I’d like to show you my true unadulterated thoughts, through the medium of pen and paper rather than my vocal cords. I want to show you that I can be eloquent, graceful, and beautiful, at least in thoughts, if not in actions. I don't want you to feel like you're settling for someone less than ideal. I can tell you all I want that I'm a worthy target for your affection, but that means nothing for either of us unless I can prove it.

I want to get better. There are many things wrong with me; we both know that. But that’s not something I’d accomplish by running away from my problems, or by letting others do that for me. I wish to face my demons, my issues, and my trials so that I can conquer them, and emerge a stronger person. And what I’d like more than anything is for you to be there by my side as I do. Because, Hisao, I love you.

When you read these words, I beg of you that you don't use them as a fountain of pity. I need you. For the longest time, I had nobody. And now I have you, and I love you so much that I can't bear to lose you. This is part of why I want to be more; because I don't want you to leave. I know that I’m just restating things that I’ve told you before, but I mean them.


No, no, no, that sounds too pathetic. There must be a better way.

A strikethrough marks the demise of those words. Let’s start again.

I don’t love you because I need you. I need you because I love you.

I know that I'm not everything you want me to be. You're holding yourself back, staying with me, waiting for some latent potential to show up. I want to show you that it's there and that I'm not a waste of time.

Alright, better, but everything so far seems far too colorless. Nothing at all like a love letter should be.

...Ah! That’s a great analogy! I know that Hisao isn’t a big fan of medieval and high fantasy, but this is simple enough that it should at least strike a chord with him. And even if it is a simple story, I can still write it out well, right?

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time there lived a valiant knight, a beautiful princess, and the kingdom in which they lived. One day, a dragon attacked the castle, and the knight, as infallible as ever, and bent on protecting the princess with his life, bade that the princess stay back, for he would handle the dragon. The battle was long and arduous, and ended with the knight’s defeat at the claws of the dragon. The dragon then stole the princess away and flew to his lair, deep within the mountains. While the knight was grievously wounded, he made a quick recovery and vowed to retrieve the princess.

He trained and trained, dedicating himself now to the return of the princess. Months later, he believed that he was ready: that he was at his peak. There was no way that he would lose this time. He journeyed to the lair of the dragon, slaying all the beasts that opposed him with ease. At the mouth of the cave in which the dragon resides, he steeled himself for the worst.

“Alright,” he thought to himself. “If I am defeated here, the dragon will likely capture me as well. The only reason he didn’t capture me when I was defeated at the castle is because of the fact that he wouldn’t be able to carry me and my heavy suit of armor such a great distance. But that’s not relevant, because I will defeat it this time.”

Once his resolve was cleared, he faced the dragon again. The battle was long and arduous, and ended with the knight’s -once again- defeat at the claws of the dragon. What followed was as he predicted: he was locked up along with the princess, in the very same cell. This left him and the princess the time necessary to discuss their situation. The princess was furious.

“Why didn’t you allow me to help you?!” she fumed. “You know that I’m capable of more than nothing. I’m not just some useless wallflower; I help the people of the town all the time with their problems. I help my father with his office as well, and it’s not due to some bribery that I’ve won all the archery contests I’ve participated in within the last three years.”

The knight spoke wearily in response. “Milady, it was my duty to protect you. If some harm were to come to you, I could only hold myself responsible.”

“You don’t think that you could prevent me from ever catching the common cold or stubbing my toe on some furnishing for the rest of my life, do you? I’m sick of everyone treating me like I’m some fragile useless puppet/doll just because I’m a princess… I just…”

“Milady, what was that?”

“It’s nothing,” said the princess. “Nothing.”

She had indeed planned on telling him something, yet found not the courage nor the reason to do so. Or maybe she had a perfectly good reason, but not the courage. The silence between the two grew more and more oppressive. Within due time, the princess spoke up.

“Why don’t we try to defeat the dragon together? I have some tricks up my sleeve as well, and I think you’d be surprised at what I’m capable of.”

The knight contemplated the question for a great deal of time, and eventually agreed, however reluctantly he was in doing so. After all, he had no other hope of escape. He had already faced the dragon at his physical peak and lost, and was now weaker than we was even before the first encounter.

With the knight’s wounds once again healed up, this time by the princess, they discussed a plan of action. She picked the lock and the knight charged out to their prison to face the dragon. She snuck out more quietly, to plan a surprise attack. The battle was over in a matter of seconds. After the knight had distracted the dragon, the princess snuck up on it and leapt onto its back, before driving a knife into its neck and slitting dragon’s throat.

With the dragon defeated, the knight and the princess made their way back to town. Perhaps if the knight was the same one who left the town, he may have offered to carry the princess. But something changed within him, and he didn’t. When the knight and the princess returned, an uproar of cheering greeted them. The knight gave a silent gesture that told the story of what happened there. He chose not to raise his hand alone in triumph, but took hold of the princess’s hand, and raised both of them together. The cheering did not cease.

The two heroes then accosted the king, to tell him the story. The king, being the wise and justified ruler of the land, knew that each of them had done the right thing, even if it was against their natures, and congratulated the both of them. A banquet was thrown in celebration of the event. All the guests there were allowed to eat, drink, and be merry for the night, until each had to go home. Soon, it was dark, and the only two people left were the knight and the princess; even the king had retired to his quarters. The princess took the opportunity to speak something that had been on her mind ever since the two of them had been captured and locked up in the cell.

“I’m not sure why this is… but I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I don’t know how or when, but it’s happened. Do you feel the same?”

“Milady-”

“Please, don’t call me that.”

“I had not considered it… Until lately. What you did back there in the dragon’s lair was amazing. I, for the longest time, had only held interest in being your knight in shining armor, but I do believe that I’ve fallen for you as well. I hope it’s not too unbecoming of me to admit this.”

The knight shed his steel plate armor, which had barred him off from the princess, and the rest of the world. The princess shed her delicate dress, which had so effectively convinced the knight that she was just as fragile as it was. And the then the two embraced eachother, not as the protector and the protected, but on equal footing, as lovers do.

But this was not the end of their hardships. Many challenges awaited the duo still, but this time, they were truly prepared for anything that may come their way.

They then lived happily ever after.


This seems like a good place to end. But something is bugging me about this. “Once upon a time” and “happily ever after.” Is this all too simplistic? I did want to show off my writing prowess, but it doesn’t seem to be there.

My head slumps to my desk in disappointment. Disappointment with myself, something I’m all too familiar with. I guess my best may just not be enough.

I read through my writing once more, for good measure.

I wonder if I could make the “white knight” part more reminiscent of chess… Probably better not to. If I did, I’d probably distract him and make him miss the point.

So, the point isn’t exactly subtle. But it’s probably better to be straightforward; if I were to dance around the point instead of attacking it head-on, he might see it as shyness or weakness, like some kind of passive-aggressive rhetoric. Even if I am shy, and even if I am weak, those qualities don’t have to be evident here.

I read it over one last time. Satisfactory? I guess so. Even if it’s not great, it’s the best I could do.

I take my time copying my writing to a more fitting stationery, resisting the urge to rush through it. Haste makes waste, after all.

…And done.

I seal the envelope with a kiss, not for any real reason, but out of sentimentality.

So, how shall I deliver this letter to Hisao? I guess I’ll just go to his room and see what surprises await me.

As I exit my room and make my way towards the dorm exit, I feel a bit more confident in my work. It’s as if the simple act of moving gives me a bit more courage. I hope it’s not just, in some form, distracting me from something that’s still a problem.

A blinding light hits my eyes as I fling open the door to freedom. My vision returns quickly enough to find a very startled Hisao standing right in front of me. He decides to speak before I do.

“…Hello there.”

“H-hi.”

“So, what’s up?”

I consider withholding my real reason for being here, but I decide against it. Getting this to him is kind of the point of my day so far.

“Well, I was planning to delivering this letter to you…” I outstretch it in one hand, and he nearly bursts out laughing. “H-hey, what’s so funny?”

He extends a hand with an envelope in it as well.

“I was going to say the same thing.”

Well, that was unexpected. He continues with a proposition.

“So, do you wanna go to your room, or…?”

“I… was hoping to spend some more time outside.”

A see look of enthusiasm jump onto his face following my statement. He happily agrees, and after wandering around the campus for a brief moment, we find ourselves a bench to share.

We exchange letters, and as I prepare to open his, I notice that he hadn’t properly sealed it, in comparison to mine which I paid extra attention to. I look at him and wait for him to realize this as well. The look of shock on his face when he does is priceless, and pretty cute too.

We share an easy smile, and each of us gets to work reading the other’s letter.

Dear Hanako,

It has just occurred to me that I have never actually written you a letter of any sort. This, I believe, is not a good thing. I always told myself that the reason I never responded to the letter Iwanako wrote me is because I didn’t care about her enough to. The thing about that is: I haven’t ever written you anything nice, so for me to turn down this opportunity would be like saying that I don’t like you very much either. That’s not true. The time we spend together is invaluable to me. Just having you around makes my life THAT much better. If I had to state my feelings in three words, hell, I love you. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You’ve helped me recognize my own anxieties and issues that arose after my months in the hospital, and stood by me as I confronted them. And you’ve given me the pleasure of helping a beautiful girl out with her own problems as well.

I won’t lie; it’s nice to be able to read all these nice things he has to say about me. But I still have that lingering feeling that he’s just telling me this because he believes that I’m too weak to do without it.

I also think, that by scrawling these concepts out, refining them, and double-checking them before introducing them to you, I can say things that have been on the tip of my tongue for the longest time, yet I have not been able to find the words for. Communication is a very weak trait of mine, so I think this is beneficial. It is a lot easier to be able to write out what I want to say instead of having the risk of screwing up or truncating things.

Alright, what’s that supposed to mean? He still thinks that I’m made of glass, and that one misstep will end me?

Keep this if you need a reminder of what you mean to me. I won't always be nearby to whisper sweet nothings in your ear. Ideally, that won't be necessary, but I care about you enough to give you something more permanent.

He’s right, I guess. It feels good to be told that I mean something to someone.

Even though the feeling is foreign and unfamiliar, it's one I enjoy.

It’s not one I knew at the orphanage. It’s not one I knew at my old school. It’s not one I knew for my past couple years at Yamaku.

But I’m okay with that. Just as long as it’s rooted in reality, and not in pity.

There's something else I'd like to address. It's about my reasons for staying with you, as opposed to someone else. Don't think that I'm doing this just for some high that I might get from "fixing" you and helping you with your problems. The reason I gladly help you is because I really/truly care about you, and love to see you happy.

I haven't always made that obvious, and it hasn't always been true. But what matters now is the present.

So, perhaps you think that I’m attracted to the idea of “damaged goods,” and you by association. If you do, stop that right now. Right this fucking instant. If not, then that’s good, but I want you to know what I have to say anyway.

Jeez, that’s some harsh language. Maybe I was wrong about him thinking that he has to watch his words around me, for fear that I might break.

There are plenty of things about your very person that attract me to you. Just as I would be attracted to someone who hadn’t suffered through a house fire.

First is the most superficial, and probably the most shallow. You are, physically, a very beautiful person. If what I say next does not bore you, then I am partially to blame for that. Burn scars mean nothing in the wake of your unscarred skin, your figure, your hair, and that wonderful face of yours.

Please, I love it when you smile. Do that more often. Your face is the best part of you, by a long shot, as far as my eyes are to be concerned.

Rosy red cheeks mark my reaction. In another time, i may have though he most valued my-

Alright, Hanako. let's not go there…

Now that I think about it though, it’s kind of a good sign that I can almost joke about that kind of thing. The thought leaves me oddly happy.

Speaking of your head, I’ve come to recognize that you are a very bright girl in the classroom. You are more than capable of handling yourself in school, but, from what I’ve noticed, the only reason you don’t ace everything is because of your habit of skipping classes. Not to be accusatory; sometimes I don’t go to class either, and when I don’t, it hurts. But when you allow yourself to receive the same benefits that the other students do, you kick ass, am I right?

Intellectual activities like reading, writing, internet, and chess all make excellent editions to your repertoire as well. Someone who’s well read is often visibly more capable than someone who isn’t.

I guess all that’s true, but it doesn’t say much for my social skills… But I can work to better those, can't I?

The simple fact is that if I see such an attractive, smart, and sweet girl, then I feel justified in trying to make her life better if I plan on being in a relationship with her, regardless of what hardships she has endured.

And that girl is you.


The end. It’s almost kind of funny to think of how much our letters contrast. While my letter was more of an introduction which explains my rationale, followed by a fable of my own creation, his seems to be laid out as if it were an essay for school. He introduces everything that’s necessary, states some points he’s trying to convey, with the evidence backing each point immediately following, and all of this tying into an overlying thesis.

I glance over to Hisao once more, and he seems to still be plugging away at my letter. I'm a fast reader, or so I’ve been told, so I seem to have finished long before he will. This problem is then compounded further by the fact that my letter is longer than his.

I wait for him, alternating glances between his expression, the paper in front of me, and the groups of people walking by. I think I feel… alive right now. So content with simply being.

Time flies by, and before I know it, Hisao is finished with my letter too.

“Uh, yeah… Sorry about that.”

That’s an odd way for him to break the silence.

“About what?”

“The fact that my letter is so pitiful, that’s what. I haven’t always been able to give you the best of me, and now it’s just being made clear to me again.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I enjoyed reading it”

Not to be condescending, but I am kind of happy that his is so short/lame. If I had finally found the inspiration to do something like that on my own, just for him to do it better, that would only reinforce my role as the inferior little sibling or daughter. A pat on the head and a dismissal saying "at least you tried". If we were to come this far just for that to happen, if I had made this much progress with him, just to be cast out into the rain again, I don’t know what-

"Hey, Hanako, is something the matter?"

"Huh?"

"You looked like you were going catatonic there for a second. So what's up?"

"It's nothing."

"The Hanako that I know and love does not freeze up over nothing."

He's right. It's probably in my best interests to let the truth out, lest he think once more that I'm too fragile to talk to/with.

"I was thinking... about how if I couldn't prove my worth to you, like with this letter, you might start looking down upon me again, like how you used to. And then you might… leave me…"

"That's not going to happen."

"I know, but I'm having a hard time believing it."

"Tell me how much doubt remains after this."

I see him leaning in to kiss me, and I am -almost magnetically- attracted to his face as well.

We spend a good minute or two in that position, before he pulls back with an expectant look on his face.

“Well?”

I feel myself blush as his question returns to me,

“Oh, uh… Less, I guess. Less doubt than before.”

"I love you, Hanako. For who you are. That won't change so easily. Not with one letter. And not two, three, or ten.”

“I love you too.”

I’ve said it before, and he has too. But this time feels just a little bit more real than the rest.

Brogurt's laptop ran out of power right after posting

Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 8 Chapters)

Post by Brogurt's laptop ran out of power right after posting » Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:06 am

Still gotta do a followup and some formatting fixes. Happy Valentine's Day!

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Re: Brogurt's Chocolatey Fanfiction (Hanako, 9 Fics)

Post by Brogurt » Wed Feb 15, 2012 11:39 am

Is this one really that bad that nobody wants to respond? Or is it that flawless that nobody wants to respond?

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