One's Path

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Ar Grathnos
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One's Path

Post by Ar Grathnos » Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:58 am

Alrighty, here's my first piece of fanfiction that I actually like! And like the third I've actually written!
This has been written, edited, proofread,(thanks Mirage!) and formatted by me, and me alone! It took me a few hours to throw together once I actually got down to it. Enjoy chapter 1 out of... fuck if I know!

Also, lemme know if you would like to/be able to proofread/edit my following chapters. Thanks!

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Ch.1 – One’s Path:

This Thursday morning is quiet; the only sounds are of my shoes on pavement as I walk. The smells of summer are beginning to take hold. Grass freshly mown, dew still lingering. Floral scents drift lazily on the breeze. The sun is just starting to rise, the sky a clear pale blue. Bits of wispy clouds hang high in the sky. The buildings block much of the direct sunlight. It all blends together to create a strangely soothing atmosphere.

I begin to think back as I walk…

It’s been almost a week since the festival. It seems what I’ve been told about the timing of my arrival was true: things have calmed down considerably compared to last week. The students all seem to be a bit more relaxed.

The friends I’ve made in that time have certainly helped me get used to life here. I’ve even come to terms with my problem, more or less.

It isn’t going to go away. Worrying and complaining about my arrhythmia won’t help anyone. Look at the other students here; they have problems that surely have affected them just as much, but they all adapted. Some even use their “disabilities” to their advantage. The best I can do now is to improve myself, my condition, in any way possible. Towards that end, I’ve decided to keep up my morning jog. And that brings me back to…

“Oh wow, didn’t expect to see you here again… You seemed kinda miffed after the last time.” the twin-tailed girl running on the track in her gym gear says to me, coming over after spotting me approach.

“What can I say? Gotta take charge of my health and everything.” I try to brush it off as casually as I can.

“Really… but I haven’t seen you out here for pretty much an entire week now! I thought you gave up!” she pouts a bit.

“Well, I can’t commit to it the way you have, but I do intend to get in shape. I won’t be here every day, but it’ll definitely be more often than before.” I rest my bag on the grass beside the track and set out my water bottle. “I’m gonna be taking it easy at first. Pace myself, you know?” I grin at the short girl. She looks unconvinced.

“Well, what about your diet? You aren’t gonna get in shape eating junk food and grease, you know.” she says, giving me a stern look.

“Hmm. True, true. I don’t know much about that kind of thing. Anything you can recommend?” I’m guessing that she must have at least something to share, if she’s going that far. “Something simple though. I’m no chef.” I slowly start jogging.

She easily keeps up with me, and I slowly speed up to a comfortable pace.

“Hmm…” she puts her finger to her lip in thought. “Oh, I know! I have this simple recipe for a pretty decent sandwich. I can give it to you later!”

“Sandwiches, huh? I think I can manage that.” It certainly sounds easy enough.

Smiling to herself, she seems pleased enough with our conversation that she pulls away to her regular running speed. I grin a little at how easy she makes it all look. I know it sounds horrible of me, but I still can’t get over how a girl with no legs could run so fast…



After about ten minutes of getting lapped repeatedly my lungs are telling me to die in a fire and my heart is definitely not pleased with me, so I slow to a walk. Once I finish my lap I plop down next to my bag and chug my water, then flop backwards onto the grass. This feels surprising good, I’ve gotta admit. No heart palpitations either. That’s definitely a good thing. I sit back up after a bit.

“So, about that recipe?” I call out as she comes around another lap.

“I’ll get it to you after my routine, ok?” she waves as she runs past.

Shrugging, I toss my empty bottle back into my bag and pick myself up. I wave to her as I start heading back toward the dorms. Gotta get myself a shower before class. I’m really hoping Kenji will have that money I lent him last week some time soon. Hopefully he won’t ambush me in the showers any more either…



My shower passes uneventfully. I head back to my room, down my meds, get changed, and pack my stuff for class. As I dump my track bag in my closet, I notice a box under everything that I apparently forgot to open. I make a mental note to check it out after class. I grab my school bag and head for class.

I’ve got my pattern down better, so I only have about ten minutes to wait before class starts. I head into the building and climb the stairs. There are a few other students here and there, but it seems most have yet to make it here. I reach 3-3’s door and pull it open. There are only a few students here so far, including the Student Council. I walk over, place my bag down and take my seat.

“Hi there, Hicchan!” gets blasted into my eardrum.

“Hello, Misha.” I cover my ear as I reply. I look to the girl next to her. “Shizune.”

She nods in acknowledgement and goes back to her conversation with Misha, signing quickly. Misha doesn’t start translating, so I’m guessing this isn’t something they want me to hear anyway. Strange, how you pick up on these subtleties after a while.

At first it bothered me a little, being left out of certain conversations. But I suppose knowing sign language has its advantages. You can have conversations with others in a language almost no one else in the entire world knows, relatively speaking. Must be great for privacy.

I begin digging through my bag, out of boredom. Nothing interesting catches my eye. A few minutes pass, then the door to the classroom opens. Standing there, in her regular uniform and yellow and red stockings, is Emi, holding a piece of paper. She glances around the classroom for a second before spotting me and bouncing over, swinging her arms and the piece of paper around as she does.

“Here you are, sir,” she places the piece of paper on my desk in front of me, “one Emi brand sandwich recipe!”

“Why thank you, milady.” I do my best seated bow, which elicits a giggle from the bubbly girl.

“Alright then, Hisao, I’ll see you tomorrow morning, on the track?”

“Hmm… I don’t know about that…” Oh no, those puppy dog eyes…! “Fine, fine! Just stop that already!” She giggles again.

“Okay, see you later then!” she says, and leaves the classroom with the same bouncing step. I seriously don’t understand how she can have so much energy. Maybe this healthy food thing is some secret to her power…

I grab the piece of paper and read it over. A few vegetables and some bread are all I see in the list of ingredients. Simple indeed. Maybe I should have asked for something a little bit more complicated, but this is probably the best to start out with. While I’m thinking about where to get some of this stuff I feel something jabbing me in the side.

“Hicchan, whazzat?” Misha asks while poking me.

“Oh, uh, just a recipe for a sandwich. Health food, basically.”

“Eeh… you mean like, no meat and small servings and stuff?”

“Er, yeah I suppose.”

“Why would anyone want something like that? That’s not real food!” She seems to feel strongly about this particular topic.

“Well, if you wanna stay healthy you gotta eat healthy. Some of us more than others.” I fold the small paper and put it in my pocket.

“Muuuuuu…” she slumps over her desk in defeat, arms outstretched. “That’s no fun…”

Shizune gives her a stern look and signs something that I can only assume means “Sit up straight!” because that’s exactly what she does right after. They then sign back and forth for a bit until Misha’s shoulders slump a little, with a dejected look on her face. I’m guessing that she didn’t win whatever argument they had, not that I expected her to. I don’t know why she’d even try, especially with Shizune as her opponent.

After the little spat they had with Lilly last week it took a little convincing, but I finally got them talking to me again. Well, Misha anyway. Shizune probably still thinks of me as her enemy or something, but she isn’t outright ignoring me anymore. If nothing else, at least they gave up trying to recruit me to the student council. There is such a thing as coming on too strong. I start rubbing my temples.

As I was sitting there giving myself a headache with the memories of their recruitment attempts, a few more students have come in, including Hanako. She’s been showing up on time more often lately, which I think is a good thing. She shouldn’t withdraw herself any more than she already has. I give her a little wave, which she returns in kind while blushing a bit as she takes her seat. Really, it’s amazing that she can manage even that much, considering her reaction when I first tried talking with her.

Then an idea hits me.

I get up and walk over to Hanako’s desk.
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Oh man, what is this story about!? you yell at me. I sit there, silent in my smugness.

I had a bit of trouble keeping in the right tense, so if people notice anything out of place, lemme know! (PMs would be appreciated to avoid needless clutter.)

I'm an amateur in every sense at this, so feedback, criticism, grammar or formatting suggestions; all would be appreciated! Chapter 2 will probably be along some time soon, but I make no guarantees! :mrgreen:
(Oh wow... That "glass" instread of "class" typo made me facepalm a little... thanks scott1and!)
Last edited by Ar Grathnos on Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:14 pm, edited 4 times in total.
My order of favorites; Hanako=Lilly>=Rin>=Emi>>>>Shizune
I'm crazy, what of it?

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scott1and
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Location: I just don't know anymore...

Re: One's Path

Post by scott1and » Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:58 am

I thought this was really good, nice simple start to hopefully great story. The only mistake I saw was that you wrote "glass" instead of "class" at one point, but as I don't really pay much notice to simple mistakes I may have overlooked some others, but other than that I liked your writing style and overall enjoyed the story.

Keep it up :mrgreen:
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CPU
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Re: One's Path

Post by CPU » Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:03 pm

The story seems like it could go anywhere. I look forward to the next chapter.
Shizune Path: Complete
Lilly Path: Complete
Rin Path: Complete
Hanako Path: Complete
Emi Path: Complete
Total Game Completion: 100% Achieved

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DRKO
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Re: One's Path

Post by DRKO » Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:28 pm

It seems to be off to a good start. I didn't notice any blatant errors, but, then again, I am not all that great at finding them either.

Either way, keep up the good work!

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Leotrak
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Re: One's Path

Post by Leotrak » Sun Jun 12, 2011 7:23 am

I am intrigued :3

Please keep it up ^_^
"ice-cream-flavoured ice-cream" -Rin
"oh moe is me" -me
Numbered Days, my first piece of fanfic
Leotrak's Library, my other depository of written stuffs
Before: Hanako>/=Emi>Rin>Lilly>Shizune
After: Emi>Rin>Hanako>Lilly>>>>>>>>>>>Shizune

The Gentleman
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Re: One's Path

Post by The Gentleman » Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:01 pm

Thats good, dude! keep it up! you even have fans now!

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DaMan65
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Location: Worshiping the glory that is Rin

Re: One's Path

Post by DaMan65 » Wed Jul 13, 2011 5:34 pm

Great... I just have one question...

WHERES RIN??!?!? :evil:

just kidding :lol:
By reading this you have given me temporary control of you mind

moonpalace
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Re: One's Path

Post by moonpalace » Fri Jul 15, 2011 3:56 pm

Rin is in the box - the box marked "Not Your Waifu" - most regrettably... :cry:

Seriously though, I quite enjoyed this. It moved lightly and still conveyed atmosphere very well.
As I dump my track bag in my closet, I notice a box under everything that I apparently forgot to open.
It's probably just me but the word order in this sentence made me read it a couple of times. At first I thought you were saying that he forgot to open everything :lol:

Besides, what *is* in the box? And what is Hisao's idea?! It's all too intriguing. We want to know (in Chapter 2)!

p.s. I really admire your courage to write anything at all - unlike me, hiding in the literary shadows.

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Ar Grathnos
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Re: One's Path

Post by Ar Grathnos » Fri Jul 15, 2011 5:34 pm

I guess I owe some kind of update on this.

I got totally side tracked by, well, everything but KS. Computer needed a formatting (registry was full of crap), lost my word processor and any motivation to keep going. I'm getting back on track though. It just might take a little while, but rest assured, I'm going to continue this.
DaMan65 wrote:Great... I just have one question...

WHERES RIN??!?!? :evil:

just kidding :lol:
I NO RITE? I really wanted to, but I just couldn't think of a way to implement her in the first chapter. Don't worry though, she'll be front and center soon enough.
CPU wrote:The story seems like it could go anywhere. I look forward to the next chapter.
That was one of my major goals with this. I'm going to try and keep you people in the dark about the pairing here (if there even is one [don't worry, there is]) for as long as I can! :lol:

But thank you, everyone, for the praise and support. I really got a better response than I was hoping for.
Once I get this sorted out more in my mind, the work should go smoothly. Who knows, I might just sit down and pound out chapter two tonight! Don't hate me if I don't, please! D:
My order of favorites; Hanako=Lilly>=Rin>=Emi>>>>Shizune
I'm crazy, what of it?

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: One's Path

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri Jul 15, 2011 6:24 pm

Speaking of word order...
Must great be for privacy.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Ar Grathnos
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Re: One's Path

Post by Ar Grathnos » Fri Jul 15, 2011 8:15 pm

Mirage_GSM wrote:Speaking of word order...
Must great be for privacy.
*headdesk* ...seriously? How did I miss that...? *fix'd*
My order of favorites; Hanako=Lilly>=Rin>=Emi>>>>Shizune
I'm crazy, what of it?

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Otakumon
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Re: One's Path

Post by Otakumon » Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:11 pm

Ar Grathnos wrote:
Mirage_GSM wrote:Speaking of word order...
Must great be for privacy.
*headdesk* ...seriously? How did I miss that...? *fix'd*
Getting in touch with your inner Yoda? :wink:

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