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Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Chapter 8)

Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:53 pm
by griffon8
I've sent the epilogue off to my reviewers. Between the two of them I've been informed of one missing comma so far.

I like to think that they found it on the arousing side. :twisted:

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Chapter 8)

Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:20 pm
by DMGnome
I enjoyed the story (and thought the perspective twist was interesting), but I'm bugged by the incomplete chess game. Turns 18 through 23 are missing.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Chapter 8)

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 12:26 am
by griffon8

All I can suggest is that you might not be scrolling down enough.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Chapter 8)

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:33 am
by DMGnome
. . . Huh. It's apparently something about viewing it on a phone; laptop shows the whole game. *shrug*

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Epilogue)

Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:31 pm
by griffon8
Well, the only objection I've gotten from my reviewers is how much the epilogue breaks from the mood of the rest of the story.

But if you think you might enjoy an epilogue filled with sex, read on. I hope you enjoy it.

Here's a picture from the shimmie that goes well here:




Shizune clears away the chess board and pieces. She puts them with the rest of her belongings, but I notice she doesn’t collect her shoes and stockings. I start to ask her about them when she suddenly grabs my hands.

She smiles at me and shakes her head. I get the point: No more talking.

I smile and nod my head. Shizune lets go and finishes her preparations. First she checks that the door is locked and turns out the main light. Then she pulls out her cellphone and turns it off. I pull out mine and turn it off as well, to which she nods her approval. We each set them on the desk.

She pulls the window shade. The afternoon sun still lights the room through the shade, but it’s much darker. Shizune grabs a towel from my closet and brings it over to my desk. She turns on the light in the desk hutch, then uses the books on the bookshelf on top to hold the towel so that it drapes down to the top of the desk.

The effect is wonderful. There’s enough light to see, but it’s dim and romantic. Shizune obviously put a lot of thought into this.

She stands by my bed and motions me over to her. When I reach her, she pulls open my bow and tosses it away. Then she starts to open my blouse.

I freeze for a moment. Shizune doesn’t push or worry. She’s being so gentle about it, waiting to see if I’ll let her remove my blouse. I want to let her, but maybe in a little bit.

Instead, I take my turn to undress her. First I remove her glasses and set them on the desk out of our way. Then I pull open her bow and toss it aside like she did mine. There’s only a moment’s hesitation on my part, before I look into her eyes and open her blouse.

Shizune shrugs her blouse off, and I see before me her amazing breasts. They’re not quite as big as Lilly’s, but Shizune is shorter, even shorter than me, so they look fantastic.

I cup her breasts in my hands and feel the warmth of them through her bra. Shizune reaches behind to release her bra, and I let it fall before touching her again. Her breath catches in her throat in reaction to my caresses; I can feel her nipples harden beneath my fingers.

Shizune places her hands on my shoulders, asking without words if she may remove my blouse. This time I relent, shifting my shoulders to help her, and I have to let go of her to let her finish. As she pulls the sleeves down my arms, I shudder at her touch, her fingers dragging along my skin. My right arm is particularly sensitive, but I find her touch thrilling as she pulls my blouse off.

Then Shizune pulls me closer, so she can reach the clasp of my bra. She has no trouble negotiating the fastener and pulling it off. We stand there, mutually exploring each other, enraptured by the feel and feelings.

As we continue our investigations, Shizune draws closer for a kiss. Our kiss is even better this time, with open mouths and searching tongues.

It isn’t long before Shizune releases her hold on my breasts and reaches for the buttons of my skirt. Unfastening them, my skirt falls to the floor. Still maintaining our kiss, I do the same for her. We move in tandem, getting on my bed while stepping out of our skirts.

We kneel in front of each other on my bed, both of us moving our hands over each other, still holding on to our kiss.

Eventually we shift and lie on our sides, Shizune on her right next to the window, I on my left. She keeps running her fingers over my back, eliciting moans of excitement from me as we continue kissing.

We turn so that Shizune is on her back with me on top of her. The kiss is broken when I move my mouth down her neck to the valley between her breasts. I give her nipples a squeeze as I kiss and lick all around her chest. Shizune’s moans are just vibrations I feel through her skin as I move my tongue over her areola. She has a sharp intake of breath when I give her nipple a little bite.

While I would probably be content to continue exploring her prodigious breasts for a great deal longer, I move my mouth further down her body, seeking another goal. Still maintaining my hold on her chest, I reach her bellybutton. I discover that Shizune is rather sensitive to my tongue’s ministrations in this area; her breathing becomes quite rapid as I work.

I have another destination in mind though, so I sit up and hook my fingers around the sides of Shizune’s panties. She brings her legs up and together and allows me to pull her panties off. As she lowers her legs to either side of me, I can see her beautiful mound with its light covering of pubic hair.

I massage the area around Shizune’s slit and spread it open. Drawing in a breath, I find the scent to be musky but heavenly. I tease her by blowing on her clit, which is just starting to protrude from where it’s hiding. The reaction is tremendous—she bucks her hips, trying to get contact with my mouth.

At last I give her what she wants—what we both want. I explore all around, letting nothing escape the touch of my tongue. Shizune holds her legs open for me with her hands, allowing me greater access. I put one finger inside; when that goes in easily, a second joins it.

While thrusting my fingers inside of her, I lick her clit. Shizune’s juices really start flowing at this. What did that old pop song call it? ‘Sugar Walls’? Yeah, I can see that now. Never thought I’d see it from this perspective though. I want to enjoy this taste forever.

Shizune’s breathing and shaking start to increase in tempo. I can tell that she’s nearing orgasm. Ever so gently, I take her clit into my mouth, squeeze it slightly with my teeth, and lick it like crazy. It’s enough to send her over. I have to stop using my teeth as she thrashes around in ecstasy. But her taste is so wonderful, I won’t let go of her as I drink her up.

Finally she comes down from her high. I gently lick her mound, to which she shudders slightly. She gets up on her elbows as I lift my head and look into her eyes. Shizune looks so amazing: happy, satisfied, content, and so, so loving. She extends her hand towards me, which I grab. Then she pulls me up and over her again, so I slide along her body, back past her belly, her breasts, and finally to her mouth.

Apparently, like me, Shizune likes tasting herself, for she laps up the juices that have gotten all over my face. I close my eyes and enjoy the sensation. It occurs to me to be thankful that she’s not mute from lacking a tongue. Of course, I’m also looking forward to what thrills she can inflict on me!

We enjoy the afterglow of her orgasm for a few minutes, just hugging and caressing each other. I run my fingers up and down Shizune’s body, finding all the spots that make her purr. She giggles when I hit certain spots, so she grabs my hand to stop me.

Then she pulls me into another fantastic kiss and rolls us over, signaling that it’s her turn to please me. I lie on my back as she kneels between my legs. Lifting my legs up, Shizune removes my panties, just as I did to her. I wonder if she’s surprised to find out that I shave myself bare. She straddles my legs and begins to caress my left side with her right hand. She moves all over, touching my breasts, squeezing my nipples, running her fingers into all the crevices.

But she’s obviously avoiding my scars. Maybe Shizune thinks I wouldn’t like her to touch them, but that doesn’t matter. Just as I’m trying to get over having them, I need to know that she’s over them.

I grab Shizune’s left hand, which has just been helping her hover over me as she explores, and move it to my side. Her eyes go wide when I finish, but she quickly gets the point: Touch me everywhere.

And she does. When I don’t wince in pain at her touch on my most sensitive skin, she starts to understand the limits. Shizune begins with the lightest of touches, following the lines of my skin. She settles into a comfortable—for both of us—combination of speed and sensitivity as she feels my body.

It’s an incredible feeling to be touched like this by a lover. Shizune is obviously exited by it as well, for I can feel her juices on my thighs as she continues. Then she shifts and kneels between my legs so she can explore me with her mouth. She takes her time, keeping up the caresses while sucking on my nipples.

Shizune is so good at it, it’s almost a disappointment when she moves down my body. But she keeps up the touching and licking, so I have no complaints. I bend and spread my legs for her, allowing easy access. We grasp hands, her left with my right, as she feasts.

A feast is exactly what it feels like. Shizune licks and sucks and probes all around my opening. It’s indescribable, incredible, amazing. I feel like I’m floating as she continues her assault, floating on a wave of bliss.

My whole body tenses as Shizune keeps it up. She lightly licks my clit, which makes me raise my hips up. Then she leaves it alone for a moment, while she licks around, and I settle back down. And then she repeats this, making my anticipation of climax grow and grow.

Eventually Shizune makes her final attack. Relentlessly licking my clit, I have no resistance to the flood of sensations that are released. While the only noise Shizune made when she orgasmed was rapid breathing, there is no such limit as I come. I briefly wonder if Lilly can hear me, hoping that she decided to go to Hisao’s room instead. Then it doesn’t matter to me at all, for I’ve reached Heaven. My vision blurs as I feel electricity flow from my clit through my body.

I wonder if I passed out for a moment. My next awareness is that of Shizune by my side, holding me, caressing me, tracing patterns on my belly while nuzzling my ear. I turn my head so that I can kiss her, tasting myself on her lips. Licking her face becomes very enjoyable as I try to get every drop.

At last I lie back, a bit tired, but overjoyed at what has happened. The light from outside still hasn’t diminished; it can’t be later than five. I look over at Shizune, who has been watching me, smiling. I raise my hands to ask, “What now?”

Shizune’s eyes twinkle as she shifts so she can respond. “Now the rest of our lives happens. Or did you just mean to ask about dinner?”

I laugh before replying. “I guess dinner for now. We’ll take the rest of it as it comes, okay?”

Shizune nods her head, then leans over for another kiss. “And we’ll face it together.”


Chapter 8

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Complete With Epilogue)

Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 11:10 am
by scott1and
That was brilliant...the story as whole I mean by the way, not the lesbian sex scene...even though that was pretty good as well :mrgreen:
Keep up the good work, hope you write some more stuff in the future.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Complete With Epilogue)

Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2011 12:05 pm
by griffon8
I'm glad you liked the Epilogue. It was my first attempt at writing a scene like that.

Probably be a while before I write any more. Too many irons in the fire…

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Complete With Epilogue)

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:00 pm
by griffon8
Minor update! I added some shimmie art to this after I came across some appropriate pictures. See the first post to see which chapters got some art added to them.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:09 pm
by themocaw
Was thrown off a bit until I realized that this story was written before KS actually came out and we found out the truth about various character's orientations.

That said, I really enjoyed it.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:47 pm
by Carighan
Yeah same, the part with Hanako's mom was rather... cruel in hindsight. ;)

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 2:37 pm
by griffon8
I know, I know. Both of my long stories are pre-full release. So I have equally wrong things in Emi's Winter Break.

And this was written as a challenge to get an unlikely pairing possible. At the time, there had been lots of Emi/Rin, Misha/Shizune, Shizune/Lilly, Lilly/Hanako, even Emi/Hanako stories, so I wanted to write a more difficult one to set up. If you look, you can also find a Misha/Hanako one. I think there's a Misha/Emi one, but I don't remember if there was sex in it.

Whoa, praise from themocaw? :shock: :D

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 4:39 pm
by Carighan
Oh no worries, it was quite enjoyable to read, and I saw from the timestamp that it was pre-release. :D

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:22 pm
by Mirage_GSM
Heh, I remember this one...(as I should^^°) but I didn't think it was written this long ago...
I know, I know. Both of my long stories are pre-full release. So I have equally wrong things in Emi's Winter Break.
Actually that's a 'problem' with many pre-release Fanfictions.
At the time the only thing that was official was that Hanako's father had died. I've also written a story where Hanako is away for the weekend, visiting her mother.
In another story I wrote Misha as Kenji's ex; in still another Emi as the captain of the track team.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:40 pm
by octovaitor
That was an interesting direction. Cool to see an interpretation before the full release.

Re: The Most Surprising Thing (Now With Art Added!)

Posted: Wed Apr 17, 2013 12:06 am
by YZQ
Something interesting concepts. Not a bad read.

@griffon: You ever thought of a second go at the stories, modifying according to full canon? Something unexpected might come out of it.