Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

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Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by Jaden82 » Sun May 08, 2011 2:56 am

This is my first try at a KS fanfic. I expect to write one or two more in the future but for now, I want to post this story and gauge your reactions and criticisms before I move on. Thanks to some editing help, I have made this story into something that should be readable for all public consumption. I have already written out the entire story but I'll be releasing it in three parts since I still want to tweak the latter parts somewhat.

Shizune's Silent Cries Part One

This is about Hisao trying to help Shizune in face of an upcoming tragedy. Be forewarned, this is not a cute or funny story. Read at the risk to your mood for the rest of the day. :D

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The door to the Student Council room banged open so loudly it echoed in the dark and empty room for a moment. Standing at the doorway, Hisao let out a grunt of frustration after he confirmed that no one was in this room. Where the hell is Shizune!? I need to find her!

He didn’t bother to close the door as he immediately ran back the way he came, toward the staircase. He practically jumped halfway down each flight at a time, scaring several students mingling on the stairs. To them, he must’ve looked like a wild demon running around with abandon. He had only one mission on his mind… to see Shizune! As he landed at the next floor and turned toward the cafeteria, his mind flashed back to what had transpired a few minutes ago.

--30 minutes ago---

He ran out of his classroom, despite the teacher’s loud objections. Thankfully for Hisao, Mr. Mutou didn’t seem to have given chase. It was still class time so the hallways were empty and he had a clear path to the Nurse’s office. He feebly resisted an ominous feeling building up inside. He had just heard from Hanako about what happened in the girl’s dormitory this morning. She had heard that Misha was found collapsed on the floor in her shower stall. Next thing he knew, his feet took him out of the classroom.

No wonder he hadn’t seen her or Shizune all morning. He had thought they were doing council work and they forgot to include him for some reason, despite his having joined the council three months ago. It wasn’t the first time they did this to him, so he didn’t pay it much mind.

Before long, he stopped in front of the Head Nurse’s office to catch his breath and settle his heart somewhat. He jumped when the Nurse suddenly slid the door open with a bang. He looked down at Hisao with his slitted eyes. His gaze carried a threatening tinge and he was not smiling at all as he spoke.

“I could hear your strained breathing from my desk, Mr. Nakai.”

Hisao gulped. He didn’t expect to see the Nurse this terse and upset. He doubted that was all because of his running here. “Nurse…I…” he was cut off by the Nurse holding up his hand.

“I suppose you just heard that Miss Mikado collapsed and is now resting here in this room. Normally I’d scold you for overexerting yourself getting here but I’ll let it pass this time. I’ll let Miss Mikado know you came to see her and I’ll inform you if she’d like to receive you. Stay right there.”

Nurse turned around and disappeared towards the rear. Hisao could hear quiet voices for a moment. He hoped she would want to see him. He needed to see if Misha would be okay and, more importantly for him, check on Shizune.

Hisao had been in love with Shizune for the three months since the festival. He hadn't confessed yet but he could feel things picking up slowly between the two of them. Misha had noticed too and had been encouraging him to make the first move. He even had secret sign language lessons with her so he could surprise Shizune one day and be able to confess to her alone.

Hisao heard footsteps nearing. The Nurse filled the doorway once again. “She will see you,” the Nurse said with a neutral tone. This was not like him at all.

“I-is she going to be alright?” Hisao couldn’t help asking. He needed to settle the ominous feeling that was threatening to burst from his chest now.

“I think that it’s best that she tells you herself,” the Nurse said quickly as he turned around and walked back to his desk chair. Hisao could have sworn that it felt like the Nurse would have become emotional if he continued to speak any more. He nervously stepped into the office, walked past the Nurse toward the rear where a row of beds came into view. At the end, he could see one bed was occupied. He walked toward that bed slowly.

Misha finally came into view. She was wearing golden-colored pajama clothes and sitting propped up against the raised portion of the hospital bed. He was surprised to see that she didn’t have her trademark drill hairstyle. It was now longer and only slightly curly. That’s right…she was found in the shower before she could apply her usual hairstyle. To tell the truth, she looks beautiful and more mature with this style.

She noticed Hisao standing there. Instead of her usual loud greeting, she smiled gently at him. Hisao continued to let the ominous feeling pound at his chest as he moved to a chair next to her bed. After taking his seat and having a closer look, he saw that she seemed tired and a little less of her former self.

“Hey, Hicchan! How are you doing? Wahaha.” Misha finally said after a long moment of silence. Her volume was normal now and even her usual laugh sounded off.

“Misha…I should be the one to ask you that! I heard you collapsed. I was worried and I wanted to see you and Shizune as soon as I heard the news.”

“Sorry for worrying you! The pain’s gone away for now and I’ll be on my feet before long!”

He found her forced smile and wording odd and now he dreaded asking this question. “Y-you mean..this… may not be the last time?”

Misha suddenly scratched the back of her head as if embarrassed. “Ah! You caught me! Wahaha…” Her laugh trailed off. Her golden eyes started to blur a little and her smile faded. She let her hand drop to her side as well. After a long moment of gazing downward as if staring at her legs covered by the sheet, she opened her mouth.

“I’m dying, Hisao. I may not make it to graduation.”

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And that's it for the first part. I'll be tweaking the rest of the story for a little while and see if I like it any better than now.

You're welcome to pile on your criticisms and hate. Keep in mind this is a fanfic and I like Misha. This story just came to mind recently and I thought it'd make for an interesting read, at least to me.
Last edited by Jaden82 on Mon May 09, 2011 6:54 am, edited 9 times in total.
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by A1phaDrag0n » Sun May 08, 2011 4:26 am

Wow, that certainly felt like being hit in the head with sledgehammer... Even though I can hear her announcing it like that, I can't bring myself to laugh :( you better be releasing the next part soon, I really want to see what happens next...
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by Jaden82 » Sun May 08, 2011 8:11 am

Here is part two! Part three coming maybe tonight or tomorrow.

Shizune's Silent Cries Part Two

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“I’m dying, Hisao. I may not make it to graduation.”

That simple but painful statement was uttered without any stuttering or hesitation. He could tell that she knew she was dying for a long time and had come to terms with it. However, this was the first time he ever heard about this. None of her actions since the day he met her ever gave him any hint that she may not survive the school year!

It left Hisao in shock as he sat there in the chair. He was staring at Misha intensely but he still couldn’t seem to associate death with her yet. After a few seconds of eternity, he finally found his voice.

“Wh-wha? B-but…you were so cheerful and happy just yesterday! How is this happening!? “ Hisao couldn’t control his outburst and he clenched and shook both his fists at his sides. She seemed surprised but remained quiet as she let him continue speaking.

“Why?! How can you be dying? You and Shizune were just teasing me like usual yesterday! Next time I see you, you’re sitting in this hospital bed telling me you’re DYING WITH THAT EXPRESSION!!” He couldn’t control his volume and raised his right fist as if to try to smash something.

“STOP IT, Hisao!!” Misha exploded with a voice so sharp it shocked Hisao into stopping in his track for a few seconds. He had never heard her sound this angry before. It was like being slapped hard across his face. He fell limp back into the chair as he continued to look at Misha’s stern expression.

“It hurts me to see you like this, and I don’t want that now. I’ve seen enough of that from Shicchan earlier this morning,” she continued with a calm and steady voice.

Hisao perked up at Shizune being mentioned. “That’s right…Shizune…what happened? Where is she?” He looked around the room futilely for any sign of Shizune.

“She left. Shicchan never knew anything about this until today and she took it hard. I don’t know where she went.”

Hisao wanted to go look for Shizune…but he needed to talk with Misha some more. “If I may ask…what’s affecting you?” he asked gingerly after a long moment of gathering himself and the courage to continue this conversation, despite the turmoil he was experiencing inside himself.

“A malicious brain tumor,” she answered after a brief pause.

“Misha…how come you didn’t tell any one of us? Why wait until now?”

“I transferred to this school just before first year when I was diagnosed. All my old friends found out and abandoned me, afraid to associate with a dying friend and go through the pain of losing me. I could understand that if I were in their shoes. But..it was too lonely for me. I came here so I could enjoy having a normal school life and make friends before I became too far gone. The medicines and the hospital here were for my benefit as well.”

Misha let what she said sink in with Hisao for a moment before she continued.

“Hisao…I had hoped to make it to graduation without having to tell Shicchan or anyone else until afterward so I could leave the school proud to have made friends and I would’ve been at peace with what I could do with what was left of my life. The medicines and treatments kept the tumor in check for this long but...It’s over now."

She took a long shuddering breath before continuing. “When this gets worse, they’ll take me out of this school and put me in a hospice to keep me comfortable for the rest of my life. So…to sum it up….Shicchan and you know now and I may not even…graduate…at…this rate…” her voice trailed off as she started to sob. Tears started to flow from her closed eyes as her hands clenched at her sheet.

Hisao could feel tears form in his eyes as he calmly got up out of the chair and sat at her side. Upon feeling his presence, Misha quickly clutched onto the chest of his shirt and let out a long wail…letting her tears flow freely onto his shirt. He let himself put his arms around her racking form. At one point, he saw the Nurse poke his head into this section of the room, probably due to the crying, but left them alone after a moment’s glance. After a few minutes, he could feel her sobs fade to sniffles. She then lifted her head and did a poor job of wiping her tear-stained face.

“Thank you. I needed that. Shicchan’s a terrible friend, leaving me here suddenly before I could cry on her big boobs.” She tried to punctuate her joke with her usual laugh, but it ended up being a weak chuckle.

He could do nothing but nod his head. He couldn’t even bring himself to try to say that everything’ll be fine. How could he say that when the only outcome for Misha was death at a young age? He'd never felt any more helpless than right now.

She sniffed and gave him a determined look as if noticing his utter helplessness. “You need to find Shicchan. She just found out that her best friend is dying. I can only imagine the despair she’s feeling now. She needs you more than ever. You need to find her and make her realize that there’s still someone else she can rely on, Hicchan!”

“I understand….but what about you?”

“I’ll still be here. I’m not going away for at least few more months,” Misha said while giving her best possible smile. He could see her tremble however. He knew what she was worried about - that she’d be abandoned like the first time and have to go through the rest of her brief life alone. He took both her hands and squeezed firmly. It seemed to calm her down somewhat.

“Don’t worry. You have me. I’ll stick with you till the end. I’ll also find Shizune and I’ll bring her back here eventually. Both of you still need each other, and I’ll make sure she understands that. “

Misha continued to look at him intensely, her golden irises shaking slightly.

“Just know you won’t be alone this time,” Hisao promised with his most sincere expression.

She looked at him with no expression for a few seconds before settling into a smile that was very mature for her usual personality. She then surprised him with a peck on his cheek that was so quick and light he wasn’t sure it happened. He could only feel a slight tingle on where her lips had touched.

“You’re becoming a reliable man. I think Shicchan will like that...a lot.”

He blushed but the moment was ruined when Misha continued.

“It’s too bad because, otherwise, I would’ve have had my way with you! Wahahaha~!”

Laughter filled the room. Even the Nurse poked his head into the room with a grimace on his face.

Hisao smiled and bowed to take his leave. He walked briskly out of the office, followed by a futile warning from the Nurse not to overexert himself. He broke into a run for the Student Council room as soon as he got past the doorway.

----Present-----

Hisao was breathing heavily when he made it to the cafeteria. He cursed under his breath after a quick scan of the large room revealed nothing about Shizune’s location. He stood still to think for a moment. The dorms! She may be in her room!

Upon realizing that, he made a beeline for the cafeteria’s side door leading to the outside. He plowed through the door like a semi, scaring several nearby students. One of them screamed when Hisao tripped and fell to the ground hard, scraping his palms and forearms. He ignored the pain and the growing exertion on his rapidly beating heart as he quickly scrambled to his feet before running toward the dorms.

As he got inside the girls’ dormitory, he was happy to find it mostly empty, thanks to classes still being in session now. There’d be no interference. He made his way up to the seniors’ floor and, upon reaching the floor’s landing, he took a moment to stop. He could finally feel his heart screaming at him for his utter stupidity. He said a silent thanks to Emi for making him do his exercises. He wouldn’t have survived a simple run from the Nurse’s office to the Student Council room, let alone the rest of his frantic route, if he were as out of shape as he had been when he first arrived. He took deep breaths until his heart calmed down. He then cleaned himself up from when he had taken that fall.

He slowly walked to the door to Shizune’s room. He'd been here several times for study groups or doing council work. But this would be his first personal visit alone with her. He hoped he'd learned enough signs from Misha as he reached up to press a button on the side of the door. It should activate a strobe flash inside Shizune’s room, signaling to her that someone was at her door.

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That's the end of part two. Part three's coming tonight or so. As always, criticisms are welcome. I picked brain tumor because it's easily the most discussed disability for Misha on the boards. Expect this story to be "Jossed" when the final release comes out. Until then, enjoy this installment and the fanfic. :)
Last edited by Jaden82 on Sun May 08, 2011 10:52 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by Shades of gray » Sun May 08, 2011 10:33 am

I am certainly looking forward to how this turns out
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by scott1and » Sun May 08, 2011 12:59 pm

This is a pretty awesome fanfic, if not slightly depressing. Keep it up, can't wait for the final part
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by DaMan65 » Sun May 08, 2011 1:25 pm

I LIKE IT!!! Yeah I could see this happening, for all the annoying and drill hair if Misha were to actually kick the bucket I think many more people than would admit it would be saddened.

Shes so happy and carefree to see her bedridden and dying its just... :cry:
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by A1phaDrag0n » Sun May 08, 2011 3:30 pm

It's like nails and ice cream... it hurts but you have to finish the bowl :( poor Misha...
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by griffon8 » Sun May 08, 2011 7:58 pm

Jaden82 wrote:Expect this story to be "Jossed" when the final release comes out. Until then, enjoy this installment and the fanfic. :)
Guaranteed to happen to 99% of the fanfic here.

Oh, and fixed. :mrgreen:
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Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao)

Post by Jaden82 » Sun May 08, 2011 11:51 pm

And here's the final part of the story. Will the Nurse use the power of his slitted eyes to save Misha at the last minute? Will Kenji suddenly appear and cockblock Hisao so hard he won't ever have success with any girl for the next century? Will Shizune jump Hisao's boner as he enters her room?.........Nope to all. Enjoy the story. :D

Shizune's Silent Cries Final Part

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After what seemed like eternity, he finally heard the lock on the door click. The door slowly opened just enough to allow a pair of blue eyes to peer through the crack. Even in the slight darkness of this hallway, he could tell that Shizune had been crying hard from her puffy eyelids, bloodshot eyes, and no glasses. Hisao gave a solemn nod as her eyes widened in shock at her unexpected guest. She shut the door with a loud bang and he jumped back, his heart fluttering just briefly. He shouldn’t have expected this to be easy after all. After thinking for a moment, he decided to press the button one more time and stood in front of the door for as long as he was able to.

After he waited for about ten minutes, the door suddenly opened and this time it gave just enough space for Hisao to walk through. Once through, Shizune slammed the door behind them. He jumped in surprise and she seemed confused at his reaction. I guess she's not able to tell how loud some of the things she did may be to other people. Now that he was inside, he took a better look at Shizune. She was still in school uniform and she had put her glasses back on. She had a somewhat annoyed expression, amplified by her red cheeks. She started signing with sharp gestures, signaling her anger at this unexpected visit.

“Hisao, what the ____ are you doing coming here ____ while classes are in session??” Hisao assumed the last sign meant “unannounced”. He wasn't sure about the other sign he missed but it didn’t look like it was a pleasant word at all. Shizune sighed harshly as if she just remembered that Hisao didn’t know sign language yet and started searching for a paper and pen.

He tapped on her shoulder and shook his head no when she looked at him. “Shizune….I …came to …see you,” Hisao signed slowly as he struggled to remember the signs he learned from Misha. If the circumstances were better, he would have been very amused at her stunned expression.

“H-how…d-id you learn that? I-I-I didn’t know about this” Shizune struggled to sign through her shock.

Hisao didnt think it was possible to stammer with hands but her skills apparently were at that level. “I…learn from…Misha....secret” Hisao struggled to sign from his memory. He knew he wasn’t even signing a full sentence but that was the extent of what he had learned by now. He hoped she would get the meaning. She seemed to, and he saw her expression soften at the mention of Misha. After a few seconds, she seemed to have realized what might have been his reason for coming and her expression hardened again.

“I am impressed that you learned signs to talk with me but can we do this ____ time? I need to be left alone,” she signed rather sternly, especially at the end. It wasn’t a request. It was more like an order.

Hisao thought she may have signed “another” or “next” from the context. He shook his head firmly, which seemed to have shocked Shizune enough to leave her mouth agape. Disobeying a stern 'request' from her might as well be like having told her he screwed every girl in the school and he expected her to submit to be the last conquest. Before she could sign up a storm and try to kick him out, Hisao held his hand up to appeal to her. She crossed her arms and snorted, her beautiful blue eyes piercing through him. “Misha told me everything. I…want to make sure….you OK and talk,” Hisao clumsily signed.

Shizune let her arms fall to the side and her eyes started to cloud over. She then signed slowly and cautiously. “Why? Why did you have to come here? Why do you care about how I’m feeling? We are just ___.”

He didn’t know that last sign but he assumed she was signing classmates or something equivalent. That somewhat irked him, considering he had been getting some mixed signals from her lately. A flirty statement here and a cute blush there whenever they have been talking over the past month or so. “That’s because I care about you. I came here…because I want to make sure…you ok,” he said, frustrated at his clumsiness with some signs.

“Thank you for your ____, but I will be fine soon. I just need to be alone,” Shizune signed without any emotion. She was clearly waiting for him to leave so she could wallow in her own despair.

Hisao thought the sign he missed might be “concern”. Her attempts to put on a tough front was pissing him off. He thought back to Misha’s words. She needs you more than ever. He shook his head and continued. “Shizune…it is OK. You are not…alone. I…help you…and Misha. You…should not take this in yourself.”

She only stared at him. She wasn’t sure what to make of this.

“Misha is not the…only one you rely on. Please… I want you to rely on me too.”

That made her flinch. She only did one simple sign.”Why?”

The following words he had in mind, he practiced a lot for when he wanted to explain his feelings. He wished there was a better time for a confession.

“I have been in love with you since the festival and I care about you deeply. I want us to be more than friends. It’s time for you to see that there is… one more person …in…world you can rely on. Misha and I want you to rely on me. I want to make sure you understand I’m there for you for as long as you need someone. Do you understand, Shizune? You’re still not alone,” Hisao signed firmly, only stumbling a couple times, hoping the message got across.

It certainly hit home. Shizune stood there as if frozen solid with mouth agape, as she was apparently trying to work out what she had been told just now in her mind. Her shoulders trembled and her eyes started to water. She suddenly dropped to her knees and she wouldn’t look up at his face. He immediately kneeled down in front of her and reached out to touch her shoulder. She slapped the hand away and started signing furiously. He had no clue what she was saying at this speed.

He ignored her hands slicing through the air and hugged her tightly. Her hands continued to flail around weakly, occasionally hitting Hisao on his back. He was surprised that she felt more fragile in his arms than she looked. He had always thought she was a strong and tough woman. After a moment of struggling, he felt her hands slowing down and falling limp at her sides. He continued to hug her tightly, her head nested against his neck. Unable to see the expressions she was making now, he hoped she would accept what he said. He did not have to think about that long when her hands moved to his back and clutched his shirt tightly and started pulling.

He finally heard a sound out of her - a sniff at first. Before long, a series of sniffs and sobs started to take over as her body racked with each sob in his arms. Shizune then pulled Hisao in for a tighter hug with her arms and she nuzzled her nose in his shoulder and he could feel warm tears rolling down his collarbone onto his shirt, as if to mix with Misha’s tears from earlier. “Eeeh…ehh…” a very quiet sound emerged from deep within Shizune’s throat. However, that was all the sound her mute voice could make. He probably wouldn’t have heard it if his ear weren’t next to her neck. He felt her mouth open as if she wanted to really cry out, but no sound came out…only loud sobs and heavy breathing. He got the heart-wrenching message clearly: If she had a voice, he knew she would be crying the loudest she ever could so far in her life.

Shizune’s silent wailing continued for who knew how long. He started to rock her and let her tears flow however much she needed to. He refused to move from there until she squeezed out every last tear. He realized how she cried, even silent, was the same as any other girl’s. Such a vulnerable and precious girl he had fallen for. He wished he could have told her his feelings under better circumstances but she needed it in this uncertain time.

After what felt like eternity, he came to realize that she had fallen asleep on his shoulder and he hadn’t noticed when. He leaned back against her bed and she was practically sitting on his lap. He shook her gently, and she stirred for a moment. He could feel her body stiffen as she seemed to remember where she was then relaxed. She moved her head closer to his neck to nuzzle her nose and lips on it and hugged him tightly. He had to admit it felt amazing to have a girl do that to his neck, but that was for another time; there was something he needed to do.

He allowed a few minutes to pass before he gently pushed her back to reveal her somewhat puffy face after so much crying. She took a moment to wipe her wet cheeks. She kept a patient expression until Hisao started to sign. “Shizune. There is…something….I want you to do…for both me and Misha.”

Shizune gave a quizzical look.

“Please….please…see Misha again today.”

Shizune froze at the request and looked ready to shake her head no. He could understand the feeling. It must have been too painful for her to see her best friend in a hospital bed, not knowing when she might pass away…just that it was soon.

“Shizune…she needs you as much…as you need her. Her dream…had been to finish…school with her friends and now…that may not…happen. We need…to be there for her and make…time good…for her as…much we can.”

“I can’t stand seeing her like that. I need…time,” Shizune signed dejectedly.

“I know…I feel the…same….but you also can’t …stand…not being there for her. It will be…worse for both you. It would…make me not happy…seeing you like that,” Hisao tried his best for her to understand him. Shizune let out a loud shuddering breath at the thought.

“Shizune…please? I…promised…I not leave her alone. I need your help to…keep promise. It would…make her feel better if…you see her now,” Hisao finally said.

After a long minute of thinking, Shizune shut her eyes and only nodded yes with a bitter smile. He smiled back at her. The image of Misha went through his mind. It would be painful but all three of them could deal with it.

She got off his lap, kneeled next to him, and faced him as if she was being formal. Then she had a shy look on her face. “Hisao, about what you said earlier…please repeat it,” Shizune signed as her entire face became bright red. She then looked down meekly and started wringing her fingers.

So cute! Hisao thought as he smiled, knowing what she wanted him to say. He put a finger to her chin to gently pull her gaze level with his. “I love you very much, Shizune,” he said with perfect signing.

Still beet red, she only smiled and stopped wringing her hands long enough to reply. “That helped a lot. Thank you…and I love you too. I’ve always liked you since I first met you.” She moved in and gave him a long and soft kiss on his lips before he could react. His face turned the same shade of red as hers. They broke into smiles and hugged each other once more.

She then suddenly had something more to say. “Aside from your confession, the rest of your signing is terrible!” She then made a giggling motion.

Hisao let out a sigh and smiled. She had to get the last word in.

Thirty minutes later, after they cleaned themselves up and ate something, Shizune and Hisao headed to the nurse’s office, holding hands tightly. Hisao knocked on the door and the Nurse promptly answered.

“Welcome back Mr. Nakai and Miss Hakamichi. Miss Mikido has been expecting you. Stay as long as you need,” he said as he stepped aside. Hisao felt Shizune’s hand tremble and tighten as they walked to the rear toward Misha’s bed. Misha’s expression brightened like a thousand suns at the sight of her best friend approaching. There was no need for words as Shizune stood still at the end of her friend’s bed for a few seconds and they stared at each other in silence.

As if it was on cue, both the girls’ expressions became teary and they looked like they could bawl any second. Shizune suddenly rushed to her best friend’s bedside and they clamped into a tight hug. Hisao stayed back and let the two girls sort out their feelings as they both started to cry happy tears in each other’s arms. He knew after this they wouldn’t cry again for a long while. He promised to himself he would make sure that his new girlfriend, Shizune Hakamichi, understood that he would be there for her no matter what.

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And that's it. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing this. I appreciate any opinion you offer and I want to thank griffon8 and Mirage GSM for offering their editing advice through PM. If you have already read the first two parts, keep in mind I made some slight changes if you're interested.

I plan on making up for this somber story with a comedy next time. I already have a concept brewing so keep an eye out for that in the next couple weeks.
Last edited by Jaden82 on Mon May 09, 2011 9:02 am, edited 10 times in total.
Being deaf has its advantages...such as I don't have to run into a burning building because I can't hear the screams for help.

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traitor
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by traitor » Mon May 09, 2011 12:04 am

D'awwww
that was a pretty powerful image of Shizune tearing up, I could not imagine a deaf mute person crying myself, but I think yours bear resemblance.

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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by griffon8 » Mon May 09, 2011 12:46 am

Some changes you missed:

'kneeled' not 'knelled'

'flail' not 'frail'

'even silent, was the same' not 'even silent, is the same'

'and she stirred' not 'and stirred'

And I like the additions you made. It does flow better. Nicely done; looking forward to your next one.
I found out about Katawa Shoujo through the forums of Misfile. There, I am the editor of Misfiled Dreams.

Completed: 100%, including bonus picture. Shizune>Emi>Lilly>Hanako>Rin

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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by Jaden82 » Mon May 09, 2011 12:59 am

Whoopsie. Just corrected them. Thanks!
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by bradpara » Mon May 09, 2011 1:18 am

That was amazing, I had a mentel image of Shizune breaking down and crying int Hisao's arms. And you made it happen. Excellent
Shizune=Hanako>Lilly>Emi=Rin
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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by A1phaDrag0n » Mon May 09, 2011 3:00 am

Man, all day at work waiting for this, damn near killed me :( hope you have more to write for us, pretty moving stuff...
Hanako=Rin>Lilly>Misha=Emi>Shizune

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Re: Shizune's Silent Cries (ShizunexHisao) (Complete)

Post by DaMan65 » Mon May 09, 2011 8:35 am

DAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

I really liked that props to you good sir

I felt happy when Hiaso confessed but the sad realization that Misha's still like that mad me sad again

But you did say this was a tragedy
By reading this you have given me temporary control of you mind

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