Katawa Kijo

[Mirage_GSM]

Pacing, huh?
Well, I guess we have to chalk that one up to my insufficient writing skills as well.
I think it's hard to write time skips, especially in a story where the protagonist is experiencing a lot of new stuff. It would just feel strange to me to let a few days pass and then explain something that the protagonist should have learned long before.

This is also something that bugs me a lot in many Anime: The protagonist has a burning question, and there are people around who know the answer, but for some reason he doesn't simply ask, is satisfied with an evasive answer or is interrupted by something and afterwards simply forgets to ask again.
In some extreme cases (like the recent Witchcraft Works) the question in question (pun intended) is something as trivial as "Why the heck is everybody trying to kill me?"

In the case of this story I didn't see a plausible reason to add a time skip. The story I wanted to tell (sans epilogue) neatly fit into the one week timeframe, and the only part where I could have plausibly inserted a time skip was before the climax. I thought that would be a bad idea since it would have taken all the momentum away.

[andros414]

My searches didn't find anything, and I don't feel the desire to duplicate someone else's work, so I was wondering if someone has saved this into a pastebin, a .txt/.doc file, or somewhere else for download/archival?

If not, I'll take a shot at it here shortly since I believe that just copy/pasting will not suffice and minor adjustments will have to be made.

[Frankyo]

Wow, amazing fic. Was skeptical of the idea at first. I just read all of it in one go.

It has acktion, magicks, and Hisao/Misha. Win.

and
Kenji being a relevant and useful character... Yay!

[AnImpatientUser]

before i start reading, is it all about misha or hisao? MY friend told me that you intergrated KS with some other vn

[brythain]

before i start reading, is it all about misha or hisao? MY friend told me that you intergrated KS with some other vn

I can only offer some useful advice here: check out our libraryand see the listing for further information about many of the stories here.

[Mirage_GSM]

The romance is between Misha and Hisao, but all characters from Act 1 do get some screentime.
There is no other VN "integrated" in this story.

@Frankyo:
Thank you very much.

[someguy1294]

Poor, stupid me. I thought I was walking into a regular old Misha route, and suddenly, mind-readers and mages start jumping out of of nowhere.

Also, is there any particular reason SilentCook hates crossovers?

[Silentcook]

Yes, there is.

[Duper]

All very valid points SC. ^_^, but even in visual media, aspiring artists will copy works for practice. If that's what it is, then it's all good. But as I stated. ALL valid points.

Keep after it Mirage. Bring a meat tenderizer if you must. In my line of work, my stuff is edited by various people. Always. From my point of view, it's looking good. I've picked my pencils and sketch pads back up and I'm in for several weeks of pain while I try to get my fine motor skills resharpened. :\

[Mirage_GSM]

Given that this story is over two years old I don't plan to do much editing for it - barring someone finding a typo.
And since my goal was to see if I could write a good* story about the characters gaining superpowers (or in this case magic) it was not avoidable that it became what is by SC's definition a crossover. (It's not one by my definition, though. For me, to be a crossover it would need at least a second fictional work as a basis.)

Anyway, thanks for the feedback!

*for some definitions of "good"

[Oddball]

Time to drag this thing back out again. I actually remember starting to read this at some point, but then I stopped and I don't remember why.

Mirage has gotten better as a writer since then, but this is still a delightful little romp. Early chapters seemed a bit rushed and crowded. Finding out Misha liked Hisao, finding out she was potentially dying of cancer, and then discovering they had magic powers all about the same time was a a bit much, but in the end it all wrapped together nicely (although I still don't think Misha having a major relapse was necessary to the plot.

I think you write action scenes much better than you give yourself credit for as well. Those worked out wonderfully, with everybody pitching in at the right moments and not making their victory seem too easy. That's something I've seen a lot of action writers here have trouble with.

[Mirage_GSM]

Mirage has gotten better as a writer since then,

Interesting - considering I haven't actually written all that much since then

And yes, it probably is rushed compared to a lot of other fictions, but I'm really not the type to put in whole chapters as padding in between the relevant plot. If I were to write the story again today, I probably would use about the same amount of words for the same plot.

What I WOULD change is that I'd probably stretch the story over two or three months by inserting a few time-skips. This story was written as a direct continuation of Act 1, and that basically followed Hisao from morning to evening each day, and I followed that without thinking about it too much. The result is that all of the story is packed into one week, which is really quite a fast pace.

I stand by what I wrote a few posts above: It's hard to believably use time skips in situations where everything is new to the narrator/protagonist, but I guess I should have worked in a few anyway.

Thanks for the compliment about the action scenes. I'm also satisfied with how they turned out, but the fact is that while I wrote most scenes in one go without tweaking more than a phrase or two afterwards, I spent four or five times of that effort on the last few chapters.

although I still don't think Misha having a major relapse was necessary to the plot.

Her relapse was the reason she visited him in his room in "Poor Unfortunate Souls". Without it that relationship would never have come to pass within that first week. So yes, it only needed to be there, because of the "rushed" thing, but in that sense it was neccessary.