Numbered Days

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Leotrak
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Numbered Days

Post by Leotrak » Sat Jun 05, 2010 3:02 pm

Alright, people, here it is: my very first piece of fanfic (or writefaggotry, depending on your viewpoint (I'm looking at you, mister Bacon sir))

This is an idea I came up with from... pretty much out of nowhere. I'm personally somewhat satisfied with how this first piece turned out. At least, I can't find anything I'd like to improve on it, or to cut out, so that's a good sign, right? Yeah, probably. Anyway, have a peek at it, and let me know what you think.


=============================================

=======Prologue=======
"Endless Eight?"


A light breeze causes the naked branches overhead to rattle like wooden windchimes. This is a popular retreat for couples in the summer. The deciduous trees provide a beautiful green canopy, far out of sight of teachers and fellow students. But now, in late winter, it feels like I'm standing under a pile of kindling.

Somewhere, hidden in the back of my mind, in a cage built to isolate my two minds, I let out a silent, tired sigh. How many times now have I found myself in this exact place, at this exact same time? Thousands of times? Millions? Or am I still working on six digits? I don't know. I lost track after falling off the school roof for the thousandth time.

"Hi... Hisao? You came?"

Ah, yes. Iwanako. At some point, already having lost count, I started to resent her calling me out here. I resented her for asking me out, something that's supposed to be a most joyous event for any high school boy. An event that gave me a heart attack. See? There I go again, crumpling in on myself, everything fading to black once more. And again, Iwanako's voice mixed with the clatter of branches above are the last sounds to linger in my ears.

The resentment didn't last. It couldn't last, just like every other emotion I ever felt. Some people say that mad grief is the worst state of mind for a human being. I know those people to be wrong now.

The worst state of mind for a human being... is numbness. A heart devoid of emotion. A mind lost to endless repetitions of the same events. Okay, not quite lost. I'm still here, in the back of my own skull, observing. Watching the same four months and one week transpire anew.

Of course, the me that's at the forefront, the me who is actually living through this, believes this is all happening for the first time. And somehow, it is the first time. For him, that is. Every time I start back in that secluded grove behind my old high school, the me that's experiencing everything has no recollection of what already happened thousands of times.

I don't know why I exist like this now, separated into two minds. I don't know how I started to remember everything. But I do. I remember every single detail of my stay in the hospital. I know everything that happens during that first week at Yamaku. And I know, no matter how the week ends, I will always be returning to that quiet, snow-covered grove, where Iwanako asks me out, and I have my first heart attack.

I say first, but again, I lost track after spending the festival day with Shizune and Misha for the 2000th time. I don't know how many heart attacks my body has suffered through by now, but it's been far too many for any heart to sustain.

So how come I keep returning? Why does everything start again with that heart attack in the snow, after only a single week at Yamaku? And why, why does the week end in six different ways? Always the same six ways? I used to wish I knew. I used to wish for this to end, for time to move on past the festival.

I stopped wishing somewhere along the way, too.

It's that day again. The doctor and my parents enter my hospital room, trying to hide their slight nervousness. The forefront doesn't notice they're nervous, though. He never does. The doctor again starts with saying my heart is strong enough now. Well, Emi will prove him wrong soon enough.

It's actually a good thing I can hide like this, as a separate entity. It keeps the emotions that this Hisao experiences real. I tried changing things a few times by giving zero response at everything the doctor and my parents tell me. It never works. Trying to end my life while in the hospital never works either. Of course nothing works. I always go to Yamaku.

This isn't an opportunity, don't call it an opportunity. Don't call it a goddamned opportunity.

This me, the observer, knows better of course. Yamaku is the best thing that happened to me. Hell, if I don't have that manly picknick with Kenji this time around, I could even end up falling for one of the five girls I might end the week with. I loved each and every one of them for a long while when the memories started to pile up. And with every repetition, that love grew stronger.

Except that I'm always stuck in the same four months and one week. And even love faded away from the numbness that is now my heart.

This is my life now. I would be a medical miracle if all the time I've accumulated would physically express itself. But of course it doesn't. It's like someone or something created a "save" point, like in a game, on the day of Iwanako's confession, and resets the "game" after the festival. Start game, get a heart attack. Spend four months in the hospital. Spend one week at Yamaku. Then the end credits roll, and I'm back in that snowy grove for another "playthrough".

Every playthrough is the same. The only things that ever change are how sunday is reached, and even those changes are the same. Throughout it all, here I sit in my little cage, quietly in the back of my skull. A quiet observer. Or maybe I'm a narrator now. I don't know. There is nothing left of Hisao Nakai in here. Not in this quiet part. Hisao Nakai is the one who still experiences emotions, the one at the forefront, isolated from this numb, tired, uncaring mind.

Monday comes once more. The week at Yamaku begins. The same week, with the same people, who say the same things. A week in which the same events transpire once more. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat.


Hisao Nakai enters the school grounds of Yamaku High, blissfully unaware of having done the same thousands upon thousands of times before.


======================================
Why, yes, that chapter name is a blatant Haruhi reference :P Don't worry, it's the only one I made on purpose (so far)
"ice-cream-flavoured ice-cream" -Rin
"oh moe is me" -me
Numbered Days, my first piece of fanfic
Leotrak's Library, my other depository of written stuffs
Before: Hanako>/=Emi>Rin>Lilly>Shizune
After: Emi>Rin>Hanako>Lilly>>>>>>>>>>>Shizune

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Wren
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Wren » Sat Jun 05, 2010 3:32 pm

Very interesting prologue. I would be interested in seeing the rest of the story. You got my attention. Please continue at your own pace :).
"They leave. Because they should, or they find someone else. And some of them...some of them, forget me. I suppose in the end....they break my heart." - Tenth Doctor talking about his companions.

BG Artist - Somnova Studios - Missing Stars Project

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Ahsab
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Ahsab » Sat Jun 05, 2010 8:33 pm

Hmmmmmmmmm................ and so another great writier has entered the ranks. Will his greatness continue? Will he be the master? or will he fall short destined to stay behind Extremist and Kosher? Stay tuned for another excellent chapter and find out next time on "Leotrak's Numbered Days"!

But jokes aside, very nice dude, very nice.
My Favorite Quote:
"Back away from my Computer and no one finds out what it's like to be put through a meat processor." -Me

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Ozymil
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Ozymil » Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:15 pm

What's this? A piece of writefaggotry that actually seems to have an intriguing narrative as well as some semblance of literary merit? On MY KS forums?

...
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Donnes-moi le chocolat, Hisao! Gib mir die Schokolade, Hisao! Dame el chocolate, Hisao! Dammi il cioccolato, Hisao! Ge mig choklad, Hisao! Giv mig chokolade, Hisao! 私にチョコレートを与える, 久夫! Daj mi czekoladę, Hisao! Geef me de chocola, Hisao! (Thanks for the Dutch ver. Leotrak) Bigyan mo ako ng chocolate, Hisao! Geef mij de chocolade, Hisao! Дайте мне шоколад, Хисао! Dá-me o chocolate, Hisao!

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neumanproductions
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by neumanproductions » Sat Jun 05, 2010 11:07 pm

Well I never would have thought that this is what you were starting out with. The idea in and of itself was flawless and the grammatical element simply increased the experience. Guess I'll have to step it up a notch; Just give me another three weeks. Isn't a summer class great that way. :wink:

Now party on Leo!
Rin=Hanako>Emi>Misha>Lilly>Shizune (Misha counts in my world alright; and now she surpassed Lilly)
Fanfic series entitled... A Day in the Life of [character name here] (updated 6/8/10)
Random writings and Crossover... New stuff of Neuman (updated 5/6/11)
It's time to Duel... KS Yugioh Deck (updated 3/16/11)

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Re: Numbered Days

Post by kosherbacon » Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:42 am

Alright, people, here it is: my very first piece of fanfic (or writefaggotry, depending on your viewpoint (I'm looking at you, mister Bacon sir))
You can actually blame Snicket for getting me into using that term.

Keep reading, people. This one gets good... :!:

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Leotrak
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Leotrak » Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:49 am

Holy shitsickles, I never expected this much praise O.o Thanks a lot, people ^_^ I'll try not to let you people down :)

Second part just needs to be proofread by my second proofreader, Neuman (Kosher's the first :P), so I expect to have it up either today or tomorrow.

kosherbacon wrote:
Alright, people, here it is: my very first piece of fanfic (or writefaggotry, depending on your viewpoint (I'm looking at you, mister Snicket sir))
You can actually blame Snicket for getting me into using that term.
I stand corrected :P And thus, corrected myself 8)
"ice-cream-flavoured ice-cream" -Rin
"oh moe is me" -me
Numbered Days, my first piece of fanfic
Leotrak's Library, my other depository of written stuffs
Before: Hanako>/=Emi>Rin>Lilly>Shizune
After: Emi>Rin>Hanako>Lilly>>>>>>>>>>>Shizune

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Member22
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Member22 » Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:59 am

Leotrak wrote:Second part just needs to be proofread by my second proofreader, Neuman (Kosher's the first :P), so I expect to have it up either today or tomorrow.
Will be eagerly waiting :D
"If Hisao took one thing away from his time at Yamaku it was the fact that people who have handicaps don't actually have handicaps. People like Lilly and Shizune are more able-bodied and well-adjusted than most of the kids at Hisao's old high school. He shook his head slightly. No, students at Yamaku weren't handicapped; everyone else was." - WetCrate

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Minister of Gloom
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Minister of Gloom » Sun Jun 06, 2010 6:23 am

WAHAHAHA!
This is interesting, indeed! A character in a computer game slowly discovers what is going on with her!
It reminds me of one Half Life fanfic where Gordon Freeman reveals that his greatest power is the ability to save and reload reality and infinite amount of times, making sure he will never really die or fail anything.
Ah, poor Hisao, stuck(as it is, for now) in an incomplete storyline with six different paths...
Life, what is it but a dream?
זה מגניב אותי כל פעם מחדש, העובדה שיש פה עברית. אני תוהה אם מישהו ישים לב ששיניתי חתימה.

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Csihar
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Csihar » Sun Jun 06, 2010 7:46 am

Ara ara, how meta. :)
"I don't care," said Pierre, "I'm from France."

Now in handy DeviantArt form.


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Xuan
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Xuan » Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:03 am

Heh, that's just like F/HA alright...
" It would be hard to believe I was nearly killed by a love confession."

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Leotrak
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Leotrak » Sun Jun 06, 2010 3:31 pm

Here's the next part, for your reading enjoyment 8) And yes, things are going to be quite different from here on out. Do enjoy 8)

===============================

=======Chapter 1=======
"First Meetings"


Mutou awaits me as soon as I enter the school building, of course, explaining he's Hisao's homeroom teacher, and asking if he wants to introduce himself. I don't really pay attention to what the forefront picks. It's not like it matters any more. Mutou enters the classroom, Hisao following two seconds later. He always waits those two seconds.

As Mutou drones out his little speech, I decide to look over the class myself. Every face is familiar by now, but I still never bothered to learn any of their names, other than Misha's, Shizune's and Hanako's. My eyes rest on Hanako a moment. Just half a second, in which she always covers her face with her right hand.

It takes me a moment to realize that she hasn't moved her hand an inch. On the inside, I blink, and I look at her again from the corner of Hisao's left eye while his gaze reaches Misha and Shizune. Hanako is still looking right at him, with both her hands on her desk. It's really only the smallest of things to change, but... Could it be..? Could...

I take that thought and smash it to pieces with an imagined sledgehammer before it has half a chance to turn into hope. Just then, Mutou's monologue ends, and Hisao starts his generic introduction. The class applauds for the second time, or however many it has been by now. Hisao takes his bow, and then his seat next to Misha.

"Hey, I guess you're Hakamichi, right? It's nice to meet you."

Misha's laugh is the only thing that still makes me cringe slightly. I guess the assault on my eardrums just can't be tuned out. She corrects Hisao, introducing Shizune. The class divides into groups, and the student council members plus one start working on the assignment. I use this time to try and sneak glances at other people in the classroom, for as much as I can when Hisao's desk is at the very edge of the classroom. Mostly, I observe Misha and Shizune. I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing this at all. I know it can't be anything but futile. But my thoughts of how Hanako behaved differently just won't let up, despite the sledgehammer.

There's nothing different about the student council, though. I sigh tiredly again. Of course there isn't.

Lunch, and subsequently the rest of the day, happen without any changes. It leaves me to wonder if Hanako really didn't cover her face, or if it was my tired mind deciding to play tricks on me. No matter how much I think about it, the trick-playing explanation makes more sense to me. Why would events start to change now, anyway? Most of all, the only reason for Hanako not to cover up her face would be if she knew and trusted Hisao fully. But even that much trust wasn't ever between them, not even on the sunday afternoon of the festival. And why would she remember anything about that, anyway?

As Hisao heads to his dorm room, and subsequently meets Kenji, I once more decide to pay attention to the conversation, and moreso, Kenji's responses in it. Nothing changes, of course. Oh, come on! Kenji would be the least likely to remember! I silently berate myself for half-hoping that Hisao's conspirationalistic neighbour would remember, and then act on it. He'd tell himself the memories were another feminist ploy, anyway, and therefore do nothing with them. It would just be another excuse to get wasted.

And with no small amount of surprise, I find myself feeling.. frustrated. Surprise. Frustration. Feeling. Three words I never thought I'd associate with myself again. I'm even starting to feel annoyed in my little part of Hisao's brain. I'm careful not to let any of my emotions leak through to him, though. Things become.. disturbing when he notices me. That's why I forged this cage I'm now in. Yet he never remembers.

Tuesday classes start off as usual, with Hisao asking about clubs. This naturally derails into Shizune and Misha's first attempt to recruit Hisao into the student council during lunchtime, and the subsequent offer of a game of Risk, with no strings attached. The game in the afternoon also proceeds without anything untoward happening. But when Shizune again asks Hisao to join the student council, I see a hint of resignation in her eyes, as if she knows Hisao's answer already. And when Hisao gives his "maybe", her shoulders slump down, and she actually looks a little annoyed. I tell myself I'm just imagining things again, though. There's no reason for Shizune to become annoyed at an honest "maybe", even if Hisao has given the same reply thousands of times.

Hisao doesn't notice her being annoyed at all, of course, and I tune out the next couple of minutes where he stumbles upon Lilly's tea room. Lilly invites him in, of course, and again offers him tea. I start to quietly observe everything that happens again. I can't stop myself any more, it looks like. Even though the things I noticed with Hanako and Shizune were so small... Such things stand out when you live through events as often as I do.

And just as with Hanako, just as with Shizune, something seems off. I don't know what it is, though. There's nothing to really suggest anything is different. But something is. It's not until the sun starts to set that I manage to figure it out: Lilly's smiles look strained. But again, it's not something Hisao notices. Of course he doesn't, he's only known Lilly for an hour or so by now. He wouldn't know anything was out of the ordinary if Lilly suddenly gave him a lap dance. Mind, it would probably kill him, and send me back to Iwanako's confession...

But this makes three. Three moments in the first two days of Hisao's single week at Yamaku that differ slightly from every other time I went through this. Hanako, who doesn't cover up the scars on her face. Shizune, who shows annoyance at Hisao's "maybe". And now, Lilly, with strained smiles where they used to be natural. So, just this once, I allow myself the tiniest spark of hope, keeping it as small as I can. Then I look at it again, and snuff it out. I need to stop being so ridiculous. Just because three girls act slightly different, I start to come back to life?

Pathetic. I'm supposed to have given up on ever finding a way out of this timeloop.

The trip to the library has gone under way during the time I'm berating myself. Lilly's already asked Yuuko for those books. I use the corner of Hisao's eye again to look at Lilly. The signs of strain have left her face, though, as if they were never there. Well, there's some truth to that line: they never were. Until today. But again, I find myself thinking my mind may just be playing a trick on me again.

Hisao excuses himself from the conversation with Lilly and Yuuko, to meander through the aisles.

It used to bother me that he always picks the exact same stack of books.

He adds the last book to his pile, and locates Hanako shortly after. The usual awkward introduction, an apology from Hisao this time. Well, that's good at least. The version that ends in a cheesy pick-up line always annoys me. For a moment, I ponder the present tense of my relief, but I let it slide for now. I'm more intrigued with how this meeting turns out. The quiet introduction by Hanako, and then comes the part where they silently check each other out. Curious gazes from Hisao, and scared ones from Ha-...

That's not a scared glance. Hanako is glancing at Hisao, and there is none of the fear in her visible eye that there was all those times before. Her gaze is almost as inquisitive as Hisao's is. I frown, and keep observing. Hanako.. is definitely not behaving the same. She even looks somewhat comfortable under Hisao's curious glances. I find my heart beating faster than it should. Not Hisao's heart, but my own. Yes, even in here, in my little cage, my arrhythmia follows me.

Hisao's eyes meet Hanako's. The moment a chain reaction starts. A moment of truth for me.

...

Both of them blush slightly, but Hanako doesn't jump up and run. She's.. smiling at Hisao. It's an embarrassed smile, but a smile nonetheless. And after a second or two, both turn their gazes back to their books, both still blushing ever so slightly. And when Hisao is almost done checking his books, the last one in his hands, Hanako delivers a finishing punch...

"Hi.. Hisao, do you p-play chess?"

I freeze up. My eyes are glued to the book still in my hands. Wait, wait, wait, rewind... My hands? There's nothing inside my little cage besides myself, so why am I-

I don't get to ponder what's happened, as my too-fast beating heart decides this is a good time to cause a full-blown black-out. I think I can hear Hanako calling out my name, but it's very faint, as if she were miles away...

========================================


Ahh, cliffhangers. How I loathe thee. How I enjoy writing thee
"ice-cream-flavoured ice-cream" -Rin
"oh moe is me" -me
Numbered Days, my first piece of fanfic
Leotrak's Library, my other depository of written stuffs
Before: Hanako>/=Emi>Rin>Lilly>Shizune
After: Emi>Rin>Hanako>Lilly>>>>>>>>>>>Shizune

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Wren
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Wren » Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:02 pm

Why do I have a feeling that Hanako just pressed the "reset" button?

Again another good entry, looking forward to the rest. :)
"They leave. Because they should, or they find someone else. And some of them...some of them, forget me. I suppose in the end....they break my heart." - Tenth Doctor talking about his companions.

BG Artist - Somnova Studios - Missing Stars Project

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GG Crono
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by GG Crono » Sun Jun 06, 2010 5:10 pm

Wow. This is really neat. Keep up the good work!

Or, as the cool kids say these days, MOAR!

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Ozymil
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Re: Numbered Days

Post by Ozymil » Sun Jun 06, 2010 7:54 pm

This chapter did NOT disappoint; will definitely be waiting eagerly for the next installment :D
Donnes-moi le chocolat, Hisao! Gib mir die Schokolade, Hisao! Dame el chocolate, Hisao! Dammi il cioccolato, Hisao! Ge mig choklad, Hisao! Giv mig chokolade, Hisao! 私にチョコレートを与える, 久夫! Daj mi czekoladę, Hisao! Geef me de chocola, Hisao! (Thanks for the Dutch ver. Leotrak) Bigyan mo ako ng chocolate, Hisao! Geef mij de chocolade, Hisao! Дайте мне шоколад, Хисао! Dá-me o chocolate, Hisao!

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