Leaving the Past Behind

[Extremist_Line]

And what do ya know? Today is Shizzy's birthday!
Sadly, aside from the next chapter, I don't have anything special. I will work on a birthday one-shot though, even if I do finish it quickly, I won't post it until a few more chapters are up.

Time to see how Luke will manage to get out of this.

*****************************************************************************
Chapter 5: Redemption

My alarm went off the next morning. I groaned and shut it off.

“God d…ugh”

Man, I don’t feel like going to school, not after last night.

But I have to. It’s all my fault last night happened the way it did anyways.

I…couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to be loved…

Ugh, ok, time to get this over with.

When I walked into the classroom a while later, I noticed Shizune in the corner with Misha. I didn’t make eye contact with either of them and went straight to my seat.

I didn’t even pay attention in class. Hell, I think I fell asleep in first period.

I didn’t eat anything during lunch. I just sat out back under a tree. Wasn’t hungry. Times like this I wish I had a blunt.

After the final period passed, I started packing my stuff, but I heard something.

“…on scarface, tell your friend to get her act in gear and get those reports in!”

Misha.

I looked up at the source of the sound. Sure enough, Misha and Shizune were messing with that girl with the long dark hair.

“C-can you p-please give her s-some slack?”

“…”

“If that’s the case, what’s preventing us from having to cut everyone some slack!”

The girl looked quite distressed, maybe on the verge of tears.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"..."

"Why are you even here, huh? You don't really have a disability, you're just taking advantage of the special treatment the students are given here to skip out on class!"

I think I heard the girl whimper.

I’ve had enough of this.

I got up and walked over to Shizune. I placed my hand on her shoulder, causing her to turn around. She immediately seemed annoyed by my presence.

“Misha, which of you two is doing the talking here?”

“Shizune mostly…”

I sighed.

“Alright, that’s it. Shizune, you’re coming with me, I’ve got something you need to see. Misha, don’t follow us.”

Shizune started desperately signing to Misha after getting that.

"...?"

"Uh...what are you going to show me?"

"...The reason I'm here."

With that, I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards the boy's dorm. I got a few funny looks on the way, but I just replied with "Don't get any ideas."

After we entered my room, I pointed to my bed, offering for her to sit there, while I sat in the desk chair and started up my laptop. I looked over at her and saw that she looked rather annoyed that I had dragged her here. She pulled out her notepad and wrote something out, then handed it to me.

'Luke, what the hell is this all about?'

'Shizune...I need to show you something. The reason I'm here.'

'Why do you need to do that?'

'When I saw that you were messing with that girl...I feel you need to see this.'

'Fine. This better be worth it.'

I ignored her final writing and focus on searching for the article. I went to our town newspaper's website, hoping the article would still be there...

Sure enough, it was. Thankfully, I had a prototype English to Japanese translator installed on my computer. After translating the page, I turned the laptop towards the bed where Shizune was sitting. I moved my chair to re-read the article. I...was hoping I wouldn't have to read it again, but I felt the need to...

There it was, in big bold letters:

'TRAGEDY AVERTED!
LOCAL YOUTH STOPPED FROM BRINGING GUN TO SCHOOL

Many of us have seen stories in the news about kids bringing guns to school and killing fellow students and faculty. We think that such an even could never happen in our towns. Today, we have been proven wrong. A local 13 year old boy by the name of Luke Fisher was discovered to have taken his father's Springfield XDm pistol and was planning to bring it to his school today.

Fisher's parents immediately called police, who took Luke into custody.

Fisher's only comment when asked for one was "F*** life."

Theories have arisen that Fisher's mental state was brought on by incessant bullying, but the principal of his school, which will not be named, denies the allegations.

"We run a very structured school. There is no possibility of bullying being the cause of Mr. Fisher's mental state."

One of the students at the school commented "We haven't done anything to that kid. He clearly has problems."

A psychological evaluation will determine whether Luke will be sent to juvenile hall or a mental institution.'

I leaned back in my chair and looked over at Shizune. She had her mouth covered in shock.

I sighed, then grabbed her notepad and started to write on it.

'How do you feel now? The way you treated that girl, the way you treated me?'

'Why...did you do it Luke?'

'Bullies. That principal is a lying asshole.'

'My God...I had no idea Luke.'

'I know. I want you to know something else Shizune. Last night...I'm really sorry for what I did. I know it wasn't a date, I wasn't trying to score with you. I...just never have been treated right from the day I started school. I've...never felt love and...my desires took control. Can you forgive me?'

After she read the message, she looked up, smiled, and started writing.

'Yes Luke, I forgive you.'

'Thanks Shizune. I just have one more thing to ask, and I want you to be completely honest with me: How do you feel about me?'

Her look changed to one of slight disappointment.

'I'm sorry Luke. I don't know how I really feel about you right now. Can you give it more time?'

'Of course Shizune.'

She smiled.

'However, there is one thing I will do to make it up to you. I'll stay here tonight with you if you want.'

My eyes widened with shock when I read that.

'Really? You mean stay the night? Like a sleepover?'

'I guess that's one way of putting it.'

'Sure...if you're ok with that.'

'Of course. Just don't try to pull anything naughty, got it?'

'Yes Ma'am!'

'Good. Now, how about a re-match?'

'You're on.'
******************************************************************************

[Wren]

Once again another great entry. Looking forward to reading the rest . Keep up the good work man.

[Xuan]

I feel that she should be the one apologizing, not the other way around...

[kosherbacon]

I like what comes next.

[Smoku]

The member of the Writefags shows class again.

Hm... Writefags... Kosher's the King & Queen, Extremist is the Council and I'm the jester... others, choose your functions as you please

[kosherbacon]

Hm... Writefags... Kosher's the King & Queen, Extremist is the Council and I'm the jester... others, choose your functions as you please

Wat.

I abdicate and hereby nominate snicket for these roles. Later, y'all!

[Extremist_Line]

Oh, right. This.

Sorry guys, I've been working on another fic. It's not another pick-a-girl romance fic. It involves an additional four decades, cybernetic augments, and fetish mods.
The 8th and final chapter of this fic is still a work in progress. I don't feel like working on it at the moment.

Better late than never though.

*********************************************************************************
Chapter 6: Night Terrors

Several hours later…

Glancing down at my watch, I noticed it was starting to get fairly late. I picked up the pen and notepad sitting next to me, paused the game, and wrote out to my guest:

‘Shizune, it’s getting a tad late, wanna start getting ready for bed?’

She looked down at her own watch after reading that.

‘Yeah, it is getting late. Sure, let’s stop here and call it a night.’

Shizune and I had been playing co-op on one of my older consoles for a while now. She’s a pretty good partner to have, communication is the only problem. If I have to tell her something or vice versa, we have to pause and write it out, which really breaks the flow. You get used to it after a while though.

Before we started playing, we went over to her dorm room so Shizune could get a change of clothes and some other things. We ran into Misha on the way, and Shizune explained to her that she would be staying the night at my dorm room. She seemed pretty shocked to hear this, but eventually caved in and let her go.

Anyways, I stepped out first and let her change into her pajamas while I waited outside. After she finished, we switched. We didn’t have to worry about anyone bothering us because it wasn’t past curfew yet, and even if it was, she could probably weasel her way out due to her status as the president of the council.

After that, we both slid under the covers. She had managed to convince me that we could share the bed tonight. Before we shut out the lights though, we ‘talked’ for a little bit.

‘So, are you sure you’re ok with this?’ I started.

‘Of course. We’re just friends, I don’t see what the big deal with sharing a bed is. Besides, think of this as me repaying you for how I acted earlier.’

‘Sure thing. I’m surprised that you didn’t react worse than you did. I wouldn’t have expected someone to be willing to share a bed with someone they just discovered almost shot up his school.’

‘Well, I can tell you’ve changed since then. Besides, if you did try to hurt me, or pull something inappropriate on me tonight, keep in mind that I’ve taken plenty of self-defense classes.’

‘I’ll be sure to remember that. Good night Shizune.’

After that, I took her glasses for her and sat them on my nightstand along with my own. I then shut off the light.

We kept a fair distance apart as we got to sleep. Not any more or less than if I was sharing the bed with a family member or close friend.

Eventually I started to hear some quiet but heavy breaths begin to escape the girl, indicating she had lost consciousness. I also passed out soon after.

********************************************************
No…no…nonononono NO! NONONONONO!

“NO! GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

I yelled as I thrashed around.

“I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING! GET ME OUT!”

The cell…the cushions…

Then I felt a hand on me.

“GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFFA ME!”

I thrashed more.

The hands began to tighten and shake me violently.

“NO! LET ME GO!”

Then I felt a hand on my face.

I jerked my head away from it.

“STOP! I JUST WANT OUT!”

I felt an arm wrap around my abdomen.

“Gah…ah…”

As everything slowly came into focus, I realized I wasn’t in my Hell anymore.

I felt the soft arms of someone comforting me.

I instinctively wrapped my arms around this comforting presence.

I felt the presence freeze, then I felt it shift, then I felt hair brushing up against my ear.

Slowly, my mind began to decipher what was going on.

Even after I realized what was around me, what I was latched onto, I didn’t let go. She didn’t either.

I eventually eased back out of consciousness.

*************************************************
The next morning

As I opened my eyes gently and stretched, I quickly felt a presence at lot closer to me than I remember ending the night with.

Not that I’m complaining that Shizune has one arm pulled tight around my chest and that my own arm is around her back.

I’m just a little curious as to how this happened.

Then it hit me.

“Ah…I forgot to take my calcium last night. Damn it…” I said aloud to myself, knowing I wouldn’t wake my guest.

I looked down at her. She looked pretty happy and contented. I started running my fingers through her hair gently, hoping I wouldn’t wake her up.

She didn’t. A little while after I stopped, she woke up, looked up at me, smiled, then laid her head back down next to my own.

I reached over and took her notepad from my nightstand. After getting my other arm out from under her, I wrote out:

‘Morning. Sleep well?’

‘Until you woke me up. You must have been having a hell of a nightmare.’

‘Yeah, I remember that, but just barely. I think I forgot to take my calcium last night. I have these kinds of things happen all the time, I’m sorry for interrupting your sleep.’

‘It’s ok.’

‘So, is that little incident how we ended up in this position?’

‘Something like that.’

‘You’re fine with it?’

‘Yep.’

‘Don’t feel like moving anytime soon?’

‘Nope.’

‘Neither do I.’

And so we laid there for a while. Eventually I think both of us fell back asleep. All I remember is that I was eventually awoken by a loud knocking at my door and a voice.

“Luke-chan! You there?”

“Ugh.”

Shizune was still asleep, so I moved as gently as I could to keep from waking her up. I went over to the door and opened it, and was greeted at the by Misha.

“Hey Luke-chan! Where’s Sic…”

I noticed her look around me. She covered her mouth in shock.

“Oh, hey Misha. Can I help you?”

“Sicchan…did you sleep with…?”

“Oh, yeah, we shared the bed. Something wrong with that?”

“Well, did you two…you know?”

“Wha…no! I’m not that kind of person Misha. Besides, she’s the one that suggested we share the bed.”

“Oh…Well, I just wanted to check on you guys. It’s getting kinda late…”

“Huh?” I looked down at my watch, which read ‘SUN - 11:43’. “Oh crap! It is late!”

“Yeah. Well, I’ll leave you two to…whatever you were doing.”

With that, Misha turned and left the hallway. I went back into my room, shook Shizune awake, and showed her my watch. She nodded and got up.

‘So, what do you want to do today?’
*******************************************************************************************

[Xuan]

That's quite right, Shizune doesn't seemed to be a person that follows sleeping rules.

[Leotrak]

I really enjoy reading your works, EL ^_^ Liked the Hanako one better, but I'm sure that's at least partly because it had an ending already posted... *coughs and tries to look innocent*

Want more >_>

[Extremist_Line]

I really enjoy reading your works, EL ^_^ Liked the Hanako one better, but I'm sure that's at least partly because it had an ending already posted... *coughs and tries to look innocent*

Want more >_>

Actually....I finished the next chapter of this about the same time I wrote the rest of the story. It's done and sitting in my message archives. I'm just really lazy. And to be honest, there's something that bugs me about it...

I still haven't finished the epilogue chapter, although I did finish Shizzy's birthday one-shot. I'll try and fix the chapter and get it and the one-shot posted tonight.

[Extremist_Line]

I was really holding off on posting this chapter because I didn't get much feedback on this story, but seeing as I've got a new fan on board that wants more, and because I love ya'll so much, here ya go.

*******************************************************
Chapter 7: Reattempt

“I know I hung it up in here somewhere...Aha!” I finally managed to find my nice American Eagle polo. I took it out and slipped it on.

I decided to dress a little more formal tonight. Shizune and I were going to re-attempt our ‘date’ from a few nights ago.

This time though, Shizune insisted that it was a date. Not just hanging out, an actual date.

After checking to make sure my hair was presentable, I grabbed my jacket and stepped out of my room and made my way to the school gates.

Sure enough, Shizune was standing in the exact same place, wearing the same clothes. It’s like it’s a total re-do of Friday night. I can’t decide if things are more lenient or more strict tonight.

Shizune smiled as I approached and handed me her notepad.

‘Ready to try this again?’ She had already written out.

‘Yeah, let’s go.’

We made our way to the familiar café of Shanghai. We were greeted on our way in by Yuuko.

“Hey guys.”

“Hey Yuuko. The usual for both of us.”

She set off to go get our drinks. Shizune sat across from me like we always did. There was something about her body language though…the way she was sitting, with her chin cupped in her hand, and the way she was looking at me…something about it gave me the feeling she was unconsciously flirting with me.

Through our little date, we just ‘talked’ with each other, just like Friday.

‘You know Shizune, I’m amazed that you like playing video games. Female gamers are actually pretty rare.’

‘Well, I actually never thought about playing games much before. But after we started playing, I realized it’s pretty fun. I don’t see why more females don’t play them.’

I smiled

‘Thanks. Hey Shizune, if you’re alright with it, I’d like to ask you something. Have you ever had a boyfriend before?’

She frowned a little.

‘No…I haven’t. You’re my first.’

‘Wait…your first? So, we’re boyfriend and girlfriend now?’

‘Well, we’re out on a date, so I would say so.’

‘Yeah, but…you said you didn’t know how you felt about me yesterday. Did you change your opinion of me?’

‘Maybe.’ She wrote with a smirk.

After a while we finished our drinks and started making our way back to the school. While we walked, I was once again overcome with a feeling of want. I felt like I wanted to hold her hand on the way back. I decided to test the waters first by gently tapping my fingers into her palm. She looked up at me, smiled, and nodded, so I took a hold of her hand.

Eventually, we reached the gates to the school. Just like the other night, we stopped in front of them, she started writing out on her notepad and handed it to me.

‘Thanks again Luke. I think that went a little better than our last outing.’

‘Agreed. I’m glad you suggested that we come. You know Shizune, this is the first date I’ve ever been on. Thanks for making it great.’

‘Thank you too Luke. I had a lot of fun tonight. And…I think I’ve finally decided how I feel about you.’

‘Really? How do you feel?’

After she read that, she smiled. Then, without giving me any time to react, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled us toward each other.

She stopped as our faces were just a few inches apart. I could detect the faint scent of some kind of perfume. We stared into each other’s eyes for a while, until Shizune took the initiative and gently touched her lips to mine. I wrapped my own arms around her waist.

I was having my first kiss…something I had never truly felt before, and never thought I would.

It’s even better than how it feels in my dreams…

My heart was throbbing in my chest, but I ignored it and just focused on my first moment of love.

It felt like…I dunno how long, but eventually we broke the kiss. I didn’t want to, but we were running out of air, so we kinda had to.

Shizune was still holding on to the notebook. She wrote out something and handed it to me.

‘Luke, I know how you felt now, when you almost kissed me Friday. You couldn’t feel love, people treated you bad for no good reason. I've never felt love either, I could have changed the way I acted to other people. I’m sorry. I’m going to change the way I act to others from now on. Now I know can happen to people pushed to the brink. I never want to see that happen to someone.’

‘Thanks Shizune, I’m glad I made an impact on someone’s life.’

With a slight hint of a rare blush on her face, she added something.

‘Luke…I love you.’

‘I love you too Shizune.’

We both smiled at each other.

‘Hey, want to go chill in my room for the night? Maybe spend the night again?’

‘Luke! Are you trying to imply something?’

‘No! I just…’

But I couldn’t finish explaining, because she yanked the notepad from my hands.

‘It’s ok Luke, I’m just kidding. I’d love to stay the night with you again.’

I breathed out a sigh of relief. Damn it, I almost screwed myself again.

We made our way back to the boy’s dorm. I would have held her hand again, but we had to refrain from that in case someone questioned why we were going to my room so close to curfew. Having a girlfriend in the Student Council kicks ass.

When we reached my room, we both sat down next to each other on my bed. I wrote to her:

‘So, you wanna play a game?’

‘Actually, do you have any movies? I’d like to just watch something.’

‘Oh, sure thing. I have several movies with subtitles.’

So we spent the rest of the night watching some movies. I was fine with it, I watch movies with subtitles all the time, helps me understand what the characters are saying if I couldn’t tell. At some point, Shizune leaned her head on my shoulder. After she did, I wrapped my arm around her back.

After the movie was over, Shizune picked her head up. I patted the bed with my palm, trying to ask her if she was ready for bed. She nodded, then stepped out of the room while I changed. When she re-entered, she started removing her overcoat. She was wearing a button up and a skirt underneath.

Crap, I just realized that we didn’t stop by her room and get some clothes for her.

‘Oh man, we totally forgot to get some of your clothes. You want to wear some of mine?’

‘That’s ok. I just need a t-shirt.’

“But what about…” I wondered aloud.

But I couldn’t finish. She started unbuttoning her shirt.

“Woah, woah! Shizune what…” I had a momentary slip of sanity there.

I grabbed the notepad and started quickly scribbling out something.

‘Shizune, what the hell are you doing?’ I managed to get written just as she finished her final button.

‘What, you don’t want me to wear the stuff I typically wear to bed?’

‘But, last time you wore pajama pants…’

‘Well, I was nervous, and we were just friends at the time.’ She had a slight blush, but still looked determined to wear nothing but a t-shirt and panties.

Whatever, I sure as hell wasn’t arguing this any further. I opened up my dresser drawer and tossed her my smallest shirt. She took off her own shirt. I’ll admit I couldn’t help getting a look at her almost-bare chest, but only momentarily. I may not be too much of a pervert, but I am a human. I can’t help it.

She didn’t seem to mind. After putting my shirt on, she took off the skirt she was wearing. My shirt was long enough that it mostly covered her lower undergarments.

After being sure to take my medicine, I slipped under the covers. Shizune got in next to me. Unlike the other night, she got in close to me. I delayed shutting off the light. We just stared at eachother again.

Slowly, we started inching toward each other. We touched our lips again, and shared another gentle but loving kiss. We started really getting into it, but our glasses clinked together.

“Oops, sorry. Here…”

I gently took her glasses off. She reached up and took mine off too.

We resumed. As we kissed, she pried my lips open and started fighting my tongue with her own. Each one fought for dominance. As this was going on, she wrapped one of her legs around my own.

After quite a while of that, she did something unexpected and moved her lips down to my neck and started sucking on it.

“Ah…Shizune, wait!” I said during a momentary sanity slip. She got quite into it, and after she finished, I gently touched the spot where she kissed.

“Aw man…I think you gave me a hickey.”

She might have read my lips, because she smiled mischievously.

I reached over and turned off my light. She snuggled in close to me and laid her head on my shoulder.

Tonight was a good night.

I never would have expected to have a girlfriend, much less a deafmute Japanese girl.

Not that I'm complaining. Not at all. I wouldn't have it any other way.
***************************************************************************************************
BONUS! Here's that one-shot I promised a while ago.

One shot: Sapphire
May 6, 2007

"Ok, then move your index finger like this."

"Like...this?"

"Perfect! I think you're ready."

"Thanks Misha, I really appreciate this." I said as I gave her a friendly hug.

"No problem. Now go on!" She said as she shoved me down the hall. "Good luck!" She called.

I walked down the hall, looking at the various signs overhead until I saw the one that read 'Student Council'. I looked through the window on the door. Sure enough, Shizune was sitting there doing a mountain of paperwork.

Misha told me yesterday that Shizune wouldn't be able to do anything for her birthday because she had a massive amount of paperwork to do. Apparently some students had been abusing meds and the council got the work of going through their records and such when they were expelled.

I gently opened the door and made my way over to where she was sitting. I pulled up a chair and sat next to her. She glanced up at me. "Hey." I said. She nodded. We had gotten to the point where she could read my lips fairly well.

I tried putting my arm around her, but she shrugged it off. I pulled out a notecard and wrote out 'Sorry. They're working you to the bone?'

She sighed and wrote back 'Yeah, on my birthday no less. Assholes. I wanted to spend the day with you and Misha but they want this stuff done by tomorrow.'

'There's no rules about a student's birthday? I would've thought they would be just a little more considerate since this is a special needs school.'

''You'd think. I'm sorry Luke, we'll have to celebrate my birthday some other day.'

After I read that, she gave me a peck on the cheek and gently pushed me, trying to tell me to leave.

After she turned back to working, I wrote something out, then reached over her and snatched the paper she was working on from her, replacing it with the card, which read 'C'mon Shizune, it's your birthday. Screw them.'

She angrily took the paper back from me, thrust her finger at the door, and sat back down.

"Damn it Shizune..."

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small black box. I placed it in front of her. She dropped her pen and looked at me in shock. I smiled.

"You gonna open it?"

She looked back down the box and slowly opened it. She let out a silent gasp as she pulled out the ring and placed it on her finger.

It's pretty lucky really, that her eyes and hair are blue, and her birthstone is the sapphire.

She looked at me, the anger was gone from her face. She was smiling now.

I swallowed as I went over the motion one more time. I began moving my fingers in alien ways.

''Happy birthday Shizune. I love you.'

Her smile grew even more as she rushed me and wrapped me in a tight hug. Then she broke the hug and pulled me into a firm kiss. After we broke the kiss, we looked into each other's eyes for a little bit before pulling into another hug.

As I looked up, I saw Misha at the door, looking through the window. I gave her a thumbs-up behind Shizune's back. She smiled and nodded, then walked away.

After we broke the hug I motioned over to the door. Shizune glanced down at the papers, flipped them off, then looked up at me and nodded. I smiled, somewhat proud of myself for explaining that gesture. I took a hold of her hand as we walked to the door.
***************************************************************
Interesting note: Luke mentioning Shizune's body language is a reference to my cousin. When I showed him KS, he went for Shizzy's route (I've noticed that some people that aren't really in the VN/gamer/otaku crowd tend to like Shizzy more, strangely. Most of them seem to prefer hotness to moeness). Anyways, he pointed out that it looked from her body language in the Shanghai CG that she was trying to flirt with Hisao. Can't say I disagree.

Oh, and I still have an epilogue planned, I just haven't got around to writing it. I might work on it during vacation, as long as I can find time in-between sipping Virgin Margaritas and preventing my buddy from getting us kicked out.

[kosherbacon]

It sure is nice to see Shizune being affectionate. Not something we see much in fanfics Someone ought to do a study to determine why girls are hot while wearing little or nothing more than a t shirt.

Virgin Margaritas? Isn't that like... a lime slurpee with salt on the glass? It'd be funny if y'all spiked them with smuggled booze from a hip flask.

[Member22]

Nice fics EL! They are good as always..

btw, trusting Misha with a one-off lesson on sign language is not a good idea as it might not go the way you want it to: http://ks.renai.us/viewtopic.php?f=52&t=1428

[Leotrak]

‘Hey, want to go chill in my room for the night? Maybe spend the night again?’

‘Luke! Are you trying to imply something?’

‘No! I just…’

But I couldn’t finish explaining, because she yanked the notepad from my hands.

‘It’s ok Luke, I’m just kidding. I’d love to stay the night with you again.’

I breathed out a sigh of relief. Damn it, I almost screwed myself again.

Here's that quote you asked for Seriously, little things like this always make me snicker/giggle/laugh out loud/whatever kind of laughter is appropriate according to the writing.

Well, not the -best- example, but it works

[Ahsab]

I was really holding off on posting this chapter because I didn't get much feedback on this story, but seeing as I've got a new fan on board that wants more, and because I love ya'll so much, here ya go.

Wait? So the only reason i've been waiting weeks for the next chapter is because you weren't getting feedback?! For the love of all that is holy and unholy alike, your stories are amazing, don't stop for our pathetic feedback you don't need it you are the god of fanfics and we are but your humble audience.

But if you want feedback the chapter before was good, not much I can really say else, and I can't give ya feedback on the last chapter yet because I haven't read it yet but I'll see what I can do for a feedback when I am done reading it.