The Day After (new part 8/19)

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Kamon
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The Day After (new part 8/19)

Post by Kamon » Sun Aug 09, 2009 6:37 pm

So. I thought I'd try my hand at fanfiction for once. This is my first time writing anything, ever. Hopefully I did a decent job. This story takes place the day following the fireworks festival and is from Lilly's perspective. [any questions, comments, concerns are all welcome!] So, enjoy?

Lilly's Story - The Day After

The alarm clock that rested on my bedside table claimed that it was 6:30 in the morning, though I was not inclined to believe it at the moment. The needlessly loud blaring had awoken me from a rather pleasant dream, which had essentially been a replay of last night, the festival and it's immediate aftermath, the fireworks display with Hanako and Hisao.

My dream played out just like yesterday. Enjoyable, if not hectic. The stand had been hastily and somewhat haphazardly put together by my students, but it looked wonderful, according to everyone. Our food orders had gotten mixed up somewhere along the line, almost none of my students were around to help, several students nearly burned hands, lines were long, the portions were small and it was very close to becoming a complete and total disaster.

...On second thought, it was a hectic day, with some joy to be had.

The alarm clock chose to interrupt my reverie and announce it's presence once again. I suppose it would be best to turn it off before I had woken up all of my neighbors. I reached over and my fingers found the button marked with the symbol for 'off'. With a quick press, the cacophonous noise ceased.

I moved to the edge of my bed and began to get ready for the day. My dorm room is still so unusual to me. It's been a while since I first moved into this room, but the shape and layout still confuses me occasionally. Let's see, seven steps from the bed to the armoire, then it's...two to the right for my closet?

Yes, that seems to be correct. Thankfully, I have most of my uniforms sorted a certain way in the closet so I don't have to fret overmuch about my clothes matching.

Now, if I recall, the door is six steps away from the closet and I think my cane should be right here on the hook...Ah, there it is. After stepping out of my room, I set off down the halls of the dorm building. While walking down the halls, my mind began to drift to thoughts of last night.

More specificially, I began thinking about hearing the fireworks with Hisao and Hanako. It had been unexpected when Hisao had showed up, offering to show me the sights of the festival. I giggled at the memory of that. The fireworks were loud and I could almost feel the bright flashes of light on my face and Hisao's hand on my shoulder...

Breaking out of my daydream, I found myself at an unfamiliar junction. My cane is telling me it's just as wide as a hallway, my right hand is on a railing and I didn't go outside at all. I attempt to tap my cane around the area to see if i could determine just what was around me.

Hmm...wall, wall, trashcan, wall, clank. Clank? Clank appears to be a door. Usually when there's a door, there's a sign in Braille. Wonderful!

*sigh* Or not. The braille on the walls is as unhelpful as my cane in determining my location. It only tells me that I'm outside of 143. Wherever that is. While I suppose this would be somehow helpful if I used to this dorm, I don't find the information pertinent or helpful. Not being used to this dorm is beginning to be a bother.

Leaning against the wall, I'm beginning to get ever so aggravated. I can't believe I let myself get lost. Again. Normally this wouldn't bother me so much but I think the stress of the past few days have really gotten to me. Dealing with all the preparations and that bloodhound of a president have thoroughly drained me. And getting lost on top of that! Such a wonderful couple of days.

I really should explore this dorm more and commit it to memory. However, I'm too annoyed at myself to remember this later.

On that note, I pull out my cell phone out of my bag. I don't like to use it too often, mostly for personal reasons, but I do call Hanako from time to time; whether to talk or comfort her or, embarrasingly, I might add, find me. I hate bothering her to find me on the rare occasions I get lost. I really do.

...wait, are those footsteps I hear?

Yes, I definitely hear footsteps in the distance. Odd, usually I'm the only one awake this early. The footsteps sound heavy. Heavier than mine, at least. A male? Just how lost am I? It doesn't appear that the person is in too much of a hurry.

tap..tap..tap..tap..tap......no tap? They must have stopped. It would appear that they've seen me.

tap.tap.tap.tap.tap.tap.tap.tap. They're speeding up, as well. Do they know me?. Well, that or they're in a great hurry all of a sudden.

"Lilly?" He sounds surprised to see me here. I'm just as surprised to her his voice. Hisao.

"My my. Good morning Hisao." Did I really wander all the way over to the boy's dorms?

"Good morning. How are you?" he asks, a slight tinge of worry in his voice. Is it that easy to tell I'm irked at myself?

"I'm...alright." A white lie. Alright would not be the ideal word for my state of mind, but it should suffice. "It would appear that I'm still not very familiar with the layout of the dorms." That's not a lie, however. I'm not familiar with them. At all.

"Well, maybe we can go to class together then." He's always so polite. I take this moment to place my cell phone back into my bag. I won't be needing it. Though I should call Hanako if she doesn't come by the tea room later.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea" It does seem like a great idea. There's just one slight problem. "However..." I don't want him to know about my complete directional failure this morning. I don't want to force him to help me either. And I don't want to say 'i dont know the way'. I'm fidgeting with the strap on the end of my cane. What to do, what to do...

Hisao picks up quickly on my fidgeting and responds by placing my hand on his wrist. I gasp. I'm surprised, to be perfectly honest. I didn't expect this. I don't know what I expected but it wasn't, it wasn't...I, I, I-

"Is this okay Lilly?" I nod. I'm sure I'm blushing quite furiously. I fold my cane and place it in my bag as well. I won't be needing it, either. And with that, we're off.

The conversation dies down, but the silence that overcomes us is not vexing in the least. It's a comfortable lull. We walk down the halls and out a side door. While I could pull my cane out and probably find my way from here, this is so...so serene. I should find a way to pay Hisao back for this kindness. I know he's probably just helping out 'the blind girl. Even if this is just common courtesy, he's been going out of his way to be polite and friendly to Hanako and me. I have to thank him somehow.

"Hisao" I whisper it, not really knowing where I'm going with this. My hand is tightly gripping his wrist. He stops and turns around. I think he's looking at me.

"What is it Lilly?" His voice seems to carry more curiosity than worry. That's a small relief. And following his voice, I can roughly guess where his face is. I want to look at him while I say this.

"Hisao, I wanted to thank you. For being so kind to Hanako. To me. For spending time with us. I had a wonderful time at the festival yesterday thanks to you, you've been so courteous and kind and you're helping me even now and I just wanted to thank you for that and ask how I could ever repay you." My mouth wants to keep talking but I manage to stifle it before I continue babbling.

"Lilly," he sounds surprised at what I said. I don't think he was expecting that. "Lilly, I should be the one thanking you."

"what?" Consider me baffled.

"I've only been at Yamaku a week, but you and Hanako make this place so friendly and peaceful. You've helped me a lot more than you realize just by making me feel welcomed. I like it here a lot more than I thought I would because of you."

I feel my a blush climbing to my face. My free hand flies to my cheeks for a moment. "I still feel as if I should repay you somehow for your kindness."

He 'hmms' for a moment before placing his hand on my shoulder.

"How about we call it even and have some morning tea before our classes?" His voice is gentle and sincere. All he wants is to spend some time drinking tea before class? How could I refuse such a simple request? Besides...

"I'd like that Hisao."

I would like that a lot, actually.
Last edited by Kamon on Wed Aug 19, 2009 4:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Raze
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Re: The Day After

Post by Raze » Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:28 pm

Looks like I'm your first reader!

A bit short, but that's a problem with most stories here.
I kinda liked to see Lilly's "weakness". What we know so far from act 1, she always knows what to do and where to go; her getting lost seems like a good idea for the story.
The thoughts of such a well-mannered girl seem also very interesting to me ;D

The "I have to repay him." and "He only wants tea?" parts also sparked my dirty thoughts. I c wut u did thar :mrgreen:

tl;dr
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Darkmoon
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Re: The Day After

Post by Darkmoon » Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:37 pm

Raze wrote: The "I have to repay him." and "He only wants tea?" parts also sparked my dirty thoughts. I c wut u did thar :mrgreen:

tl;dr
I liek

Agreed you made the yellow haired beauty into something of most's dark fantasy's ^.~good job
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Re: The Day After

Post by cheesegrater3 » Sun Aug 09, 2009 8:49 pm

The only thing that struck me as odd is that I wouldn't think that Lilly is one to get lost so easily. But it was a good read.

Obey the cheese!

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Deimos
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Re: The Day After

Post by Deimos » Sun Aug 09, 2009 9:13 pm

How good to see a Lilly fiction - your choice of describing her thoughts and behaviour hit a nerve with me. It was quite believable. To use her as a narator and providing the reader with her "view" was also very entertaining.

Hisao was nearly too perfect to be credible but the idea of Lilly thinking only positively of him is very convincing or was rather very convincingly portrayed by you.

*looks at the other posts* :?
Am I wrong in assuming that this could be merely the early beginnings of other than friendly interest in Hisao from Lilly's side rather than some prologue to more physical matters?
Ahh, Morticia? I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

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Kamon
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Re: The Day After

Post by Kamon » Sun Aug 09, 2009 9:26 pm

Yay feedback! Let me address what everyone's been saying.
Raze wrote:Looks like I'm your first reader!

A bit short, but that's a problem with most stories here.
I kinda liked to see Lilly's "weakness". What we know so far from act 1, she always knows what to do and where to go; her getting lost seems like a good idea for the story.
The thoughts of such a well-mannered girl seem also very interesting to me ;D

The "I have to repay him." and "He only wants tea?" parts also sparked my dirty thoughts. I c wut u did thar :mrgreen:

tl;dr
I liek
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. The "I have to repay him" line made me laugh while I wrote it. Oh double entendres, you are a gold mine.
Darkmoon wrote: Agreed you made the yellow haired beauty into something of most's dark fantasy's ^.~good job
Do you mean your fantasies or a "dark" fantasy? Thanks! Glad you liked it :D
cheesegrater3 wrote:The only thing that struck me as odd is that I wouldn't think that Lilly is one to get lost so easily. But it was a good read.
I think I see what you mean. I was hoping I could use her daydreaming and lack of familiarity as an excuse for getting lost, but oh well. Thanks :)
Deimos wrote:How good to see a Lilly fiction - your choice of describing her thoughts and behaviour hit a nerve with me. It was quite believable. To use her as a narator and providing the reader with her "view" was also very entertaining.

Hisao was nearly too perfect to be credible but the idea of Lilly thinking only positively of him is very convincing or was rather very convincingly portrayed by you.

*looks at the other posts* :?
Am I wrong in assuming that this could be merely the early beginnings of other than friendly interest in Hisao from Lilly's side rather than some prologue to more physical matters?
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also, Hisao is hard to write when we don't see his thoughts. I've tried not to make him Awesomeness Personified, but how well I succeeded depends on the reader, I suppose. In addition, what you mentioned is closest to what I hope to write [if people want me to continue, that is]. People don't go from "friendly interest" to "OMG LET'S MAKE BABIES LAWL". Lilly also doesn't seem the type to jump into anything. But that's just my interpretation of her. So who knows?
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Re: The Day After

Post by Deimos » Sun Aug 09, 2009 11:00 pm

cheesegrater3 wrote:The only thing that struck me as odd is that I wouldn't think that Lilly is one to get lost so easily. But it was a good read.
The game told us that she used to live with Akira and not in the dorms so it could very well be that she is unfamiliar with the layout of the dormitories since she could have only recently moved into them.
Kamon wrote:
Deimos wrote:How good to see a Lilly fiction - your choice of describing her thoughts and behaviour hit a nerve with me. It was quite believable. To use her as a narator and providing the reader with her "view" was also very entertaining.

Hisao was nearly too perfect to be credible but the idea of Lilly thinking only positively of him is very convincing or was rather very convincingly portrayed by you.

*looks at the other posts* :?
Am I wrong in assuming that this could be merely the early beginnings of other than friendly interest in Hisao from Lilly's side rather than some prologue to more physical matters?
I'm glad you enjoyed it. Also, Hisao is hard to write when we don't see his thoughts. I've tried not to make him Awesomeness Personified, but how well I succeeded depends on the reader, I suppose.
My question was more or less rhetorical and I did not expect an answer although it is very nice of you to give me clarification.

But concerning "your" Hisao I wanted to express that from a 3rd person perspective your description would look a little bit too good but considering that this is Lilly and considering her nice and pleasant personality your portrayal of him makes sense. Maybe I should try to be more outright and less subtle with compliments in the future.
Kamon wrote:if people want me to continue, that is
Please do, I would like to read further material from you.
Ahh, Morticia? I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

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Re: The Day After

Post by DuaneMoody » Sun Aug 09, 2009 11:58 pm

Though I should call Hanako if I don't see her later.
Eleven words; which one doesn't belong in this story?

Also, go back and count how many times the verm 'seem' appears in it.

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Kamon
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Re: The Day After

Post by Kamon » Mon Aug 10, 2009 12:11 am

Deimos wrote:Maybe I should try to be more outright and less subtle with compliments in the future
Haha, that would be appreciated. I'm somewhat dense. :P
DuaneMoody wrote:
Though I should call Hanako if I don't see her later.
Eleven words; which one doesn't belong in this story?

Also, go back and count how many times the verb 'seem' appears in it.
Answer:....I am a moron.
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Re: The Day After

Post by Raze » Mon Aug 10, 2009 7:12 am

Yes, I'd like to read further into your story.
But don't rush the sexy scenes (if you do them) because we all love high tension.

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Kamon
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Re: The Day After

Post by Kamon » Mon Aug 10, 2009 10:33 am

FIxed a few of the mistakes DuaneMoody pointed out. I'll try to avoid overusing words in the future.

And also...you people want more? I'm pleasantly surprised. I'll try to write something in the very near future.

EDIT: Soooo, I'm trying to write more and am having trouble about where to go from here. I thought I'd ask for opinions. Do you guys want more of Lilly's story from her perspective or would you like me to try to write from one of the other girls' point of view? I have a few ideas either way.
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Super Guest Man
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Re: The Day After

Post by Super Guest Man » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:05 pm

I would personally like more Lilly fic, but thats mostly because she's my favorite.

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Re: The Day After

Post by Deimos » Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:37 pm

Kamon wrote: EDIT: Soooo, I'm trying to write more and am having trouble about where to go from here. I thought I'd ask for opinions. Do you guys want more of Lilly's story from her perspective or would you like me to try to write from one of the other girls' point of view? I have a few ideas either way.
I would like to see you write about Hanako's and Lilly's relationship from Lilly's perspective. Because I wonder if she keeps a polite distance to Hanako or not. And I am also not sure if Lilly knows about the extent of Hanako's scarring. Very doubful that Hanako would talk about it or even let anybody touch it.

But do what you feel most comfortable with, that usually yields the best results.
Ahh, Morticia? I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

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Re: The Day After

Post by Raze » Wed Aug 12, 2009 6:06 pm

Tell Lilly's story from her point of view.

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Kamon
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Re: The Day After

Post by Kamon » Thu Aug 13, 2009 2:18 am

Super Guest Man wrote:I would personally like more Lilly fic, but thats mostly because she's my favorite.
Deimos wrote:I would like to see you write about Hanako's and Lilly's relationship from Lilly's perspective
Raze wrote:Tell Lilly's story from her point of view.
I'm getting a very slight inkling that you guys want me to continue from Lilly's point of view. Hmm, I wonder why that could be. :P

Seriously, thanks for commenting, I've been dividing my time between this thread and my cosplay thread. Unfortunately, I pushed this one to the backburner for a few days. Now that I can take a break from drawing, I'll try my hand at writing again. I have a few ideas for where I'd like to take Lilly, hopefully I can stay true to her character throughout all of it.

tl;dr
i'll have something up by the weekend.
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