'What's The Story, Morning Glory?' (new shit as of 8/11)

[ccdr]

I swear I'll finish writing this eventually. As for now have some shit from my case notebook

--

"But man... Man has a love for fire. Napalm, white phosphorus, promethium, oil, gasoline, fire wire, plasmas, firestorms, incendiaries, firepower, fire line, flamethrower, fireteam, firefighter, the flames of war, fire, fire, fire. What else could be said to have benefited as much from man as fire? What other element has been defended, nursed, tutored, fed, and loved more than fire? Our cities, our books, our people, our enemies, our friends, our dead, our living, our greatest works and most heinous feats; all of them, fed to the ever hungry flames."

--

"What...what do you call them?"

"Call them? They have no name. I don't name them. Lightning -" Bang. Thump. That chorus of hisses again. "Lightning doesn't need to know the name of the Earth. It only needs to know where to strike."

A stop, where only the lightning and her harsh breathing interrupts his shooting.

"I hate you." She whispers. "I hate that you care so little when we're about to die."

When he doesn't respond, she turns to the door, and is interrupted by his sudden chuckle.

"You should hate me. I'm going to kill you eventually, after all. It's best we don't become friends. Now get back to that room and lock yourself in again before I decide to take your other eye." She nods dully. What else could she do? She was alone in this place, after all. No one here but her and some monsters.

After she shuts the door, the man's hands frantically leave his gun and find themselves on the charm around his neck.
"Sight is for mother and mother alone. Amen." He murmurs, before turning to his shooting again.

--

Listen to me. No, god dammit. Oh, fuck. She's crying agai -- look, no, stop crying. Stop. Please. ...

Listen.

Listen. Everyone in this room was dead when we got in here. You understand? Everyone. Alice did not die like that. She was not captured. She killed everyone of those bastards before she bled out. You understand me? Everyone. She did not get captured. She was not...She killed everyone of them. And that is why she is a hero. She didn't die with half her teeth and an eye missing. She didn't die with her clothes ripped to shreds. She died a big goddamn hero. That's what I saw. That's what you saw. Understand?

--

Look out on the world. See that glimmer of light, just at the edge of sight? There is our broken miracle, our rotting messiah. That is not the end of the world as we know it, but a torrent of delusions. A sea of Dirac, where your wishes are granted, even as the drills start their sickeningly sweet descent into your skull. No, that is not the end of the world. The world goes on and on forever, thank God, Amen.

--

Even as the sword entered the tyrant's stomach, he still believed his people would thank him...

--

All he wanted was a world where people are wanted for their skills, and not the pieces of paper that hang on their walls. That's it. He never hurt anyone to get it, not directly, and you bastards thought you should hang him because of it. My beloved brother, who wanted nothing more then a world where the jobless and the vagabonds could contribute. He wanted a world where the poor could work their way up through the castes, so that they could be something someday. He was a father, a man who walked proudly through the streets, talking and helping the children. They loved him, called him brother, called him daddy, loved him, laughed with him, cried with him. And you set him to dance in the wind.

My brother. My brother was a hero. He was the only true noble among us. He was not a conspirator, a terrorist, an extremist or anything of the sort. He was nothing more then a king, driven by oblige. And now he rots outside Gate Three and has his eyes pecked out by rooks.

Believe me when I say this, you fools, that you have killed a great man, and his blue blood is on your hands. No amount of scrubbing will remove it. Before the night is done, you will pay dearly.

Revenge is not what my brother would want. It is what I want.

I have no demands, gentlemen. Make peace with your god or gods. You are about to be winked from existence.

The 17 year old girl disappeared from the screen. There was a pause before the first sobs could be heard in the back of the room. No one turned to look. Even as the first volley of missiles hit Valhalla, no one moved. No one spoke. The ceiling shook, and the lights went out.

Magister Devlin, a magnificent bastard to the end, is reported to have leaned back in his chair and said: "Well, I believe we are all now the sons of bitches."

It was then the sobbing started.

[Deimos]

hmmm, for the lack of other words ... "interesting"?

Although I do not kow if you are allowed to post fiction that has nothing to do with Katawa Shoujo and I therefore expected something entirely different I nevertheless enjoyed the madness it contains.

Some passages seem more like fragments than part of an overall story, made it hard to draw a plotline between all paragraphs.

[ccdr]

hmmm, for the lack of other words ... "interesting"?

Although I do not kow if you are allowed to post fiction that has nothing to do with Katawa Shoujo and I therefore expected something entirely different I nevertheless enjoyed the madness it contains.

Some passages seem more like fragments than part of an overall story, made it hard to draw a plotline between all paragraphs.

they're not connected at all, guess I should've explained that better

basically sometimes I'll get an idea for something, and write a paragraph or two, usually the ending (such as the last bit) or sometimes a single sentence. I pretty much take a story and write around these moments

tl;dr: just cool little things I think of

if anyone expresses interest I can post the last one, ('My Brother') because it is sitting finished in my notebook, I just need to translate it

[ccdr]

If you're lucky, exactly two people will mourn you when you die.

If you're misfortune enough to die old and alone, no one will mourn you. That is a harsh fact of life, you know. Unless you were famous, and I'm talkin' FAMOUS here, none of that 'I did some doodles for a game one time', people are going to come to your funeral, say "Oh, ain't that sad" and walk off wondering how they're going to get home. Sad but true; no one gives a shit 'bout you. Sounds like lyrics, eh? You are not a unique little snowflake, you hit the ground and melt like everyone else. That's one thing to look forward too, I guess. Death is absolution. He's a nice guy, that reaper. Doesn't matter if you're goddamn king of all you survey or the pauper crushed by the fine leather heels of his betters, he'll take your hand and guide ya down to that river and that boat we all gotta get on. It's a nice ride too, you know. Real calm and quiet. Lots of fog. Then, just quiet. You lay down, and that's it. Sleep, little boy, and dream forever.

I used to think it wouldn't be scary when I went. I'd played chess with Old Scratch before and won, flicked my cigarette ashes on his goddamn suit I got so close, so I'd thought I'd be able to shut my eyes and smile, maybe look like I did something with my life when they sit me down in the satin.

Wrong.

It was a horrifying experience. Dying ain't noble kids, it's something you should rightly go into kicking and screaming. Gently into that good night I will not go, no matter the means of transportation, if you can understand that.

So, where was I...? Oh, yeah. Two people. It's at this point you're wondering who the two people are. Hard to say, to be honest. You married? No? Shame. You're not bad looking. I was married, before this whole...y'know. It's a wonderful thing to be linked to someone so deeply. That's love for ya, I guess. My wife? She was...damn, I can't remember. It's been so long in this fog I can't think of anything else. I remember her face, and her skin, and what she tasted like, but...what was her name? Huh. Can't remember a thing.

Had a kid though, most precious little girl you've ever seen. Real out going. Not at all like her mom while looking just like her. The kanji in her name mean 'truth'. Thought that was real nice. Can't remember why I named her that, though.

Well, I guess I'm out of time here. This cigarette is all about done for. You got a ashtray? No? Well, whatever. I'll take it with me.

What? I never answered...oh, the two person thing. ...Well, don't worry.

You're find out eventually, I suppose.

-

Exactly 59 people shuffle out of the shadow of a tent. The majority of them look up at the bold and bright sun, and try to figure out why it is not raining. It feels like it should be raining. Fourteen wonder off, distracting their minds with this very mystery. Six of them walk very slowly to their cars, wondering if there are any bars open at this time around here. Eighteen of them walk off wondering how they're going to get home.

A girl with auburn hair thinks about how life is like being a bomb. You start out with a lot of shouting and yelling, some threats, some peace, and then suddenly you're winked out of existence with a startlingly loud sound and some people you've barely met before mutter morbid quotes over your grave. "Sons of bitches" indeed, she thinks.

There are twenty people left, and nine are wondering if the widow would like some 'comforting'. There are twelve people left, and seven are too shocked to think about anything. There are 5 people left, and 3 cannot bear to get up and leave.

There are two people left, and one is on her knees in front of the coffin, not saying a word.

There is one person left, and she doesn't know what is wrong with mommy.

If you're lucky, exactly two people will mourn you when you die.

Hisao Nakai was a unlucky son of a bitch.

[Deimos]

Hmm, really cynical first half. Cynicism is normally built out of anger at something, so I first thought it was Hisao's regrets to leave this world but did not turn out that way and it confused me.
Shouldn't he have had a lot of time to accept his inevitable early death when he is told about it in his teenage years? Sorry, if I am too dense to grasp the whole of your story and while I thought your assessments of funerals visitors to be quite true I'd think it is a given and it should therefore focus on the important mourning people.

Another thing that struck me as odd was the non-attendance of Kenji. Your first two posts indicated he became good friends with Hisao and it makes his absence somewhat remarkable.

As for the language, well it is fitting and well done but the tone and atmosphere are very saddening but not because of the portrayal of the funeral - more because of the lack of emotional imput from living people since most could identify with that. Instead it is bitter but only at the surface, the charade, the ritual and not concentrating on the people.

Story left me with a hollow feeling just like some funerals I have been to - was this your aim?

[ccdr]

Hmm, really cynical first half. Cynicism is normally built out of anger at something, so I first thought it was Hisao's regrets to leave this world but did not turn out that way and it confused me.
Shouldn't he have had a lot of time to accept his inevitable early death when he is told about it in his teenage years? Sorry, if I am too dense to grasp the whole of your story and while I thought your assessments of funerals visitors to be quite true I'd think it is a given and it should therefore focus on the important mourning people.

Another thing that struck me as odd was the non-attendance of Kenji. Your first two posts indicated he became good friends with Hisao and it makes his absence somewhat remarkable.

As for the language, well it is fitting and well done but the tone and atmosphere are very saddening but not because of the portrayal of the funeral - more because of the lack of emotional imput from living people since most could identify with that. Instead it is bitter but only at the surface, the charade, the ritual and not concentrating on the people.

Story left me with a hollow feeling just like some funerals I have been to - was this your aim?

I can honestly tell you I don't write with an aim in mind. I just go. If it comes out as empty cynicism to you, that's probably what I felt when I wrote it. You're not dense, trust me. I'm a pretty negative guy, (friends have described me as 'basically Despair-sensei only not as funny') and I guess it comes out in my work.

As for Hisao's POV, do you really most teenagers think about that stuff when they're told about it? Hell, I've a minor condition most of my life and I would've all but forgotten I had it, if I didn't have to take a pill everyday. Most kids that deal with it just let it burst out once or twice and move on. Don't let it bother you too much, it's shitty fanfiction by a sub par writer.

On Kenji, I saw the three who couldn't get up and leave as Kenji, Shizune, and Misha, if that helps at all.

I won't comment too much on the funeral, just that 'Funerals as Charades, Charades as Funerals' is the title of several of my notebooks containing everything I've written.

Annndddd that's all folks. I hope you liked it. I need a walk and a drink, I think.

[The Laughing Man]

Wow. I'm not going to go into some pseudo-art bullshit, and just say that was good. Well put together, felt like he was really talking to you. Also, I couldn't help but feel like he's just sitting there, in the void, on a fold out chair, one beam of light on him, smoking a cigarette. Like in the Darkness. Am I wrong, or is there a subtle reference?

All in all, very nice. I'd like to see more of your work.

[Vysetron]

Damn, CCDR. You're both a bro and a good writer. This is some of the more interesting stuff I've seen on the forum, if only because it's so different. I don't have a lot to say, other than keep it up.

[A_Gray_Phantom]

I love that post, CCDR. It is exactly what I've been telling my friends lately: Death is equal to all.

I've come to embrace cynicism since I've come to the conclusion that my death will be lonely and meaningless. Not to say I'd wouldn't hope for a meaningful death, but such a thing is rare and special, and we are not special. And there is nothing special about dying.

I wonder what that says about living?

I think I will print out your story and frame it I liked it so much.

Forgot his proper grammar due to blindness by cool story bro,
A Gray Phantom

PS I lied. My sudden cynicism is a defensive reaction to the reality of my loneliness. But you don't care and I'm only typing this for my own benefit. Not to say I don't like being cynical (I do) but... I'm rambling ^_^; Sorry, disregard all that and: cool story bro.

Edit: I'm gonna mention that I haven't read any of your earlier posts on this thread, but since you've got me hooked in I'm going to go back and digest the rest of the story .

[ccdr]

Wow. I'm not going to go into some pseudo-art bullshit, and just say that was good. Well put together, felt like he was really talking to you. Also, I couldn't help but feel like he's just sitting there, in the void, on a fold out chair, one beam of light on him, smoking a cigarette. Like in the Darkness. Am I wrong, or is there a subtle reference?

Haha, yeah. I had just gotten done watching that scene for probably the umpteenth time (for all the crap The Darkness gets, I think it's a pretty interesting game) and that probably factored in a bit. It's a shame Starbreeze got shafted for the sequel, they did pretty well I think.

Next on my list is FEAR and Doom 3 to go beat again. (In case you haven't noticed, I like horror games.) This ought to be fun.

HI, BILLY MAYS HERE. DO YOU LIKE JUMP SCARES? THEN HAVE I GOT SOME JUMP SCARES FOR YOU.

[The Laughing Man]

The Darkness was good. I liked it, interesting system, and the storyline kept me going. I might buy the comics because of it. As far as brick-shitting games go, I haven't played Doom or FEAR yet, but I've heard good things. I also heard Bioshock has some good moments. I've always been a fan of the RE series, myself.

Anyways, I'm rambling. A few homage/references in fan stories are more than welcome by me. Hell, I made a few Wheel of Time references in my stories.

[ccdr]

The Darkness was good. I liked it, interesting system, and the storyline kept me going. I might buy the comics because of it. As far as brick-shitting games go, I haven't played Doom or FEAR yet, but I've heard good things. I also heard Bioshock has some good moments. I've always been a fan of the RE series, myself.

Yeah, cool. If you're ever in IRC I can link you to some torrents of FEAR/Doom, whatever. Bioshock had only a few good moments, any nervousness inspired by that game was likely a combination of atmosphere and knowing exactly what was waiting on you. (eg: Big Daddies)

RE had some good scares (Oven Man, DEM FUCKING DOGS) but genuinely unnerving things are few and far between. Though, I admit, I must've sat outside that village in 4 forever knowing that I had to take on a chainsaw wielding crazy man with nothing but that weak ass starting pistol. Knowing that he could gruesomely decapitate me also didn't help.

And then I found the shotgun.

Seriously, don't talk to me about horror in video games, I'll talk your damn ear off. I guess I'm kinda a maniac about that stuff.

SLIGHTLY ON TOPIC: I added some tags to the OP so people know what they're getting into

[Deimos]

If it comes out as empty cynicism to you, that's probably what I felt when I wrote it.

Your cynicism was not empty for me - few things are. But I would like to point out that being a cynic also means being mostly stagnant. Cynicism is sometimes good when accurately judging something because you try to put yourself in another position and therefore gain a new perspective.
But that is all it's good for. A really good cynic is much more interested in the present than in the future. Hence comes the observation that most all-time cynics are not visionaries or creators since they are more engrossed in (rightfully) judging and reviewing the flaws of the world.

That makes the Hisao of your story also a little bit stagnant - like his episode with Kenji in your second post was not an episode but rather his true nature shining through. And I think Hisao would be all but cynical towards someone like Hanako in order for her to love him.

I would feel relatively bad if I had to admit that I have not been evolving my character after hitting the age of 20.

As for Hisao's POV, do you really most teenagers think about that stuff when they're told about it?

As a teenager POV, perhaps but I assume Hisao is not a teenager when the bell tolls for him.

Don't let it bother you too much, it's shitty fanfiction by a sub par writer.

Believe me, I have read really bad fanfiction and you do not even begin to compare .

As far as brick-shitting games go, I haven't played Doom or FEAR yet, but I've heard good things.

Try to play F.E.A.R. with a halfway decent computer or you have to do it like me and have to brew yourself a cup of tea to pass a particulary long and shaky horror sequence.