In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

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Bara
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by Bara » Sat Jul 18, 2009 12:09 am

TheHivemind wrote:Since you all have not caught on to how terrible this idea is, I wrote some more in the hopes that it would convince you once and for all.
I know bupkus about quality, but you do have the "fun" factor going with this. :wink:

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Deimos
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by Deimos » Sat Jul 18, 2009 4:15 pm

TheHivemind wrote:Since you all have not caught on to how terrible this idea is, I wrote some more in the hopes that it would convince you once and for all.
You are right - it is terrible and you are in definite need of atonement!
The most fitting and purgatorial punishment for you would be to be condemned to write more of it! :twisted:
Ahh, Morticia? I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

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Snicket
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by Snicket » Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:59 pm

Agreed.

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G3n0c1de
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by G3n0c1de » Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:49 pm

TheHivemind wrote:Since you all have not caught on to how terrible this idea is, I wrote some more in the hopes that it would convince you once and for all.
Why so negative? I'm thoroughly taken in by this story. It would appear that you'll just have to continue the story if you want to convince us that this is not worthy of being read. Which it is, as of this moment.
It's a good thing Shizune is deaf, she is the only one who can stand (not) hearing "Wahaha~!" over and over.

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WetCrate
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by WetCrate » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:08 am

HA! Terrible or not, you get a laugh.

Hisao "Tracer" Bullet, at your service. I figure if you think it's so bad, stop writing, but I think I can get a couple more chuckles out of this premise.

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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by elk9 » Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:36 pm

Well, since I still dont get how terrible the story is, you should write some more so that we can finally be convinced! :twisted:

Bty, hopefully nobody will ever be convinced!

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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by TheHivemind » Sat Aug 01, 2009 11:15 pm

To celebrate finishing the last of the Chandler books I had around the house, I penned another chunk of this drivel. I think maybe I've got one more idea for this whole sordid mess before I call it quits and leave the story unfinished, so that could happen in the future. We'll see. Hell, I might even get feisty and lay the whole thing out; but if that happens it'll be a long fucking time.

Whatever. Here's part three.


3. More knocking on my door early in the morning woke me up the next day. I was groggy on account of a late night trying to get some kind of plan of action together, so maybe I wasn't as cautious as I could have been. Honestly, I was irritated. So when I opened the door to demand an explanation maybe I opened it a little wider than I should have.

“It's a little early in the morning for this, don't you think?” The girl on the other side of the door was a face that you didn't forget easily, and it wasn't just because of the scarring. Hell, most people never even saw the scars, she'd become so good at hiding them. Long purple hair, a posture that shied away from you unless she was on business, and the baggy clothes that hid her body and whatever else she was carrying at the moment. A dangerous little firecracker, and if she was at my door it meant that I was already in trouble.

“Y-your presence is r-requested, Hisao. M-miss Satou is waiting for you.”

“You're awfully uncomfortable for a heavy, you know that?” I was annoyed at being roused from bed, annoyed at this case for existing at all, and annoyed that Shizune and her girl had chosen to have the meeting at the goddamned Shanghai where everyone could see. So maybe I was a little too harsh on the messenger. Maybe.

Hanako straightened up, and a grin spread on her face. Bad sign. “I c-can afford to be a little uncomfortable, H-hisao. B-because I know how to make you even m-more uncomfortable.” She moved quick, and like I said I was pretty tired already. All of a sudden she was behind me and there was a knife at my throat. “N-now I'll let you go, but only if you keep in mind t-that I'll be behind you while you walk to M-miss Satou's. C-clear?”

“Hey, no need to get crazy on me. I'll go quiet as a little fluffy mouse. We needed to talk anyway.” Even with a knife at my throat I still kept taking my shots at her. Mostly because I know the threat of her killing me is as empty as the candelabra in her room. She could have cut me, sure, and enough that I'd know I'd been cut too. But there's rules to the game we were playing, and rule violations weren't in her nature. The knife left my throat.

“I'm n-not crazy.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

We walked in silence out of the dormitory and into the main building. I headed for the tea room, footsteps retracing a path that I'd had to walk a while back but not far back enough for my liking. The lights were dimmed, but the occupant sure as hell didn't need 'em on in the first place so I wasn't surprised by that. “Well, I'm here. You can call off your muscle now.”

“My dear Hanako, thank you for bringing Mister Nakai here.” A voice as smooth as satin and twice as warm floated through the air of the room like cigar smoke, an intoxicating sound that any man worth his salt would do anything to keep listening to. I'm not worth my salt, though. “And I am sorry if you were inconvenienced. Hanako can be rather enthusiastic about completing her errands for me sometimes.”

Hanako didn't seem very apologetic, immediately taking up a position next to her boss. Lilly looked stunning as ever, the sort of woman that defies categorization. Legs and hair and chest and everything else coming together in a perfect storm; and those blind eyes of her that unsettled the hell out of me but made other people feel all tingly inside. Of course, the difference between me seeing her and some random joe on the street seeing her was that I knew the sort of person she was. It made it easier to resist her charms. Not easy, but easier.

“Yeah, well next time you can come talk to me in my room. I'm not a fan of all this walkin' around.”

“Hmm, yes. You have been a busy man, Hisao. Seen twice with the student council, and after all that trouble they got you in last time, too.” Lilly tutted like a scolding mother. “Here I thought you'd learned a valuable lesson from all that.”

“Oh I learned a lesson. It ran something like 'Don't get in the middle of feuds.' So if all you've got to do is scold me on who I work for, then I can show myself out.” I turned to leave but of course Lilly wasn't done talking to me.

“Terrible thing, blackmail,” she said casually. “It's not a tactic I like to use often, you know.”

“But you'll use it.” I said. “You using it now?”

Her laugh was rich, melodic, dignified. The sort of laugh you expect to hear from the Queen of England after a particularly good joke. I hated the sound of it. “My my, Hisao. You suspect me so quickly of stooping to such a blunt tactic? But you have confirmed something that I suspected, and for that I suppose I can let your distrust of me slide for now.”

I grit my teeth and mentally swore at myself for being so stupid as to lay that kind of hint on the line so early in the game. “You're all heart. No wonder you're so beloved by all. I don't suppose any of your adoring public would dare stoop to such a blunt tactic either?”

“My adoring public, as you so sardonically refer to them, don't do anything unless I request it of them.”

“That's what Henry II thought, and look what happened to his Archbishop.”

“Henry II didn't know how to control his people. I do.” Even though she'd have every right in the world to take an annoyed tone with me, she never does. It's never been her style, and it wasn't going to be now. “So.”

“So.”

“What exactly is the trouble that my colleague has gotten herself into? I could help, you know. An olive branch to heal old wounds.”

I had to stifle a laugh. “You can't have expected that to work.”

“I'm being serious, Hisao. There are other, larger concerns facing us than petty squabbles. Maybe I want to heal the rift so that we can prevent something like what happened to Miki happening again.” She leaned forward, in order to appear more sincere. It didn't work too well. But something in what she said caught my attention.

“Why Miss Satou, you seem to be implying there's a new game in town. How exceedingly odd.”

I got a ladylike sniff of derision for my trouble. “Don't act stupid, Hisao. That mess shook up our social order quite a bit, you know. And since then someone's been trying to make inroads on things that were decided long ago to be under my particular purview. And that's not all,” her voice lowered to a confidential whisper, “They say whoever it is has faculty behind him.”

“No no no, you're going about this all wrong. You try to sell me that you've got faculty behind you, or that there's a new game in town. You don't try to sell me on both. That's going too far, and now you've made sure that I'm not about to betray my client's trust. Sure, you could help her out, but then that gives you one up on her—and if it turns out that it's you behind the whole mess after all, then I've given you the keys to the kingdom. Hell, even if you could convince me you were on the level, you think you're going to convince her? So no, I'm not gonna fill you in on anything, and no, you are not going to help the Student Council keep their own house in order.”

My answer didn't win me any friends, and it even had Hanako fidgeting in the corner when she noticed just how thin of a line Lilly was making with her mouth. I was half-serious, half-trying to piss her off, and it looked like I'd done the job. “I will admit, Mister Nakai, that I'm disappointed in you. I thought you'd have realized by now that we're on the same side.”

“Lilly, as soon as I pick a side that'll be a hell of a lot more persuasive as an argument. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got other people to see. Let me know if you want to come clean about this whole deal, but otherwise stay out of the way. No need to burn people on this one who aren't involved.” I stood to leave and was on my way out the door when I heard her take a parting shot.

“Yes,” she said tightly, “I suppose once was enough for you, wasn't it?”

I let the comment pass and headed out into the hall, even though it was the second time in as many days I'd had salt poured in that particular wound. I knew she wasn't involved—that much was immediately obvious. Lilly's crowd and the council had their differences, and they took their shots at one another too, but Lilly wasn't lying when she said that blackmail wasn't her style. No, I didn't doubt that if Lilly had the pictures or the means to get them, she'd have already delivered them to the principal, stammering something about wanting to keep the students safe from any moral corruption. And the principal would eat it up, and that would be the end of the Student Council. I'd been around long enough to see the coldness that Lilly was capable of operating with, and I had no desire to let a paying client go through that. It would ruin my reputation, for starters.

As I stepped outside, I heard a noise behind me, but never quite got the chance to see what it was. Fireworks went off in front of my eyes, and I fell to the ground with a ringing in my ears and a pain in the back of my head. I rolled on my back and got a good look at a clear blue sky just before my vision faded out completely.

powell
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by powell » Sat Aug 01, 2009 11:36 pm

What the fuck..?

I.. I... like this? I still have no idea what the fuck is going on. It seems since part 1, all of the characters have been given mob status and Hisao is now a detective hitman who every hates or something.


You must continue

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G3n0c1de
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by G3n0c1de » Sun Aug 02, 2009 12:34 am

Another great chapter. Please continue. I'm very interested in who this new antagonist is.
It's a good thing Shizune is deaf, she is the only one who can stand (not) hearing "Wahaha~!" over and over.

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Deimos
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by Deimos » Sun Aug 02, 2009 6:39 am

A wonderfully distorting view on Yamaku you have done there - only Rin and Emi remaining :wink: .

You are tickling my imagination more than normal AU fictions - I cannot stop to imagine a painkiller-dealing ever-smiling Nurse saying "I got something interesting for ya, stranger!"
Last edited by Deimos on Sun Aug 02, 2009 4:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ahh, Morticia? I would die for her. I would kill for her. Either way, what bliss.

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Warwick
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by Warwick » Sun Aug 02, 2009 11:01 am

Amazing as usual. Even if you leave it unfinished, it's a great story you're telling.
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elk9
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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by elk9 » Sun Aug 02, 2009 4:19 pm

Lilly being portrayed as a sophisticated, intelligent and cold person leaves no doubts she isn't the culprit. The question is, who else other than Shizune's rival would utilize such shameful tactics? Perhaps some other girl who is in love with Shicchan?

Also, I laughed at the part where Hanako tries to act tough while threatening Hisao whith the knife. I'd be great if Rin and the rest of the girls appeared in part 4. Somehow I get the feeling Mutou will play a big role in solving the mystery..

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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by whiteflags » Sat Aug 08, 2009 7:22 am

Tenbux says it's just the art teacher being a major perv and it's all a misunderstanding.
X is scientifically proven to Y.

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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by G3n0c1de » Sat Aug 08, 2009 8:10 am

whiteflags wrote:Tenbux says it's just the art teacher being a major perv and it's all a misunderstanding.
TheHivemind wrote:'We have photos, we're not afraid to let them out into the wild, but of course we can always be persuaded to keep this sort of thing to ourselves if you're inclined to pay us to do so. Drop the cash in a plain brown bag in the girl's locker room, locker 12 E and we'll contact you again to let you know where to find the negatives and all copies.'
Yeah, threatening demands can't be blackmail at all.
It's a good thing Shizune is deaf, she is the only one who can stand (not) hearing "Wahaha~!" over and over.

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Re: In Which I have been reading too much Raymond Chandler

Post by Darkmoon » Sat Aug 08, 2009 4:35 pm

Im sorry i stopped reading halfway through the second part,dont get me wrong its good but i just cant readily see this completely as a whole, blackmail also really not my cup of tea but there are some good angles in here i have yet to read in other Ff's kudos
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