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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:20 am
by Blue123
Maybe you should kinda pay attention to what err, the dev team tell you
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:20 am
by Roxius
Blue123 wrote:Maybe you should kinda pay attention to what err, the dev team tell you
Well, what exactly are they telling me?
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:22 am
by cpl_crud
It is not our job to hand you the answers on a silver platter, only to guide you on the path of enlightenment.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:24 am
by Roxius
cpl_crud wrote:It is not our job to hand you the answers on a silver platter, only to guide you on the path of enlightenment.
Well what do I put beside '------' ? You're being totally useless!
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:25 am
by Blue123
Roxius wrote:
Stop ordering me around and just make the damn game already.
You mad.
Didn't it occur to you, that, maybe you could use just one line of "---------". We didn't say you couldn't use any, just not loads.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:26 am
by Roxius
Blue123 wrote:Roxius wrote:
Stop ordering me around and just make the damn game already.
You mad.
Well, what? I don't like being told not to do things without a good reason why!
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:31 am
by cpl_crud
It came up in the Dev channel.
No-one else bothered to tell you that
------------
------------------------------
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-
-
-
-------------------------
-- - - - -
- -
is not really a good paragraph break.
Then after that it just seemed like fun. It's early here.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 10:33 am
by Roxius
cpl_crud wrote:It came up in the Dev channel.
No-one else bothered to tell you that
------------
------------------------------
-
-
-
-
-------------------------
-- - - - -
- -
is not really a good paragraph break.
Then after that it just seemed like fun. It's early here.
Yeah...I guess not. And I don't even know what you mean in those last two sentences of yours.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 2:31 pm
by Aura
To give a real explanation what crud and blue are talking about I think: the mass of lines full of dashes means nothing and it's disturbing and annoying to read. There is a good and working method to create a break for the reader in text - a paragraph. Use it.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 2:34 pm
by Roxius
It's a break in time before other things that need to be written take place. You can just skip past the lines if they bother you, just so you know.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 2:49 pm
by Aura
Sure, it was just friendly advice, in case you want to improve as a writer.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Mon May 25, 2009 2:51 pm
by Roxius
Aura wrote:Sure, it was just friendly advice, in case you want to improve as a writer.
Well, I only really use those 'annoying lines' here for these fics.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:59 am
by The Laughing Man
I have made a discovery.
I can't read while listening to music at the same time. Because when certain songs come up, it enchances D'AWWW and BAWWWW levels to critical mass.
In all honesty, this was well written, I was on a roller coaster of joy and sorrow the whole rise.
I wonder if Misha will be some form of competition in the Shizune arc. OR MISHA x SHIZUNE THREESOME.
A man can dream.
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 2:09 am
by Snicket
excellent read
Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)
Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 5:05 pm
by A_Gray_Phantom
Deaf people can communicate via phone, it is just very complicated. It involves a third party, a computer, and a little patience. One of my former coworkers was deaf and he used this system.
Why did Misha have to run to the student council room? Didn't they all graduate at the same time? If Misha ran, then she would've gotten to the student council room before them.
I would imagine, as class president, that Shizune would give a graduation speech. I'd also project that either Misha or Hisao would translate, although Misha would be the more obvious choice. This reinforces the issue of Misha's unnecessary running.
Although it isn't definite, it is suggested that Shizune tells Misha that she likes Hisao in the first act. I'm referencing, of course, when the girls would communicate in sign to each other and Misha refuses to translate. That is certain evidence that they are talking about him. But maybe I'm nitpicking here...
Imagining Shizune's reaction they way you described it was very touching. I like how you didn't expose the dialogue between Misha and Shizune.
Still, Misha and Hisao were acting completely out of character.
The box that Misha clutched to her chest represented Shizune's love. It is her agape love, the love of a friend. Misha's true love shone in that moment. Love doesn't want, is not jealous, and holds no grudges. The honest reactions from all three of them are verily romantic, although persistently out of character.
Pacing was nice. It kept my interest, and wasn't too long. The ending felt natural, too. You captured the feelings of nostalgia that are inevitably invoked by graduation ceremonies: the cell phone pics that Hisao browses are representing of this.
More logic and truer character analysis and you'll do better next time. Your pathos, however, is spot on.
Sincerely,
A Gray Phantom.