Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

WORDS WORDS WORDS
Blue123
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Blue123 » Mon May 25, 2009 10:20 am

Maybe you should kinda pay attention to what err, the dev team tell you

Roxius
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Roxius » Mon May 25, 2009 10:20 am

Blue123 wrote:Maybe you should kinda pay attention to what err, the dev team tell you

Well, what exactly are they telling me?
You just KNOW there's gonna be a Nurse X Akira X Hanako threesome witnessed by Yuuko at SOME point during the Emi path...in Lilly's room.

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by cpl_crud » Mon May 25, 2009 10:22 am

It is not our job to hand you the answers on a silver platter, only to guide you on the path of enlightenment.
My Novel - Now available The Zemlya Conspiracy
Blog: http://cplcrud.WordPress.com

------
<Suriko> Crud would be patting Hanako's head
<Suriko> In a non-creepy fatherly way
<NicolArmarfi> crud is trying to dress hanako up like miku and attempting to get her to pose for him in headphones and he burns money

Roxius
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Roxius » Mon May 25, 2009 10:24 am

cpl_crud wrote:It is not our job to hand you the answers on a silver platter, only to guide you on the path of enlightenment.

Well what do I put beside '------' ? You're being totally useless!
You just KNOW there's gonna be a Nurse X Akira X Hanako threesome witnessed by Yuuko at SOME point during the Emi path...in Lilly's room.

Blue123
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Blue123 » Mon May 25, 2009 10:25 am

Roxius wrote: Stop ordering me around and just make the damn game already.
You mad.

Didn't it occur to you, that, maybe you could use just one line of "---------". We didn't say you couldn't use any, just not loads.

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Roxius » Mon May 25, 2009 10:26 am

Blue123 wrote:
Roxius wrote: Stop ordering me around and just make the damn game already.
You mad.
Well, what? I don't like being told not to do things without a good reason why!
You just KNOW there's gonna be a Nurse X Akira X Hanako threesome witnessed by Yuuko at SOME point during the Emi path...in Lilly's room.

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by cpl_crud » Mon May 25, 2009 10:31 am

It came up in the Dev channel.

No-one else bothered to tell you that
------------
------------------------------
-
-
-
-
-------------------------
-- - - - -
- -

is not really a good paragraph break.


Then after that it just seemed like fun. It's early here.
My Novel - Now available The Zemlya Conspiracy
Blog: http://cplcrud.WordPress.com

------
<Suriko> Crud would be patting Hanako's head
<Suriko> In a non-creepy fatherly way
<NicolArmarfi> crud is trying to dress hanako up like miku and attempting to get her to pose for him in headphones and he burns money

Roxius
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Roxius » Mon May 25, 2009 10:33 am

cpl_crud wrote:It came up in the Dev channel.

No-one else bothered to tell you that
------------
------------------------------
-
-
-
-
-------------------------
-- - - - -
- -

is not really a good paragraph break.


Then after that it just seemed like fun. It's early here.

Yeah...I guess not. And I don't even know what you mean in those last two sentences of yours.
You just KNOW there's gonna be a Nurse X Akira X Hanako threesome witnessed by Yuuko at SOME point during the Emi path...in Lilly's room.

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Aura » Mon May 25, 2009 2:31 pm

To give a real explanation what crud and blue are talking about I think: the mass of lines full of dashes means nothing and it's disturbing and annoying to read. There is a good and working method to create a break for the reader in text - a paragraph. Use it.
<Aura> would you squeeze a warm PVC bottle between your thighs and call it "manaka-chan"
<Suriko> I would do it if it wouldn't be so hard to explain to my parents

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Roxius » Mon May 25, 2009 2:34 pm

It's a break in time before other things that need to be written take place. You can just skip past the lines if they bother you, just so you know.
You just KNOW there's gonna be a Nurse X Akira X Hanako threesome witnessed by Yuuko at SOME point during the Emi path...in Lilly's room.

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Aura
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Aura » Mon May 25, 2009 2:49 pm

Sure, it was just friendly advice, in case you want to improve as a writer.
<Aura> would you squeeze a warm PVC bottle between your thighs and call it "manaka-chan"
<Suriko> I would do it if it wouldn't be so hard to explain to my parents

Roxius
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Roxius » Mon May 25, 2009 2:51 pm

Aura wrote:Sure, it was just friendly advice, in case you want to improve as a writer.
Well, I only really use those 'annoying lines' here for these fics.
You just KNOW there's gonna be a Nurse X Akira X Hanako threesome witnessed by Yuuko at SOME point during the Emi path...in Lilly's room.

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by The Laughing Man » Tue Jul 28, 2009 12:59 am

I have made a discovery.

I can't read while listening to music at the same time. Because when certain songs come up, it enchances D'AWWW and BAWWWW levels to critical mass.

In all honesty, this was well written, I was on a roller coaster of joy and sorrow the whole rise.

I wonder if Misha will be some form of competition in the Shizune arc. OR MISHA x SHIZUNE THREESOME.

A man can dream.
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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by Snicket » Tue Jul 28, 2009 2:09 am

excellent read

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Re: Misha's Final Wish (One-sided Misha X Shizune; No yandere)

Post by A_Gray_Phantom » Tue Jul 28, 2009 5:05 pm

Deaf people can communicate via phone, it is just very complicated. It involves a third party, a computer, and a little patience. One of my former coworkers was deaf and he used this system.

Why did Misha have to run to the student council room? Didn't they all graduate at the same time? If Misha ran, then she would've gotten to the student council room before them.

I would imagine, as class president, that Shizune would give a graduation speech. I'd also project that either Misha or Hisao would translate, although Misha would be the more obvious choice. This reinforces the issue of Misha's unnecessary running.

Although it isn't definite, it is suggested that Shizune tells Misha that she likes Hisao in the first act. I'm referencing, of course, when the girls would communicate in sign to each other and Misha refuses to translate. That is certain evidence that they are talking about him. But maybe I'm nitpicking here...

Imagining Shizune's reaction they way you described it was very touching. I like how you didn't expose the dialogue between Misha and Shizune.

Still, Misha and Hisao were acting completely out of character.

The box that Misha clutched to her chest represented Shizune's love. It is her agape love, the love of a friend. Misha's true love shone in that moment. Love doesn't want, is not jealous, and holds no grudges. The honest reactions from all three of them are verily romantic, although persistently out of character.

Pacing was nice. It kept my interest, and wasn't too long. The ending felt natural, too. You captured the feelings of nostalgia that are inevitably invoked by graduation ceremonies: the cell phone pics that Hisao browses are representing of this.

More logic and truer character analysis and you'll do better next time. Your pathos, however, is spot on.

Sincerely,
A Gray Phantom.
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