KS Shorts

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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Mag
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Mag » Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:31 am

lmao that was a pretty good story. When Hanako snuggled her face in Hisao's shoulder when they were on the bench, I just slammed my head into my table and pounded my fist into it yelling, "KAWAIIIIIIIII!" (Yes I am a Hanako fan.) I also enjoyed the tug-of-war scene while walking towards the town. Too bad Hisao's arms got numb. The scene where both the girls wanted Hisao to sit right next to them was a scene i should have seen coming but didn't for some odd reason. Also sucks how Hisao's heart just gave like that when he was having a serious talk with Akira. Awesome Yuuko with the epinephrine syringe. Plus, Akira in a dress........I wouldn't mind seeing someone draw that. I got a good picture in my head but it would be interesting to see it on paper. I just have one last thing to say about the story... WTF AKIRA? WHY DID SHE KISS HISAO AT THE END? ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF HANAKO AND LILLY? Ok I'm done. Great story. If possible, please end it. An idea of how to end it is set up a scenario where Hisao is sitting either in his room or outside on a bench and thinking on who to choose. Then make a section A and B making Hanako A and Lilly B (or the other way around, which ever is comfortable with you.) and the readers can just choose which one to read. My opinion though. Sorry if it looks like I'm giving you commands or anything which, of course, I don't mean to. I just like how this story is going and would love to see an ending to it. Also possibly an elaborate explanation on why Akira kissed Hisao. Again, not giving orders or anything, just an idea.

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kosherbacon
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Thu Mar 25, 2010 3:53 am

Mag wrote: WTF AKIRA? WHY DID SHE KISS HISAO AT THE END? ESPECIALLY IN FRONT OF HANAKO AND LILLY?
Akira obviously kissed Hisao so that Hanako and Lilly would snap out of it and realize that they aren't actually in love with Hisao but actually each other...

I'm just kidding. I've got a more plausible theory but I'll wait till the next chapter comes up.

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Snicket
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Thu Mar 25, 2010 12:34 pm

whoa i didn't think i'd get such a strong reaction to this one. Honestly i thought that most of the input would be negative since i kinds went in an odd direction.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by chaix » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:08 am

it's not odd, not anymore anyways. the weirdness tolerance has gone way up, therefore this is now considered 'tame' :p

Good read as usual though.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:10 am

chaix wrote:the weirdness tolerance has gone way up, therefore this is now considered 'tame' :p
Yeah, sorry about that.

No I'm not! :lol:

Hey Chaix, any new FFs coming from you soon? I really enjoy your work.

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Mag
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Mag » Fri Mar 26, 2010 1:51 am

Hey its not odd. The only thing I find to be a problem is the usual mistakes and spelling errors. Although I can be nit picky about those stuff considering my major is English in college. Don't mind me though. A story that is written perfectly, grammar wise, can have a horrible story while a story with bad grammar can be great.

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Snicket
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:23 am

@Mag

Well as i mentioned before, English isn't my first language. So I'm bound to make an error or two...or eight for that matter. If you want you can proof read these and I'll summit the 'corrected' versions.

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Mag
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Mag » Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:43 am

No no no. That is if YOU want me to proof read them. Honestly this is your work and you can do whatever you wish with them. I'm just one of those guys who complains about the errors but obviously the errors don't take away the story at all. If you want it to be corrected, I would gladly help. But if you don't want to, then don't. Everyone can still read it as it is.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Fri Mar 26, 2010 2:49 am

@snicket. If you'd like, I can pre-read for you too. I myself am constantly catching myself in grammar mistakes but I can help out with what slips past spell checks.

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Snicket
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:06 pm

Well if either of you guys want to help me with these that would be great. I could either post them here and then have you guys fix all the 'mistakes' and PM it back to me. Or I could PM them to one of you and have you make the corrections before i post them.

The only reason i brought thus up, is because another member used to so the the same thing for me a while back.

-Also i have another short in the works, i'm just trying to thin is out. Since its around 15 pages and is no ware close to being done. Though with my current writing style, if you were to out put it all together. It would probably only around 8 pages.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:30 pm

I'm okay with getting PM'd in advance. The other way is fine, too.

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Mag
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Mag » Fri Mar 26, 2010 5:17 pm

Same here.

chaix
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by chaix » Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:33 am

kosherbacon wrote:
chaix wrote:the weirdness tolerance has gone way up, therefore this is now considered 'tame' :p
Yeah, sorry about that.

No I'm not! :lol:

Hey Chaix, any new FFs coming from you soon? I really enjoy your work.
writer's block happens to not be an affliction for me, it's a habit or maybe a light addiction. I've actually got 3 unfinished ones sitting around right now. odds are the new one I just started is going to be finished in a day or two depending on how long it takes to write the end and make sure the speech doesn't of out of character

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Snicket
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Sun Mar 28, 2010 11:55 pm

Well this came as a surprise, i honestly didn't expect two people to jump at the chance to help me. (I thought the former person that used to help me would ask before anyone else.)

Though this now leaves me with a bit of a problem, I really can't ask both of you guys to do help.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Mon Mar 29, 2010 12:38 am

Snicket wrote: Though this now leaves me with a bit of a problem, I really can't ask both of you guys to do help.
I've got two pre-victims-readers screening my stories. It can be useful since different people find different things. Like say, Smoku might object to some thematic elements and factual errors while extremist_line catches problems with story structure and anticlimactic endings.

I'm okay with whatever you decide. Since Mag is an English major, s/he may be more qualified than myself.

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