KS Shorts

WORDS WORDS WORDS
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kosherbacon
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Fri Feb 11, 2011 8:29 pm

I haven't posted anything in a while. And why you ask. Well its a bit hard to come up with new stories,
Yeah, I've been out of it for a while too. I think... four months without me posting anything? I just ran out of momentum for a while and before I knew it, I was so far off track where I couldn't pick up unfinished stories right away.

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Mag
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Mag » Sat Feb 12, 2011 8:13 pm

old writers have returned. the game is to be released this year (hopefully) and now it is time for the fan fics to rise again! lol ah well it's not like i'll be holding my breaths for new stories. i'll just wait patiently. but if you post a story when the game is out, i don't think i will read it for quite some time :(

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by neumanproductions » Sun Feb 13, 2011 1:35 am

Mag wrote:but if you post a story when the game is out, i don't think i will read it for quite some time :(
I don't think we'll be posting when the release finally arrives. At least for awhile.
Rin=Hanako>Emi>Misha>Lilly>Shizune (Misha counts in my world alright; and now she surpassed Lilly)
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by trekki859 » Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:31 am

well with the game coming out this mounth or next?? [hopefully] well see an explosion of fanfics for the moment however im content with waiting :mrgreen:
in the wise words of Jack O'neill ..."what?"

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by kosherbacon » Sun Feb 13, 2011 5:32 am

I think KS: Act 1 took me a bit longer than an extended weekend to read through, so the whole thing should take at least a few weeks for me.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Shades of gray » Sun Feb 13, 2011 9:46 am

I'm already ready to bunker down with KS when its released, smokes, tea bags, milk, suger, chocolate, various other snacks.

hmm... i better buy more smokes, i chain smoke like crazy when im reading/gaming, AMA too, but IDGARA (kudos to whoever gets that reference first)
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by trekki859 » Sun Feb 13, 2011 3:42 pm

Shades of gray wrote:I'm already ready to bunker down with KS when its released, smokes, tea bags, milk, suger, chocolate, various other snacks.

hmm... i better buy more smokes, i chain smoke like crazy when im reading/gaming, AMA too, but IDGARA (kudos to whoever gets that reference first)

heh i hear you there man i do the same thing when i play vns ive been anticipaiting like this
in the wise words of Jack O'neill ..."what?"

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Snicket
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Mon Feb 14, 2011 2:38 am

I doubt this is coming out in the next few months. I'd say late summer; If it comes out at all this year.

Anyway, as for thread content. I'm trying to get back into the rhythm of things. I'll post something when i get a chance to sit down and write something.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by trekki859 » Mon Feb 14, 2011 6:55 pm

And within months from today, after four years in development, Katawa Shoujo will be released.

in that case, i will be one of the raging fans as i take that statement to mean 3-4 months from January first. dont mean to sound like an ass here but after sticking to the montra of not giving any hint of when its done, and then anouncing it like that. you should be damn sure it will be ready when you say its ready.

/end rant/
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Shades of gray » Tue Feb 15, 2011 2:52 am

trekki859 wrote:
And within months from today, after four years in development, Katawa Shoujo will be released.

in that case, i will be one of the raging fans as i take that statement to mean 3-4 months from January first. dont mean to sound like an ass here but after sticking to the montra of not giving any hint of when its done, and then anouncing it like that. you should be damn sure it will be ready when you say its ready.

/end rant/
Amen. 1 major clue within that sentence suggests 2-4 months, and thats the word "within". also note the conviction that it WILL be released at the end.
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by ChaoticGrowth » Tue Feb 15, 2011 3:02 am

I agree as well. I cannot say that I will be upset with the Devs if they do not release it within the next couple of months because I want them to take as much time as they need to ensure that KS is the best that they can make it. Nevertheless, I can say that I am thoroughly hoping (and I admit, anticipating) that it will be released late March-April.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Mon Feb 21, 2011 1:42 am

-Further proof reading required-
Last edited by Snicket on Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:53 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:28 am

To me it seems like Lilly is way out of character here, and Hisao... Well, in the VN he would now be well on the road to a manly picknick...
Other than that a few missing words and wrong homophones, like "I let out a sigh and relax my stair". That one is especially odd, since you correctly used "stare" twice before in the text.
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by AapoAlas » Mon Feb 21, 2011 4:05 am

Two cases of "I herd" or "can herd" instead of "I heard" or "can be heard", or at least I think so.

"Lilly nods. 'I do. From I herd from Hanako..." should probably be "From what I heard"

"Hanako's tearful greeting to Lilly's arrival can be herd" to "can be heard"
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Re: KS Shorts

Post by Snicket » Fri Mar 11, 2011 1:56 pm

Alright guys, i think i got everything. I asked a couple of people to give this a good once over. KB ended up helping me with some of the things i missed. Also i went through this and changed a few things. Mainly the Lilly scene that everyone commented on as being OCC. So take two of this short.

-Enjoy

****************************************************************************************************************************************************
-Silent treatment

A silence hangs in the air. Not the awkward kind, you get when someone tells a bad joke. Rather the kind when you’ve asked someone a question and you’re waiting for an answer. Gritting my teeth I give the shy girl in front of me a cold stare. I don’t think I’ve ever been this mad about something my entire life. Well, maybe mad is the wrong word; maybe annoyed is a more suitable one.

Trying to lessen my icy stare, I take a deep breath and rephrase the question to the girl sitting in front of me. “Okay how about this? Why have you kept so many things hidden from me? Why do you refuse to tell me anything?”

Hanako pulls her knees to her chest and looks away. “T-This is….Hard.” The girl continues to avert her gaze from me. “I’ve n-never b-been in anything like this b-before.” I let out a sigh and relax my stare. Well at least I finally got an answer. “I can understand that, but why have you gotten more distant with me since we’ve became more then friends?” Hanako turns back towards me, but doesn’t make eye contact and gazes intently at the tea cup sitting in front of her.

“Hanako?” The girl in front of me refuses to break her gaze from the tea cup on the table. For a moment I ponder the thought of knocking the tea cup off the table to get her attention, but instantly dismiss the notion, after realizing that it wouldn’t do much good. I guess I have to be more direct with her. This will only end badly

Pulling my chair out from under the table, I stand up and take a few steps towards the silent Hanako on the other side. I notice her head move as I do this, but she doesn’t move from her spot. Kneeling down next to her, I place my hand on her shoulder. Hanako winces a bit, but doesn’t attempt to knock my hand away. I take a deep breath and attempt to move into the girl’s line of sight. “C’mon Hanako, please just tell me.”

Despite my best efforts, I still don’t get a response from the girl. Okay, plan B. “Hanako.” I still don’t get a response. “HANAKO!” Unintentionally, I raise my voice as I attempt to get her attention. Aside from a slight cringe, Hanako doesn’t move from her seat nor looks at me. I let out a frustrated sigh and stand up. Taking a step back, I grab the chair, and turn it towards me. Hanako still refuses to make eye contact. Sighing again, I ponder if I should force her to look at me by turning her head manually, but before I can even consider it. Hanako breaks her silence.

“H-Hisao, I-I’m s-sorry.” Her voice starts to break as she tries to fight back the tears. Hisao, you dumb ass. You made her cry. What the f*ck where you thinking? Hanako takes a deep breath and continues. “T-this isn’t fair to you, you’ve been so kind to me.”

Jeez, now I feel like an asshole. The girl continues. “T-Things have been great, since you came along.” I place my hand under the girls chin and gently lifter her head, so that her eyes meet mine. “Then why, Hanako? If things are as you say they are. Why do you refuse to tell me anything?” Hanako goes silent. I take a deep breath. “So that’s it, huh? After all this time, I get the silent treatment.” I pull my hand away. “When we first met, you told me that there where some things that you weren’t comfortable talking about and I respected that. But when I can’t even get to know the girl I’ve fallen for, that’s when enough is enough.” I turn towards the door. “I still don’t know anything about you!” I feel my composure slip a bit, but at this point I no longer care.

“B-blue.” A quiet voice says from behind me. I turn back towards it, still bearing my frustrated expression. “What?!” Hanako takes a breath and looks up at me. “M-my favorite color is blue.” Something inside me snaps. “Well whoopty f*cken do. How long did that take; a month?! I suppose it will take another for you to tell me anything else…” I cut myself off. “The hell with it, I’m done. I’m done with these games and I’m done with you. Good bye.”

As I step into the hallway, a sharp pain hits my chest. I cringe and take a few deeps breaths till it subsides. However the feeling of guilt over what I just did still remains. Was that really the right thing to do? What am I going to…? I cut myself off from the thought when I realize that I’m not along in the hallway. Turning towards the other party, I see Lilly standing a few feet from the door; with a sad expression on her face.

“Are you OK, Hisao?” Lilly says taking a few steps towards me. I let out a sigh and let my shoulders drop. ”Yeah I’m ok, Lilly.” The brief episode I had just encountered, pretty much subsided my frustration and anger I had just had a few moments ago. Plus there was no reason to be upset with the girl standing before me; though I do feel a little bad, not telling her what just happened when I walked out into the hallway.

With out anything else to say, the both of us stand in the empty hallway for a few moments; some of the longest few minutes that I’ve experience in recent memory. It’s not till Lilly clears her throat, that the awkward silence is broken. And that something is said in the oddly quiet hallway. I unintentionally let out a bit of a scoff, turn the direction opposite of Lilly and begin to walk away. “I should go.”

“Wait, Hisao.” A faint voice says from the distance. I stop and turn around half expecting to see Hanako standing in the hallway, but to my surprise I only notice Lilly; still standing the same spot as she was a few moments ago. “What is it Lilly?” Her saddened expression deepens a bit as she takes a few steps towards me. “Are you sure you want to leave things as they are?”

I let out a sigh and take a step towards Lilly. “What exactly, do you want me to say? I’m sure you herd what went on in there.” Lilly’s expression sours upon hearing this. “So that’s it? Lilly starts to walk towards me. “After all that, you’re just going to end it? Lilly’s pleasant voice and demeanor all but vanish as she asks theses questions. While bearing an expression I’ve never seen her make before. Seeing this is somewhat frightening. If the girl approaching me, could actually see the effect of her sudden harsh tone and lion-esc approach; she might ease up a bit. Unfortunately, this isn’t the case. I let out a sigh and stop Lilly with in arms length of me. “What do you want from me, Lilly? “ Suddenly long nimble fingers grab the collar of my coat and pull me with in a few inches of Lilly’s face. I can smell her perfume. Shit, I forgot she has a longer reach then me. The sound her cane falling on top of the tile, echoes down the hallway.

“How can you say that? After getting Hanako’s hopes up like that? Pushing her into a relationship only to end it when things don’t go your way?” The last remnants of fear all but vanish, it’s apparent that if Lilly knew the truth, she would have reacted differently. I let out a heavy sigh and turn away from the misinformed Lilly. “Hanako confessed to me.” Lilly’s grip loosens. “W-what?” I turn back towards Lilly and remove her hands from my collar. “Hanako is the one that wanted a relationship.” Lilly’s eyes go wide as she hears this. The image of a full moon crosses my mind as begin to recall the event in my mind. “W-what are you talking about?” Lilly manages to squeak out, still in shock over what I just said. “Hanako pursued me, I didn’t pursue her. I didn’t think either of you two had feelings for me, beyond a mere friendship; until Hanako told me otherwise.”

Lilly lets both her hands drop and lowers her head, resting her head it on top of mine. “I’m sorry Hisao, Hanako never told me that. I thought you pursued her, so I stopped trying. But now that I know otherwise I…” I cut Lilly off and pat her on the back. “It’s alright, you didn’t know.” Lilly raises her head and takes a step back. “No it’s not alright. You’re my friend; I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. I had no right to…” I hear something metallic roll across the floor as Lilly’s words fade out. Looking up I see Lilly falling towards me. The metallic sound just now, was Lilly tripping over her cane.

I hold out my arms to catch her, but I’m too late. Soft lips press against mine. The warm sensation of another embraces me as we make contact. A scene strait out of a bad romance novel occurs right in the middle of the hallway. Of all the possible ways Lilly could have fallen, she falls on me in a way that ends with both of us unintentionally kissing one another. One might think she did that on purpose, but the thought of Lilly doing so bold doesn’t sit right with me. However the actions that followed might lead one to believe it was intentional.

Suddenly long arms pull me close, while a soft tongue works its way past my lips. I return the embrace and motion to Lilly and for a brief moment the world around me doesn’t seem to matter. As if all my worries have vanish. However this sensation doesn’t last long, as I return to reality and stop myself from treading down this road. I start to push Lilly away. She seems to have a similar thought in mind and breaks her embrace and lets me return our distance between each other to arms length. I’m the first one to talk. “What…what was that?” Lilly blinks a few times and looks away. “I-I don’t know.”

It’s then that I notice that Lilly had been crying. Probably during that brief embrace we had just shared. I hold my hand out and attempt to wipe away a tear. “Are you Ok?” Lilly takes a few steps back, just out of my reach. “Y-yeah, I’m fine.” We stand in the awkward silence for a few moments. This time I’m first one to talk. “Maybe I should go.” Lilly turns back towards me. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” As I turn to leave, I notice Lilly’s cane on the floor, pick it up and hand it to her. “Here.” Lilly holds her arm out, so that I can place the cane into her hand “Was that your first…?” I ask as Lilly grabs hold of the cane. The girl abruptly pulls the cane out of my hand shoos me way. “J-just go.”

Taking the hint, I turn on my heel and resume my departure down the hallway. Exiting the school building and into the dorms. I attempt to recall what just transpired, but I find myself grabbing fistfuls of my hair and shaking my head violently.

What the hell just happened?

-To be continued
Last edited by Snicket on Tue Mar 15, 2011 12:38 am, edited 2 times in total.

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