- It's nice you want to give the readers clues as to what is going to happen, but keep in mind you're writing this story from Natsumi's perspective, so every information you give the reader should be available to Natsumi as well. For example you're dropping hints left and right that Hanako is in love with Hisao, yet Natsumi seems not to notice. Makes her seem a bit dense. Also her own feelings for Hisao are not quite clear, and when writing from her perspective those should be most detailed of all.
- MIsha doesn't append "-icchan" to all names but only "-chan", a suffix used for small children and very close friends that Misha uses for most everyone. By coincidence, both Shizune's and Hisao's names begin with syllables ending in "i". Natsumi begins with NA, so Misha would probably call her "Nacchan".
- Try to avoid one-line-paragraphs, e.g.:
They break the flow of reading. If nothing interesting happens on the way from the dorm to the class, just skip it.**
After finishing my morning routine, I gather my books and supplies and head off to class.
Despite how much time has passed, the venture to class always seems the same. Having to watch for other students walking the wrong direction or swinging a cane around has some how become routine for me.
Dodging the daily obstacles of the halls I arrive at the class room a few minutes before the waning bell.
- Small thing: Emis said she hasn't told Natsume her name. Technichally correct, but Rin introduced them.
- I agree that spelling is two pegs down from your last chapter. Get a proofreader. Most of them work for free, you know