The Lucky Rabbits Foot

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Snicket
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The Lucky Rabbits Foot

Post by Snicket »

I know it’s a cheesy title, but honestly I couldn't things of any else cleaver. Anyway this takes place after the School Festival. Also considering you took the Hanako route. I couldn't really decide if it was a week/ month after, so I’ll let you guys decide. Also since this is literally my first attempt at one of these. I may over/under explain some things. Enjoy.

Tags: Li, Ha, Hi, Ke, Emi,

*******
The bell at the end of class jolts me out of dazed state I suddenly realize that I had spaced out during class. As I look around I notice that most of the class has already started filing out in the hallway. The only ones that remain are a few students, Hanako and I. I turn to Hanako and smile noticing that she's already dove into another book. Stretching as I stand up, I gather my books together and place them into my bag. Hanging it on hook attached to my desk and grabs my lunch I start to walk towards the door. Noticing my foot steps I see Hanako look up from her book and smile as I pass by. Taking notice I walk up to

Hanako and sit at a near by desk.
Hi: hi
Hanako looks up from her book
Ha: hello
Hi: It looks like you started with another book
#smiles
Ha: y-y yeah

Since the festival, Hanako doesn't seem to jump when ever I approach her. Whether its she's started to feel less shy around me or if its she started to trust me. I don't care. Not seeing the scared rabbit look when ever I come near her is enough for me. She returns back to her book, while I turn forward. Leaning back in the desk I look up at the clock on the wall. Hm it seems that Lilly is running a bit late, I wonder if she got tied up with something. Turning back to Hanako I notice the book she's reading. It’s rather large and fairly old. The wear marks 'many' readers of it can be seem by the faded and worn on cover. Still looking at the book I notice the title. "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland” I say the title out loud.

Hi: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.....hm

#looking up
Ha: Hm?
Hi: oh I was just was reading the title of the book your reading
Ha: Oh

Suddenly theirs an awkward silence. With neither of us having any thing else to say, Hanako returns to her book and i turn my focus back to the ticking clock on the wall.

**

A few minutes pass and i'm still looking at the wall. I start to go into a daze, but shake out of it and turn back to Hanako. Still reading the book, she turns a page then another. A little surprised I turn my full focus on Hanako. I see her one exposed eye darting across the pages of the book. Then she turns another page. I watch this for a while as she turns another few pages. What the hell? Is she some sort of speed reader or something? I smile to my self and realize i know the answer to that question. Noticing my gaze, Hanako looks up at me. Our eyes lock and she seems a little nervous by my actions.

Ha: Hisao?
Looking at my with that same scared bunny look, I quickly try to think of something to say.
Hi: oh I was just something interesting that I noticed
Ha: W-what?
Crap! I got to think of something here, I suddenly say the first thing that comes into my head.
Hi: Uh your eyes
Ha: My what?
Hi: Your eyes, or eye at least.
#Hanako blinks in response
Well I’ve gotten this far with what ever comes to mind; I might as well keep going
Hi: Y-you can tell a lot about someone by looking into there eyes
My words are broken up and come off as a cheesy pit up line
Ha: R-really?
I’m a little thrown off by her response. What’s going on? Why she is suddenly interested in my cheese comment? I continue
Hi: Yeah, they can tell what a person's feeling or what they've seem. Some even say there windows into the soul.

My hand suddenly starts to move on its own. I don't know if it’s to further back up my statement or the curiosity that I’ve had about what lies beyond that fringe. In any case the fringe of hair is pushed away from Hanako's face, reviling another purple eye that seems to suddenly dilate as the light hits it.
Hi: b-but it only works if I can see them both....
I trail off hoping that I wouldn't hear a scream from Hanako. She doesn’t. With my hand still holding up her hair fringe, she blinks a few times before realizing that I can see her whole face. I feel a hand push mine away, forcing the fringe to fall back in place.

Hi: s-sorry...
#placing hand on scared side of face
Ha: dose it bother you?
Hi: dose what?
I suddenly realize that she means
Hi: No, I mean I don't see a problem.
I try to gear this towards something that I’ve wanted to say to Hanako since I met her.
Hi: I'm not that shallow. It’s what's in here.
I point to my heart
Hi: It’s what’s on the inside, not the out side. Is what makes us who we are.
I Suddenly realizing that my comment just sounded like some corny PSA from some kids' show. Hanako smiles
Ha: Do you really mean that?
Hi: of Course i mean it, why wouldn't i?
# removes hand from face
Ha: Thank you

I'm a little put off by the comment. Why is she thanking me? I just said something that I’ve wanted to say to her since I started talking to her. While pondering this I notice Hanako has been staring at me the whole time, slightly blushing. Taking notice of this I suddenly realize why my comment...as corny as it sounded, mint a lot to her. Coming from me especially.
What to do/ say next comes to mind. Should I take action or say something else? Though I don’t know what I should do?
Before I can up with a solution, Hanako’s face twists in fright. What did I do? Everything was going so well.

Hi: what’s wrong?
Ha: what’s he doing in here?
I swing my head around to be Hanako is looking and notice that Kenji has popped his head into the class room.
Ke: Hey Hisao, you in here?

I stand up and turn towards the door. Hanako looks on with the same face as when she first noticed him. ‘What happened between those two? Does Kenji just freak her out? Or is it something else?’
Before I can come up with an answer, I meant Kenji at the door.

Hi: yeah I’m here, what’s up?
Ke: Oh I thought you may have left already
Hi: Na, I’m just waiting for some one
I look at the clock
Hi: who seems to be running a bit behind
Ke: yeah…uh that’s why I’m here...
Hi: hm?
Ke: Anyway, Lilly told me to tell you that she’s running a little behind and for you guys to meet her at the usual spot.

‘Lilly’s talking to Kenji? Did I just hear that right? Kenji willingly talked to Lilly and even relayed a message from her? What the hell is going on?’
Suddenly I’m pulling into the hallway by Kenji.

Ke: whats going on with you? You’re spending an awful lot of time with those two.
Hi: yeah so
Ke: so? Do you realize what there doing to you?
Hi: uh...
Ke: Of course not, they must have you under some spell...
Uh spell? I laugh at his comment. This is paranoid even for Kenji.
Ke: You laugh, but you know that I’m right. They have some sort of power over you and…
I cut him off in mid sentence.
Hi: Relax, theirs no spell and there is no power over my actions…..
Kenji cuts me off
Ke: so you’re just going under cover? Covert ops or something.
Is he serious? I muse to myself when thinking Kenji is a normal person for a second
Ke: Good idea, that’s what I’m doing. What better way to gather information about the enemy then appearing as not hostile. “Keep your friends close and you enemies closer.”
He gives me thumbs up and darts down the hall. I roll my eyes and return to the class room. Upon entering I notice that Hanako has returned to her book. As I shut the door behind me she looks up.

Hi: So, uh it seems that we’re going on ahead.
Ha: o-ok
I wonder if she herd any that went on in the hallway. If she did, she wouldn’t have come with me, thinking that I believe what BS Kenji was spouting. As I stand by the doorway, Hanako quickly puts her book in her bag, grabs a small box and dashes towards me. I hold out my hand in an attempt to show a non threatening gesture, but nothing happens. Hanako just walks past me and into the hallway.
Exiting the room, I stop near Hanako’s side. It seems that even if I were to walk past her, she’d dash to my side anyway.

**
Walking towards the “tea room” that we’ve always used before, I notice the small box that Hanako is carrying. ‘Is that her lunch?’ It’s so small. Taking her eyes off the floor and what/ who’s ahead, she looks up at me.
Ha:
Hi: Nothing I was noticing you little lunch box.
“Little lunch box” what a weird this to say
Ha: I-I’ve had this for a while, so I never really noticed.

That pretty much ended with that, we don’t say anything else after that.
Continuing down the hall, I come to the end and about to head left. Suddenly the familiar sound of metal on steal coming towards me. ‘It can’t be…’ As soon as the though come to mind. Here comes Emi, barreling down the hallway at full speed. Literally inches from me now. As I brace for impact, something stops me and pulls me back. Catching me by surprise I’m knocked off balance and fall backwards just as Emi passes by. As I start to see the ceiling I hand on my back, I hear a small yelp and my head bounces off of something soft. Not pillow soft, but still soft. Followed by something metallic and plastic falling to the ground.

Emi: *off* sorry
I open my eyes and see Hanako looking down at me. Her two purple eyes filled with concern and pain. As I see focus, she quickly covers her right eye with her hand.
Ha: are you ok?
Hi: yeah, I think so…
Tilting my head side to side it suddenly occurs to me what my head landed on and what that yelp came form. Seeing Hanako’s dress, I jump to my feet
Hi: sorry…
Still on her knees she looks down at the floor now blushing.
Hi: how about you?
She looks up
Ha: yeah, I’m ok

I extend my hand to help her up. She grabs it and I pull her to her feet.
As she brushes her self off I try to think how this happened, but I’m suddenly cut off from thought.
Ha: I-I’m sorry, I herd her coming at it was the only thing I could think of.

She pulled me back, out of a possible deadly collision with Emi. Since she caught me by surprise I ended up falling back and on top of her. I smile in response.

Hi: its alright, I’m ok now because of your actions…thanks.
Hanako blushes and turns away
Ha: it was nothing really
I smile at her response
Turning my head I see what the other sounds were. Hanako’s lunch at least what’s left of it has fallen to the ground. Mine still intact. I kneel down and open it up and check the contents.
Ha:
Hanako kneels down beside me holding my lunch box.
Hi: well it’s not too bad, but every thing kind of got mixed up in there
Ha: if it’s not too bad

“Too bad” may have been the wrong word choice. Even though the contents didn’t spill out, they did get mixed together. Fighting the urge to say “well it mixes all together in anyway” I remember some one pouring sauce of one dish on to another and how bad it tasted. As soon as I finish my thought, Hanako hands me my lunch, still intact and unsaved.

Ha: here
I shake my head
Hi: no you have it, I’ll take this one
Ha: but…
I cut her off
Hi: Yours got all mixed up after you helped me and probably isn’t the same now. The least I can do is let you have mined.
She lets out a small sigh and rises to her feet.
Hi: unless you still…
She cuts me off
Ha: no since wanted to trade…
She trails off
I rise to mine and we continue towards the “tea room”. Arriving shortly after our “mishap” I open the door to see Lilly seat at the table. She turns to us as I open the door.

Li: Hisao, Hanako, is that you?
Ha: y-yeah
Hi: it’s us
Li: What happened? Did you get my message?
Hi: no, we got your message, we just ran into a little mishap on the way over here.
Hanako looks down at the ground.
Li: Anything serious?
Hi: no were ok
Ha: y-yeah, were fine
Li: Well that’s good to hear, sit down let me know what happened.

Taking her request, I sit at my usually spot near the window. While Hanako takes her place on my left.

Li: So what happened?
Hi: Nothing we almost had a run in with Emi and….
Li: That girl is running in the halls again? How many times do I need to tell her? Are you alright Hanako?
Hi: yeah I’m fine, no worse for wear.
Li: well that’s good. What about you Hanako?
-Jumping up-
Ha: yeah!?!
Li: are you ok?
Ha: yeah...

With out having much more to say, we crack into out lunches. I pop open the metal container and poke the contents with a fork. While Hanako removes a sandwich from my former lunch and takes a bite. I smile and start on the contents of Harako’s former lunch. Despite being all mixed up it’s still pretty good. I turn to Hanako and notices she’s enjoying the one originally had.

Li: pardon my intrusion, but did you two switch lunches?
Hi: yeah, why?
Li: no reason, I just noticed that Hanako’s is on your side and yours is on hers.
Hi: yeah it’s a long story
Li: Oh…

Finishing the contents of the lunch I turn to Hanako, whose just starting on the small bag of chips that I crammed in there. The little nibbles and crunches make me smile. I rise out of my char and knock the few bits of food into the waist basket and rinse the container in the sink. Sitting back down, I see her still going at the chips.

Li: some one was hungry
I chuckle
Hi: yeah, I was
Li: well you seemed to of ate is all, so you much of liked it.
How did she?
Hi: It was pretty good
Li: Hanako made that
Hi: really?
Li: isn’t that right, Hanako...
Ha: y-yeah, but it wasn’t all that special
Li: Hisao seemed of enjoyed so it must have been good.
#Hanako blushes
Ha: thanks

Hanako seems to want to say something, but seems a little reluctant to say it. Lilly takes notice and tries to get her to say it.

Li: You seem to have something on your mind Hanako. What is it?
Ha: Oh I-its nothing.
Li: c’mon you’ve been fidgeting in your seat for last few minutes it has to be something
Ha: really, it’s…..
She cuts her self off
Hi: if she’s uncomfortable saying it, we can’t force her
Li: I suppose your right, but I still em interested
Ha: it’s really nothing, but if you insists
Li: were not forcing you
Ha: Promise not to laugh
Hi: sure
Li: of course

She lets out a deep sigh and turns towards Lilly.
Ha: is it really true that your eyes can tell a lot about some one?
I nearly fall out of my chair. This is what she was so worried about? I wouldn’t have said if I didn’t mean it. Granted it sounded kind of corny, but c’mon.

Li: I have herd of that saying before, I’ve also herd that they are windows into your soul. That’s pretty deep, were did you hear that from.

Ha: Hisao said it.
Li: Really? I didn’t know you were such a gentlemen Hisao.
Hi: W-Well I’m not... I-I mean I em…aw damn.
Both girls share a laugh at my expense
Li: So what else did Hisao say?
Ha: Well he did mention that once true self is on the inside not the out side. That you shouldn’t just judge some one on there appearance, but rather who they really are.
Li: I’m glade to hear that you said that Hisao.
Hi: really?
Li: yes, if there were more people like you in the world. We wouldn’t need to so excusive here.
Hi: I’m sorry I don’t follow
Li: It’s alright, I’ll explain. Like I just mentioned, this place is only for those with a physical disability, but it’s also a place for other to feel some what normal.
Hi: Go on
Li: Well here no ones picked on for being different, at least not as much as they would if they were in with the rest of the population. Since a there is people out there that can’t accept some one who’s different, so they decide to single them out.
Hi: so what you’re saying is that place is sort of a safe haven for those with physical disabilities to have more normal life?
Li: To put it bluntly yes, but if there were people like you we wouldn’t need a place like this.
Hi: In a perfect world
Li: *sigh* yes

The warning bell cuts off the conversation. Hanako jumps to her feet and quickly darts to the waist basket and empties what’s left of her lunch into it. Though it looks like there wasn’t much left. Lilly dose the same, but in a more casual fashion. Turing towards the door Hanako hands me my empty box, while I hand Hanako heirs. Empty out what’s left of the tea and rising out the tea pot she joins us.

Hi: shall we?
Li: lets
Ha: *nods*

I open the door and the two girls head out while I exit and shut it behind me. Heading to Lilly’s class she stops short and turns to Hanako and me.

Li: I hate to bother you Hisao, but do you think you could walk Hanako home after school.
Hi: Sure, but if you don’t mind me asking why?
Li: Of course. I have some matters to tend to before the days end and it may take a while and it wouldn’t be fair to have Hanako wait up for me.
Hi: sounds good to me.
Li: what about you Hanako?
Ha: I-I’m ok with it...
#smiles
Li: good that puts my mind at ease
Hi: no problem
I make is sound a bit smug and cock as if it was something only I could do. Hanako just looks at me a gives a small smile.
Departing ways Lilly enters her class, while Hanako and I just reach out as the bell rings.
Hi: we made it
Ha: yeah

We depart and take out seats.

**

With the school day coming to a close, I look out the window then back at the teacher. I do this a few more times till the final bell rings. Sitting up I stretch and let out a small yawn. Before snapping my head back to position. Watching the class funnel out the small doorway I turn to Hanako, who’s already into her book. She must of got done early or just phased out the last part of the lecture and dove rate in. In any case, she seems to be immersed in to. As I get up and start to gather my things, her head snaps up ad looks in my direction.

Hi: Hello
Ha: Hi
Hi: you ready?
Ha: yeah
Hi: Ok, so were to?
Ha: What?
Hi: Is there anything you want to take care of or do you just want to head back now?
Ha: I-I really don’t have anything else planned today, so we could just head back now.
Hi: really are you sure? There isn’t any thing else?
Ha: yeah

I don’t know if she’s just being nice or honest. I can’t exactly demand that if she really has something to do that she tell me, but still. We depart the class room and into the hallway. All the while Hanako is with arms length of me some times even almost bumping into me. I slow my pace allowing her to keep up with out have to rush. A group of students pass by causing to Hanako to clench my arm. I turn to her in response.

Hi: you alright?
Ha: yeah…just keep going

We continue towards the dorm all the while Hanako is clenching to my arm for dear life. I’d have enjoyed it, if it weren’t for the fact that she was cutting of the circulation to my arm. I can’t help but think that should of done something more with this situation.
Arriving at the entrance of the girls’ dorm I try to release Hanako’s death grip on my arm, which proves to be useless. I turn to her as she still has a grip on my arm.

Hi: do you want me to walk you to your room
#Hanako nods

Entering the dorm, it feels like a thousand eyes are glaring at us. I suddenly have the urge to say, “What are you looking at?” But don’t after Hanako whisper something to me.

Ha: Just ignore them
This coming from her really makes me feel embarrassed.
Coming to a white door we stop.

Hi: is this it?
# Hanako nods
She reassess my arm with I instantly shake to regain circulation. It really wasn’t completely cut off, but it couldn’t feel anything as she was grabbing on to it. Reaching into her bag, Hanako pulls out a set of keys and opens the door. As it opens and I see her go inside and shut the door, I turn to leave.

Ha: Hisao
I stop and turn around to Hanako, who poking her head out into the hallway
Hi: yeah
Ha: W-would you like to come in?
I stand there with my mouth open over her request, starting to blush. Who knew that she was so promiscuous? I shudder with my response.
Hi: I-I-I
Hanako face turns bright red realizing what I thought she meant
Ha: I-I mean there was a book of mine you wanted to barrow right? So I thought since you’re here…..
Suddenly realizing that she just used a poor choice of words, I nod and respond
Hi: sure

I enter the room behind her and look around. The first thing I notice is its size and the fact it looks like an actual room, rather then some converted storage area like mine does. Despite it being mostly bare, this is a girl’s room. The flowery smell of scented soaps and candles fills the air. I find myself kind of enjoying the aroma. The room is very neat, aside for my shoes that I kicked off at the doorway. As I look around more I notice a small desk in the corner with a chair pushed in. Grabbing the chair to sit down I notice a jacket is draped over it. Reaching for the jacket, the chair is filled with books. Letting out a sigh I continue to look around and see a small bed in the corner of the room with a fluffy white comforter on it. Sitting down I feel a sinking motion that causes me to instantly grab the side for stability. Hanako looks at me from her poison and lets out a small laugh.

Ha: I should have warned you, that bed is pretty soft. The same thing happened to Lilly.

Hi: well thanks for the heads up.
It suddenly occurs to me that when I was looking around, Hanako had gone to the closet and was now looking for this book I wanted. A sense of shame falls over me. While I was being nosy, she was trying to find this book I wanted to read. I sink down feeling pathetic. Releasing my grip from the side, I fall backwards on to the bed. Still feeling bad I lie there looking up at the ceiling. I close my eyes and shift my head. Suddenly theirs a sudden shift in motion on the bed. I open my eyes and see Hanako looking over me. This time she doesn’t cover her face.

Hi: I’m sorry did I?

#smiles
Ha: No I found the book as soon as you fell backwards.
Fell she says, I’d of said tipped

Grabbing the side and sitting up I turn towards Hanako with the book at her side. She hands it to me. I smile

Hi: Thanks, I look forward to reading this
Ha: n-no problem

Now I contemplate how to get off the bed with out falling off. Thinking I have it figured out. I grab the side again with my hand and try to pull myself up. This shift in motion caused Hanako to fall in my direction. I’m able to catch her with both hands, letting the book slide to the side of the bed. She looks up at me with a sort of scared look.

Hi: You Alright?
Ha: I’m fine, I just got a little startled by you getting up so fast.

The scared look melts away from Hanako’s face and turns into a slight smile. As she looks at me with those eyes, I suddenly can’t help myself. I move in closer, she seems to do the same. Our lips meet and we share a sensual kiss. As I wrap my arms around Hanako, her eyes shoot open and she pulls back.

Ha: I-I-I’m sorry, something just came over me a-a-and…..
I place my finger over her lips
Hi: Shh! There was nothing wrong with what you did.
Ha: B-But
Hi: “but” nothing
Ha: I-I-I’m not good that this sort of thing, it was probably terrible
Hi: No your not, I thought it was nice
Ha: B-b-but

I kiss her again, cutting her off. This time she wraps her arms around me. I’m a little taken by this sudden action, but soon over come it. I start kissing the side of her neck and move to her torso. I can feel her breathing increase as I remove her bow and start to unbutton her shirt. Removing the last button, I leave the shirt open but still covering her arms and back, exposing a simple yet sexy while lace bra. Noticing that her burns cross her shoulder and parts go down her torso. I berry my face into the exposed part of her cleavage, while sliding by hand up her back to searching for the hook to remove the bra. Not able to find it I pull my face back and notice that the hook is in the front. Hm how odd. Unhooking bra, Hanako shudders as if suddenly getting a chill. I look up at her. Her head is arched back ward in some odd position.

Hi: Hanako?
Ha *pant* *pant* yeah?
Hi: Are you really ok with this?
She places her hands on my face and pulls my head back up level with hers’
Ha: I-It’s my first time, so be gentle.
Hi: You don’t need to force yourself for….
She places her finger over my lips
Ha: I’m not forcing myself

She pulls me to her and she start to kiss again, this time more passionately. Suddenly I feel little nimble finger unbuttoning my shirt. Opening it I can feel her hands sliding across my bear chest. I slide my up her spine and back. She lets out a small scream and shifts forward, causing me to fall back and her to land on top of me. She lets out a small yelp as I land. She Repositions her self in a straddle position and starts kissing me again. While she’s doing his I can feel her rubbing herself on my groin. Taking his as a hint, I slide my hand up her skirt and behind her underwear. She lets out a small gasp as I slide my hand under her panties and start to play with her clit.

Ha: Hisao wait don’t….
As soon as she says that I feel something warm run over my hand and on to the sheets. She lets out another shutter as this happens.

Ha: S-sorry
Hi: It’s alright, luckily you have white sheets.

She laughs a bit and then starts to unbuckle my belt and unbutton my pants. I feel nimble finger start to pull down my pants, while slide off the owners underwear. As soon as my pants are removed and Hanako’s underwear is removed things really get heated up. Shifting her body over my package, I feel it suddenly surrounded by a warm wetness that seems to grip onto it as it enters. Hanako lets out a small cry as my member enters her. Slowly moving her hips up and down me can feel her juices flowing on my part. Hanako slides her hands across my chest and occasionally using my shoulders for support. She lets out another small cry as place my hands on her hips and has myself completely enter her.

Ha: *pant* I-I-I can’t take it all. *pant* it wouldn’t fit.

Her breathing increases along with her speed, I find myself suddenly grabbing her breasts and hips in some sort of grab frenzy. Finally pulling her down and kissing her as she nears her climax. Finally letting out a sort of verb-rated moan, I feel her juices run down my legs and on to the bedding. Panting we wrap our arms around one another kiss passionately. Still inside her, I pick her up and change positions. Layer her on her back in the classic missionary position. Almost immediately I can feel her trying to move her hips in this position which little luck apparently. I take over thrusting my self in and out of her repeatedly. She lets out a small cry every time a completely enter her. I feel her legs wrap around my back and me closer in. Also she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls her self up and starts kissing me once more. Nearing my limit I start to trust fast and with more force, causing Hanako’s grip to tighten and her screams become louder. I suddenly feel the familiar sensation of hot juices consume my member, Hanako goes limp.

Ha: *pant* *pant* I-I-I’m at limit.

Almost at mine, I with draw and finish myself off, hitting Hanako’s exposed stomach.

Ha: *pant* *pant*There sure is a lot of it *pant*

Hi: *pant* y-yeah

Grabbing some tissues off of the near by night stand, I wipe my seed from Hanako’s stomach and toss in the trash.

Ha: *pant* *pant*I-I can’t believe we actually did that
Hi: *pant* me neither

Wrapping out arms around one another we hold our hot sweaty bodies close to each other. We must have sat like this for a long time, but we didn’t seem to notice. Unfortunately this was brought to an end when a knock at the door completely killed the mood.

Student: Hanako you alright?

We both freeze

[End?]
Last edited by Snicket on Sun May 17, 2009 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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disturbedthoughts
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Re: The Lucky Rabbits Foot

Post by disturbedthoughts »

For whatever it's worth I very much enjoyed it. I don't quite get the title... :lol: but I did enjoy the story. I think you captured Hanako's personality rather well, not that I know anything other than what's in act 1. Ah well...Good job though.
Maturity is knowing you were an idiot in the past.
Wisdom is know you will be an idiot in the future.
Common sense is knowing that you should try not to be an idiot NOW.
Mumei

Re: The Lucky Rabbits Foot

Post by Mumei »

The "it's what's inside" stuff sounds pretty awkward out of the blue. Condescending, even. More realistically, she'd get that he's talking about her scars, become overwhelmed by panic, and bolt.
Silentcook
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Re: The Lucky Rabbits Foot

Post by Silentcook »

Without going into the story, because quite honestly I couldn't bear to wade through the entirety of your stuff as currently written, you should decide whether you are trying to write a Ren'Py script or a short piece here. You have made some sort of hybrid that attempts to do both, and succeeds at neither. Check grammar, check spelling, reread, my usual mantra. Also, since I'm the only other one that used tags here before, you want to remove "nosex".

Looking forward to the polishing up of your attempt.
Shattering your dreams since '94. I also fought COVID in '20 and '21, and all I got was this lousy forum sig.

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SnigendePind
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Re: The Lucky Rabbits Foot

Post by SnigendePind »

Apart from the engrish making me crack out laughing (Hisao's bear chest, lol), I found it to be good, even though the H bit was a little too short.

Btw, there's a "nosex" tag at the top, and they fuck in the end? HUH!?
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<@Raide> why does it sad to be touched? shouldn't you get a boner?

90% of the students were actually sent to Yamaku for being too lesbian. All those disabilities going around are just curious coincidence.
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Snicket
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Re: The Lucky Rabbits Foot

Post by Snicket »

@disturbedthoughts,
Thanks

@Mumei,
it was my sad attempt to make Hisao sound smypathetic, but i guess i failed

@Silentcook,
I'd have to agree, i wrote this rather quickly and didn't bother rereading due to its length.

@SnigendePind,
yeah i don't honestly know why i out that there
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