Uncertainty (A Post Emi-Good Ending Story) [Act 1 Scene 2 April 28th, 2023]

[ShizuneFan2019]

Hey there! Earlier I've promised to take a look at your story. But I was too busy completing the remainder of my work (finally done, by the way). Finally have a chance to sit down and enjoy the read.

As mentioned before, you put a great deal of effort into it. I like your story in general, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest of it. And, now that I'm heavily leaning towards writing a third part to my work (possibly centered around Emi), I can really learn from your writing and make some references to your work if applicable.

A couple of points about your dialogues:
1. I appreciate that you're using dialogues (quotes) without specifying who is talking (the trend which Sisterhood and I followed, which is great). Unlike Sisterhood and I, however, you often follow the dialogues with other text, which by itself is fine but the follow-up text is not always referring to the same subject. I find this a bit misleading, as I naturally assume that the quote and following text are from the same person.

E.g. "Already?" She nods. <= Took me a minute to figure out the "Already" is from Hisao, not his Mom.

2. (Following up the first point) About the quote "Hisao! Honey, wake up, Hisao's up!"
I assume this comes from Hisao's Mom, and the deliberate use of the proper name instead of the nickname is explained later as that she's being serious rather than casual. But for some time I thought the quote came from Dad due to not using the nickname (and also because what follows the quote was about Dad). I was about to comment to you about overlooking Mom's use of nickname; only when you explained the inconsistency several paragraphs later did I finally realize your point. (In Scene 2 Mom also didn't use the nickname one time; I'm still unsure whether it was an oversight or not.)

Since this quote came quite early in your story, I'd say first impression is very important. I would prefer addressing the inconsistency immediately after by, for example, adding something like "Why is she not using my nickname?", instead of explaining it several paragraphs after.

Updated: After reading through everything so far, here are a few comments.
1. The quality of your writing is, at least to me, on par with Sisterhood, which is excellent. I can certainly learn from you.

2. As for the plot, so far it's okay, but a couple of confusions:
a) I'm still a bit confused about the details of the car crash. Specifically, who was the culprit? From what you have described, the other car seems to have crashed in from the side (since Meiko wasn't hurt as much, and Emi saw the car coming). Then it means, assuming that Meiko was driving correctly, that the other car must be the culprit. But then why would the Satou family (Akira) discuss with Hisao in such a "kind of threatening" way, even to assign a lawyer to the court? I mean the car cams will reveal everything. There is little room for argument. But if Meiko was at fault, she must have already been facing lawsuit by now. So, either way it's confusing. Please enlighten me on this point. Or will it be explained later in the story?

b) Is it just me? But I can't get Akira's "In what ways isn't she active?". From the context (evil smile, cheeks warm up, hardly appropriate, etc.) it seems like she's talking about s**. But then 1) Akira's jump from Hisao's "Emi is very active in almost every way" to talking about s** is so far to the point that I'm almost sure Akira must have an extremely strong s** drive, even stronger than Shizune. 2) So, is Emi active in s**? If yes, then the above jump is even more awkward. If no, it is so out of character from her! Again, please enlighten me on this point.

3. As a Sisterhood fan, I love how you referred, intentionally or not, to Sisterhood in your writing. Hiroyuki, panic attack, etc. Absolutely love them.

4. I really enjoy how Hisao's character changes when he is attached to different girls. Compare Sisterhood-Hisao's reserved, caring, faithful (in long D) nature, Uncertainty-Hisao's playful, loose, stubborn, hiding things from Nurse character, and Precious Friendships-Hisao's hardworking, self-restraining, competitive personality. So interesting. And I think you've been interpreting him pretty well.

5. I've heard that doctors' handwriting are bad because the content is confidential and they don't want others to see what they're writing (including prescriptions).

Keep it up! Hope to see more work from your side!