Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

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Decaying_Orbital
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Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Decaying_Orbital »

This is a companion Epilogue to my prior release of: Dead Heat, an Emilogue.

Both works can be enjoyed independently of each other. However, this one has greater details of the time covered. I hope you enjoy reading it.

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Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

It's been a decade now, since I first met you. When you were the new transfer student to Yamaku Academy and placed in Class 3-3, our class. I couldn't take my eyes off of you when you came into that room. You were such a cute boy, I thought to myself. You seemed confident that day and remained so that entire first week you arrived. Misha and I tried so hard to recruit you to the Student Council. I thought if we did so, I might get a chance to know you better. We almost got you to join the council as well. You said that you'd join and I thought the game was won. That game's outcome, however, ended very differently. I can't say I wasn't hurt by your passing up lunch with Misha and I that day, and going to spend time with Ms. Ibarazaki instead. Which you'd then continue to do for nearly the rest of that semester. I must have been too direct or too forceful, and then seeing you with Ibarazaki made me wonder what I might have done wrong. I wouldn't get a chance to answer that until nearly summer. When Misha first realized you and Ibarazaki were having problems, which the two of you would never recover from.

Actually, I remember that summer well. Misha and I went back to my parents' home for the summer. The weeks rolled by quickly, and we were convinced by the time classes were back in session that you and Ms. Ibarazaki would have patched things up with each other. I couldn't imagine my shock when that turned out to not be the case. What happened to that confident boy from before the summer I thought? You seemed beaten and defeated then. Misha told me she even talked to Emi about your break up. I think then I knew you both did care for one another, but neither of you wanted to continue the game. I always felt that was a waste. The rest of that year flew by in a blur. Misha and I tried to offer you the support you needed. Eventually, that friendship started to grow, and I was glad to see you finally smile again. As graduation from Yamaku loomed, the three of us started to plan for college. I remember how excited you were when we all got accepted to Tokyo. I went to the business side, you went into science, and Misha went into the language courses. I wasn't even sure then if our friendships would endure. 

That first year of college was odd. I'd see you out running in the mornings and I'd smile and wave on the way to my early classes. I remember when I first asked you about your running and your reply was strange. Misha said you wanted to, "stay healthy for one, and to 'work out the kinks' for the second." I never quite understood what that meant at first. It took a while for you to open up to me. I never guessed you had such a serious heart condition. That knowledge scared me, but if I gave up on you, then would I be any better than Ibarazaki was? No, I knew I liked you, and decided to stick by you, unwilling to let you suffer more heartache. I wanted to know about Ibarazaki and you. I think you were surprised when I asked about her. I knew she had cared about you, but I didn't want to simply be the woman you'd rebound with. We had been friends and close for a while, but I was unsure if you'd ever love me like I wanted.

You can't imagine just how happy I was that very first time you used sign language with me. It was short and sweet. You simply said, "Shizune, would you like to go on a date?" I was overjoyed; I couldn't believe Misha had been teaching you sign language in her spare time, let alone in secret. I was relieved not to have to use a pad and paper so much before, or have Misha there to translate. It was finally something that you and I could communicate with each other directly. Those early months were often difficult, but we kept at it. I always thrived on a challenge, and I think that eventually rubbed off on you too. Long nights of studying hard, that sometimes ended with us spending the night together. I still remember the small changes you made for me. A new cologne, a new shampoo, or some other small change you made to appeal to my other senses. In that way, we formed a new language that didn't rely on sign. A new way for us to connect beyond the one I could never use. It was at that point in time that I made some changes for you. I started growing my hair out. I'd smile when you ran your fingers through it before tickling me sometimes while we were laying close. You told me you liked the change, that it made me look sexier to you. I admit it was a bit of a hassle sometimes in the mornings, but to see your smile because of it was worth it.

As college graduation approached, I wasn't sure what would happen. We wanted to stay together, but you were always worried about the future. Your parents were kind, and my father eventually stopped being such a problem. I remember you being so nervous when I told you to translate everything I said to him. We were going to do things our way, and if he didn't approve of you, he'd never see me again. It was at that point when we both got jobs that my father finally accepted you. You took a job at that laboratory, and I ended up at a good company in Tokyo.

I was so happy when you asked me to move in with you, that small apartment was ours and it just felt right. A nice neighborhood, a park nearby, and the nearby station made our comute simple. Even when we moved in together, you continued to run. You'd get up early in the morning, kiss me while I lay in bed, and head for a run, usually to the park and back. Come back, take a shower and then we'd be off to work. Our hours were long, but you were always so playful. A text message here, a random bouquet of flowers sent to my office. It was those acts of kindness that I loved. You always made me feel so loved, Hisao.

I still remember that night at the festival. You said to dress up in my Kimono, and you'd get your Yukata out as well. I remember the warm night, the stars and the lights of the fireworks. We were down by the waterfront, and when the fireworks ended, you turned me towards you, and that's when you pulled out that small box and opened it. You didn't even sign. You just looked up at me, because my face already gave you the answer you wanted. It was a small ceremony. Your parents, my family, Misha, and even Lilly and Akira came. I'm glad Lilly and I mended our bridges between us. I think calling myself "Mrs. Shizune Nakai" will take a little getting used too.

When we married, we had new hopes. You always showed your love for me. It wasn't always easy though. The long hours at our jobs took a toll on both of us. A year later, we started to discuss the possibility of having a child. At first, I didn't think it was a good time yet. You were even willing to switch departments and have more time at home if we needed it. I didn't want to do that to either of us. Both of our careers were going so well. There was also the specter of your heart condition looming over things. We didn't know how long you'd have, even if you did everything right, from medication to your exercise, to eating right. The thought of you leaving me and our child fatherless would be a heavy weight to bear.

I remember the night that Misha had come by to tell us both that she'd be leaving Tokyo for a teaching position that had recently opened at Yamaku. I think she was happy to go back. I was happy for her as well. Misha had herself a girlfriend by then. Yumiko is a really nice girl, and I think Misha and her will be happy together. After so long together, it felt strange for Misha to finally be leaving. More than a few tears were shed between us when we were at the train station bidding Misha and Yumiko goodbye. Her final words that day, as she signed them, were so fitting for me: "Shicchan I will always be here for you, if you need me." It's true, she was always there for me; that wasn't the end of our friendship.

I remember the Christmas that followed. We spent it with your parents that year. Your mother and father are always ones to be happy to see both of us. Your dad was always the one to play either Go or Shogi with me. His face was always so intense when we played. I'd study his face almost as much as the game itself. I think he was happy to have a daughter-in-law that was a legitimate challenger in those games.

Then, of course, there was that surprise trip you took me on during Golden Week. I should have realized something was up when you were asking if the office would be closed. A romantic onsen trip for two during that time... and you even got my boss in on the surprise by making sure I'd be given off work. That was such a masterful move on your part. It is truly a well-executed plan on your part, my darling husband.

Finally, of course, that last trip we took for our 4th anniversary. In late summer at the beach. It was so wonderful, Hisao. The sun, sand, water, and the breeze made for a perfect vacation for us. I remember not wanting to leave. You always treated me like a princess.

I still remember that cold fall Saturday morning. We had spent the previous Friday night together and went to dinner on a date. We came back home and I remember the desire in your eyes that night. I recall your lips on mine, your hands caressing me the entire evening we made love. You held me as we lay together on our bed. Your hand running though my hair, the caress of my ear that you'd do as a sign of your love of me. I remember falling asleep in your arms. Then I woke up that Saturday morning to see you getting ready for that morning run. You smiled at me, you signed that you loved me, and that you'd be back home after your run. I didn't want you to go, so I pulled you close... after a week of work and an amazing night before, I wanted to be greedy with your time. I wanted you to stay with me and come back to bed. I motioned to the bed, and turned down the sheet for you to come back. You grinned at me wide and simply signed, "Later." I wanted to protest, to drag you back into bed. You kissed my lips, and signed, "I'll be back soon." Then you opened the door, smiled at me, and were gone.

An hour passed, and then two. You are never gone that long for a morning run. I texted your phone, no reply. I texted your parents; they hadn't heard from you either. I dressed myself and opened the apartment door to leave. Then I saw a police car pull up outside the complex. My heart sank. I pulled out my smartphone and used the text to speech app. When I asked if they had seen Hisao Nakai, when they realized I was asking about you, they asked me if I was your wife. They told me you had been taken to the hospital. I texted your parents and went. I was in a panic by the time I got to the hospital. At first, I was unable to find anyone with information about you. I texted Misha. Finally, one of the staff was able to give me information. Shortly after, a doctor came out and pulled me aside and told me you were... gone. You died on the way to the hospital. A massive heart attack ended your life. There was nothing anyone could have done for you, my darling.

I waited for your parents to arrive. It only took one look at me when your father approached to realize what had happened. Your mother broke down in tears, and your father looked lost. Misha contacted me and I told her what happened. She was on a bullet train to Tokyo from Yamaku that night. Misha and I made up a list of those that knew you from school, work and college. These days went by in slow motion for me. You had loved me just the night before, and then you were gone, Hisao. Your parents and my family tried so hard to comfort me. It... it wasn't enough. Misha and Yumiko left when all the services were finished. Akira and Lilly had flown back on such short notice, but they stayed with me an entire month.

I took some time away from the office. I would look at the photos in our apartment, of all the places and things we had done together. I could feel your touch from them, remember the places we went to, how they felt, and how they looked. There were days I woke up feeling sick. The feeling didn't fade, and it got worse. Eventually, I went to the doctors and they ran some tests. The results were... unexpected. I'm afraid, Hisao... you are not with me, but I am not alone. I have a decision to make, and people to tell. Misha, your parents, and my father. Even though you left me Hisao, you gave me one last precious gift. I can only hope that I will be as good of a mother as I feel you would have been as a father. Hisao Nakai, I love and miss you, my darling husband.
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Oddball
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Oddball »

I kept waiting for the shoe to drop. I could tell right from the get go that something bad was going to happen.

Still, even with the surprise ruined, I think it's a good read. It's a far more subdued and relaxed Shizune than I'm used to, which is honestly a plus. It was also interesting hearing the Emi route events from her point of view.
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Decaying_Orbital
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Decaying_Orbital »

Thanks for the kind words Oddball.

I'm also glad you liked my take on Shizune. I was trying to get across how she had changed in the decade following the events of the VN. I'm not sure if people quite realized it, but there are in fact small differences between both Emi's and Shizune's tellings on the events in question, it's not a mistake on my part but rather purposefully done that way.

I've actually been developing this "series" further, My prior released "Dead Heat" (Emi's POV), this posts "Game, Set, Match." (Shizune's POV) and two other pieces I have not yet posted to the forums; "At the tone, the time will be..." (Another Shizune POV that directly follows this work.) and finally "Divergence line" which is a dual POV story of Hisao and an OC college friend of his and Shizune's.

Thank you for the comment, I'm glad you took the time to reply.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Mirage_GSM »

Also a very good story!
That said I liked Emi's version better.
While Emi's tale was very emotional, Shizune's version was more matter-of-fact - at least for most of the time. And that's okay, because that is what Shizune is like, so I'm sure it was intentional, but it took away a bit of the story's impact.

One more thing, I would have recommended those stories to be posted in the same thread. It would make it easier to find the separate parts later on when they are not directly next to each other on the board.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.
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Decaying_Orbital
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Decaying_Orbital »

Mirage_GSM wrote: Fri Nov 26, 2021 1:11 pm Also a very good story!
That said I liked Emi's version better.
While Emi's tale was very emotional, Shizune's version was more matter-of-fact - at least for most of the time. And that's okay, because that is what Shizune is like, so I'm sure it was intentional, but it took away a bit of the story's impact.

One more thing, I would have recommended those stories to be posted in the same thread. It would make it easier to find the separate parts later on when they are not directly next to each other on the board.
I really liked Emi as a character, and feel she's easier to write in general. My take is that Emi tends to bottle things up and is what made Dead Heat work so well. I interpreted Shizune as more compartmentalized and that wouldn't likely change from the VN into the future time.

I am however going to take your suggestion and post both follow up stories that I previously mentioned in one tread and link back to both the original releases. Thank you for the feedback and comments it's appreciated.
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Razoredge
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Razoredge »

I'm kinda picky when it comes to Shizune, because I don't like this character, in general. Here, she's less formal than usual, more relaxed, talking about her emotions. Which is great, I like this kind of take on characters that are supposed to control everything, being a bit tyrannic sometimes. A relaxed take on Shizune helps me to appreciate the character, and you did a good job, really. If we talk about the Shizune everyone knows, I wouldn't have imagined she would "speak" about her feelings in such a way, and in a way, you did a really good thing. You achieved to make me like Shizune, in this piece, and for that, I would say "thank you."

Really pleasant reading.
Lilly = Akira > Miki = Hanako > Emi > Rin > Shizune

Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao
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Decaying_Orbital
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Decaying_Orbital »

Razoredge wrote: Tue Mar 01, 2022 5:52 am A relaxed take on Shizune helps me to appreciate the character, and you did a good job, really. You achieved to make me like Shizune, in this piece, and for that, I would say "thank you."

Really pleasant reading.
Thanks very much for your comments Razoredge. My story, while taking place after the "Emi bad end" I did try an incorporate some of the things that Shizune would learn in her own arc. Or at least some similar themes. I felt that Shizune would eventually learn some of those same lessons but in a different context, perhaps a better one in some ways. Which would eventually make her change her own tactics. I took Shizune as a headstrong character, but with the view that if she was proven "wrong" in her way/stance she'd be willing to change that, it's just that her headstrong nature tends to cloud her judgement in my eyes.
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by ShizuneFan2019 »

Hey there, I also commented in your previous work.
Since you wrote about my favorite character, I need to be more critical!

...just joking. I find it pretty well-written. I can feel that we do share a lot of similarities when writing about Shizune. An example would be what you said about "learning lessons" in the above comment. A focus on academics, health, finance, self-control, all these practical matters. Reality, yet emotional. You also referenced some of the scenes in the actual novel, which I keep doing that. These are exactly what I want to depict in my work. So, yeah, a lot of echoes here.

A few points I'd like to discuss (as you know I like looking into details):
1. You used "Ms. Ibarazaki", "Ibarazaki", and "Emi" kind of interchangeably at the start of the passage. Is there any specific reason to do that? Because I would usually address a person consistently, unless my relationship with him/her changes during the course of the text. I don't see how the relationship has changed, so it looks a bit awkward to me.
2. You kept using "you" throughout the text until in the middle, suddenly, you mentioned "Hisao" at the end of that paragraph. I expected the name to appear at the very end, so the revealing of the recipient (even though it is clear right from the start) at that point is quite abrupt to me. In the same vein, you could have mentioned "Shizune", the writer, much later in the passage.
3. You briefly mentioned the cause of Hisao's misfortune ("shoe dropped") without much elaboration. I understand that maybe recalling the supposed accident would be too overwhelming to her, but this is the only part of the passage where I don't get. You mentioned exercises. You talked about eating. Briefly mentioned medication. If we go back to the original novel, in the Lilly arc, he wasn't really in a good shape, but he still survived a nasty fall after an impulsive run. In Sisterhood, he also survived a bicycle crash during a run while being not in a much better shape. So, it's reasonable, although given the condition he has, to assume that it will take a much more serious accident for him to go like that. You mentioned long hours of work, so that could be a factor. But I'd say it would be better if the cause is explained in more detail than just a "massive heart attack".
4. How could you not mention "Risk"!!?? It's her favorite!!

I'm really happy somebody writes about my favorite girl! I know many others don't like her, but hey, I've got company here! Thanks man. I'm probably not following your line in the remainder of my work, but I'll take the spirit. I'll read and comment your other writings too in the future.
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Decaying_Orbital
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Decaying_Orbital »

ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Fri Mar 11, 2022 4:14 am
A few points I'd like to discuss (as you know I like looking into details):
1. You used "Ms. Ibarazaki", "Ibarazaki", and "Emi" kind of interchangeably at the start of the passage. Is there any specific reason to do that? Because I would usually address a person consistently, unless my relationship with him/her changes during the course of the text. I don't see how the relationship has changed, so it looks a bit awkward to me.
To explain my thought processes for those passages. When Shizune is addressing Emi as "Ms. Ibarazaki" and "Ibarazaki" she is doing so in the singular, in that she's a classmate and someone known to her. The point in time that I used "Emi" was in addition to speaking about Misha and as such is "thinking" in a more friendly terms since her thoughts are also about Shiina and specifically from Misha's perspective. As Misha was the one to actually talk with Emi directly, and Shizune got the info both later and second hand. Shizune was not actually present for their discussion. I always viewed that Emi and Misha had a bit of a friendship of sorts, Misha seems to be the type to try and keep everyone happy even when she realizes many people view Shizune as a bit of a "unstoppable force" so to speak. The single use of Ms. Ibarazaki was done for one other reason that might not be obvious either. It was a way for Shizune to further "distance" herself from that situation. The story conceit is that the "Slow Recovery" scene takes place, and Shizune is hurt by Hisao choosing Emi over her, summer break happens and she is trying to mentally distance herself from Emi in that "Hisao and Emi broke up but summer might fix that" trying to put some distance into what she felt for Hisao at that point in time, and the possible reality that she might never get the chance to express those feelings.
ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Fri Mar 11, 2022 4:14 am
2. You kept using "you" throughout the text until in the middle, suddenly, you mentioned "Hisao" at the end of that paragraph. I expected the name to appear at the very end, so the revealing of the recipient (even though it is clear right from the start) at that point is quite abrupt to me. In the same vein, you could have mentioned "Shizune", the writer, much later in the passage.
I assume you are referring to these lines specifically?: "It was those acts of kindness that I loved. You always made me feel so loved, Hisao." This was done to punctuate that Shizune is thinking about Hisao in the context of him as her lover and Husband, in a much more deep and intimate reminiscence for her.
ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Fri Mar 11, 2022 4:14 am
3. You briefly mentioned the cause of Hisao's misfortune ("shoe dropped") without much elaboration. I understand that maybe recalling the supposed accident would be too overwhelming to her, but this is the only part of the passage where I don't get. You mentioned exercises. You talked about eating. Briefly mentioned medication. If we go back to the original novel, in the Lilly arc, he wasn't really in a good shape, but he still survived a nasty fall after an impulsive run. In Sisterhood, he also survived a bicycle crash during a run while being not in a much better shape. So, it's reasonable, although given the condition he has, to assume that it will take a much more serious accident for him to go like that. You mentioned long hours of work, so that could be a factor. But I'd say it would be better if the cause is explained in more detail than just a "massive heart attack".
The one thing that I will advance, is that I never consider other writers fanfiction when designing a story of my own. You either limit yourself to much or get into possible influence/plagiarism areas, so while I have read other KS fanfics I don't feel beholden to any one authors take on any character, and neither should any other writer. As such for my KS fics I tend to think about possible ramifications given the Visual Novel's content/context only. This also excludes any "semi-canon/fanon" that the KS writers did themselves. I also view the possibility of story hooks that each path of the VN is their own alternate reality, in that things might or might not ever transpire in that same way. Since this story breaks and is told from the "Emi bad end", I only gave consideration to that ending specifically (and its VN events) as to what Hisao was like at the conclusion of the VN itself. IE Emi did get "though" to him that exercise will help him live longer/better. But remember there is no guarantee of that either. It's my view that some of Emi's help did stay with Hisao for his life, remember this particular story is an addition to "Dead Heat" which set my path in motion about the stories as a whole. I also think that the key is "some" of those lessons Emi tried to instill on Hisao kept. Hisao very much tended to slip back into his own bad habits when Emi wasn't around, and I don't think a bad break up helped him in that way either. As for the Lilly arc in the VN, Hisao compounded his problems with alcohol and his meds. It was subtle and an good use of the fact that Hisao should have some "off limits" things but still did them anyway to his detriment.
ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Fri Mar 11, 2022 4:14 am
4. How could you not mention "Risk"!!?? It's her favorite!!

I'm really happy somebody writes about my favorite girl! I know many others don't like her, but hey, I've got company here! Thanks man. I'm probably not following your line in the remainder of my work, but I'll take the spirit. I'll read and comment your other writings too in the future.
As for why I didn't mention Risk, eh sometimes things don't need to be brought up if they aren't actually relevant. I did want to show that Shizune still kept her competitive drive with games, in her interactions with her father-in-law. So I figured Go and Shogi would be far more popular/relevant to an older Japanese man like Hisao's father.

I'm glad you enjoyed reading my story and I thank you for the questions and feedback.
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by ShizuneFan2019 »

Hey there. Thanks for answering my questions!
I usually can't afford to read too much of others' work due to my tight schedule and writing my own work, but it's always nice to read once in a while to get new inspirations and learn in general. And from your reply I've also learned, adding some more dimensions to how I perceive things in general.

1. I'm delighted that you actually thought about the addressing of people while writing! You know, many people write, but few are consistent in these little things. I really appreciate your thought process, and I absolutely agree with you. My suggestion, though, is that a) For "Ms. Ibarazaki", if you're going to emphasize the distance, I would further stress it with something like, "THAT Ms. Ibrazaki", or "that *insert negative adjective* Ms. Ibarazaki"; b) For "Emi": If I'm doing indirect quotation (is this the technical term?), I still follow how I address that person. So, let's say I hate Emi, then I'll still say, Misha says Ibarazaki is good. But for direct quotation, I'll write, Misha says, "Emi is good~~!!"
What do you think about my point?

2. Yes I do think the deep and intimate reminiscence justifies the use of the name. That said, I'm looking at it from a reader's perspective, because once you drop the name down, all the "aura of the mysterious recipient" suddenly disappears, changing the dynamic of the whole story at once. Since you've been using "you" the whole time, I, as a reader, naturally feel like you're creating this mysterious aura for the atmosphere (even though the subject is obvious). Then when you drop that down, all the "romantic feeling" you've built up suddenly goes off like smoke (despite the sentence being so romantic), leaving me in a state of disappointment. Haha~~ Not sure if you get what I mean.
In my writing, I've been consistently hiding the subject of that chapter until a point I think is suitable to unveil it.

3. You raised a good point about whether to reference others' work, and I think it's a very useful tip for me and for other writers. I'm again looking at it from a logical reader's perspective. Like, you've taken the medication, you've done the exercises, you've been taking care of your health, and then "massive heart attack" out of nowhere. How disappointing. I mentioned the references just to reinforce my logical thought. Like, *some unfortunate accident*, then "massive heart attack" would have filled the logical gap. I do understand that the condition is very volatile, so I guess it still makes some sense.

4. Sorry if you didn't get, but it's apparently just for laughs.

Thanks for all the input! I'll make them count in my next chapter. Hopefully.
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Decaying_Orbital
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Re: Game, Set, Match. An Epilogue.

Post by Decaying_Orbital »

ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2022 4:58 am
My suggestion, though, is that a) For "Ms. Ibarazaki", if you're going to emphasize the distance, I would further stress it with something like, "THAT Ms. Ibrazaki", or "that *insert negative adjective* Ms. Ibarazaki"; b) For "Emi"
The thing is, I don't view Shizune as one to be openly "jealous" of Emi during those points in time. Nor would want to give the reader that kind of idea, if Shizune had spoken negatively about Emi in that way. In the VN (specifically due to Slow Recovery) it's obvious Shizune's interested in Hisao at that point in time. Shizune does seem to compartmentalize her feelings towards people. Too her at that early point in time there was a very real possibility she'd never get to express how she felt, and in my story it takes Hisao a while too get over Emi, then rebuild a bit of himself, in which Shizune and Misha's friendship helped him during those final months at Yamaku. The two of them literally don't even start dating until their second year of college. It's unstated in Shizune's story but Hisao did "carry a torch" for Emi long after they broke up. It's one of the changes for fan fics in that POV matters. The VN's fully in Hisao's shoes and his outlook/thoughts are with the reader. Thus for this story some aspects of what's going on with Hisao and his thoughts/actions are left intentionally vague for that reason.
ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2022 4:58 am
2. Yes I do think the deep and intimate reminiscence justifies the use of the name. That said, I'm looking at it from a reader's perspective, because once you drop the name down, all the "aura of the mysterious recipient" suddenly disappears, changing the dynamic of the whole story at once. Since you've been using "you" the whole time, I, as a reader, naturally feel like you're creating this mysterious aura for the atmosphere (even though the subject is obvious). Then when you drop that down, all the "romantic feeling" you've built up suddenly goes off like smoke (despite the sentence being so romantic), leaving me in a state of disappointment. Haha~~ Not sure if you get what I mean.
In my writing, I've been consistently hiding the subject of that chapter until a point I think is suitable to unveil it.
This is interesting for me to hear about, since I never really considered the subject of who the "you" of the story was being Hisao to be a mystery at all. I mainly used "you" in the context that it's largely an internal monologue by the stories POV character. I never felt it was ever supposed to be a mystery. However I can see how someone might interpret it like that.
ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2022 4:58 am
3. You raised a good point about whether to reference others' work, and I think it's a very useful tip for me and for other writers. I'm again looking at it from a logical reader's perspective. Like, you've taken the medication, you've done the exercises, you've been taking care of your health, and then "massive heart attack" out of nowhere. How disappointing. I mentioned the references just to reinforce my logical thought. Like, *some unfortunate accident*, then "massive heart attack" would have filled the logical gap. I do understand that the condition is very volatile, so I guess it still makes some sense.
POV matters in this case, Shizune did not see what transpired in the park on Hisao's run that fateful day. While neither did anyone else for that matter. So it's as much a mystery to her as it would be the reader. If I was going for a much longer and detailed story line and from multiple POV, those types of details would have been addressed more fully.

I'll expand on Dead Heat first; Emi's story is what kicked this whole thing off. I had an outline in my head over the time frame, and what each character witnessed and had happened to them. Dead Heat really only takes place over a context of about a few days. The events of the VN ends, She and Hisao split, then a near decade later Emi bumps into Misha and the two of them get to talking. Misha is hesitant to tell Emi that Hisao has in fact died, as to Misha's point of view she's only just returned to her job up at Yamaku. She tells Emi this and that knowledge shakes Emi badly, dusting off feelings Emi herself buried long ago. It takes Emi a bit to decide to visit Hisao's grave which she learned about from her talk with Misha. In the real world Emi's standing at Hisao's grave when the entire monologue plays out in her head.

Game, Set, Match is much the same way a monologue/remembrance told in Shizune's own thoughts, shortly following Hisao's death. I imagine the scene playing out in their shared apartment, while she looks over the photos of the two of them. Specifically in the story when Shizune's going though the apartment looking over their shared photos in the room. Look at the story from that larger perspective. Shizune goes from picture to picture over their time together, First a shot from Yamaku with her, Hisao and Misha together during the school year. Next an image from that summer vacation she spent with Misha. Finally a return to Yamaku and their graduation photos. Later a picture of a random day during the time they dated in college. A picture when Hisao introduces Shizune to his parents and they all take a group photo, each of the stories "scenes" play out as she looks over those images. Relaying them all to the reader from her own thoughts. Eventually delving into points she doesn't have a picture of, the final scene in the "real world" would be Shizune kneeling in front of their home Shine, looking over Hisao's picture placed there, while wondering to herself how she's ever going to manage raising their child on her own.
ShizuneFan2019 wrote: Mon Mar 14, 2022 4:58 am
4. Sorry if you didn't get, but it's apparently just for laughs.

Thanks for all the input! I'll make them count in my next chapter. Hopefully.
Actually I did get the inherent sarcasm about your Risk reference! I had figured it was brought up in mocking/joke fun. ;) However, I felt you'd also be interested in knowing why I picked Go/Shogi for the story itself. :D

The final thing I will put forth as a note on the entire story arcs of "Dead Heat", "Game, Set, Match", "At the tone, the time will be..." and finally "Divergence line." Collectively what I refer to as the Shards of the Future stories, is that they where all written after an ongoing project that I have yet to publish, which currently stands as a 7~ chapter 7K+ words each kind of project taken from the Emi "good end." These where done nearly as a counterpoint to that project. I'm still personally not satisfied with the state of those stories either and it's why I haven't published them. I wanted to chop the word count down and still see if I could make an good story without far too many details and or "filler" so in that context this is why I feel these stories are a bit "better." I guess time will tell if I ever get around to either finish or start sharing the other work for consumption.

Thanks again for the thoughts and feedback.
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