Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

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Grayest
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Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

Post by Grayest » Mon Jun 07, 2021 5:42 pm

It's currently the Winter, and all of my classmates are dressed to fit the season. Although I chose not to, the clothes are way to restricting, and way too hot to wear indoors given how good the school is about keeping the place warm. Besides, for someone like me who has a high tolerance for the cold, I don't need that sort of Attire. Not to mention, being stuck in a mathematics class for an hour makes the experience even less pleasing.

"Takumi, would you like to answer the problem on the board?"

"Yes, is it 20,070 Yen?"

"Correct. Would anyone else like to try the next one? Hisao? Shin? Mai? Anyone?"

"Could I guess, Ms Kubo?"

"Very well, Iwanako."

"Is the answer 80,420 Yen?"

"That is correct, well done! Mr. Nakai, would you like to try the next problem?"

"Oh, uh, sure. According to what I got, is the answer 420 Yen?"

What? How could he have gotten that as the answer? As always, the teacher looks puzzled at Hisao's dumb answer.

"I'm sorry, but the correct answer is 9,300 Yen."

"Okay, I see. I'll make sure to double-check my work next time."

"If you want, I could give you extra homework to prac-"

Ms Kubo is cut short as the bell rings. Everyone starts to leave, except Hisao, Takumi, and myself. Takumi heads over to Hisao's desk.

"Hey man, if you ever want me to tutor you, I'm free. Got that, Hisao?"

"Yeah, yeah. It's just... I'm not really the best student."

"Who cares? I'm happy to help out. It's no problem for me."

"Thanks, Taku."

Takumi passes by my desk on his way to the hall. Based on everything I've seen from him, he's quite intelligent, not to mention, pretty adorable. Compared to Hisao who's the biggest moron I think I've ever met. If I want a chance at Takumi, I better find some way to make sure him and Hisao don't stay after school for tutoring.

Hisao walks right out of the schoolroom without getting his math book. His brown, dorky looking hair now much more visible. He has a strand of hair that's always sticking up, sometimes I want to just cut it right off, but I never have the chance to given how many people are around. As Hisao walks further down the hall, I have a genius idea...

I swiftly grab a sticky note and write on it...

'Dear Hisao, please meet me behind the school at 4 P.M'

I slip it in between a page of his math book, grab my things, and make it for the hallway.

"Hey Hisao, I think you left something back there."

"Er... Oh, Iwanako. What did I leave exactly?"

"Your math book..."

"OH... Totally forgot, thanks!"

"Sure thing, Hicchan."

"Please don't call me that."

I smirk and then walk off. As I continue down the hall, I see Takumi getting a drink from a water fountain, his schoolbag on the ground next to him, I put on my best flirtatious face.

"Heya, Taku-Kun!"

He looks at me and nods in affirmation, before finishing quenching his thirst.

"Hey, you're Iwanako, right?"

"Yep! That's me."

He noticeably starts to blush.

"So, eh, can I help you with something?"

"Actually, not really. I just wanted to know if you'd like to... maybe... go out somewhere..."

I, too, start to blush a bit. Although, not as much as him.

"Honestly, I'd love to. But I was planning on trying to coax Hisao into allowing me to tutor him."

I try to look disappointed to make him feel guilty.

"Now, now, Taku-kun..."

He starts to blush even harder, he even looks like he might start sweating bullets.

"Would you rather spend time with that no-brain dork Hisao, or spend some time with me..."

"Well... I mean...I-"

I put my finger up to his mouth.

"Shhhhhh~"

I then take a step towards him, with his back now completely against the locker. I place my hand against the locker above his shoulder and start to lean closer into him. As my lips get closer to him, he gives in and kisses me, while wrapping his free arm around me.

A few moments later, we back away from the lockers.

"On second thought, I think I could postpone tutoring Hisao..."

I smile at him.

"Good boy."


------------------------------------------------------------


The next morning, I arrive at school fashionably late. After getting my things out of my locker and heading to class, I notice a good handful of the students talking amongst each other look extremely worried. As if they had just gotten an F on a test, or as if someone they knew just died. Something's probably happened that I don't know about. But I brush it off and don't think much of it.

As I head towards class for the first lesson, I notice Shin and Mai standing right outside the classroom talking talking to the school principal. It's honestly hard to say whats happened, whatever it may be, Shin and Mai seem to be the most troubled about it. After they're done chatting it up with the principal, I make my way over to them to ask if they know what the deal is.

"Uh, Shin do you have any idea what the hell is going on around here?"

Mai starts to walk away as Shin exhales deeply.

"It's Hisao..."

"What about him?"

"Well... Yesterday his parents got a call from the school because he never came home. But just this morning he..."

"He was found dead behind the school."

My heart skips a beat.

"They say he was found with a note from someone telling them to meet him behind the school."

My eyes widen even further.

"But they also said the reason for his death was a heart attack of all things. I just... can't believe he's gone."

I'm just barely able to contain my laughter.

"Good talk, Shin. I'll see you around."

"Uh- I- Iwanako!"

I quickly walk into class, I cover my face to keep people from noticing that I'm snickering.

Good riddance.
What if the real 'Best girl' was the friends we made along the way?

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Mattyd
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Re: Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

Post by Mattyd » Fri Jun 11, 2021 8:02 am

I don't get to read a lot of fan-fics, so take this with a grain of salt...


Looking at it in a vacuum, (pretending I don't know any of the characters)
it's establishes setting and characters well for the small chunk of writing that is is without feeling forced.
:)


Going into it with my preestablished knowledge of Hisao and Iwanako,..

Whenever you have a profound shift of a character's personality,
you lose the benefit of the reader's relationship with the canon version of the character.

That means that all the actions are scrutinized to understand 'why' the characters do what they're doing.


I can suspend disbelief and accept for the story that Hisao is dumb, and Iwanako is evil.
Both very tropey.
Got it.

But that makes me ask:
Why Iwanako would want to tutor Hisao if she dislikes him so much?


I wonder how the reader would have felt if it was "English Class" (something canon Hisao actually has problems with), and Iwanako did want to meet with him to tutor him, but got distracted - and forgot!"

:?:


EDIT: You asked for feedback, I hope it's alright I posted this.
.

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Razoredge
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Re: Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

Post by Razoredge » Sat Jun 12, 2021 12:36 pm

I kinda like it, to be honest. A whole twist in the canon can be pretty good, or it can be pretty bad, depending of the writer. But here, I kinda like it, the changes can feel pretty tropey, but for me it works, even if I'm not usually a fan of "x is evil now". So yeah, for me it kinda works. It would have been better if it was longer, but I guess you're fine with it. So yeah, it was good, I liked it.
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Stuff I'm currently writing : Beyond the haze : A Lilly Satou pseudo-route, Lullaby of an open heart : A Saki pseudo-route & Sakura Blossom : A way with Hisao

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brythain
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Re: Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

Post by brythain » Sat Jun 12, 2021 2:01 pm

Mattyd wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 8:02 am
But that makes me ask:
Why Iwanako would want to tutor Hisao if she dislikes him so much?
She didn't. It was just to get him out of the way so that she could seduce Takumi.
Post-Yamaku, what happens? After The Dream is a mosaic that follows everyone to the (sometimes) bitter end.
Main Index (Complete)Shizune/Lilly/Emi/Hanako/Rin/Misha + Miki + Natsume
Secondary Arcs: Rika/Mutou/AkiraHideaki | Others (WIP): Straw—A Dream of SuzuSakura—The Kenji Saga.
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Oddball
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Re: Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

Post by Oddball » Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:58 pm

It's not horrible written for what it is, but as a part of KS it feels oddly pointless.
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Grayest
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Re: Evil Iwanako, a short one-shot

Post by Grayest » Sat Jun 19, 2021 3:41 pm

I appreciate the comments! I really just wanted to make this fic because I thought it would be humorous, and would also allow me to get better at writing.

I'll definitely be doing the Secret Santa thing later this year! :D
What if the real 'Best girl' was the friends we made along the way?

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