A Hostess to Lavender (Hanako Bad End Continuation)

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A Hostess to Lavender (Hanako Bad End Continuation)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Nov 14, 2020 3:22 pm

The idea for this fanfic came when someone in a discord server jokingly brought up the idea of Hanako working at a hostess club.
I thought it was silly at first but something about it made me latch onto it.
I will say, I agree that the buildup makes sense but I do admit that I picked a hell of a thing to build up to so I get that it can feel long.
I don't think the idea of Hanako working in a host club itself is not *that* outlandish.
Today I've read two other stories, one where Hanako picks up random people in bars and one where she's so low she'd think of selling her body at a more disreputable escort service than this.
Both of those stories managed to be believable with less buildup than yours.

I think the main problem with your story is that you spent a lot of time and effort to build Hanako down first:
Yes, there might be a Hanako that would go through with this, but one that has gotten so low with her self esteem that working at a grocrey store is still problematic for her?
And it's nice that you make it a high class esablishment, but that's another problem: Why would a high class establishment like this hire someone like Hanako whose social skills have to be expressed with negative numbers?

That hangup aside, the writing of the story is excellent as is the characterization - except for the issues mentioned above.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

Skelly
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Joined: Thu Aug 20, 2020 12:37 am

Re: A Hostess to Lavender (Hanako Bad End Continuation)

Post by Skelly » Tue Apr 20, 2021 2:53 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Sat Nov 14, 2020 3:22 pm

I think the main problem with your story is that you spent a lot of time and effort to build Hanako down first:
Yes, there might be a Hanako that would go through with this, but one that has gotten so low with her self esteem that working at a grocrey store is still problematic for her?
And it's nice that you make it a high class esablishment, but that's another problem: Why would a high class establishment like this hire someone like Hanako whose social skills have to be expressed with negative numbers?

That hangup aside, the writing of the story is excellent as is the characterization - except for the issues mentioned above.
Thanks a ton for the feedback!

It's been a few months and I totally agree. I was juggling wanting to make Hanako low (to build her up again) and wanting to get the story moving because the buildup was taking so long. I wanted to imply a lot of time passing that isn't seen but I do see how it feels like the character is being thrown around where the plot needs her to be.

I'm considering continuing the fic - I have a good idea of where I want it to go - and I'll definitely keep these things in mind.

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