So as Hacksorus pointed out, it felt like something was missing in the buildup to Hisao and Nako sleeping together at the end of Chapter 4. As I said then, that was partly just my hesitation to actually write that part, so I sort of glossed over it, even though it had a lot of potential to build on some important story points. I've been having a lot of trouble with Chapter 10, which is a pretty critical chapter in which a lot happens, so I decided to go back and rewrite Chapter 4 to include a more interesting and thorough buildup to Chapter 5.
In the end, I just removed the last few paragraphs of Chapter 4 and wrote an addition that takes us from the cafe where Nako confessed to Hisao for the second time to her house, and her bedroom. I'm not 100% pleased with how it turned out- much of it feels awkward- but I suppose that's fitting for what it is: a first time sexual encounter between awkward young people with a lot of issues.
I've already gone back and added this to Chapter 4, but I figured I'd post the addition here as well for anyone who has already read through the story so far to look at and review without having to go back and read through the entire chapter again. If and when I finish this story, or at least make significant headway with it, I will finally figure out how to make hyperlinks and "next chapter" buttons work, so having this 1/3 of a chapter in the middle of the thread shouldn't be an issue.
Anyway, here's the new stuff, which tacks onto the end of Chapter 4 from the moment they leave the cafe. Let me know if you think this was a bad idea, if the writing is missing something, or if I should just give up altogether.
Mild NSFW warning
As we're walking out together, Hisao takes my hand in his, smiling down at me. We soon reach the point where we would part to go to our homes, and hesitate. I realize that, having finally worked things out like this, I'm not ready to be away from my boyfriend again so soon. Wow, boyfriend? The thought feels strange, but I guess that's what we are now, right? But won't Hisao think I'm being too forward if I invite him over right away? I don't want to remind him of his ex, or anything…
This is stupid. I force myself to speak. "Um, my parents won't be home for a long time, still. I don’t really want to be alone yet… Do you want to come over for a while?"
Hisao looks a bit surprised, but then smiles. "Yeah, that would be nice, actually. I don't have any plans, anyway. And I've never seen your house, so I guess I'm a bit curious."
I smile back, and lead him the remaining short walk to my neighborhood, and eventually to my front door. Hisao looks intrigued as we approach the place. I'm used to living here, but I do notice the odd looks people often give my house the first time they see it, and Hisao is no different.
"Wow. It's- um… very modern."
The construction is primarily steel and glass, strikingly unique even in our rather eclectic neighborhood. My father told me the architect he hired to design the place a decade or so ago apparently went on to become some famous "abstract home designer", whatever that means. To me, it means our house is a bit weird compared to others, but in the end a house is just a house.
"Yeah, I guess that's one word for it. Come on, let's go in."
After giving Hisao a short tour- he was very impressed with the place, and far more interested in the design than I had expected- we got some drinks from the kitchen, and ended up in my room. I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, while Hisao has courteously taken the desk chair a meter or so away. Despite our unusual house, in the end my room is just that- a bedroom. There's only so much to look at before Hisao runs out of silly questions to ask, and we fall into a semi-uncomfortable silence.
For so long, I tried to get Hisao to talk to me. After I gave up, I spent the following months wishing that things had been different- that the two of us could have worked through things somehow and grown close. Most of all, I had just wanted to be able to be
there for him, and with him. Now that my wishes have somehow come true, however, I find myself not knowing what to actually say.
"Hey, Iwanako… Are you okay?"
Hisao's voice pulls me from my thoughts, and I return my attention to him. He's watching me with a slightly worried expression, and I realize that I probably dropped a bit of my polite outer bearing while thinking about the last few months. I give him a weak smile, but the truth is, I'm not okay. This has been the hardest year of my life, and one amazing afternoon isn't enough to just fix all that.
"Hey…" He seems to hesitate for a second, but then comes over to sit beside me. He puts an arm around me, and I find myself automatically leaning against him. He's so warm.
I wrap my arms around his body, pulling him closer. I can't believe I actually have him! After all this time, we're here, and we're together, and maybe it was all worth it- no, that's an awful thing to think, poor Hisao went through so much more than I did, and-
He gives me a gentle squeeze, rocking me ever so slightly, not saying a word, and slowly, I feel my anxieties and my guilt and my memories of the last several long, painful months slowly fading into the background, replaced with something else entirely. The new anxiety is a welcome reprieve, and something I haven't felt for a long time, but it grows in intensity shockingly quickly, a burning itch that I can't ignore or suppress.
Lifting my head, I quickly wrap my arms around Hisao's neck and pull him in for a kiss again. He seems just as shocked as he did in the restaurant, but since this time I'm far more aggressive with it, I can't exactly blame him. It takes him several seconds before he kisses me back, and he's not nearly as passionate as I am- at first. I keep going, pressing for more, needing
His breathing starts to get heavy. Labored. The sound is familiar, but I can't remember exactly why-
A flash of white and cold in my mind tears me away from him, and I look at him in sudden shock and fear.
"I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't… I mean, we shouldn't…"
Hisao doesn't give me the time to continue the thought, however. This time, he kisses me, and he's just as forceful about it as I was. I feel his hands all over me, on my legs, my back, my chest… one slips under my blouse so smoothly I almost don't notice until I feel his hand squeezing me through my bra. I surprise myself by moaning into his mouth instinctively. It's been so long since anyone's touched me like this, and even then, it didn't feel nearly this good
Again, sudden memories of terror pull me away from him, and I look into his eyes, searching for the fear I saw in them that day, but instead all I see is a reflection of the lust that's growing rapidly in my own body. Hisao pulls off his sweater vest and starts to unbutton his shirt, his expression suddenly growing shy.
"I guess you should see this. You were there when it happened, after all."
He finishes, and slowly removes his shirt. The scar looks like it's probably faded a bit, but the shocking, jagged line across his torso is still a jarring sight. Tentatively, I bring a hand to his chest, tracing the line with two fingers delicately. He smiles at me.
"I used to be embarrassed by it, but I'm starting to get used to it, I guess."
As fascinating as the scar is, my attention is drawn to more… Hisao may not be in the same shape he was in before his attack, but he still looks good
. I guess he never really knew how I saw him, since even now with his newfound confidence he seems a bit shy, but he has no reason to be. Pushing him gently to his back, I remove and toss my cardigan to the floor, then pull my blouse off over my head.
Hisao takes several seconds looking me over, apparently mesmerized. I'm probably not as pretty as his last girlfriend apparently was, but I know I'm attractive. Judging by his reactions, he certainly thinks so too. However, I also see a bit of hesitation on his face, and it makes me pause as well.
"Um, Iwanako… I don't want to ruin the mood, but is this going where I think it is?"
I blush as my behavior comes crashing down on me all at once, and suddenly I'm filled with an intense shyness. I'm topless (well, still in a bra, at least) with a guy I've been dating for literally less than an hour, in my bed, and moving full steam ahead. Moving to cover myself, I stammer…
"Uh, sorry, I got a bit carried away there, and-"
Hisao sits up suddenly, and once again we're making out. This time, I don't think either of us is willing to hit the brakes again, either.
As one thing leads to another, I soon find myself completely naked, straddling my new boyfriend and just a few centimeters away from the moment of truth, when I realize just how much stress this could put on Hisao's heart. I know that he said he and Lilly were sexually active, but it's possible they always took things slowly, and that's not usually how I do things… obviously…
"Um, Hisao? Are you sure you're going to be okay?"
Again, flashes of the worst day of my life threaten to overwhelm me, and I have to force them down with concentrated effort.
"As long as we don't go crazy, and I pay attention to my heart, yes. More than okay." He's smiling so broadly that I can’t help but believe him.
"Then, I guess we can… you know…"
"Whenever you're ready."
I'm more than ready.