A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation (complete)

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A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation (complete)

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:34 pm

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first fan-fic. This story is a divergent continuation to Shower Scenes, by Oddball. It asks, “What if the prank the girls pulled in the 'Wait until I see Misha in class…' ending” (the bad ending IMO) had more serious repercussions for everyone. What if it was...

A Prank Gone Wrong

  • Arodyrok agreed to proof-read this story way back when I was still working on Chapter 4. He helped me stay true to the story I intended to tell without knowing exactly what that story would end up becoming. I think that’s a rare and wonderful thing. I feel that his feedback greatly improved my story, and for that I am grateful.
  • ProfAllister, and her Consolidated Calendar of Events. I admit that I didn’t follow it religiously, but it gave me a few ideas about what other things would be going on at Yamaku. Thank you for creating this wonderful resource.
  • Oddball, not only for “Shower Scenes”, but his permission for this divergent continuation. I don’t know if it’s what you were expecting, but I hope you enjoy reading it.
  • And you! If you have read all of these acknowledgements than you are an excellent reader. I also hope that you enjoy my story.
Table of Contents

Prologue: Shower Scene
Chapter 1: Aftermath
Chapter 2: A Sudden Realization
Chapter 3: The Hospital Visit
Chapter 4: A Bad Day's End
Interludes: Interludes 1-7
Chapter 5: Connecting Rooks
Chapter 6: Tea with Her Majesty's Bishop
Chapter 7: Zugzwang
Chapter 8: Return to the Rooftop
Chapter 9: Jumping into Action
Chapter 10: Queen's Gambit Declined
Interludes: Interludes 8-11
Chapter 11: Two New Beginnings
Chapter 12: Invitations and Obligations
Chapter 13: Struggles
Chapter 14: Iced Tea
Chapter 15: Out of Reach
Chapter 16: The First Rank
Epilogue: Learning Old Skills
Last edited by Raimen on Mon Mar 09, 2020 9:10 am, edited 10 times in total.

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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:35 pm

Prologue: Shower Scene (Fri, June 29)

Friday’s classes had ended a while ago, and Emi and Rin arrived at the meeting point in one of the unoccupied dorm rooms besides Hisao’s. Both Hisao and Kenji would have to walk past this room to get to their own rooms, making it a good spot to spy on them from. Thanks to the lock picking efforts of a certain one handed athlete, the empty room was the meeting place for a revenge prank.

Miki, Shizune and Misha were already there, talking as quietly as Misha would allow amongst themselves. “Are we late to the party?” Emi asked as she entered the room.

“There’s a party?” came Rin’s immediate reply as she followed her friend. “I thought we were getting our revenge for the shower thingy. Will there be a party afterwards?”

“Wahaha~! A party sounds like fun!” Misha laughed as Shizune signed. “No, you aren’t late. But a certain class representative will be unless she arrives very soon.”

“Whoa there! It doesn’t matter until we nab Setou and Hanako lets us know that Hisao's taking his afternoon shower,” Miki interjected. “So let’s just check we have everything we need. Did you guys get the tape?”

“Right here!” Emi replied. “There was a mostly full roll in the art room. This one won’t be missed.”

“We’ve got the rope,” Misha said, voicing Shizune’s reply.

Miki nodded and said, “Okay. I think that should be everything. Emi, listen at the door for Setou. In the meantime, let’s go over the plan.”

“My my,” Lilly’s voice called out from behind Miki as she entered the room. “If we’re talking about the plan it would seem I’ve arrived just in time. Although you may want to try being a bit quieter. I could hear you quite a ways down the hall.”

“What took you so long, Miss Class Representative?” came the hushed but still far too cheerful voice of Misha. “I was starting to think that you weren't going to come.”

“I had other duties to attend to,” came Lilly’s reply. “Some of us do not have the luxury of spending the day planning revenge against our classmates. Some of us actually help our fellow students.”

“I spend my time organizing and planning things for the entire school! Have you forgotten how successful the Yamaku festival was? And don't act so high and mighty! Setou is in your class.”

“I am aware of Kenji,” Lilly paused before she continued. “At least he's earned his punishment. I don’t think that Hisao’s transgression merits punishment this severe.”

The reply came from Miki. “That jerk Setou that stole our clothes while we were showering is our target. He’ll get what he deserves. But Hisao threatened to tell everyone what happened. He even woke up Suzu. Now she knows too.”

“Shhh …, “ Emi interrupted Miki from her position near the door. “I think I hear someone coming. It could be Setou.” Even Misha held her breath and was silent, taking a position with Shizune near the door. Footsteps could be heard coming from the hallway, stopping near Kenji’s room 117. Emi looked at Miki, Misha and Shizune in turn and nodded. It was time.

Emi threw the door open wide as Shizune, Misha and Miki burst out, the noise catching Kenji by surprise as he was unlocking his door. Miki’s hand clamped over Kenji’s mouth, as Shizune took his keys and opened the door to his room. The girls pushed Kenji into his room and onto the floor. Shizune calmly entered, closed and locked his door.

The three girls held Kenji down as Emi reached for the tape that she bad brought. She tore off a piece of the tape and used it to tape Kenji’s mouth shut.

Kenji kept up his struggle against the four girls. Misha and Shizune each were holding down one of his shoulders, with Miki pressing against his torso. “Listen up creep,” Miki said sternly, “we’re here to get our revenge, and that means that you’re getting naked. You want to do this the hard way? That’s fine by us. It’ll probably be the only time a girl actually wants to take your clothes off.”

“Ewww … gross!” interjected Emi.

“So here’s the deal,” Miki concluded as she reached forward, taking Kenji’s glasses off. “If you’re a good slimeball, you can have these back. But if not … well … Yamaku’s a big place for someone that can only see … what … maybe thirty centimeters without these?” She held them up to her eyes and looked through them, but only for a moment. “Whoa! You really are blind! I’ll be amazed if you can see the end of your own nose!”

Without his glasses, Kenji struggled a bit less, seemingly admitting defeat. “Good boy. Just close your eyes and we’ll have this unpleasantness over in no time.” Miki put Kenji’s glasses on his desk while Shizune and Misha held Kenji down and Emi took his blazer off. The four of them worked reasonably quickly, alternating between holding him down and removing some of his clothes, until he was down to his briefs and socks.

“I don’t - I don’t want to take anything else off of him,” Emi said. “There are some images I don’t want in my brain.”

“Wahaha~! Yeah! Some things no girl wants to see!”

“Okay, okay,” Miki sighed, retrieving Kenji’s glasses and putting them back on his face. “I guess this'll do. Tie him up. Oh, and someone go get his keys. We’ll need those later.”

After Misha's translation, Shizune handed Kenji’s keys to Miki and got to work, and in a couple of minutes had Kenji all tied up. “So that’s part one of the plan done.” Emi said. “Now we just have to wait for Hanako. I hate waiting.”

The four girls and their hostage waited about ten minutes. The silence was interrupted by someone kicking the door. Emi opened it to reveal Rin, with Lilly behind her. “The Mystery Toilet Girl came and left,” Rin paused before grinning, “I think she had to go.”

“Her name is Hanako,” came Lilly’s stern voice from behind Rin, “And we agreed she would only need to notify us that Hisao’s returned and started his shower.”

“Stop it,” hissed Miki from inside Kenji’s room. “Hisao isn’t deaf. If he hears us, it’s all over.” Turning to face Emi and Misha, she said, “Okay. Let’s finish things.”

Misha, Emi, and Miki carried Kenji into the hallway, Shizune opened the bathroom door, and they entered. They could hear Hisao singing in the shower. Misha couldn’t help but giggle, only to be quickly shushed by Emi. They froze momentarily since Hisao stopped singing. Undeterred, Shizune quickly moved across the room to take Hisao's clothes and towel.

Sensing their hesitation, Kenji tried to struggle against the three girls that were carrying him. He succeeded in that they chose that moment to let go of him. He failed in that the fall really hurt and stunned him a little. Shizune got back to the door first and held it open as the other girls ran out.

Back in the hallway, Misha tried to open Hisao’s dorm room, finding it locked. Shizune dropped Hisao’s stuff on the floor in front of his door. “Okay guys,” Emi half-whispered, half spoke, “his keys have got be in there somewhere.”

Emi and Misha searched through Hisao’s stuff and eventually found his key in one of his pockets. Emi gathered up Hisao’s clothes and towel. Misha stood up as Lilly and Rin entered the hallway. “It sounds like everything went well. Will we be leaving soon?”

“Not yet, “ came Emi’s reply, “We’ve still got to hide their clothes and lock up their rooms. Speaking of which -- dibs on not Setou’s!” Emi quickly unlocked Hisao’s room and dashed in.

“Dammit!” cursed Miki. “I do not want to have to go in there.”

“You’re too slow Miki! You’ll never beat the fastest thing on no legs!”

Everyone but Miki giggled at that, and even Shizune giggled silently once Misha translated what Emi has said. Miki sighed in resignation as she entered Kenji’s room. Then she retrieved his clothes from the empty room and threw them onto his bed. Miki sighed as she used Kenji’s keys to lock his door.

“Hisao’s room is all locked up,” announced Emi as she handed Hisao’s key to Miki. “And now we wait. I still hate waiting.”

They didn’t have to wait too long, as the bathroom door opened at an unnaturally slow pace.

“It’s showtime girls!” Miki said gleefully. They giggled at both Miki’s comment and the spectacle in front of them, as Hisao tentatively peered out from behind the door. Miki quickly shushed everyone, and their giggling subsided into smiles and grins. Then Misha exclaimed, “It’s all about revenge, Hicchan!”

Their smiles escalated to laughter as Hisao quickly retreated behind and closed the bathroom door. As their laughter died down, they realized that Hisao wasn’t coming out.


“So …” Emi said, trying to act casual. “Do you think they’re going to come out soon? This is getting kinda boring.”

“Who knows?” came Miki’s reply. “We’ve waited long enough. We’ve got Hisao’s embarrassing story. Besides, we still have to get Suzu for her part in all of this. Let’s go.” Leading the way, Miki headed back to the boys’ common room.

“What are we going to get her?” Rin asked in her usual, deadpan tone of voice.

“Just Hisao’s and Setou’s room keys,” replied Miki without missing a beat. “And all it’ll cost her is her blouse and skirt.” She grinned as she turned her head back. “Hey Lilly! Hurry up!”

“My apologies,” replied the blind girl. “I thought I heard something.”


Last edited by Raimen on Fri Jan 17, 2020 3:48 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:36 pm

Chapter 1: Aftermath (Sat, June 30)

The next day was Saturday, and that meant morning classes before the weekend truly began. Misha and Shizune were having breakfast in the cafeteria. [Planning revenge against Hisao and his hallmate was fun, but the real planning starts today! Tanabata is coming soon, and we should start planning for it immediately.]

Misha giggled before she replied. [You’re so serious Shicchan! It’s June 30th. Tanabata isn’t for a month or so.]

[Nevertheless,] came the silent reply from her friend, [There is a lot of work that we need to get started on now. Permits. Forms. Class projects to keep on schedule. Stalls to rebuild.]

The thought of assembling stalls made Misha wince. [My arms have finally stopped being sore from building stalls for the last festival. We should try and get Hicchan to help us! We have lots of time to persuade him this time.]

[He is lazy,] replied Shizune. She looked around the cafeteria for Hisao, but she couldn’t find him. [But he can be helpful. Let’s see if his pride has recovered from last night.]

“Wahaha~” laughed Misha, her boisterous laugh almost filling the room. [He didn’t suspect anything! It was so funny!]

Shizune grinned slightly before she replied, [He’ll never beat me.]


Misha was looking forward to the start of class. It meant that she got to tease Hisao a little bit before getting bored by Mutou’s science lecture. Entering the classroom, she frowned slightly. It was just before class was supposed to start, and Hisao wasn’t in his seat. As Shizune pushed her way past, Misha noticed that Mutou was there. That was also weird; he was almost always late. Especially on Saturdays.

“Take your seat Mikado,” her teacher called out. “Class is about to –” Mutou was interrupted by the bell ringing.

As Misha took her seat, Mutou took a deep breath and addressed his class. “Before we start, I have some news. Some of you may have heard that there was an incident involving Nakai yesterday evening.” Misha and Shizune exchanged a guilty look before Mutou continued. “He was taken to the local hospital, and I’ve been told that his condition is critical.”

Misha heard a chair scoot and turned to face the back of the class. She barely caught a glimpse of Hanako as she ran out of the room. Miki turned back, her gaze meeting Shizune’s After the briefest of moments, Miki nodded and turned to face the front.

Mutou waited for the door to close before he concluded, “It’s always disheartening when a student is hospitalized. If you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me or you can make an appointment with one of Yamaku's counselors after class.”

Shizune raised her hand, and when Mutou nodded at her she started to sign. “Do you know if he’s able to accept visitors?” came Misha’s translation.

“I’m sorry Hakamichi, but I don’t think so.” Mutou paused for more questions before he started his science lecture, “Let's continue our discussion on redux reactions.”

Mutou spoke at length about science with a passion that was completely lost on his students. He was interrupted by three sharp knocks at the door and the entry of Yamaku’s Vice Principal.

“Good morning Mutou. Please pardon this interruption. I need to discuss something with Suzuki. May she be excused?”

“Of course,“ came Mutou’s immediate reply. He nodded at Suzu, who quietly gathered up her things and left the room. He didn’t wait for Suzu to leave the room before he resumed his lecture. After ten more minutes, he finished talking and handed out a group assignment.

Once the assignment was handed out and the student’s usual groups formed (except for the three missing students), Misha started signing, [Why do you think they want to talk to Suzu? Is it because of Hicchan?]

[Perhaps. We don’t know what the school administration knows. Yet. Let’s finish this assignment and then visit the Principal after class. It’s our duty as members of the Student Council to know about the well-being of our classmates.]

[That’s a great idea Shicchan!]

[Of course it is. Now let’s finish this assignment so we aren’t thinking about it while we’re shopping for Hisao’s get well present.]

[Is that a good idea Shicchan? Mutou said that Hicchan can’t have visitors.] Misha paused to gather her thoughts before continuing, [What if it’s really bad? Could he …]

Shizune leaned forward to close her hands around Misha’s. The two friends shared a concerned look before Shizune released Misha’s hands, signing, [I’m worrying about him too. But worry alone won’t help him. If we can’t be there for him in his hospital room, but our get well present can, then maybe he’ll see it and feel a bit better.]

Misha smiled weakly and nodded.


The remainder of the morning class went well. As Shizune finished packing up her things, she saw Miki standing over her. After an awkward moment, Shizune knocked on Misha’s desk to try to get her attention. Looking up, Misha saw Miki and said, “Oh! Hi Miki! What’s up?”

“We need to talk.”

Shizune nodded when she saw Misha’s translation, while Misha said, “Oh? About what?”

“It’s about Hisao. Is there a place where we can speak in private?”

Shizune nodded and signed her reply, “Let’s go to the Student Council office. We can talk there.”

“Good idea. Let me get my stuff, and let’s go.”

Miki and Misha finished packing up her stuff and the three girls made their way from class 3-3 to the Student Council office. Once inside, Miki told them what she knew. “Suzu found Hisao on the floor in the bathroom after the prank. She's the one that called for the ambulance.”

After some signing came Shizune's reply. “Does she know what happened?”

“I don't think so. She told me that she made the call from Hisao's room, borrowed some of his clothes and did some cleanup. She took his clothes back into the bathroom, un-tied Setou, and gave him his key back.”

More signing. “Did he say anything useful?”

“Does he ever? I heard last year to avoid that guy. Now I know why.” After a moment Miki continued, “Anyway, I thought that you'd like to know. Do you think the school will find out what happened?”

“If the Vice Principal came to talk to Suzu, it's safe to assume she'll talk to Setou also.”

“Suzu told me she'll keep us out of it. I'm going to owe her for sure a bit after this.”

“I know Shicchan! We should take Suzu out to dinner sometime! As a thank you! … Oh yeah … I guess thank you dinners is what got us all into this mess in the first place.”

“Don’t worry about Suzu ... I’ll make it up to her. I guess there’s only one more thing. Have you heard anything about Hisao? Secret Student Council stuff?”

“No Miki we haven’t, “ came Misha’s immediate reply, as Shizune was signing her own reply. “We are planning to try and visit him this afternoon. Given the circumstances, would you like to join us?”

“Sorry, can’t. I’ve got Track practice. The captain can be pretty strict about stuff like that. Speaking of which, if I don’t get something to eat I’ll collapse this afternoon. See you!”


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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 13, 2020 1:36 pm

Chapter 2: A Sudden Realization (Sat, June 30)

For Lilly Satou, Saturday morning was a morning like most others. She took her time getting ready for class, and enjoyed a late breakfast in the cafeteria. Despite her “usual for her” late start to the day, she still arrived in class with enough time to discuss a book she’d been reading with her teacher, Miyagi.

The class itself was mostly uneventful. Miyagi teaches English, which is Lilly’s best subject. She tried to pay attention to the lesson, but she caught herself daydreaming about being in Miyagi’s place, teaching English to a class of high school students.

Her reverie was broken by three sharp knocks at the door. Lilly heard the door open, and she heard the voice of the school’s Vice Principal. “Good morning Miyagi. Please pardon this interruption. There is something I need to discuss with Setou. May he be excused?”

“Setou isn’t in class this morning,” came Miyagi’s reply. “His attendance this term has been … unsatisfactory.”

“Then I won’t take up any more of your time.” And with that, Lilly heard the door close.

The remainder of her morning class passed uneventfully, and she was looking forward to having lunch with Hanako in the tea room. Lilly didn’t have any plans for the afternoon, and she hoped that she and Hanako could plan their afternoon while playing chess and enjoying some tea. But when classes ended for the day, Lilly arrived at an empty room.

That was odd, but not completely unusual. But even after waiting far longer than normal, she was still alone. And that was unusual. It seemed that Hanako was always here for lunch. Lilly decided to prepare some sandwiches and tea anyway. She had hoped that Hanako was in the library and has just lost track of time or something. Also, Lilly was hungry.

She prepared and started her lunch in silence. Neither Hanako nor Hisao came to join her. Hanako had told her about Hisao’s outburst in class a few days ago. He hadn’t had lunch with her or Hanako since, so Lilly wasn’t surprised that he didn’t join her. But that didn’t explain where Hanako was.

Perhaps the two of them were having lunch together somewhere? Lilly smiled at that thought. She wasn’t normally the type of person to play matchmaker, but she often wondered if the two of them would make a good couple.

While she was finishing her sandwich, Lilly realized that it was also possible that something was bothering Hanako. Maybe something happened during class, and Hanako was hiding away somewhere. That thought was worrisome, and demanded action. Lilly packed up the sandwich she made for Hanako, cleaned up, and headed to the library to search for her friend.


Entering the library, Lilly paused for a moment. She turned her head from side to side, listening for either Hanako’s voice, or more likely, Yuuko’s voice. Nearing neither, Lilly called out, “Yuuko? Are you here?”

The reply to her question was not a voice, but what seemed to be some books falling to the ground. Lilly grimaced knowing that her question was the likely cause of that mishap. But then again, Yuuko was fairly clumsy. “One minute!” her librarian friend called out.

Lilly turned to face Yuuko’s voice, smiling softly as she waited for Yuuko to make herself known. She wouldn’t have to wait long. “Lilly! It’s good to see you again. How have you been?”

“I’m doing well, thank you. And yourself? I thought I heard something fall down when I came in.”

“Oh .. that. It’s nothing. I just knocked over a stack of books I need to re-shelve. Everything’s okay though!”

“Oh my … well that’s good to hear. Yuuko, I came to the library to look for Hanako. Do you know if she is here?”

“I … I don’t think so. I can take quick look around if you’d like.”

“That would be wonderful. Thank you Yuuko.”

Yuuko’s foot falls receded into the distance momentarily, only to return about half a minute later. “I’m sorry Lilly. Hanako isn’t here.”

“Thank you for searching Yuuko. I’m afraid I must be off. I hope you have a pleasant afternoon.”

“You too Lilly! Tell Hanako I said Hi!”


A few minutes later, Lilly found herself outside of Hanako’s dorm room. She knocked on her door the same way as she always did, listened and waited. While she didn’t hear the door open, Lilly thought she could hear someone inside. She knocked a second time, saying, “Hanako, it’s me. Are you here?”

There was a soft reply, “C-come in.”

Lilly slowly opened the door and entered Hanako’s room, closing the door behind her. “I’m here Hanako. Where may I sit down?”

“I’m… on the bed. There’s room beside me”

Lilly tried to suppress a frown as she sat down. She was used to listening to her stutter, but today it seemed like Hanako was trying to hold back tears. Lilly took a moment to steady herself, both for her own sake as well as for Hanako’s, before she asked, “Hanako, what has happened?”

“I… I… “, came Hanako’s reply. Lilly remembered back to when she first met Hanako. She knew that sometimes all she could do was be there and wait for Hanako to say something.

“I … I hurt Hisao. He … he’s in the hospital.” Lilly couldn’t contain a gasp as Hanako continued, “Mutou… said that he’s in … c-critical condition.”

“What happened Hanako?”

“I-I don’t know!,” came Hanako’s shouted reply. “I wasn’t there! She said he’d get a story! Not … not …” Hanako’s voice descended into uncontrollable sobbing. Lilly pulled Hanako into an embrace. “This … this was my fault. It was … it was my idea… When … when our clothes were stolen, I-I was … so scared. I … I did that to him.”

Lilly held Hanako’s shoulder reassuringly and said, “Hanako. You never meant him any harm. And neither did any of us.”

“Stress causes his attacks! That … that’s what he said. And I … I, “ Hanako’s voice trailed off as she took in a breath. “I did that to him! I was so scared! And I did that to him! I … I did ...”

Lilly held Hanako in a gentle embrace. It took a minute or two, but eventually Lilly could feel a small part of her friend’s tension slip away. As she started to release Hanako, she asked, “You.. you … you were there. What… what happened?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Rin and I went out into the hallway shortly after you left, and I heard them carry Kenji into the bathroom. The rest of the girls came out a short while later. After a few minutes Hisao opened the door, saw us, and closed it. He didn’t come back out again, and we eventually left.”

“Was he .. was he .. okay?”

“I think so. I don’t think he said anything when he saw us. And no one that was there seemed concerned about his health. He must have looked okay.”

“But … he’s not! He’s not! Mutou said he’s in critical condition! What if it’s really bad? What if … he d-d …”

Lilly fought to maintain her composure as she embraced Hanako again. “Hanako,” Lilly said softly, “Hisao has many talented doctors and nurses helping him. I’m sure they already have his medical charts. So they know him already. And they’ll do their best.”

Lilly gently rocked herself and Hanako back and forth in silence before continuing, “I believe that he will recover. We have to have hope. And we have to be strong so we can welcome him back.”

“But … I hurt him Lilly! It was .. my fault. Mine… He won’t ...” Hanako buried her face into Lilly’s shoulder, her tears starting anew.


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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by PsychicSpy » Tue Jan 14, 2020 5:13 pm

This story looks really promising. I did feel that the possibility of a stress induced attack from this may have been possible, and It's cool to see somebody pick up the mantle of making that happen.

I'm looking forward to seeing more of it!
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Avenues of Communication: One of the best Shizune/Hisao fics I've read, written by Lap
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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Oddball » Sat Jan 18, 2020 10:37 am

As author of the original piece people are probably wondering what I thought of this.

Well, if I can do multiple endings, makes sense for their to be a "bad ending". So sure, why not?

If anyone was looking for me to point out any continuity errors, characterization errors, or say "that's not what I would have done," you're going to be disappointed. I'm not even looking for any of that. This isn't my story. I'm just sitting back watching how Raimen pulls it off. Pretty good so far, I'd say.

Even with the serious tone behind it, I can't be help but be amused that this even exists.
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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 20, 2020 1:19 pm

Chapter 3: The Hospital Visit (Sat, June 30)

[What do you think Shicchan? Should we talk to the administration about Hicchan?]

Shizune thought for a moment before replying, signing slower than normal. [I’m not sure. If the vice-principal came to interview Suzu, she probably came to interview Setou also. And we already know what Suzu knows.]

[Setou. He saw us. Do you think we’re in trouble?]

[I don’t know. That’s not something we can control. Everything that Setou could tell the vice-principal is either already known to us or to Hisao.]

[So we're not going to visit the Principal? That's good. I'm hoping we'll be able to visit Hicchan.]

[Me too. But first, I think Miki has the right idea. We need to eat.]


After they finished their lunch, the two girls left the Main Building and crossed the grounds to the front gate. On their way, they walked near the track, where Emi jogged over. “Hey you two! Got a minute?”

After some signing came Shizune’s reply, “I thought that the track team was having a practice now.”

“We are. I was the first one there, so don’t worry about me. Miki told me about Hisao. Are you going to go visit him?”

“Yeah Emi, we're gonna try! I mean, “ Misha paused as she interpreted for her friend, “We are on our way to do some shopping and then try to visit him in the hospital. Would you like us to pass along a message? Yeah! We can definitely do that!”

Emi couldn’t suppress a smile. Sometimes Misha makes it so easy to tell when she’s speaking for herself or for the President. “Yeah. Tell him that,“ Emi paused for a moment to think, “Tell him that, to make things up to him, I’ll be his personal running trainer for the rest of the year! He’ll definitely be healthier when he’s … healthier! And in shape!”

“An admirable offer,” came Shizune’s reply via Misha. “But do take care to teach him on the school’s track. Running in the hallways is still strictly forbidden!”

Emi giggled guiltily and said, “Yeah … definitely. Don’t worry … he … uh … already knows that .. because ... I … accidentlyranintohimalready. Gotta go! Bye!” Emi turned and ran back to the track before Misha had finished signing Emi’s words.

Shizune took a deep breath before she signed to Misha, [That girl, she’ll seriously hurt someone one day with her recklessness. Do you think we can ban running prosthetics from being used indoors? But if we could do that, she’s just wear them anyway.]

[I don’t think so Shicchan. Just think about all the student’s that’d affect. Besides, we need to make sure we catch the next bus. I don't want to have to wait for the next one.]

Shizune smiled and signed, [Exactly! Let’s go Misha! We can talk about business on the bus.]


After a twenty minute bus ride and a short walk, Shizune and Misha arrived at Satomi’s Florist Shop. The shop seemed to be on the smaller side, but the wonderful fragrance and the wide array of colours made up for it. Misha’s gaze moved all throughout the store as she slowly entered. Shizune was content to survey the store from just inside the entrance.

“Wow~” Misha exclaimed, before she turned to face Shizune. [There are so many!] She signed, before pointing to a bouquet of red roses. [How about one of those bouquets? They look nice.]

Shizune glared at Misha as she replied, [Are you his girlfriend now?]. Misha looked shocked, so Shizune softened her facial expression before continuing. [Flowers have meaning. We need to find the right ones to convey our apologies.]

After that explanation, Misha's smile returned. [Then what should we get? I don't speak flowers.]

[Neither do I. It's too bad the shopkeeper is talking with someone else. I'm sure we can find something on our own.]

The two of them spent a few minutes side-by-side, looking at the different flowers. Shizune was looking at some azaleas when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Looking up, she saw Misha pointing to some bluebells. [How about those ones, Shicchan? They look like they're sad, but they're still pretty.]

Shizune took a few moments to look at and admire the bluebells. She smiled softly at Misha and signed, [Wonderful choice. Let’s buy them and head out.]


Almost an hour later the two girls arrived at the hospital. Shizune leading the way with Misha following behind, carrying the bouquet of flowers. [These large hospitals are too large. So impersonal.] Shizune signed, looking around the large entranceway.

Misha shifted the flowers to her left side so she should fingerspell, [welcome desk] and then pointed to a small desk beside the main elevators. Shizune pivoted on her heel and strided over to the desk. Misha sighed and followed her, trying to quicken her pace to catch up to her friend. An older woman was sitting at the desk looking at her computer screen. Noticing Shizune’s approach, she turned to greet her. “Welcome! How can I help you?”

“Hi!,” came Misha’s reply, as she arrived at the desk beside Shizune. “We’d like to visit our friend Hicchan! I mean, Hisao.”

The elderly woman turned to face Misha, asking, “Do you know Hisao’s family name?”

“Oh! Of course! It’s Nakai. Hisao Nakai. He would’ve arrived yesterday.”

“I’ll see what I can find in the computer. One moment please.”

As the woman worked away at the computer, Shizune grew impatient. [What was that all about? Is she finding Hisao’s room?] Misha nodded in reply. After a few more moments, the woman finished her computer search and turned to the girls.

“I’m sorry. Your friend Nakai is in Intensive Care. Only immediate family are allowed to visit him.”

[What is she saying? Translate for me please!]

Misha gently placed the flowers on the desk so she she could reply. [She says he’s in intensive care. We can’t see him.]

Shizune looked disappointed for a moment, until she had an idea. [Ask her if she can deliver the flowers. And a note! We’ll need to write one.]

“Can we at least drop off these flowers? And maybe write him a note, since we can’t talk to him?”

“Again, I’m sorry. Flowers aren’t allowed in Intensive Care. But you can leave a note with me. I’ll see to it that it’s delivered.”

After the translation, Shizune’s face took on a serious look. Nodding solemnly, she took out her notebook and started writing.
Dear Hisao,

Misha and I are deeply sorry for our role in your recent accident.
After she wrote that, Shizune paused. Misha sat beside her as she continued to write.
It wasn’t our intention to hurt you. The seven of us were upset about the threat that you made after class that day. But we went too far. I didn’t know how severe your heart condition is. Had I known the stress of that situation had the potential to hurt you, I would have demanded we find a different way to settle our differences.

I hope that you will be able to forgive us.
After reading this, Misha placed her hand on Shizune’s shoulder.
We are hopeful for your speedy recovery, and we hope to see you in class soon.

Sincerely yours,
The note finished, Shizune carefully removed that page from her notebook and folded it over. She wrote “Hisao Nakai” on the outside. She then placed her note on the desk in front of the woman. As she did so, Misha tapped Shizune on the shoulder. Gaining the attention of her friend, she signed, [What about Emi?]

[What about her?]

[She offered to train Hisao. We said we’d tell him.]

Shizune closed her eyes momentarily, thinking back to earlier in the day. She nodded as she opened her eyes. Pulling the note back towards her, she opened it and added,
P.S. Emi Ibarazaki also conveys her apologies and, once you’ve recovered, has offered her services as your personal trainer.
Misha smiled as Shizune re-closed the note and slid it back across the table. Shizune signed and Misha translated, “Please ensure that this letter is delivered to our friend.”

“I shall. May I help you with anything else?”

“No thanks.”

And with that, Misha picked up Hisao’s flowers from the desk. The girls then headed back to the bus stop and to Yamaku.


Arriving back at school, Shizune and Misha were surprised to see Emi in casual clothing waiting to board the bus. Emi was equally surprised to see Misha holding a bouquet of flowers. The sprinter was the first to break the silence. “How .. did things go? Is Hisao okay?”

“We couldn’t see him,” replied Misha as Shizune looked on impatiently. “He’s in intensive care. So Shicchan wrote him a note. She mentioned you’re going to train him when he’s better. I think that’s sweet!”

“Um … yeah. Thanks.” replied Emi, a worried frown taking over her usual cheery smile. Shizune tapped her watch and then pointed to the bus. Noticing that, Emi blurted out, “Oh! The bus! I gotta go!”


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Last edited by Raimen on Mon Jan 20, 2020 1:36 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 20, 2020 1:23 pm

Chapter 4: A Bad Day’s End (Sat, June 30)

After she boarded and paid her fare, Emi dejectedly took her seat. She had no idea that things were that bad. When Miki told her that Hisao wasn’t in class this morning, Emi thought he was just taking the day off from yesterday’s embarrassment. After Miki told her that Hisao was in the hospital, she knew it was bad, but maybe not too bad. Like, that he’d recover in a day or two and he’d be okay.

But now? No visitors? Intensive care? Clacking her prostheses against her seat, she thought back to her own accident. She woke up in a hospital bed without legs, but with visitors. Her mom was there when she woke up, and some of her friends came by to visit a few days afterwards.

Her mom … Emi remembered the look on her face. “Why can’t this bus go any faster? I could run home faster than this. I wish I could run home. Or just be running,” she thought. Emi closed her eyes and held her breath. “Eyes forward Ibarazaki. Always look forward. Always move forward,” she repeated over and over again until she could feel herself calm down.

“He’ll be okay,“ she thought. “He’ll be okay. Sure, he’s got a bad heart. That’s just his excuse for not running. They got him to the hospital. They’ll take great care of him. And he’ll be okay … I’m sure of it. And when he gets back, the nurse and I will double-team him, and get his health back on track. By getting his ass back on the track! Yes! ”

Emi smiled to herself as her plan took shape. “This will definitely work. The nurse will definitely talk to Hisao when he’s back. That’s his job. I’ll just let the nurse know that I want to help Hisao’s recovery. And he’ll totally want to run with the girl that … that left him to have a heart attack in the bathroom with his weird hallmate. Crap!”

She took in a deep breath. “Okay Ibarazaki, eyes forward. Always look forward …”


Having arrived at home, Emi knocked on the front door. And waited. After a while she knocked again. And waited. Finally, her mom opened the door.

“Emi? I thought you would've just come in.”

“And I thought that you would've opened the door when I knocked the first time.”

Meiko frowned as her daughter called past her and into their home. There was something unusual about her daughter's behaviour. “Something's on your mind, isn't it?”

Turning to have her mother, Emi replied, “No. Things are fine.” She mustered up a smile to reinforce her point.

But Meiko was unimpressed. “I've known you your whole life Emi Ibarazaki. You'll have to do better than that.”

“You know, most mothers would believe their daughters about… stuff.”

“Maybe. When things are fine, most daughters would give their mother a hug when they arrive home.”

“Oh … yeah.” Emi stepped forward and gave her mom a hug. “Thanks Mom. I needed that.”

“I know dear. I was just finishing up dinner when you knocked. I bet you're hungry.”

Emi knew that she needed to do two things. First, to keep her worries about Hisao to herself. There was no reason to bring her mom into this. Second, that her mom was right; Emi was hungry. And dinner smelled good.


Lilly spent what seemed like hours with Hanako, listening to and consoling her. It seemed to Lilly that Hanako’s thought processes seemed to be circular. She would move from blaming herself for Hisao’s injury to despair at his condition to assuming that their friendship was over before she got back to blaming herself. Eventually Lilly suggested that Hanako rest, which she agreed to. Feeling satisfied that she’s helped Hanako as much as she could, she wished her friend pleasant dreams and returned to her own room.

Lilly closed her door and sat down on her bed. Just this morning she daydreamed about her desire to become a teacher. And now she felt farther away from that goal than ever before. How could she make a connection to and inspire greatness in her students when she had a part in sending one of her best friends to the hospital and sending Hanako into a depression?

After spending some time reflecting on her own shortcomings, Lilly realized that she needed to take her own advice. She remembered what she told Hanako, that no one thought Hisao would be hurt, nor would any of the girls wish to do so. Hisao’s situation was tragic, and far worse than he deserved. It was an unfortunate, unforeseen accident.

That thought didn’t make her feel any better. She realized that some of the blame that Hanako was far too eager to accept was hers.

Lilly stood up, still alone in her room. She felt like she needed something to take her mind off of Hisao’s injury and Hanako’s depression. She stretched her arms as she tried to shift her thoughts onto another topic. She’d been sitting for a long time, and the stretch felt good.

As she sat back down on the bed, she remembered that Hanako’s birthday would be soon. She remembered her plans to go shopping with Hisao tomorrow for their gifts and sighed. She wanted to make that day special for Hanako. But she would need help. Fortunately, her sister Akira was a phone call away.

“Hey Lils! What’s up?”

“Good afternoon Akira. Are you free for the moment?”

“I suppose so. I’m just finishing up some stuff for work. What’s up?”

“I have a favour to ask of you. Hanako’s birthday is coming up soon, and I was hoping to go shopping tomorrow to purchase her gift.”

“Okay. Uncle’s asked me to take care of Hideaki tomorrow, so we could pick you up and turn it into a shopping trip. Why’d you leave this until the last minute? That’s not like you, Lils.”

“I realize that. I had arranged with Hisao to take me. However, he was hospitalized yesterday afternoon.”

“Oh no… Is he okay?”

“I do not know. Hanako told me that Hisao is in critical condition. She was ... rather adamant about that.”

“Speaking of Hanako, how is she taking it?”

“Hanako has … “ Lilly paused briefly, her thoughts heading back to how she consoled her best friend, “She is struggling with her emotions. As am I.”

“How about this then. After Hideaki and I come and get you, we can visit Hisao in the hospital. Let him know we’re thinking about him, ask him what he wants to get Hanako. Then we’ll go shopping.”

Lilly paused and took in a deep breath. “I’m afraid that Hisao may not welcome my company. Because … I bear some responsibility for his hospitalization.”

“What? Seriously? The hell’d you do, sis?”

“I … Akira, please understand that I need this to be kept in confidence.”

“That’s no problem. I am still a lawyer, after all. So tell me. What happened?”

“You recall I mentioned that there is a plumbing problem in the girl’s dormitory.”


“A week or so ago, Hisao offered Hanako and I the use of the shower in his dorm. He ensured that his only hallmate wouldn’t bother us, so we accepted his offer.”

“And what … he perved on you?”

“No! Hisao is a gentleman. The problem began a couple of days afterwards. With our plumbing still unavailable, Hanako and I decided to have an early morning shower while Hisao and his hallmate slept. But we were caught by several girls, who demanded to know what we were doing. After we explained, they decided to join us.”


“Hisao dormitory does have a large bathroom.”

“Uh-huh… So ... Hisao walked in on the lot of you showering?”

“No. His hallmate did. Kenji Setou in my class. He has very limited vision. Apparently enough to find and steal our clothes, but not enough to realize that we’re girls.”

“Lils, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear you’re pulling my leg.”

“I am not. As I said, Kenji stole our clothes for some reason, Fortunately, we were able to borrow some clothes from Hisao to get back to our dormitory.”

Lilly could hear Akira giggling over the phone. “Heh, I bet that’s a story in and of itself. So, Hisao bailed you and your friends out when you got caught naked in the boys dorm.”

“He did. As I said Akira, he’s a gentleman.”

“Okay, okay. So what happened next?”

“Well, Hisao was able to eventually get our clothes back from Kenji.”

“Uh-huh. So how’d Hisao end up in the hospital? Don’t tell me he suffered a heart attack sorting your laundry.”

“I wasn’t present for this part, but Hanako was. She told me that after class a few days earlier this week that Hisao threatened to tell everyone at school about what happened.”

“That … is an abrupt change of character. Didn’t you say he was a gentleman? Twice so far?”

“I did, and I still believe he is. He never went through with his threat. However, I believe that he was overheard by another student. Needless to say, things were starting to get out of hand.”

“Lils, I hate to tell you this, but I think things got out of hand when you were showering in the boys dorm.”

“Indeed. Hanako reasoned that, if Hisao had an unflattering story about himself that he couldn’t tell, he would never be tempted to make good on his threat to tell the school about our shower.”

“So, blackmail then? What did the two of you dig up on him?”

“Nothing. We … decided to … play a prank on him and Kenji. We --”

Akira’s stern voice interrupted Lilly’s explanation. “Enough. That’s enough. You and your friends got your revenge on Hisao, and how he’s in the hospital. Right?”


“Well, you were right about speaking to me in confidence. You may need a lawyer. Do you have any idea how much trouble you and Hanako could be in?”

“I’m … afraid I’m starting to get an idea.”

“Lilly, take my advice. Shut up. Don’t talk to anyone about this. At all. For any reason. And shower in the girl’s dorm!”

“That does seem prudent.”

“Lils, if you were a prude, you wouldn’t be in this mess. I gotta go. We can talk more tomorrow after we drop Hideaki off in Saitama after our shopping trip. Take care of yourself. And Hanako.”

“I will. Goodbye Akira.”


Rin was looking out of her window when Emi walked in. “You're early,” Rin said without turning around. “Usually the sky is far more dark when you come back from your mom's. But the sky still has some light left. So you're early. Or the sky is broken.” Rin paused a moment before concluding, “So you're probably early.”

“Yeah, I guess I am. Dinner with Mom was just ... weird.”

Rin turned to face Emi. “What kind of food did she make? Pizza with pickles and peanut butter?”

“That sounds disgusting! Why would you think that?”

“You said dinner was weird. And so is peanut butter. It’s not really butter,” Emi tightly closed her eyes as Rin kept talking, “Although I’m sure it does have peanuts in it. But no dairy. So it’s not butter.”

Emi shook her head a few times before she looked at Rin and said, “No Rin. The food was fine. I just had something on my mind.”

“That sounds unpleasant,” Rin said in her usual deadpan tone. “You should take it off your mind. You’d probably feel better.”

“Rin .., “ Emi started, but paused as she thought Rin was starting to make sense. “No, you’re right.” Emi closed and locked the door to Rin’s room before sitting down on her bed. Rin sat down on her chair.

“Rin, did you hear about what happened to Hisao yesterday?”

“I did not. I wonder if he ever got out of the bathroom. Maybe he’s still in there. That would be scandalous.”

Emi took a deep breath before she spoke, “He’s in the hospital. I think Hisao had a heart attack. The Student Council tried to visit him, but they weren't allowed to.”

“They should have asked me first. I'd give them permission.”

“Rin, you don't work at the hospital.”

“I think you’re right. I haven't been to a hospital in years. That would explain why they haven't been paying me.”

Emi shook her head while Rin's explanation rolled along. “I think that's for the best though. I don't actually know how to fix his heart thingy. I'd probably kill him. Hopefully they don't.”

“Yeah, I'm sure he'll be okay, as long as Dr. Tezuka stays here and paints.”

“I'm not a doctor. Although…” Rin swiveled around, taking her sketchbook from her desk and placing it on the floor. She opened it and quickly found a blank page. Then she took a pencil in her right foot and said, “Maybe there is an idea. Somewhere…”

Emi watched silently as Rin started sketching. After a couple of minutes, Emi realized that Rin would prefer to be alone with her work, so she got up of the bed and headed to her own room.


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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 20, 2020 1:28 pm

Interlude 1: Hanako’s Present (Sat, July 1)

Akira guided her sister Lilly along the town’s busy shopping arcade. Their younger cousin Hideaki followed a step or two behind. “Do you have any idea what you want to get Hanako?”, Akira asked.

“I didn’t have a specific gift in mind. Hopefully we’ll be able to find something that she’ll cherish.” came her sister’s reply.

“It would have made more sense to have thought of a gift first, and then go out to buy it, “ Hideaki interjected. “That would be far more efficient.”

“Not everything needs to be done in the most efficient way,” Lilly replied. “I often prefer to simply have a goal in mind and then seize the opportunities that present themselves to achieve it.”

“But you don’t have a goal in mind.” retorted Hideaki. “Recall that you said you don’t know what you want to buy.”

“But I do,” replied Lilly in an artificially sweet voice. “I want to buy a present for my friend Hanako. Didn’t you recall that?”

“But that’s not --” Hideaki was interrupted by Akira, who said, “Lils, Shortie, that’s enough. While you two were going at it, we walked past that toy shop. They’ve got some bears and other plushies in the window. Let’s go take a look.”

Interlude 2: Dr. Tezuka’s Prescription Pad (Mon, July 3)

After the day’s classes, Rin found herself at her usual spot at the Art club. As usual, Nomiya was going on about something -- shading techniques with ink probably -- and as usual, Rin was ignoring him. She had more important things to go on about.

Hisao’s room was bland and boring. Like a photograph of a room. Except worse, since it was actually a room. Somehow flat despite being big enough to sleep in. It needs something. It needs to be more.

At least it was then. Maybe Hisao put up some decorations? Probably not. She’d have to ask Emi. After all, she was the last person to be in Hisao’s room. Which is pretty weird.

Rin flipped through her sketchbook. A couple of days ago she had a thought, and tried to sketch it before the thought left her. “I got part of it, and I hope I can find the other parts later. But now it’s still flat, like his room. It’s just a sketch of a portrait of Hisao and his friends.”

“When is a portrait not a portrait?” Rin‘s thoughts drifted, like a leaf falling from a tall tree, being carried by the wind. “How can a portrait be more than a portrait? Just adding more people doesn’t make it more than a portrait. That’s just more people.”

“Maybe I should paint Hisao smiling. I wonder what he’d look like if he looked happy. Maybe he just forgot how. Or maybe he needs a reminder.”

“This portrait has too many people. I think it's just about right. But it's too flat.”

Rin took in a deep breath and sighed.

“I forgot the important part. I need it back.”

Interlude 3: The Morning After (Thur, July 5)

Hanako woke up feeling horrible. Her body was sore all over, and she felt like she might throw up. She didn’t want to open her eyes, she just wanted to roll over and fall back to sleep. Any thoughts of falling back to sleep were dispelled by the sound of a door opening.

“Go away,” Hanako muttered. “I’m tired, sore and thirsty.”

“I know how you are feeling,” came Lilly’s gentle reply. “I feel the same way. I brought you some water. It should help.”

Hanako rolled her head to the side and slowly opened her eyes. She was on the floor her friend’s room. Lilly sat down at the other end of the table and placed one glass of water in front of her and another in the middle of the table.

Hanako picked up her water and took a large sip. She tried to remember last night. It was her birthday party. Lilly had bought her a teddy bear. Akira brought some wine. They drank and talked. Everything felt so … bittersweet.

Hanako stretched her shoulders and arms as she looked around. Her new teddy bear sat against the wall. But she couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing. She looked up at Lilly and asked, “D-Do you remember what happened last night?”

Lilly's response came a few seconds later. “I remember most of it, I think. I'm fairly certain that I had too much to drink.”

Hanako nodded in agreement. “Yeah. M-Me too. I-I just want to finish this water and then fall asleep in my own bed.”

Interlude 4: Absence (Thur, July 5)

[Isn’t it sad Shicchan? Hicchan’s flowers died last night.]

Shizune looked past her friend and interpreter to the windowsill beside Hisao’s desk. On Monday morning they put a vase containing the flowers they bought for Hisao on that windowsill.

[It is. I’m surprised they lasted as long as they did. Let me take care of them before class starts.]

Shizune left the class to throw out the dead flowers and get rid of the old water. When she returned to class, Mutou was surprisingly seated at his desk, looking through some papers. The last time he was in class before the bell was last Saturday, five days ago. Did he have more news?

Looking around, she saw only two empty desks, Hisao’s and Hanako’s. She was about to sign something to Misha when she noticed Mutou standing up.

“Good morning everyone. Before we begin today, I have some news to share. I’ve been told that Nakai’s condition has improved, and that he’s now stable. However, he has requested no visitors.” After a moment’s silence in which there were no questions, Mutou started the lesson.


After the day’s Student Council activities, Shizune and Misha returned to the girl’s dorm. As they were walking down the second floor hall, Misha tapped Shizune’s shoulder to get her attention.

[Shicchan, I think we should let Hanako know that Hicchan is feeling better. She ran off when Mutou told the class he wasn’t doing well.]

Shizune thought for a moment before nodding in reply. When the two girls arrived at Hanako’s room, Shizune knocked loudly on the door. It wasn’t Hanako’s door that opened in reply. Rather, it was her neighbour Lilly’s door that did.

“Who is knocking so loudly?” Lilly’s asked, her voice clearly irritated.

“I wasn’t knocking on your door, Miss Class Representative!” came Shizune’s reply via Misha. “We’re here to deliver a message for Hanako.”

Lilly sighed before replying, “I should have realized. Only one person would use so much force when tact is called for. I am curious -- what message is so important that you needed to disturb the entire hallway?”

“So disrespectful! We’re just delivering good news! We just wanted to tell Hanako that Hicchan is doing better. And we get treated so poorly!”

“My my, that is good news. I’m sure that Hanako, as well as half the dorm, is glad to hear that. Thank you for letting us know.”

Shizune paused for a moment before walking past Lilly towards her own room, Misha following a few steps behind. “Good night Lilly~! See you tomorrow!”

“Good night Misha,” replied Lilly.

Interlude 5: Grounded (Sun, July 8)

Miki hated running in the mornings. It’s too cold to run, and far too early. It was possibly the worst way to start a Sunday. Still, she had lost a bet to Emi, and so she was stretching out prior to whatever running Emi had in mind.

Miki remembered the last time she lost a bet with Emi and had to run early. Extra track practice. More sprints. It turns out that on this cold morning, Emi had the same thing in mind.

After another few laps of trying to catch up to Emi, Miki noticed something was off with the track star. She was clearly favouring her right leg.


“So… it's not too bad, is it?” Emi tried to keep her voice positive.

“It's not ‘too bad’,” replied the nurse. “It looks worse. Your doctor will need to take a look to confirm, but I think that it’s infected. At least now I know why you were avoiding me. And here I thought I'd finally managed to offend you.”

Emi have a half hearted laugh in reply. The nurse put on his serious face as he spoke. “You wait here. I’ll make a few phone calls and we’ll get you out of here as quick as we can.”


Waiting for a doctor’s examination seems to be unavoidable, Emi thought. He took so long to arrive, that her mom arrived before him. “Mom, you didn’t need to come. I’m okay.”

“The nurse didn’t seem to think so when he spoke with me on the phone. A leg infection! Is that what you were hiding from me last weekend?”

Emi couldn’t face her mother’s gaze. “Um … yeah. That’s right..” Emi knew it was a lie. But sometimes a white lie is better than the truth.


The doctor was a slightly overweight man in his fifties with short salt and pepper hair. His examination was quick. “I agree with my colleague. Miss Ibarakazi, I’m afraid that your residual limb is infected. I'm going to prescribe you oral antibiotics for the infection. It should clear up in a couple of weeks.”

Emi looked a bit hopeful upon hearing that. Her mood soured as he continued, “You also need to keep the area clean and minimize friction so it can heal. That means you can't wear your right prosthesis. Not even to walk.”

An uncomfortable silence followed. The doctor finished up by saying, “I need to discuss the details of your follow up care with the nurse. As long as you take it easy and take your medication, I’m confident that you’ll be up and walking in no time.”

The doctor and nurse retreated behind the privacy curtain. Emi held her mom’s hand anxiously. After a minute the nurse returned carrying a box of tissues.

“If you like we can get you fitted for a crutch. Or you can use a wheelchair.”

The nurse softly walked towards Emi, offering her the box of tissues. She took one and used it to dry her eyes.

Interlude 6: Another Absence (Mon, July 9)

Next week’s classes started in the way that most of the students were used to. Misha stretched in her seat and looked around. Aside from Hisao and Hanako, everyone in class 3-3 was present and waiting for their teacher. Misha tapped her friend Shizune on the shoulder to get her attention.

[Hey Shicchan,] Misha began, [Do you think Hicchan and Hanako are going to make it? Class is going to start soon.]

[I haven’t seen Hisao on campus. He’s probably still in the hospital. As for Ikezawa, I don’t understand how her absences are continually excused.]

Misha started to sign in reply when she heard Mutou’s entrance. “Today class, we are going to be covering chemical nomenclature and its importance. Let’s begin.”


After class Mutou approached Shizune and Misha as they were on their way out of the classroom. “Hakamichi, can you deliver these worksheets to Ikezawa?”

After Misha’s translation, Shizune looked shocked. Then she collected herself and nodded. She took the worksheets from Mutou and put them in her bag. The two girls chatted about the day’s class as they headed to the Student Council office.

After the two girls took their seats in the Student Council, Misha signed, [Are you okay Shicchan? You’ve got your super serious face on.]

[I’m thinking about Ikezawa’s handouts. With my cousin in Scotland and Hisao hospitalized, she has no emotional support. She hasn’t for days. Once she opens the door and sees us, she’ll be scared and have nowhere to run. Who knows what she’ll do.]

[Shicchan, it’ll be okay. Don’t tell me you’re afraid of her.]

Shizune looked at Misha with a gleam in her eye. [I am not afraid! I'm expecting a challenge.]


Shizune knocked on Hanako’s door that evening.

[Shicchan! That was too loud!]

[Good. Then she’ll hear it.]

The Student Council waited in silence for a few seconds.

[Tell her we’re here to drop off some worksheets.]

“Hey Hanako! Shicchan has some homework for you from Mutou.”

After a few more seconds, Shizune signed, [Is she even in there? Can you hear her?]

Misha put her ear up to the door. [I can’t tell. If she’s inside, she’s being quiet.]

Shizune sighed and took the worksheets out of her bag and slid them under the door.

[That was anticlimactic. I was hoping to see her. Oh well.]

Interlude 7: Arrivals and Departures (Fri, July 13)

“I don't know how you do it Akira,” said Lilly before covering her mouth to yawn. “It just isn't possible for me.”

“To sleep on an airplane? It isn't hard. Just a bit uncomfortable.”

Akira led her sister through the terminal to the baggage claim.

“Were you able to get in touch with Hanako or Hisao?”

Lilly paused to collect her thoughts before replying. “I have not. It seems that both of them have turned their phones off. I've left messages, but neither of them have replied.”

“Don’t worry about it. Maybe they'll surprise us in the arrivals lounge, and the three of you can catch up. If not, I’m sure the taxi will get you back to school before it’s too late, so you can at least chat with Hanako.”

“I hope they’re waiting for us. I feel I can use some good news.”

“You and me both Lils.”


“Hanako, it’s Lilly. May I come in?”

“O - okay”

Lilly opened the door and stepped into her best friend's room. “I-I'm at my desk. You can sit on m-my bed, if you'd like. How is y-your aunt?”

“She seemed stronger than I thought she’d be when we visited her in the hospital. She was overjoyed to meet Akira and I again. We spent the rest of our visit catching up with our parents.”

“How d-did that go?”

“I … think it went well. I hadn’t spent time with them in person in years. Akira and our parents still have a strained relationship, so there were … occasional disagreements.” Lilly shuffled on the bed, sliding closer to Hanako. “How about you? How have things been in my absence?”

“I … I went to c-class yesterday and today.”

“How much class did you miss?”

“A-a lot. Sh-Shizune would bring worksheets every day, so I-I don’t think I’m behind.”

“Well, that’s good news. Has Hisao returned to class also?”

“N-no. H-Hisao wasn’t there. I-I think he’s still in the - the hospital.”

“Oh dear. I had hoped that he would have recovered.” An awkward silence fell over the room, to be broken by Lilly a moment later. “Hanako, I have an idea I’d like you to think about. Would you be interested in spending the long weekend with me up at my family’s summer home in Hokkaido? I think the change of scenery would do us both some good.”

“I … I … “ Hanako paused to think. “I think that … that I would.”

“Wonderful! Akira printed out a train schedule for us,” Lilly said, reaching into her purse and retrieving a piece of folded paper. “Perhaps you could determine how best to get there.”

Hanako took the paper from Lilly, unfolded and studied it. “T-there’s a few trains. The regular train leaves early, but I-I think it would … be nice.”

“If it’s early, we’ll need time to pack. Hokkaido is warmer than Scotland this time of year, so I’ll need to unpack a few things and add some others. Can you come over to help me once you’re finished?”

“Of course. I-I’m looking ... forward to it.”


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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by PsychicSpy » Tue Jan 21, 2020 11:26 am

As far as chapter 3 goes, I like the way you went with it. Everyone's feeling kinda shitty, but still trying to repent. Choosing Bluebells as the flower of choice was pretty good.

I liked chapter four better. I think it did better character development honestly. I think that the Rin and Emi exchange was great, especially the thing about Dr. Tezuka.

Didn't even think about what Akira's reaction would be. Good on you for portraying the most realistic response a lawyer would have to this situation.

My one criticism is that the interaction between Emi and Meiko feels like it should have been longer, especially because Meiko hints that she wants to press Emi more.

In reference to the interludes:

Hmm. It's an interesting way to pass time until the next chapter. I'm left curious to whether there will be a subplot between Lilly and Hanako, and if so, will it be yuri or will it be a friendfic.

The fourth interlude gave me some confusion though. I thought that they gave the flowers to the receptionist? Did they buy more?

All of this was really good though. I didn't notice any SPaG errors. Excited to see the next chapter
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Avenues of Communication: One of the best Shizune/Hisao fics I've read, written by Lap
S10 entry (Misha oneshot)

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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Oscar Wildecat » Tue Jan 21, 2020 12:43 pm

PsychicSpy wrote:
Tue Jan 21, 2020 11:26 am
The fourth interlude gave me some confusion though. I thought that they gave the flowers to the receptionist? Did they buy more?
I believed they tried to, but failed. They succeeded (for a certain definition of success) with a note.
I like all the girls in KS, but empathize with Hanako the most.
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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Wed Jan 22, 2020 1:40 pm

Thanks everyone for your feedback so far. It'd been encouraging!
PsychicSpy wrote:
Tue Jan 21, 2020 11:26 am
My one criticism is that the interaction between Emi and Meiko feels like it should have been longer, especially because Meiko hints that she wants to press Emi more.
PsychicSpy is very perceptive. Almost ... too perceptive. Are you some kind of spy? A ... psychic spy?

Taking my Kenji scarf off, I think that's great feedback. My original plan for chapter 4 was for it to start (mostly) like how it does now, but after the Lilly/Akira phone call, for the scene to return to the Ibarazaki's house and for Emi to say something like, "And that's what happened." My original idea was to contrast Akira's response with Meiko's.

But I couldn't. That was the first time I've written characters in a scene with a clear goal in mind, and I couldn't find a way for the characters to get to that goal. To me, Emi seems so resolute and stubborn that I couldn't find a conversation that starts with her wanting to keep something a secret and ends with confessing that secret.

So I tweaked the beginning and changed the ending to what it is now. It seemed like a good change. Rin got to make an appearance (making sure everyone in the main cast knows about Hisao's hospitalization on-screen), and Emi got to show off her stubborn nature twice in one chapter.

But I think I got caught telling and not showing. The aftermath of the dinner and the Emi/Rin scene weren't mutually exclusive.

Thanks for giving me something to think about PsychicSpy. I appreciate it.

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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 27, 2020 2:28 pm

Chapter 5: Connecting Rooks (Fri, July 20)

Misha sighed as she looked around the room, waiting for Friday’s classes to begin. She and Shizune had been working for most of the long weekend and after classes this week. In addition to regular Student Council business, they were preparing for the upcoming Tanabata festival. Misha felt mentally exhausted, and she knew that there was more festival work to come. They still had stalls to rebuild, after all.

She looked to her left at Hisao’s empty seat. It must have been three weeks since she last saw him. Was he getting any better? Would they still be friends? Her thoughts were interrupted by Mutou entering the classroom, talking about organic chemistry as he made his way to the front of the room.

After a half hour lecture it was time for some group work. Everyone started moving their desks into their usual group configurations when the classroom door opened, revealing Hisao Nakai. Aside from a whispered, “Shit! He’s back!”, everyone stopped to look as he entered the room. Even Hanako briefly paused as she was making her escape from group work.

Seemingly aware that he had the attention of the entire class, Hisao grinned sheepishly. He was holding a note in his hand, which he gave to Mutou. The teacher read the note, nodded once or twice, then asked, “Have you been keeping up with your studies?”. Hisao nodded, so Mutou continued, “Excellent. We’ve started our unit on Functional Groups, and are just about to start a group assignment.”

Hisao went to move his desk besides Misha’s for group work as time seemed to resume for the rest of the class. Misha was grinning from ear to ear as Hisao slid his desk up to theirs. “Welcome back Hicchan~! Shicchan and I missed you~! Shicchan says it’s okay to catch up for a minute or two before we start work. Did you get her note?”

Hisao nodded then reached into his bag, producing two folded pieces of paper. He gave one to Misha and another to Shizune. Misha took a look at hers, the outside of which read
“Awww~. You didn’t have to write us notes too! Look Shicchan! Misha Castle! What’s yours look like?” Misha said and signed. Shizune showed Misha the outside of her letter.
“He drew you a castle too! But it’s daytime at yours.” Miki turned around to see what the fuss was about. Shizune signed her reply and then bent over to retrieve something from her bag. “It’s not a castle Shicchan? I guess so; it does look more like a tower than a castle.”

Shizune straightened up, holding a brightly coloured envelope with a sunflower in one corner. She places it in front of Hisao and then signed, “Shicchan remembered that a letter arrived for you a couple of weeks ago. So now we all have something to read!”

Hisao picked up his letter and turned it over and back in his hands while the girls opened and read theirs.
Dear Shizune,

Thank you for your letter. It was nice to have your letter waiting for me when I woke up.

It took me a while to understand why you and the others had made me out to be your enemy. I’ve had some time to think about it, and I’m pretty sure it had something to do with my outburst after class that day.

I want to apologize for that outburst. Things were just spiralling out of control. I was overwhelmed, and I spoke out. I want you to know I didn’t mean what I said, and that I’d never actually go through with it. I just wanted things to stop.

From our earlier game of Risk, I know that you’re a fearsome opponent. As I lie here in the hospital, I realize that I now know what it’s like to truly be your enemy. It’s an experience that I cannot afford to repeat.

So I’ve decided that it’s best if I just keep my mouth shut for a while. Talking about things seems to get me into trouble, and my doctors have made it clear to me that I can’t afford any more trouble. So if Misha isn’t telling you what I’m saying, she isn’t being lazy. I’m just not saying anything.

I would like to ask for your continued support as my class rep.

Sincerely yours,
“Oh Hicchan…” Misha softly said, as she placed her letter on the table in front of her. “You can’t really mean that, can you?” Hisao looked up from his textbook to nod in reply. Shizune studied the look on Hisao’s face as Misha said, “Well, maybe you could learn sign language. Then I can interpret for you too~! Wait ... what’s that Shicchan? Shicchan says that we should stop being silly. I guess she’s right. We do have work to do.”

The trio started to work on their assignment. After a minute or so, Misha asked, “Hey Hicchan. What does the R in these diagrams mean?” Instead of answering verbally, Hisao took out a small notebook and wrote,
It represents the rest of the molecule.
Both Misha and Shizune looked mildly surprised when they saw that Hisao wrote out his answer. “Hicchan … you don’t have to. Shicchan says that we’re not upset with you anymore. And we aren’t~! So you don’t have to do this ..." Misha’s voice trailed off as she realized Hisao picked up his notepad and was writing.
You weren’t the only ones upset with me that day. I know there were others. You can’t speak for all of them.

It only takes one person overhear something to give me a setback that I can’t afford. I’ve learned that the hard way. I can’t afford to repeat that mistake.

Trust me. It’s just easier this way.
After reading that note, Misha looked defeated. She looked at Shizune, wondering what her friend thought. Shizune nodded solemnly before grinning slightly. She signed and Misha translated, “Okay Hicchan~! We’ll do things your way.”

With that, the three of them went back to work, with Hisao using his notebook to communicate with the other two. When he asked her a question, sometimes Shizune would write down her reply, but usually she would sign to Misha, who would then translate for her. Misha even used Hisao’s written communication as her own notes, flipping back through to read his explanations as she was working on a few questions.

Eventually they were able to finish the assignment a few minutes before the lunch break. Shizune went to turn in their group’s work as Hisao started to get ready to leave. “Do you have lunch plans Hicchan?” asked Misha. Hisao nodded.

The bell rang. Hisao got up and headed to Miki’s desk. Once he had her attention, he placed a folded sheet of paper on her desk and headed out. Miki picked up the letter, but instead of reading it right away, she went back to talk with Misha and Shizune.

“Hey you two. I saw Hisao playing postman earlier.” Miki said, “Are things okay?”

“I ... I mean Shicchan, don’t know. He’s been acting very oddly. Did he give you a letter too? Have you read it?”

“Yeah he did. No, I haven’t. I just looked at the front and thought, ‘What’s the deal with the horse?’”, holding up her letter to the two girls.
Shizune looked thoughtfully at Miki’s letter as she continued, “I saw he wrote letters to each of you, so I wanted to talk to you before you headed out to do ... whatever it is the Student Council does at lunch time. Do you two know what’s going on? ”

“Mine has a castle’s tower on it,” Misha replied, “But your horse looks nice too! I guess Hicchan thought it’d be nice to decorate his letters.” Misha felt gentle tapping on her shoulder and turned to face Shizune, “What do you mean Shicchan? That’s not what they are. Of course it’s a horse, Shicchan! What else could it be?”

Shizune silently sighed as she gathered up the rest of her things. “I’m sorry Miki, I guess we have to go. We’ve got a lot of things to do to help the school and its extracurricular events to run smoothly. And eat!”


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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Raimen » Mon Jan 27, 2020 2:30 pm

Chapter 6: Tea with Her Majesty’s Bishop (Fri, July 20)

He was back!

He was okay!

Even though she was standing perfectly still, Hanako’s heart was pounding like she had just ran a 200 m sprint. She could hear her inner voice, screaming at her to leave. But there was some part of her that was trying to process what she was seeing and struggled to remain.

“Don’t let him see you! When he sees the look on your face, he’ll know it was your fault!”

She looked away. Her breathing quickened.

“Everyone is watching! You’ve got to go!” her inner voice commanded, “Leave!”

The library.

The library would be safe. Calm. Quiet.



Lilly arrived at the tea room shortly after the bell rang. As she opened the door, she could hear some activity from inside the room. She called out, “Hanako? Is that you?”

“I - I’m here Lilly. Just … making our sandwiches.”

“That is fortunate. I have class representative duties later in the lunch break. So an early start to lunch is welcome.” Lilly paused before she asked, “Did you leave class early?”

“H-Hisao is back. And everyone was staring. And t-there was group work. I … I couldn’t …”

“Hisao’s return is indeed good news. I wonder if we will meet him here for lunch. It seems you’ve had a busy morning. It’s okay Hanako,” Lilly said reassuringly. “Have you also started on the tea? Or shall I do that?”

“I - I haven’t yet.”

Lilly started to prepare the tea as Hanako finished making sandwiches. They worked quietly for a few minutes before the door opened. Lilly turned her head towards the door, smiling softly. “Ah, Hisao. Is that you?”

She heard footsteps enter the room and the door closing, but no reply. Lilly called out again, “Can we help you?”

Lilly’s words caused Hanako to pause her preparations. She looked at their guest and said, “I-it’s H-Hisao.” before turning away from him to put the finishing touches on the sandwiches.

“My my, Hisao, there’s no reason to be shy. We’re all friends here. Hanako and I were just finishing our lunch preparations. Would you care to join us?” Lilly could hear the sound of something being put on the floor and a chair moving so she placed the teapot on the table. Then she took her usual seat, careful to maintain her smile and composure as she thought.

Obviously Hisao deserved an apology. But in front of Hanako, Lilly felt that she couldn’t apologise. After all, Hisao didn’t know about Hanako’s involvement in the shower prank, and there was no reason to involve her by mentioning it now. For Hanako’s sake, she must remain silent. An opportunity will present itself. If not, she can always call him this evening.

“Thank you for coming to have lunch with us today Hisao. When Hanako informed me about your hospitalization, I was crestfallen. We both were. I’m relieved to hear that you’ve recovered. And I know Hanako must be as well.”

Hanako set a plate of sandwiches down between Lilly and herself, and sat down. Lilly continued, “Hisao, I’m sorry that we don’t have a lunch for you to eat. I didn’t know that you’d be returning to school today. I hope you’ve brought your own. Would you like some tea?”

Hisao nodded in reply as he reached into his bag and produced his own lunch and two pieces of paper. He placed the papers on the table in front of Hanako and waited.

Hanako wasn’t sure what she should do. She looked at Lilly, who’s smile seemed to be growing more and more strained. Lilly seemed to be waiting for Hisao’s answer. Hanako looked down at the papers in front of her, the one on top read
She picked it up. The one below it read
She looked at Hisao, who was looking at her expectantly. He nodded again, then cocked his head towards Lilly. “I - I think he wants some tea.”

As Lilly moved to serve tea to everyone, she said, “Really Hisao? The silent treatment? I …”, her voice trailing off as the thought about how best to proceed. “My sister Akira used to resort to that when we were younger. I never understood -- “

Lilly was interrupted by Hisao loudly tapped his finger on the note still on the desk. Another silence fell over the room. Hanako put down her own letter and picked up Lilly’s. She said, “He - he wrote us notes. I - I think he wants me to read yours.”

Hisao nodded as Lilly replied, “Notes? Hisao, you are … certainly making our lunch a unique experience.”

“H-he drew a bishop on yours, under your name.”

“Is that so?” inquired Lilly. She sipped her tea thoughtfully before asking, “Hanako, did he draw something on your letter?”

“H-he drew a q-queen.”

“My my… Well, let’s not delay any longer. Otherwise our tea will get cold. Hakako, if you please...”
Dear Lilly,

I’m sorry that I needed to find someone to read this letter to you. I asked one of the nurses here if they had a braille machine I could use, and they told me they didn’t have one. Even if they did, I’m not sure I could use it.
“It’s called a Perkins Brailler, or just a Brailler for short. I can imagine using one would be challenging for someone that doesn’t know Braille.”

Hanako continued reading,
I’ve had a lot of time to try and understand how our friendship reached this point. I guess that Hanako told you about what happened that day in class.

Shizune, Misha and Miki were finding ways to spend money I didn’t have. I couldn’t regain control of the situation and I lost my temper. I didn’t mean what I said. I wouldn’t want to embarrass you or Hanako that way.

I’ve been struggling trying to understand why you were a part of what happened to me. Why were you there? Were you defending Hanako? Did you really think I would’ve gone through with it? Was it payback because I was overheard? Did you just want to witness my embarrassment?

All I know for sure is that, whatever your reasons, you were there. You’ve made the price of my outburst clear. And I need to figure out how to deal with that going forward. My doctors tell me that I can’t afford another incident like that. I just can’t.

So I’ve decided to take a vow of silence. At least until I can see where things stand with everyone. After all, I can’t misspeak if I don’t speak. And I can’t be overheard if I can’t be heard.

I know that my silence will make it hard for us to repair our friendship. But it’s something I feel that I need to do. I’m planning on writing notes to communicate. I guess I’ll need to find someone to read them to you.

I hope that we’ll find a way to make our friendship work.

Sincerely yours,
Hanako sighed as she folded Lilly’s letter and placed it back on the table. Lilly took a moment to collect her thoughts before saying, “Hisao, I’m afraid that I can’t stay for much longer. I have class representative duties I need to attend to. Will you be available for a phone call this evening?”

Hisao nodded as he started eating his lunch. Hanako took a moment to realize that, for the time being, she was Hisao’s translator. “H-he said yes.”

“Wonderful. Why don’t we eat our lunches, then? I’m afraid that the President does not tolerate tardiness.”

The three of them ate their lunch quietly, the calm broken only by the sipping of tea. When she had finished eating, Lilly asked, “Would it be possible for the two of you to clean up on your own? I’m afraid that I’ve lost track of time.”

Hisao nodded as Hanako said, “It’s okay. Y-you can go ahead.”

“My thanks to you both. I shall be off, then,” Lilly said as the rose from the table, gathered her belongings and exited the room. As she left, she could hear the sound of someone gathering up the tea cups and clearing the table.


“So the deadline to register for a stall for your class is next Friday’s meeting,” Misha’s voice carried throughout the Student Council’s office. “And finally, if you or people in your class would like to volunteer to help Shicchan and me actually build the stalls for Tanabata, there will be a signup sheet outside the Student Council office. We’ll coordinate with volunteers to find times that work for everyone.”

Shizune scanned the group of assembled class representatives. Most of them looked bored or disinterested. She continued signing, and Misha translated, “Is there any other business regarding our Tanabata preparations?” After a moment Misha shook her head, so Shizune concluded, “Remember that the success of Yamaku's Tanabata festival will depend on all of you working with your classes to do your part. This meeting is adjourned.”

The Student Council office was filled with sound of a dozen or so chairs all sliding back. Lilly could hear the other class reps standing up and vacating the office. After a few moments she was confident that almost everyone had left, leaving her alone with the Council. She gathered up her belongings and headed to the front of the room, where Misha and Shizune last were.

“Miss Class Representative! Have you come to request an extension already? That’s a record, even for you! Wahaha~!”

Lilly kept her face in her practiced smile before replying, “No. Rather, I’d like to discuss recent changes in our mutual acquaintance's behaviour. What nonsense have you two been filling Hisao’s head with now? A vow of silence? That’s low,” Lilly paused for concluding, “Even for you.”

“What?” came Misha’s immediate reply that seemed equal parts confused and surprised. “But … that’s so inconsiderate! Hisao’s decided that on his own! I had nothing~! to do with it. So don’t blame me! I mean, us!”

“Besides,” Misha continued, translating for her friend, “At least we went to the hospital to try and visit him. Did you? Or did you spend all your time waiting in your lunch room for him to visit once he returned?”

An uneasy silence filled the room. When Lilly spoke next, it was calmly and deliberately, “Very well. I … regret reaching the conclusion that I did. Please accept my apologies. I hope the two of you have a good day.”

Lilly turned to leave when she heard Misha calling from behind her. “We’re his friends too you know~! Besides, there’s no way that he will be able to keep quiet for long. I don’t think he’ll make it to the end of the day.”

Lilly paused before opening the door. She turned to the Council, saying “I hope you are correct. But I fear you may not be.” Then she opened the door and left the Council office, heading upstairs to her afternoon classes.


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Re: A Prank Gone Wrong - a Shower Scenes continuation

Post by Feurox » Mon Jan 27, 2020 7:57 pm

It's becoming increasingly common that I beat Mirage to the post on welcoming people to the Renai, at least others here already did that! Welcome!

I must admit, I partially avoided this story at first. My experiences with people continuing other people's fics has been... not so good. I had warning bells ringing before you set out of the gate; but considering the vouch you received by Arodynak, and by PsychicSpy (who's opinion on these things I've come to see as very similar to my own), I thought I'd give this a chance.

My word, have I never been so happy to be wrong. This is, so far, a wonderful direction! Unique, serious, captivating and phenomenally well-written! How charming! The comedic aspect of Shower Scenes has been cast into a fascinating new light, and the implications of the ending this story follows certainly are problematic.

As far as I'm concerned, whilst this story might owe it's existence to Oddball's wonderful 'Shower Scenes', it's success is entirely due to it's own merit! I don't remember the last time I've been so invested in a story on the forum; it makes giving my criticisms difficult: I'm hooked! (It occurs to me that the last time I was this invested was during Lap's AoC, which has quite the reputation for being brilliant, KUDOS!)

For criticism, I only have one point I felt worth discussing, and it's more a comment of my own interest than anything. Hisao's vow of silence seems a little... overkill, and you certainly subverted the expectation by having him come back with such a clearly tactical approach. I utterly adore the inclusion of chess imagery, it's wonderfully intelligent and creative. Kudos again. Still, this whole section leaves me both curious and trepidations, I'm excited to this motif develop, but I do have certain concerns - it would be a shame to see the pace of this slow down (not in updates, but in what is actually happening). So far, it seems our main cast of Shower-Scenes will all receive a tactical letter and a thorough analysis of their character and role in his unbecoming. That would make for fascinating reading, but the promise of interest only makes the worry of stumbling all the more.

Regardless, what exists thus far is superb! I look forward to more.

Oh, and again, welcome!

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