A first-time one-shot story involving Shizune

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Ferrus_Mendus
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A first-time one-shot story involving Shizune

Post by Ferrus_Mendus » Mon Jun 24, 2019 9:03 am

Hello all!

I would like to introduce myself. I've been a long time forum lurker, but only very recently have I created this account to actually post here. I've enjoyed the myriads of fan fiction to be found on the forums here, and the especially popular ones (that I'm sure any of you could name a list of by heart) have always gotten me thinking that maybe I should try my hand at writing some fan fiction at some point. As life would have it, inspiration struck me earlier and I spent about three hours putting my thoughts to (metaphorical) paper. I am by no means an experienced writer, so I am welcome and open to all critique of the following story.

Within the context of the visual novel itself, I've always loved Shizune as a character. Not so much her route, which I consider to be easily the worst of the five, but her assertive and competitive nature won me over. However, due to her aforementioned route, I do have some reservations about how she was portrayed. For instance, Hisao and Shizune start going out right after Act 2, yet they hardly ever act like a couple after that. Not to mention that (with the exception of Emi's route and some of Lilly's) Hisao's heart condition is basically an afterthought after Act 1 of the VN. With these two points in mind, I wrote my story to involve them in a way that hopefully feels natural and isn't alienating to the original work I'm deriving it from.

With all that out of the way, here is my untitled one-shot.
__________

[So,] she signs, before moving her pawn across the board.

[Oh come on, that's not fair. You get to plan your next move while I'm busy signing,] I sign back.

[Stop complaining, you get to do it too. Now answer the question.] She stops for a moment. [And move one of your pieces, while you're at it.]

I'd grumble about it, if she could hear me. We're not really having an argument, but Shizune's always been competitive and forceful, enough to push my buttons when she wants to. I love that about her, I always have, but there's times where I wish she wouldn't use it to be on my case, like right now for instance. Yet, regardless of my personal feelings on the matter, she deserves an answer. I move my knight, and hold up my hand to let her know I'm forming a response.

The game continues for a few turns before I sign to her. [I don't think I need to, really. I haven't had any heart problems in months, and my new medications haven't affected me as much as the old ones have. I can't recall any periods of insomnia like I had back at Yamaku,] I profess.

[Hisao. Listen to me. If you won't do it for your sake, do it for mine. I...] Shizune hesitates, which is a rarity for her. Something's up. [I worry about you. We've been going out for almost three years now, and I still remember your heart attack last year very well.]

Ouch. She certainly knows how to hit where it hurts. I wish she didn't bring that up, I'd almost forgotten that moment in time. We were having a...let's call it a rendezvous, when my heart decided to act up for the first time in a while. That one landed me in the hospital for a few days at Shizune's insistence. The doctors told me it wasn't as serious as the first one I'd ever had, the one that snatched away the old Hisao and left him a depressed wreck for time. That was a small comfort. But my physical condition didn't hurt me that much. What hurt far worse than my chest at the time...was Shizune. When it started happening, she didn't know right away. When she finally realized what was going on, the look of fear on her face was, and still is, the one thing I never want to see or have her experience ever again.

Wait, that's horrible of me - how could I have ever tried to forget that? I almost want to kick myself. No wonder she's been so pushy about this, and here I was trying to forget it ever happened. I mean, I know better than anyone else as to why. When I got out of the hospital, my first thought was to take life slowly, so as to not put myself into a situation where I'd suffer another attack. It's worked so far, and I suppose the normalcy that's returned to my life since then atrophied my memory of that incident. But Shizune didn't forget, and she's been busy digging around to see what she could do for me. I suppose I should be flattered, but I feel like it's a violation of my privacy or something. But...she is right, and I can't deny that. All it took was some very choice words from her, and a huge sore spot I've tried to ignore, to remind me why I should be doing this.

A snap like a gunshot breaks me from my reviere. I shake my head to clear the rest of my thoughts, and the first thing I notice is that Shizune is about two moves from winning our chess match, no matter what I do. I tip my king over, conceding both the chess match, and our contest of wills. Heh. As if that second one was even a fair fight.

[Alright, alright,] I sign. [You win, Shizune. In more than just chess, too. I'll pick up an exercise routine like you want me to. I just...I didn't want to worry you by risking another attack by pushing myself too hard so soon after my one back then.]

Shizune claps her hands together and smiles. No doubt she's derived a great deal of satisfaction from her dual victories, and a great deal of relief from my relenting to her demands. It almost makes me laugh, she really does know how to wrap me around her finger when she wants something important from me. I was completely outmatched from the start.

[I'm glad to hear that, Hisao. I know you could use it, more than anyone else. We're not assembling stalls like we used to back in Yamaku, nor are we walking to the Shanghai every so often like we used to do back in Yamaku. But, regarding your health, there is one person who I've gotten into contact with. One Emi Ibarazaki, to be specific.]

...Emi? I try to place the name, and remember a short girl with twintails and prosthetic legs after a moment. That, and one very short attempt at picking up a track routine. Still, it's impressive that Shizune managed to track her down and talk to her after so long. I guess she'll always be the Student Council president in spirit, always keeping tabs on everyone, even if neither of us have actually been in one for years by now.

[Oh?] I'm curious. [What did she have to say about this, then?]

[Did you know that she's working to become a physical therapist? Who better than that to get you started on something this important? She was thrilled at the opportunity to establish an exercise routine for a, quote, "listless boy with a heart condition." She offered to come down here and coach you in person, but I told her she didn't have to go that far. She will be sending a preliminary routine to me sometime soon, however. I expect you to follow it to the letter.]

I think I see an opportunity arising. [And what will you be doing? Surely you won't just sit on the sidelines and hope I stick to this routine,] I retort. If my memories of Emi are correct, she was fond of mentioning one phrase in particular in regards to exercise routines. [There must have been something else she mentioned.]

[She did say it would be easier to stick to a routine if there were two people.] Shizune trails off her signing as the realization dawns on her. She narrows her eyes at me, but I swear I can see a glint of challenge in them. She knows exactly where I'm going with this.

Jackpot.

[Well, it just so happens that I know a girl who can only cook food by frying it,] I start.

[Fried things are delicious,] Shizune signs, adamantly defending her position. I'd agree with her here, but I need to make a point.

[Yes, but they're not the healthiest for you. Tell you what, I'll make you an offer. Become my partner for this, and we can make a game out of it, Shizune.]

She spends a few minutes pondering my request. [I'll do it. But every time you slack off without a very good excuse, you're going to listen to my demands for a whole day, with no complaints.]

I have no delusions that she'll stick to that threat forever, but at least it shows she's taking this just as seriously as I'll have to. I'd say I'm surprised how quickly she went along with it, but really, I'm not. She's my girlfriend, and she's worried about my health, so of course she'd take the opportunity to be with me on this. But I'm not going down without at least a token resistance here. [And what happens if the opposite is true?] I fire back at her.

[Obviously, that won't happen. But if by some miracle it does, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.]

[That's not fair,] I sign. I'm joking, of course, and Shizune can tell that from the stupid grin plastered on my face. But really, I can't just throw up my hands and admit defeat on something like this. I have principles I need to stick to.

[Life's not fair,] Shizune replies. [Stop complaining and start dealing with it.]

[Fine,] I sign. [It's a deal.]
_____________

And...that's that, I suppose. Again, any and all critique is welcome.

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PabloPabloPablo
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Re: A first-time one-shot story involving Shizune

Post by PabloPabloPablo » Tue Jun 25, 2019 9:13 pm

A nice and short story. Maybe a bit too short, but that's honestly just my personal preference there. I like that Emi is working to be a physical therapist, it's unique enough to not be expected, but familiar enough so that it still makes sense. Overall, I like it, though it's hard to really say much beyond that given how short it is.
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Currently working on Flowers Before the Fireflies: a Miki Pseudo-route

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Oddball
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Re: A first-time one-shot story involving Shizune

Post by Oddball » Tue Jul 02, 2019 11:33 am

Oh come on, you can come up with a title. Give us something.

As for the story, it's not horrible. It feels more like the setup to something than an actual story in itself though.
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Mirage_GSM
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Re: A first-time one-shot story involving Shizune

Post by Mirage_GSM » Mon Jul 08, 2019 8:38 am

Unique? I think Emi is going into physical therapy in 4 out of 5 stories... Not that that is a bad choice. It makes sense after all, but ti's hardly unique :-)
Also I agree with Oddball that this is very good for a first-time story, that it could use a title and that it feels unfinished in a way...
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
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