I will say: Rika is unlikable in the early chapters. Kinda a dickhead, but if I'm being honest, I have dated a Rika. Personally, I ended up wounded from that type of behavior, but it's entirely possible that your Rika is actually a better person (somewhat shown in later chapters) than my ex.
But at the end of the day, my main criticism is Hisao's characterization. I personally do think he would be more rational, though I believe that you do give very good reasons for why he wouldn't be, and because you stayed consistent with your stated Hisao's personality throughout the story, I think you can get a pass on that. Some Hisaos are rational; others less so. I'm not going to go after you hard on that, because often he does make decisions based on his emotions (running to see Rin when she repeatedly asks him not to is the particular instance I have in mind). You've heard alot about this subject and I think you've thought about it and what you want, and I'm not going to fault you for choosing to make your Hisao this way, because there is evidence he could be like this.
As far as cursing goes, you've heard it all already, and you've discussed how you would handle it otherwise, so I'm not going to get into that.
I also felt the ending with Saki in the showers was a little quick to end a story, especially because there's a comedic feel to it while the rest of the story seems a little more serious.
Now, my positives on this story:
Ending chapters were cute overall. I liked the way Rika is revealed to be much more caring than let on, and I felt that it really "redeemed" her character. Loved how sweet Rika was with Hisao.
This ^. I appreciated this part, because I agree. I actually attributed the symbolism to the same way. Big Sexy is pretty grating, but Miki is also the perfect character to communicate this point because she is more self-confident and I think as far as Miki goes, you nailed her character (just like Hisao! Hehe).Hanako Fancopter wrote: ↑Tue Oct 15, 2019 12:46 amThe "Big Sexy" thing is an ascended meme that I decided to play around with a bit. The implication is that Miki fakes being hurt over Hisao calling her on it to troll him, though you could also interpret it as her trying to force her way past the insecurity by just continuing to say it anyways. In a way, this mirrors how memes are funny once or twice, then grow stale and grating over time, but inevitably continue to be used anyways whether you like them or not.
Edgy Rika was a nice take, especially in contrast to how characters in KS normally act, and I find the edginess to be realistic for somebody who has accepted her fate and been through some shit.
As usual, your writing is technically very sound.
I have a few questions of you, none of which you need to answer, but that would be interesting for me to know:
How far in advance did you have the last three chapters planned out? Did the feedback towards Rika shape how the story ended at all?
When did you decide that Saki would fool around with Rika?
Did you enjoy writing this as much as many enjoy reading it?
Overall, I enjoyed this. I appreciate that it isn't standard fare for KS stories, and I can see why people speak highly of it.