The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

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sgtpepper
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The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by sgtpepper » Wed May 29, 2019 12:40 pm

"Locked."

I turned to Miki, who just rolled her eyes and sighed. We walked back to the rear of the library where, until pretty recently, we'd been blissfully sleeping in the beanbags. My sternum was still a little sore where her head had been laying, and I rubbed it absentmindedly as we walked.

"You'd think someone would have the decency to wake us up and be like, 'Oh, by the way, Yuuko's about to lock you in here for the rest of the fuckin' night.'"

"Unlikely. The only person who comes back this far is Hanako, and she'd probably rather run down the hallway naked than disturb you."

Miki snorted in laughter, followed by a quiet "Damn right."

We made it back to the bean bag chairs, situated in the far corner of Yamaku's library. Miki immediately flopped back down into hers, stretching her legs out. I sat down in the other one and looked to her.

"So, what do you want to do?" I asked.

Miki seemed to think about it for a second, before smirking. "Gee, I wonder what two teenagers could do in the library. Alone. At night."

I rolled my eyes. She really did have the libido of a 15 year old guy.

"Yeah, except I don't think either of us wants to explain to Yuuko tomorrow morning why this corner of the library smells like a can of tuna fish exploded."

She laughed, her pride not hurt by my joke. I smiled, turning my gaze away from her. I stared out the window, the moonlight outside giving its soft illumination to the room. My mind wandered.

"We could always break a window."

"Woah, woah, weren't you just 'Mr. Responsibility' two seconds ago?"

"I'm just sayin'."

"Yeah, no thanks. It'd be easier to explain cumstains on the books than that."

I turned to her and gave her what I hoped was an icy glare. I must've still been smiling, though, because she started laughing again.

"You're taking this pretty well," I noted.

Her laughter tapered off, before saying, "Well, what else am I supposed to do? Can't call anyone, since someone insisted we leave our phones in our dorm rooms."

"...I'm beginning to regret that decision."

"Damn right you are."

I just sighed and held my arm up, looking at her expectantly. She took her cue and rested her head on my chest again, unfortunately in the same spot as she'd been earlier. She must've noticed my wincing, because she sat up and looked at me quizzically.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"It's still a little sore from where you were sleeping earlier."

"Jeez, am I that heavy?"

"No, you just have a hard head." I smirked, proud of that one.

She just rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me.

"Well, I was gonna let you nuzzle my chest too but now I don't feel so charitable."

In response, I slowly moved my arms until I was loosely embracing her, sliding down in the beanbag chair until I could rest my face in her cleavage.

"Bastard. You were just looking for an excuse, weren't you."

I thought about it for a second. "...Maybe."

She chuckled, bringing one hand up to lightly stroke my hair. "I knew you still had some play in you."

I lay like that for a few minutes, enjoying the sensation, before slowly sitting up. "Okay, point made. Let's actually go to sleep now."

I moved my arm up from her midsection to loosely rest around her shoulders, pulling her closer so her head rested higher up on my chest, closer to my neck. She sighed happily and let her body go lax, lazily moving one arm across my chest.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before I remembered I'd forgotten something.

"I love you, Miki."

She smiled, eyes still closed, before responding "I love you too, gaylord."

==========

I was awoken by a subdued shriek. Opening my eyes, I saw Yuuko standing in front of us, her hand patting her chest. Sunlight streamed through the window, bathing the entire library in its orangey-yellow light.

What? What was she doing here? My brain suddenly kicked into gear, reminding me where I was.

"Oh! Yuuko, sorry, I should've left you a note-"

"Ohmygod! Did I lock you in! I'm so sorry! I should've double checked back here before locking up but I thought only Hanako went this far back and I saw her lea-"

Jesus, this woman could give a speedtalker a run for his money. I held out my other arm to try and calm her down.

"No, no, it's okay. We shouldn't have fallen asleep back here. It's alright, sorry we startled you."

Her panic de-escalated into just a worried expression on her face. "O-oh. That's fine. I-I guess I'll just be at my desk if you need me." She bowed, probably out of reflex from working at the Shangai, before disappearing around the corner of the bookshelf.

A few minutes later, I'd woken Miki up, and we made our way to the front of the library. I smiled at Yuuko as we passed, and she looked at me confusedly before suddenly smiling back at me.

After we'd left, I turned to Miki. "Next time, we'll just study in my room."

She gave me a look, her mind clearly already in the gutter. "Sure. Let's do that."

Hanako Fancopter
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Wed May 29, 2019 1:15 pm

sgtpepper wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 12:40 pm
"I love you too, gaylord."
Now this is epic

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sgtpepper
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by sgtpepper » Wed May 29, 2019 1:17 pm

Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 1:15 pm
sgtpepper wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 12:40 pm
"I love you too, gaylord."
Now this is epic
pretty sure including "gaylord" in your Miki fic is in of the terms of service for the forums

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Scroff
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Scroff » Wed May 29, 2019 2:41 pm

That was adorable!
sgtpepper wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 1:17 pm
pretty sure including "gaylord" in your Miki fic is in of the terms of service for the forums
Damn, I've been doing it wrong...

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sgtpepper
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by sgtpepper » Wed May 29, 2019 2:46 pm

Scroff wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 2:41 pm
That was adorable!
sgtpepper wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 1:17 pm
pretty sure including "gaylord" in your Miki fic is in of the terms of service for the forums
Damn, I've been doing it wrong...
Thank you!

i don't make the rules, just obey them.

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Thu May 30, 2019 12:04 am

I actually forgot to do it in my last one

Maybe that means I've included her in too many fics now

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Mirage_GSM
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Thu May 30, 2019 5:45 pm

sgtpepper wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 1:17 pm
pretty sure including "gaylord" in your Miki fic is in of the terms of service for the forums
Don't feel pressured to do so. Sometimes a little originality can be more important than cramming in tired memes.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Oddball » Fri May 31, 2019 12:51 am

Mirage_GSM wrote:
Thu May 30, 2019 5:45 pm
sgtpepper wrote:
Wed May 29, 2019 1:17 pm
pretty sure including "gaylord" in your Miki fic is in of the terms of service for the forums
Don't feel pressured to do so. Sometimes a little originality can be more important than cramming in tired memes.
All times. ALL times a little originality is more important than tired memes.

In fact, unless you're being really really clever with how you use the meme, they pretty much throw me out of the story every time. Don't use them.
Not Dead Yet

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri May 31, 2019 8:53 am

It's called "understatement" or maybe even "sarcasm" 8)
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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sgtpepper
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by sgtpepper » Fri May 31, 2019 10:22 am

Relax, it's a story on the internet about some anime girl. While there is certainly a time and place to be serious when writing, I think throwing in a (single line in the fic, mind you) joke is alright. I didn't feel "pressured" or anything to use the meme, I just thought it'd be a very Miki-way to end that part of the fic. Oh well.

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Fri May 31, 2019 10:54 am

sgtpepper wrote:
Fri May 31, 2019 10:22 am
Relax, it's a story on the internet about some anime girl.
Of course, but without that it could have been a better story on the internet about some anime girl
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Fri May 31, 2019 2:18 pm

Better to you

Me I say, don't let your memes be dreams

Also if you call a meme tired or unfunny or forced you only give it more power

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Scroff
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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Scroff » Fri May 31, 2019 3:05 pm

sgtpepper wrote:
Fri May 31, 2019 10:22 am
I just thought it'd be a very Miki-way to end that part of the fic
That was my take-away from what you wrote, showing that she's not completely comfortable with receiving and expressing affection

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Mirage_GSM » Sat Jun 01, 2019 4:38 pm

Hanako Fancopter wrote:
Fri May 31, 2019 2:18 pm
Also if you call a meme tired or unfunny or forced you only give it more power
This one you have to explain to me:
The only reason to include tired and unfunny memes would be to annoy readers. That is something that may be a valid strategy on reddit or 4chan, but when your goal is to write an engaging story that readers can enjoy, ususally you would expect authors to avoid it.
Better to you

Me I say, don't let your memes be dreams
There are several objective reasons why relying on memes makes a story worse. Many of them can be found or at least inferred from the Tips for Fanfiction writers thread, and you can't read that one often enough apparently, so here are just the two most important ones:
1. They show a lack of originality. The author obviously didn't have any funny ideas of their own, so they had to reuse old ones.
2. They destroy immersion in the story. Everytime a reader sees a meme they've already seen in other - probably better - stories they are reminded that the piece of fiction they are reading right now is just derived from something else.
Emi > Misha > Hanako > Lilly > Rin > Shizune

My collected KS-Fan Fictions: Mirage's Myths
griffon8 wrote:Kosher, just because sex is your answer to everything doesn't mean that sex is the answer to everything.
Sore wa himitsu desu.

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Re: The Involuntary Lock-In (Hisao x Miki)

Post by Hanako Fancopter » Sat Jun 01, 2019 11:05 pm

There's not really any such thing as an "objectively" better or worse story when it comes to content (as opposed to spelling/grammar which does have hard rules), or at the very least there's a hell of a lot of wiggle room. There's certainly nothing "objective" in whether one is amused by memes or not. You can't call someone's sense of humor, much as it might differ from your own, "objectively wrong"

If we're really putting on the big brained super deep think writegood hat, it would be better to give people actual feedback on plot, characterization, style, etc., rather than nitpick at them over a single throwaway joke line

Maybe I should add that one to the Tips for Fanfiction writers thread

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